In the Jingshan Pavilion, Shi Nan sat on the crossbeam, lost in thought.
After leaving Peking University, she went to find Tang Beibei and asked her, "If you feel better kissing someone than kissing your boyfriend, what does that mean?"
"It's obvious, why are you asking me?" Tang Beibei only realized what she meant after saying that. "Shi Nan, you...you kissed someone else??"
"..." Shi Nan hung his head dejectedly.
"Who...who...who who who?" Tang Beibei stammered.
Wang Fan chased after Shi Nan out of the school but still couldn't find her. He took a taxi directly to Beijing Foreign Studies University. They all took a nap in their dormitories at noon, and he waited downstairs. Finally, when afternoon classes started, he followed them to the teaching building, but Shi Nan didn't come to class.
He waited outside again until get out of class ended, but he still hadn't come.
A boy walked over. "I'm the class monitor. I heard you were looking for Shi Nan. She asked me for leave this morning, but she hasn't come back yet. You are...?"
"Hello, I'm her boyfriend, my name is Wang Fan, and I'm from Peking University. Did she say what she went on leave for?"
"He did say that, but..." The class monitor looked at Wang Fan with suspicion, "Are you really her boyfriend?"
"Really." Wang Fan was anxious and didn't have time to wonder.
"That girl Shi Nan actually lied to me, saying she went to see her boyfriend off. You're studying at Peking University, what is she going to see off! I won't fall for her tricks again!" The class monitor jumped up and walked away, leaving Wang Fan speechless.
"Tang Bei, it's me, Wang Fan. Is Shi Nan with you?"
"Wang Fan, I was just about to look for you. She came by briefly and left after only a few words. What happened between you two?"
Wang Fan gave a wry smile, "If I had known something was wrong, I wouldn't have called you. Did she say anything to you?"
"We exchanged a few words," Tang Bei hesitated, remembering that she had stammered and asked Shi Nan who that person was, but she had left without saying anything. It was best not to tell Wang Fan for now. "But it's nothing important. I just noticed she wasn't acting right. Wang Fan, have you two been together lately?"
"Haven't seen her for two weeks, everyone's in military training since school started. She came to see me at noon today, but..." Wang Fan was naturally too embarrassed to tell him what Shi Nan had done, "but... well, she only said a few words and then left. She really didn't say anything to you, did she?"
"Let's wait for her call. She should be back tonight."
Wang Fan waited downstairs at Shi Nan's dormitory, occasionally checking his phone for missed calls. The girls passing by whispered amongst themselves, explaining that since coming back from class, going out to eat, coming back, going out to shower, coming back, and going to evening self-study again—several times in total—the handsome guy at the gate still hadn't seen the person he was waiting for, and he seemed to be saying, "See? I don't care."
The phone remained silent. Wang Fan, tired of standing, sat down on the steps.
Just as I sat down, a girl approached. She was beautiful and bright, and smiled. "Hello, my name is Zhang Fan, I'm Shi Nan's roommate. You must be his boyfriend?"
Wang Fan had been waiting for so long he was practically about to snap. Hearing her name, he smiled and said, "What a coincidence! My name is also Fan, but my surname is Wang. I am her boyfriend, that's for sure. You don't know where she went either, do you?"
"She didn't say anything. She left the dorm with us this morning, but she left the school. She just told us she had something to do and wouldn't be coming to class. We were meeting the teachers for the first time today, and she was absent. The teachers even took attendance." Zhang Fan is also from Beijing. Shi Nan talks to her the most in the dorm, not because they are both locals, but because she is outgoing, unpretentious, and easy to get along with.
"Okay, thank you," Wang Fan replied politely, but didn't say anything more. Zhang Fan tactfully left.
He thought he would wait another half hour, and if Shi Nan didn't return, he would call her family to ask. Wang Fan didn't want to bother her parents.
Not long after, the phone rang. "Hello, is this Shi Nan?" I asked impatiently.
"Wang Fan, it's me." It was her.
"Shi Nan, where are you? Where did you go? What happened? Are you alright?" Wang Fan asked in one breath.
"Wang Fan, I'm fine. I'm at home."
"What's wrong, Shi Nan? Why did you suddenly come home? And you were downstairs at my place today..." Wang Fan was interrupted by Shi Nan before he could finish speaking.
"Wang Fan, let's break up."
Why did they break up? Shi Nan didn't say, and Wang Fan didn't press her. She wasn't saying now because she didn't want to; she'd tell him eventually.
Wang Fan didn't want to consider any possibilities. He knew there was only one: they hadn't argued or had any disagreements, and there was no sign of waning passion—it had only been two months. If she wanted to break up, it meant she had fallen for someone else.
He remained calm; no matter how much he liked or loved, he was still Wang Fan.
"Ha, two months," Wang Fan chuckled to himself, realizing his appeal only lasted two months.
Lan Di had no idea that on the very night he left, Shi Nan and Wang Fan broke up.
Shi Nan never intended for him to know.
She only wanted to be true to herself and to Wang Fan. No matter how much she pretended, she knew what the strange feeling Lan Di's kiss meant, what it meant that he, not Wang Fan, was appearing in her dreams recently, and what the heart-wrenching feeling was when she saw him leave. Going to Tang Bei to confirm was just her final decision.
Ask yourself, do you still like Wang Fan?
Of course I like him! How could I not? I've had a crush on him for almost three years, how could I just stop? Her Wang Fan—handsome face, his once proud and aloof personality has gradually softened, he's become more cheerful, radiating sunshine. Excellent grades, great basketball skills—he's most captivating when he's focused. He's the typical guy with strong overall abilities. And luckily, he likes me too. The note said the most painful thing in love is that things can't happen at the same time. But they both happened, so why did they have to break up?
Shi Nan wasn't sure if that counted as betrayal. She wasn't very clear about these concepts in love. All she knew was that although she couldn't let go, she couldn't deceive him either.
Therefore, she couldn't face Wang Fan, and couldn't get close to him anymore.
Therefore, they can only separate.
The next day, Shi Nan returned to school, showing no interest in participating in her classmates' discussions about campus affairs. She knew it wasn't over yet; she still had to explain things to Wang Fan.
After the last class in the afternoon, Shi Nan and Zhang Fan walked back to their dormitory together.
“Shi Nan, your boyfriend came yesterday and waited for you from the afternoon until the evening.”
“Oh? Is that so?” Shi Nan was unaware of this. “We broke up.”
"You broke up? When? You disappeared yesterday, and he was so worried about you. Who... broke up with you?"
"The reason doesn't matter, and who brought it up doesn't matter either. Anyway, we broke up yesterday." Shi Nan didn't want to say too much. It would be too long to explain, and besides, she didn't have the energy to dredge up the past.
Shi Nan didn't notice Zhang Fan's slightly upturned lips; she only heard her ask, "Shi Nan, have you thought this through?"
"Yeah. I've been thinking about this all afternoon, it's exhausting." Shi Nan said with a wry smile.
When Zhang Fan reached the dormitory building, she saw Wang Fan waiting there. Sensing the situation, Zhang Fan went upstairs first, greeting Wang Fan with a sweet smile as she passed him.
Wang Fan simply nodded in response, then turned to Shi Nan.
Shi Nan stopped, lowered her eyes, pursed her lips, and slowly said, "I know I owe you a reason."
Wang Fan nodded, but asked, "Shi Nan, did you see someone off yesterday?"
Shi Nan was taken aback, but did not shy away from the question. "Yes."
"I heard he's your boyfriend," Wang Fan said self-deprecatingly.
Oh, so he ran into the class monitor. She understood. "It was just an excuse to ask for leave. Back then, you were my boyfriend."
"Is it him now?" His voice was hoarse.
"No. It's no one. I just want to be honest with you." Shi Nan took a deep breath, mustered her courage, and said, word by word, "Wang Fan, I may have developed feelings for someone else, but I still like you."
Wang Fan remained silent, only looking at her expressionlessly, gesturing for her to continue. He had already guessed it, so naturally he wasn't surprised.
"I spent the whole afternoon yesterday thinking: Is it possible for a person to like two people at the same time?"
Would she? He didn't know. All he knew was that she was his first love, and his love was growing deeper and deeper. But just when he thought it was only the beginning, she cut it off.
"Of course, I never came up with an answer. Perhaps some people wouldn't, and that's called being steadfast and loyal; but some people would, like me, and that's called being fickle." Shi Nan paused, then looked him straight in the eye. "Wang Fan, I don't want to waste my energy hiding it. I know you, just as well as you do: staying together, aside from whether it's fair to you, you'll definitely harbor resentment. It's torture for me too—breaking up is the only way."
Indeed, he would rather break up than let her hide it. Shi Nan often said he was a chauvinist, and he was absolutely right. He couldn't tolerate his girlfriend having someone else in her heart, even if it was just a possibility; he couldn't tolerate subservient feelings, no matter how much he loved her.
Wang Fan said nothing more, only took her hand and walked towards the school gate. She didn't struggle.
His hands still felt the same, but some things were destined to happen to diminish her attachment to those hands; some people were destined to appear to ruin their first love.
If things in this world could be predicted and avoided, she wished she hadn't argued with her old deskmate, hadn't changed seats, and hadn't sat in front of that person.
Single Lane
After seeing Wang Fan off, Shi Nan remembered that the dance troupe had an event today, but she was not in the mood for it, so she thought about asking for leave.
The group leader is a third-year female student who dances folk dances; I heard she was specially recruited.
Shi Nan stood aside waiting for her to have a moment to spare. Ever since she entered the room, she had been talking to different people and hadn't had a break.
Shi Nan was wondering whether to signal to her that he was also waiting for her when a boy who had been discussing group matters with the group leader came over, extended his hand, and smiled at Shi Nan, "Chen Yue. Hello."
"He just introduced himself right away?" Shi Nan frowned. This person had a good appearance, temperament, and figure, but he was too confident, to the point of being rude. He wanted to know the other person's name with just one question.
Shi Nan did not extend his hand or say his name; he simply replied with a "hello."
Shen Yue was certainly aware of her unfriendly attitude, and her face showed a momentary embarrassment, but she quickly regained her composure and even smiled, "You have something to discuss with the troupe leader, right? I saw you waiting here for her without being able to get a chance, she's extremely busy right now. I'm the deputy troupe leader, if it's not a private matter unrelated to the dance troupe, then you can talk to me."
Now it was Mr. Shi's turn to feel embarrassed, because he had meant well.
"Um... I need to ask for leave."
"A request for leave?" Shen Yue narrowed her eyes, clearly doubting whether anyone would actually dare to be absent on the first day of the event, and even come to ask for leave right before it started—that meant she didn't have anything that was extremely important.
"Yes. I can't participate in the event today."
"What's up?"
"Bad mood."
Shen Yue's narrowed eyes suddenly widened. "You're in a bad mood, so you came to ask for leave in person, leaving us with a 'good impression' of not participating in the first event?" She spoke each word slowly and deliberately, as if emphasizing it to herself.
"I'm not being casual, I'm just telling the truth. I'm just standing here in a daze."
"Can I know why? Why are you in a bad mood?" Shen Yue was intrigued and wanted to get to the bottom of it.
"I just broke up with my boyfriend," Shi Nan said, seemingly unconcerned.
Shen Yue smiled knowingly, "I understand." After thinking for a moment, she said, "Alright, I'll give you leave. However, this is only for this one time. The next event is next week today. A week should be enough time for you to recover."
Shi Nan looked at him and asked, "Have you ever been in a relationship?"
Shen Yue was completely stunned. After a long while, she asked, "...What do you mean?"
"If this is your experience... I never thought a relationship could be wiped out in just one week."
“........” Shen Yue was stuck.
"I have no experience, I don't know, I'm just asking," Shi Nan confessed.
"......."
Seeing that he still didn't speak, Shi Nan said, "Can I go now?"
Shen Yue finally spoke again, slowly, her expression becoming much more serious, her gaze distant, but she didn't look at her. "These days, fast-food relationships can be forgotten in a week. But some feelings can't be forgotten in a week, or even a year. In fact, a lifetime might not be enough."