Not long after that, Zhang Fan stopped living on campus altogether and even asked his roommates to block his family's phone calls.
She and Wang Fan were living together outside.
Landy's latest letter arrived a week earlier than she expected. Looking at the envelope, she felt something was off. After staring at it for a while, she finally realized that the letter hadn't come from Japan Airlines, but had been sent from the city itself.
They quickly opened it.
"Shi Nan,
The letter arrived quickly this time, didn't it?
My dad went back to China on business, and I asked him to bring it back and mail it to you from within the city.
I think this way you can receive it sooner.
I've filmed an advertisement. I'll send it to you when it's finished as a birthday present this year.
"Landi"
Shooting an advertisement?
Shi Nan once asked him, "Is someone like you rare in Japan? Have you ever been asked to shoot commercials or work as a model?" Lan Di's appearance is at a level that can completely rival those famous Japanese male stars, and he even has an advantage over them, he is tall enough.
She was just joking with him, but to her surprise, Lan Di replied, "Yes, often. But I never agreed."
Shi Nan praised him immediately, "Well done. We won't do this for the Japanese."
How come he forgot about something that happened so recently?
Before Shi Nan could reply with questions, the package arrived along with her birthday, containing advertising CDs.
Lan Di gave a brief explanation, saying it was a TV promotional short film for a comic, with real people acting in a few scenes, and it was about the love story of two boys (which is actually what we now call BL).
Shi Nan put the disc into the machine. She knew he had that manga-like quality before, but seeing him on the screen still took her a hit. To be honest, he was more handsome than a manga character; how could a two-dimensional image compare to a vivid one?
The comic's title, "Love is the Hardest Thing," is such a tongue twister. It probably means that loving is very difficult and painful, right?
My roommates also came over to watch, clamoring that I must bring Shi Nan to our dorm next time he comes back to China.
Suddenly someone noticed, "Hey, look, his English name has 'Shinan' in it, what a coincidence!"
Shi Nan then noticed the English name, which was not large and hung below the four characters for "love is the hardest thing," "Renai Shinan," which should be the Japanese pronunciation of those four characters.
The Japanese word for "love is the hardest" is pronounced "恋愛施男" (the Japanese pronounce the R sound as L). How interesting.
(P.S. Everyone here has figured out what Lan Di meant, right? But our Shi Nan is so oblivious, he just thinks it's a coincidence.)
Shi wrote back, telling him that he had received the gift and that the film was well made. After praising him a couple of times, he began to criticize and lecture him: "If you ever make anything for the Japanese again, we're done."
Then one day
Memories are truly torturous. Shi Nan got tired of reading old letters and was already mentally exhausted before she finished reading them, so she turned off the light and lay down.
Before falling asleep, Tang Bei's words kept replaying in my mind: "Eating with a girl...like a high school student...a minor girl...".
The next afternoon, the group went to a small cinema in the east of the city to see "Perhaps Love." This cinema specifically showed films that were not showing during the original release, so those who hadn't seen them could catch up here.
In the movie theater, Zhang Miao and Gao Yuan were making a lot of noise eating popcorn.
Shi Nan vaguely heard Lin Jiandong on the screen say, "The biggest failure of my life is falling in love with someone I despise, and as a result, I even despise myself."
A thought struck her.
She once told herself, "I have no interest in those pretty boys who are loved by everyone."
But in the end, she still fell in love. Deeply in love.
"How close is the present, how far is the memory. How heavy is the memory, how weary is the present. Without love now, where can the memory extend?"
So many years have passed, yet the memories still torment her. Did they ever truly love each other back then? "Passionate love is only temporary, so why cling to chance?" But those unforgettable things... and him, still entangle her heart these past few years, like a python coiling around her, the more she struggles, the tighter it coils, suffocating her.
After the movie ended, Zhang Miao and Gao Yuan complained that it wasn't good. Tang Beibei said, "What do you two little kids know? Only those who have experienced it can understand it."
Mr. Shi said, "No wonder you two were in the mood to eat and drink inside; you didn't understand what was going on."
"Oh, you just reminded me. I need to go to the toilet now," Zhang Miao said, pulling Gao Yuan along. Tang Beibei said she wanted to go too, leaving Shi Nan and Wang Fan behind.
The last time I saw Wang Fan was more than three years ago. When Shi Nan went to the Netherlands, everyone came to see him off at the airport, including Wang Fan.
Shi Nan told him at the time, "Wang Fan, I will always remember you." Although they had secretly loved each other for nearly three years, their open relationship lasted less than three months. But the little feelings of a young girl experiencing first love are unforgettable.
Wang Fan said, "Me too," in a suppressed voice.
Shi Nan snapped out of her daze. In just three years, Wang Fan had become an outstanding manager, just as she had been certain back then.
The saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is truly baffling. Conversely, it means that when you no longer like someone, even their greatest virtues become irrelevant. "How are you and Zhang Fan doing?" Shi Nan asked.
"I'm getting married soon," Wang Fan said casually, as if he were talking about someone else.
"???... Such a big thing, and you didn't even mention it yesterday... Congratulations." Shi Nan's blessing was sincere.
"You'll probably be back by then and won't be able to attend. Besides... Shi Nan, I'm no longer pursuing perfection. For me now, marriage is just about giving my parents an explanation."
"..." Shi Nan did not expect Wang Fan to have such an attitude and stance, but still said, "Then at least I congratulate Zhang Fan. She must be genuinely happy."
“If it were you getting married, I don’t think I could offer you the same sincere blessings you gave me.” Wang Fan said bitterly, “…Shi Nan, it seems you no longer have me in your heart.”
Shi Nan was slightly embarrassed. "Not at all."
“Or maybe it was already like this when we broke up.” After Wang Fan finished speaking, he saw Shi Nan’s face freeze there, his eyes focused on a certain place behind him, and he remained motionless.
He turned around and saw an old classmate, Lan Di, walking out of the screening room where they had just come from.
With a girl.
Shi Nan stood there, frozen.
Since Tang Beibei said he was back yesterday, she hadn't expected to run into him.
But I didn't expect it to happen so quickly.
The person next to him was probably the one Beibei had seen. Her face wasn't as young as Tang Beibei had described, but she was thin, and dressed like a high school girl—a white shirt and black skirt—she did indeed have a youthful look.
Shi Nan felt a pang of pain in her heart. Instinctively, she grabbed Wang Fan's sleeve, but it was no use. She just wanted to grab onto something to calm herself down.
Wang Fan was busy greeting Lan Di and didn't pay much attention to Shi Nan's actions.
Landi froze for a moment when he saw them, but quickly regained his composure and walked over, his face seemingly expressionless.
As they drew closer, Wang Fan spoke first, "Lan Di, it's definitely you. You haven't changed a bit in all these years." He was very polite, as the two of them had never really gotten along and were both loners in school.
Lan Di nodded, his words carrying a hidden meaning, "Yes, you too." Those five short words left one guessing his attitude.
Seeing him looking at her, Shi Nan had no choice but to speak, but she could only manage to squeeze out, "Long time no see." After saying that, she lowered her eyes, unable to bear Lan Di's gaze. His eyes had once sparkled with starlight, once held surging emotions, once burned with passion; but now they were like a stagnant pool, looking at her without any emotion.
Long time no see, my Landi—only I can hear the second half of that sentence.
His physique remained unchanged; he hadn't gained weight due to age or lifestyle changes (Wang Fan now has a small beer belly since starting work). His face was still the same one Shi Nan had resisted yet touched countless times. His hair was neatly trimmed, shorter, less casual, and more sharp. He still wore a light-colored shirt. The difference was that his former light-colored trousers had been replaced by black dress trousers, well-tailored, making him appear more angular.
"And who is this...?" Seeing that the two of them stopped talking, Wang Fan assumed that they were not familiar with each other and had nothing to say. In order to ease the atmosphere, he turned to the person next to Lan Di.
The girl replied, "Hello, my name is Saito Megumi. Nice to meet you." She bowed slightly, like the kind you often see on television, with a typical Japanese smile on her face. Whether genuine or not, it seemed very sincere.
Wang Fan was taken aback and looked at Lan Di. "You're Japanese, right?" But Lan Di seemed unwilling to answer the question, staring expressionlessly at Shi Nan's hand that was tugging at Wang Fan's sleeve. Wang Fan had no choice but to answer himself, "Hello, I'm Wang Fan, Lan Di's high school classmate. Your Chinese is quite good."
Shi Nan smiled back at her and said, "Hello, my name is Shi Nan."
Upon hearing this, Miss Saito was surprised for a moment, then muttered, "That road is so easy to navigate!" Her face showed a look of sudden realization as she looked at Lan Di. Lan Di ignored her, his expression remaining calm.
Shi Nan knew that the phrase "that road is good" meant "I see". One of her roommates in college was a Japanese major who spoke everyday Japanese in the tone of a woman in a Japanese drama all day long, and she had educated everyone in the room.
But what makes her think she can get away with such a difficult road?
Seeing that everyone was silent again, Wang Fan suddenly remembered something and said, "Lan Di, I'm getting married next month, you should all come."
A slight expression finally appeared on Lan Di's face.
Surprise, furrowed brows, pursed lips, Adam's apple bobbing.
He didn't speak, and Saito didn't know how to respond.
After a long silence, his tone remained calm. "Congratulations... you two are finally together." He took out his phone and exchanged numbers with them. "I'll come."
Without looking at Shi Nan again, he said goodbye to Wang Fan and left with Saito.
He walked for a long time, and Shi Nan remained there, not even noticing when Bei Bei and the other two returned. No one noticed her strange behavior, assuming she was just tired and hadn't adjusted to the time difference.
The group discussed where to have dinner next. There was no need to ask Shi Nan about this; she could just go along. Yesterday, she chose Da Dong, but no one liked it; everyone said it wasn't as fragrant and sweet as the established brands.
Finally, they decided to skip the meal altogether and go to KTV to sing and eat at the same time—even though the free food wasn't very tasty.
Tang Bei, Zhang Miao, and Gao Yuan went to get food, while Shi Nan and Wang Fan stayed in the house to request songs.
Shi Nan suddenly asked, "You love Zhang Fan very much, don't you?"
Before he could answer, she continued, "But how many lovers can end up together like you two?" Actually, she was just bothered by Lan Di's earlier comment about lovers ending up together.
Wang Fan was naturally surprised. After thinking for a moment, he understood why she asked that question. "Everyone hopes that the one they end up marrying is the one they love the most, but," he paused, "the one they marry in the end may not be the one they love the most." He looked at Shi Nan.
His bluntness made Shi Nan blush slightly. Seeing that she understood, he continued, "Shi Nan, actually, I've been with quite a few women over the years. From the moment they met me, they all knew about my family background. It's harsh to say, but that's the sordid truth. Only Zhang Fan... when I met her, I was just your boyfriend, not someone who cared about how much money I had. Her love for me was relatively pure. For a man, if he can't have the one he loves most, then marriage is just for his parents and for continuing the family line. Plus, her first time was with me..."
Shi Nan nodded. Wang Fan's tone was lonely and helpless, which made her feel somewhat guilty. She left him because of him, and in the end, both of them had new partners, not her. Shi Nan believed that this outcome was retribution.
The three returned and began to sing. Shi Nan took some iced tea, having heard that eating cold things when feeling unwell has a calming effect.
They sang quite a few songs, and suddenly Faye Wong's "Smoke" came up, the song Shi Nan sang at their graduation party eight years ago.