Yes, if we always remember to look up at the stars and the moon, and remember to sit and bask in the sun on a winter afternoon, happiness will surely stay by our side.
As for happiness, if you are already deeply feeling joy, then how far away is happiness?
ˇHappiness Expressˇ
Before reuniting with Qu Ling, my twenty-three years of life were uneventful and carefree.
After reuniting with Qu Ling, for only half a year, I felt like I was floating on waves, sometimes being tossed to the sweet crest and sometimes being slammed into the bitter trough.
That's life, isn't it? A constant struggle between the peaks of sweetness and the depths of bitterness.
I'm willing.
Just like Aunt Lin and Mayor Qu, and my mother and Su Laosi.
My naive and ignorant youth is gone forever. I grasped something called love, and this passionate and ardent love gave my life a brand new meaning.
The day Qu Ling and Su Tiantian returned, I stood at the entrance of the train station early in the morning, waiting patiently.
I waited and waited, from dawn until noon, and from noon until dusk. I was practically turning into a statue waiting for my husband, and in my frustration and anger, I called Su Tiantian to confront her. After I yelled at her for a while, Su Tiantian finally sighed and said, "Yuanyuan, you've got the dates wrong. We have tickets for today, we'll arrive tomorrow."
Oh—I stood there, holding the phone, lost in thought, in front of the cold train station.
Tomorrow, tomorrow is Lunar New Year's Eve.
After hanging up the phone, I walked home wiping away tears.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I awkwardly took off my bear-shaped gloves to get it.
"Hey—" I was crying so hard that my voice was trembling.
"Yuanyuan?"
I held my breath as I listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.
"Yuanyuan, what's wrong? Can you talk to me?"
It felt like there was a ball of sourness in my throat, swelling and getting bigger and bigger. When the sourness became unbearable, I hugged the phone and burst into tears.
Why do people suffer so much from longing and anticipation? For example, if I didn't miss the person on the other end of the phone so much, if I didn't so hope to see their smiling face today, why would I be standing on the street holding the phone and shedding so many tears?
I believe in love now, really.
Love can freely knead my heart, my soul, and my tears.
*****
I got up very early the next day, ate a few bites of breakfast hastily, and carrying Su Xizi, who had become as chubby as a little bear, I went to the train station again.
On the morning of Lunar New Year's Eve, the area in front of the train station was in chaos. Those who wanted to get in couldn't, and those who wanted to get out couldn't. I stood in front of the exit with my little dog in my arms, amidst the vast crowd, feeling somewhat flustered.
Will Qu Ling and the others' train be delayed because of the Spring Festival travel rush? With so many people on the platform, will they be able to see me, so insignificant?
"Su Yuanyuan!"
"Hey!" I heard Tian Tian calling my name, and while answering, I searched anxiously through the crowd.
Amidst the surging crowd, Qu Ling still wore a faint smile on his face, while Su Tiantian followed behind him with her bag, waving vigorously at me.
"Here! I'm here!"
I held Su Xizi and jumped up and down in the crowd. My mood suddenly soared from the depths of despair to the peak of joy.
Qu Ling and Tian Tian slowly approached me through the crowd. Qu Ling and I locked eyes, our gazes filled with unspoken emotions.
Too much longing, too much concern, too many emotions that cannot be expressed in words.
All my emotions melted away like a gentle spring breeze when Qu Ling finally pulled me into her arms.
This sweetness slowly seeped into my heart, gradually awakening a painful awareness in me who had always been carefree and fearless.
I crave the heartbeat in this warm embrace, I crave the strength in these arms that hold me tightly, and this craving brings me pain, worry, and fear.
"Yuanyuan..." Qu Ling sighed and called my name in my ear. In his long, drawn-out breath, I could feel that he shared the same emotions as me.
It was sweet to the bone, yet it was also heart-wrenching.
This is love.
****
I stayed at the Qu family's house until four in the afternoon. My family kept calling, urging me to go back. I promised to go back right away, but I lingered and didn't seem to want to leave. Aunt Lin was putting the ten stir-fried dishes into a bowl, and I was about to go over to help her when Qu Ling pulled me away.
"Yuanyuan, let's go home!"
"Well, it's still early. I'll stay a little longer and then leave."
"Honey, today is Lunar New Year's Eve. Your family is waiting for you, don't make them worry." Qu Ling stroked my hair, her eyes gentle. "This might be the last time you spend the New Year at your own home. I'll take you back."
"Oh..." He led me by the hand toward the door, and it took me a while to realize what he meant. In the half-set sun, my face felt warm.
This year holds special significance for the Qu family; the reunion after a calamity brings both joy and sorrow. The Qu family members appear calm, each going about their own business, no one speaking of the past ordeal. Perhaps, in the long journey of life, the Qu family has long been accustomed to all kinds of storms.
Looking down at my hands clasped with Qu Ling's, I thought, no matter how many storms I have to weather, I will not back down, I will not be afraid, just for the warmth that seeps into each other's clasped hands.
****
Qu Ling was about to leave after dropping me off at my door when he ran into Su Zhenzhen and He Yuncong, who were returning home with their baby. They had come back early to visit their grandparents and were going to the He family's house for dinner that evening. He Yuncong invited Qu Ling to come in and sit for a while to warm up before leaving with them. Qu Ling was about to politely decline when Rouyuanzi grinned and stretched out his chubby little hands, calling out, "Hug me!"
I have to admire my little dumpling's irresistible charm. With just a soft "hug," Qu Ling was able to be all smiles. She hugged her, kissed and nibbled at her, and He Yuncong pushed everyone into the door together.
The family had already set out tea and pastries and were sitting around the table chatting and laughing.