Xie Shi'an remained silent for a while.
"No, there's no need to add to my worries."
Zhou Mu sighed: "Alright then, this is ultimately a matter between you two, so I won't say anything more."
As she was about to hang up, Xie Shi'an hesitated and asked, "Is she... with you?"
Zhou Mu glanced at Jian Changnian, who was drunk, next to him.
"Yeah, I drank too much and just fell asleep."
Xie Shi'an knew her; she used to be a teetotaler, to the point that even a sip of fruit wine would make her blush. His heart suddenly ached.
"Are you... alright?"
"No, I'm at home."
“Although it’s the New Year and the village will be lively, but… she didn’t drink much before, so you… persuade her to drink less. I have something to do, so I’ll leave it at that for now.”
Xie Shi'an hesitated for a long time before finally finishing a complete sentence, perhaps afraid that Zhou Mu would ask her why she didn't go and talk to her herself. She hung up the phone before anyone could answer.
As fireworks lit up the sky outside the window, Xie Shi'an broke open a pair of disposable chopsticks, preparing to eat his boxed lunch.
There was a knock on the ward door.
She limped over to open the door, leaning on her cane. It was Wan Jing, carrying a lunchbox.
"My wife just made these dumplings, they're still warm, have a taste."
Xie Shi'an's eyes welled up with tears.
"You've come all this way so late."
Wan Jing moved the takeout box aside for her.
"Hey, it's not far anyway, just a few steps away."
Have you eaten yet? If not, have some?
Although he had eaten at home, it was still heartbreaking to see Xie Shi'an alone in the hospital during the Lunar New Year.
Wan Jing sat down as instructed.
"Okay, then I'll have a couple less bites."
The two people ate and talked.
Wan Jing looked around the room; it was cold and deserted.
"Where's your caregiver? I can't find her anywhere. Is she not taking good care of you? If not, I'll find you another one tomorrow..."
"That's fine. I let her go home for the Chinese New Year."
"Can you manage here all by yourself?"
"Yes, he can already walk on the ground."
As the clock struck midnight, Wan Jing looked at her face, put down his chopsticks, hesitated, and finally spoke.
“Shi’an, it’s almost the end of the New Year and a new beginning is just around the corner. Have you thought about…”
Xie Shi'an knew what he wanted to say.
"Coach Wan, I want to try one more time, just one last time."
Chapter 126 Shattered
In order to return to the court, Xie Shi'an worked even harder than before, taking medicine, eating, and rehabilitating relentlessly. After losing Jian Changnian, badminton is now the only thing in her life that keeps her going.
After the New Year, she finally managed to throw away her crutches and stand up again. The All England Open was about to begin, and she wanted to sign up. However, after examining her, the doctor poured cold water on her hopes.
"Your artificial knee has only just passed the rejection period and hasn't fully healed yet. Playing a game now would be like wasting all your efforts."
Xie Shi'an sat there, his expression immediately turning somber.
Wan Jing comforted him, "Let's wait a little longer. There are still matches to come. We can play when we're fully recovered."
Another month has passed.
The Asian Championships are about to begin.
Before the competition, Hsieh Shih-an tested negative for a drug. Even though she filed an appeal with the Badminton World Federation (BWF) because it was due to taking anti-rejection drugs, the BWF still rejected her application to participate in the Asian Championships.
There was no other way, so she had to stop taking her medication and dared not eat anything indiscriminately. While consuming only small amounts of vegetables and meat each day, she also had to maintain a high-intensity rehabilitation program.
Since the surgery, she has experienced excruciating pain in her bones whenever it rains. Sometimes the pain is so intense that she rolls around in bed, her eyes red, gritting her teeth, without uttering a sound. By the time the pain subsides, her clothes are soaked with sweat.
And so, they made it to the Singapore Masters, which was their last major practice match before the World Championships.
Her physical and drug tests showed no major problems, but she failed the psychological evaluation.
Seeing the words "moderate depression" written in black and white on the form in front of him, Xie Shi'an felt as if he had been struck by lightning.
Looking at her face, the doctor carefully chose his words: "It's like this, sometimes a major operation brings not only physical changes to the patient, but also some psychological problems. We still suggest that you rest for a while longer."
Xie Shi'an's hands were trembling as she held the paper. She jumped up and grabbed his sleeve, her eyes red: "This is impossible! Impossible! Test me again, test me again!"
"This...this is all based on scientific evidence. The conclusion was drawn based on your various indicators. No matter how many times you do it, the result will be the same!" The doctor looked troubled.
"I don't care! I want to participate in the competition. I had depression before, but... but I'm cured now. Doctor, doctor, please, please test me again."
"Sigh, I really can't help it, don't pull me..."
Wan Jing heard something was wrong inside and rushed in, managing to pull Xie Shi'an, who was on the verge of losing control, out.
"Shi'an, Shi'an, calm down! If you can't play in the Masters, there's still the World Championship. Take good care of yourself, there's still hope!"
Xie Shi'an sat on a bench in the hospital corridor, looked up at him and smiled, then tears fell.
This was the first time she had cried in days.
"Coach Wan, do I... not be able to play anymore?"
Wan Jing couldn't answer that question.
After returning home, he smoked all night in his office, and the next day he organized a meeting with all the coaching staff.
"Let Shi'an compete in this World Championships."
"What? Did I hear that right? With her physique, it would be a miracle if she even survived one round," someone questioned.
Some people objected.
“I disagree. Each team has a limited number of spots in the World Championships. If she goes up, someone will have to take her place. Other countries send their best players to compete. We are different. Xie Shi’an used to be strong, but things are different now.”
As soon as he said that, people immediately chimed in.
“Yes, I think Jian Changnian is in great shape right now and can definitely fill the void left by her.”
"Besides, didn't she fail her psychological assessment yesterday? How can she compete like this? If something goes wrong on the field, who will be responsible? This is for her own good."
Wan Jing frowned as he stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray.
“I understand what you’re saying, but don’t forget who single-handedly carried the entire national team back then, and what made her end up like this today.”
"She was so badly injured last year, and even in the most difficult time she was still fighting for the honor of the country. She didn't give up, and we shouldn't give up on her either. Let's give her another chance and give it a try."
Human hearts are made of flesh and blood, and Wan Jing spoke earnestly, causing everyone in the room to fall silent.
After a long pause, someone finally spoke.
“But competitive sports are competitive sports. Giving her a spot in the competition is unfair to the other team members.”
"Anyway, there are internal competitions before the World Championships, so let's follow the national team's rules and select the best candidates. That should be acceptable, right?"
Participating in the internal test was the best result Wan Jing could get for her.
Of course, this was not told to the other team members beforehand, so when Jian Changnian bumped into her in the corridor outside the gymnasium, she was stunned for a moment until Xie Shian walked past her expressionlessly.
She snapped out of her daze, chased after her, and grabbed her wrist: "What are you doing here?!"
Xie Shi'an, carrying his golf bag, asked in a nonchalant tone.
"I haven't been expelled from the national team yet, so why can't I come back?"
Today is the day for the whole team to take the test.
"Ye here!"
Jian Changnian looked around, pulled the person into a secluded dressing room, and slammed the door shut.
"Let me go!" Xie Shi'an shook her off and tried to leave, but seeing her blocking the doorway again, he curled his lips into a cold smile.
What does this mean?
Jian Changnian looked as anxious as an ant on a hot pan, her eyes red: "Don't tell me you're here to compete. You just had surgery, can't you stop torturing yourself like this?!"
Xie Shi'an just looked at her coldly.
"What do I have to do with you? I know my own body best, it's none of your business."
"I—" Jian Changnian couldn't catch her breath and blurted out, "I'm your junior sister, your partner, your friend, and the person in the world who cares about you the most besides Coach Yan!"
"If you really care about me and want what's best for me, then leave me alone! I want to play basketball, I want to be on the court, I don't want to sit at home all day like a good-for-nothing anymore!"
Xie Shi'an spoke each word as if he were making a vow or oath.
"Even if I die, I will die on the field."
Jian Changnian burst into tears and roared.
"But Coach Yan only wanted you to be safe. Have you forgotten all the words he wrote to you before he passed away?!"
Xie Shi'an's eyes also reddened. The two of them, like trapped beasts, bared their fangs and claws at their closest loved ones.
"I haven't forgotten! Precisely because I haven't forgotten, I can't just collapse here. No athlete in the world can return to their peak level after resting for several years due to injury. I want to win a Grand Slam, and I don't have time!"
"How could you not have time? How could you not be able to recover to your previous level of competition? Even... even Coach Yan said you are a once-in-a-century genius. As long as you take good care of yourself, in two or three years, you'll be back to your old self. Don't even mention the Grand Slam, you can even..."
Jian Changnian stepped forward and grabbed her shoulder. Before she could finish speaking, Xie Shian coldly interrupted her.
"Stop deceiving yourself. We all know we can't go back to the way things were. Jian Changnian, I've lost too much. Now, badminton is all that's left for me to live for."
"And what about me? We've been through so much together, played games together, had fun together, and joked around together. I've said it before, even if everyone leaves you, I won't. No matter what you become, whether you're at your peak or in a trough, my heart for you will remain the same as before. Xie Shi'an, can't you even look at me?!"