Lu Ni said maliciously, "One hundred thousand yuan a night."
Lu Ni stared indifferently at the lewd young man in front of her, as if she heard the sound of petals falling, a heavy, unbearable pain that shattered her heart.
The boy looked troubled, but he wasn't giving up. He asked, still thinking, "How about three thousand yuan?" Then he added urgently, "That's all I can afford, and it's already way over the asking price..."
Lu Ni didn't defeat anyone else; she defeated herself. Lu Ni turned and ran away, accompanied by the sound of tears falling.
The boy stood there, stunned. He thought that even if the "business" deal fell through, there was no need for such a big reaction. He actually liked Lu Ni. If Lu Ni hadn't gone to work as a prostitute, he couldn't imagine how he could have gotten her. He knew there was an insurmountable gap between them. But Lu Ni had already "done it." He was rich; his father was a wealthy private entrepreneur. Although he strictly controlled his allowance, buying Lu Ni for one night for three thousand yuan was still easily within his reach. He regretted not offering five thousand yuan. He liked Lu Ni from the first moment he saw her. He knew that if he could have her once, he would be satisfied, and then Lu Ni would no longer be high and mighty in his world. She would just be his slave, and he would forget her. He regretted his hesitation about the price this time. Next time, he decided to raise the price to five thousand. For that five thousand, he would have to go back and persuade his family. The best excuse would be to buy a computer and learn how to use it. The boy nodded confidently and left.
Lizhu remained as affectionate and kind as ever towards Luni, but Luni had completely abandoned her without a second thought. Luni hated everything that belonged "there."
Lu Ni wanted to escape, to hide herself away, to find absolute safety and secrecy. But she couldn't.
There is a kind of love that can carry on the past (Part 1)
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No matter how much her soul longed to escape, her body was helplessly bound to it, day after day. Lu Ni waited patiently for the end of her university life. Perhaps, living itself was simply about living. Lu Ni had become much calmer.
As the Spring Festival approached, Lu Ni remained unmoved by the joyful excitement of her classmates returning home. She stayed in her rented room, writing her novel. Everywhere, the festive atmosphere of the upcoming holiday was palpable. This only deepened Lu Ni's sense of loss. She had nowhere to go. Her uncle had called to ask if she was coming home for the holiday, but Lu Ni said she had work to do and wouldn't be returning. She knew his call was just a formality, a token of his affection. Going back, Lu Ni probably wouldn't even have a place to stay. Besides, what would be the purpose or meaning of going back? The people Lu Ni missed weren't there. She was grateful to her uncle's family for raising her, but she didn't miss them.
The Spring Festival was desolate. The students renting rooms around her had all gone home, leaving the place empty, like a ghost town after a disaster. But outside this small, empty town, a prosperous and thriving world was unfolding. Lu Ni bought enough food, retreated into her shell, and prepared to finish her novella in the next ten days or so.
A light drizzle continued to fall outside; Chongqing's winters are known for their endless drizzle, and the air was cold and damp. A rotten smell permeated the air.
Lu Ni sat in her room, which contained only a bed, a desk, a chair, and a very old wardrobe, engrossed in writing. The cold made her stamp her feet occasionally; they were already frostbitten. Having not left the house for several days, Lu Ni felt somewhat weak. But she still didn't want to go out.
The instant noodles and biscuits in the box gradually dwindled. Lu Ni used an electric kettle to solve the hot water problem, and she also had a small radio to dispel her occasional loneliness. If she could, she felt she could hide like this forever and live like this.
Writing, sleeping, sleeping, writing—Lu Ni lived in this endless cycle, engaging in a futile struggle against reality.
On New Year's Eve, she couldn't do anything. There were already sporadic fireworks and firecrackers outside. She felt cold, very cold. Lu Ni climbed into bed and covered herself with a thick quilt.
The sound of the Spring Festival Gala came from outside. Lu Ni turned on the radio, and the sound drew closer. Lu Ni took out a picture of her mother and said, "Mom, it's Chinese New Year."
That night, Lu Ni had no dreams, much to her dismay.
There is a kind of love that can carry on the past (Part 2)
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Spring break passed quickly, and students began to return to school one after another. Lu Ni's novella was also finished and sent out, filled with high hopes that she could earn a fee, just like the few short articles she had submitted before. Perhaps this was a way out.
Returning from the post office, Lu Ni sat down in front of the convenience store near the school gate, ordered a bottle of yogurt, and slowly drank it. She had to thank Boss Wang and his group; thanks to their "tips," she could drink the yogurt, wear warm clothes, and eat her fill without feeling guilty.
From this perspective, she shouldn't hate them, which makes Hu Ni feel even more pained.
Hu Ni was still wearing jeans, a light blue turtleneck sweater, and a white down jacket over it. Quietly, like a cold snow lotus, she bloomed silently.
A taxi pulled up in front of the school, and Xiao Wen, an art appreciation teacher carrying a lot of luggage, stepped out. He went straight to the convenience store, hurriedly bought a pack of 555 (a type of instant noodles), and then picked up his luggage to leave. His eyes swept over Lu Ni casually. Then, slightly surprised, his gaze fixed on Lu Ni's face for a brief moment. Lu Ni called out somewhat embarrassedly, "Teacher Xiao."
Xiao Wen nodded slightly and asked a probing question, "You're back?" before leaving in a hurry.
Lu Ni kept her head down and drank her yogurt, a faint ripple in her heart.
I saw Xiao Wen again a week later, in an art appreciation class.
During roll call, Xiao Wen gave Lu Ni a meaningful look, and Lu Ni felt that look was meaningful. Young love often begins with eye contact and mutual exchange. Lu Ni's suppressed love slowly awakened. She sensed some unusual emotions within herself, just a faint feeling.
Just a little was enough; what more could Lu Ni hope for? All the painful memories prevented Lu Ni from boldly accepting and demanding things like other girls. Who would accept your past, that inexplicable and ambiguous past? Who would understand a young yet weathered heart, those vibrant yet pristine faces? Who would walk into your life, understand you, and lead you out of the darkness of the past? No one, no one. Lu Ni calmly avoided everything that might happen. In that era, forbearance was a beautiful virtue, and Lu Ni possessed it; she couldn't help but possess it.
But those eyes were special; they touched Lu Ni's heartstrings perfectly. Those eyes were all-seeing, the eyes of a middle-aged man. His gaze was deep and warm, like the gaze of a loved one, and Lu Ni's heart fluttered.
Hu Ni began to look forward to Xiao Wen's class. She had no further expectations. The feelings of youth do not need to be put into action. It is enough to let them surge and shine in one's heart.
Every class made Lu Ni's heart race. Lu Ni felt that Xiao Wen knew the same thing as her; they communicated with their hearts and tried to understand each other, and that was enough.
Just as Lu Ni had imagined, Xiao Wen was also trying to capture that "sorrowful, lilac-like girl" in every class. Xiao Wen was already in his forties; his youthful years had slipped away, and his heart was as still as a stagnant pool. Years of a life lived according to the rules had brought him into the forties, both mentally and physically. He had the opportunity to meet many female students who were attracted to him, and he often accepted their advances, due to physical and psychological needs. But Hu Ni was clearly different, because she seemed more fragile. He couldn't protect anyone, because of his emphasis on family. Every woman who passed through his life had to be the same kind of person as him. Hu Ni was clearly not.
They can't have any entanglements. There are some things they can't touch.
However, the more something is suppressed, the more precious and rare it becomes, and the two people become increasingly unable to extricate themselves from it.
There is a kind of love that can carry on the past (Part 3)
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After an art appreciation class, Lu Ni walked back silently down the corridor.
"Mei Luni!" A slightly magnetic baritone voice called out from behind.
Lu Ni's heart pounded; that voice was all too familiar to her. Lu Ni took a deep breath and turned around. Xiao Wen was already standing before her, his warm, deep voice carrying a comforting presence. Lu Ni blushed and called out somewhat flusteredly, "Teacher Xiao."
Xiao Wen walked side by side with Lu Ni as if it were a chance encounter, then casually said, "I'm going to participate in an oil painting portrait exhibition soon, and I don't have a suitable model. I think you're quite good. How about it, would you like to be my model?" Xiao Wen genuinely wanted to find himself a model, and of course, this was the best excuse.
Luni listened in fragmented sentences; she felt a little dizzy. Then Luni nodded and said okay. Portrait model, it's no big deal.
After dinner, Lu Ni sat on the steps of the playground watching the boys play soccer. She was just watching, but her mind was in turmoil.
Lu Ni returned to her dormitory, put down her bowl, and carefully washed her face. It was 7:15, a quarter of an hour before Xiao Wen's appointment at 7:30. Actually, it would take about fifteen minutes to walk slowly from the dormitory to the faculty building called "Bamboo Garden".
Lu Ni walked slowly, step by step, timid, but unwilling to turn back.
Standing in front of apartment number one on the sixth floor of building four in Zhuyuan, Lu Ni struggled to raise her hand and ring the doorbell. Lu Ni knew that only Xiao Wen lived in this apartment; Li Zhu had once said that Xiao Wen's wife and children were in Shanghai. Xiao Wen had considered transferring, but could only find a middle school, so he gave up. His wife, however, refused to leave Shanghai, so they had remained separated.
The door opened quickly, and Xiao Wen, dressed neatly and cleanly in casual clothes, stood in front of Hu Ni. They were so close that Hu Ni could even smell the soap and sunshine on his clothes.
Lu Ni sat down in front of Xiao Wen's canvas, unable to calm herself down quickly. Xiao Wen's weathered face kept lifting and lowering, his deep eyes, revealing the depths of human nature, glancing at Lu Ni from time to time. The room was quiet, so quiet that only the sound of Xiao Wen mixing colors with his brush and their breathing could be heard.
Xiao Wen got up and started playing the music CD that had stopped playing. It was "The Yellow River," his favorite symphony, which he said sounded particularly exciting.
Xiao Wen asked gently, "Are you tired?"
That gentle and considerate greeting almost brought tears to Lu Ni's eyes. Lu Ni smiled gratefully and shook her head.
"Take a break! I know being a model is tough." Xiao Wen wiped the pen clean and said, "Come on, have some water and something to eat!"
Lu Ni obediently stood up and sat down on the sofa.
Lu Ni looked at herself on the canvas; the colors were still faint, but it was already very lifelike.
"So? Any opinions?" Xiao Wen asked with a smile.
Lu Ni smiled shyly and said, "I don't understand." Then she added, "It's fine."
Xiao Wen smiled, looking very open-minded. Then he pointed to the fruit plate on the coffee table and said, "Have some fruit."
Lu Ni shook her head.
Xiao Wen placed an apple in Lu Ni's hand, but Lu Ni wanted to put it back. Lu Ni felt that eating an apple would take a lot of time, and besides, it would make embarrassing chewing noises in front of Xiao Wen.
Xiao Wen blocked Hu Ni's hand and said in a somewhat serious tone, "Eat a little, be good! Look how thin you are."
Hu Ni's eyes reddened again. "Be good!" "Be good!" What beautiful words, they touched the deep-seated regret in Hu Ni's heart. "Be good!" These were words her father or mother would say to her. Hu Ni lowered her head and finished the apple in her hand.
There is a kind of love that can carry on the past (Part 4)
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Hu Ni had been modeling for over ten days, and the portrait was nearing completion. Xiao Wen was putting the finishing touches on the canvas. He was still full of emotion, just like on the first day Hu Ni sat before his canvas. Hu Ni sat upright in front of him, wearing a white turtleneck sweater, her hair gently draped over her shoulders, her face spotless. All her beauty was natural; her skin was as smooth and delicate as satin, with an ivory-white complexion, delicate and exquisite features, long, curled eyelashes, and deep, unfathomable black eyes that held a desolate beauty that was both perplexing and heartbreaking. Xiao Wen wielded his brush with undiminished passion.
But Xiao Wen knew that after today, Hu Ni would never appear in this house again. She should have a bright future, but Xiao Wen couldn't give her that.
Lu Ni felt a similar sense of loss. From today onward, she would never hear the word "obedient" again, nor would she ever feel the warmth of the two of them quietly sharing a room. Tomorrow, they would be like two distant stars, forever out of reach.
With the final stroke, Xiao Wen smiled with relief and said, "Alright, come and take a look."
Lu Ni slowly walked over. The oil painting, thanks to Xiao Wen's constant adjustments, was now perfectly complete. Lu Ni on the canvas was exceptionally beautiful, pure and innocent. Her eyes held a deep melancholy and desolation. Lu Ni knew that Xiao Wen understood her, but that was all there was to it.
Before leaving, Xiao Wen gave Lu Ni a gift—a small sculpture he had found at an exhibition. He had thought for a long time about how to thank this beautiful woman; money would be too beneath her refined and elegant nature. After racking his brains, he decided that this exquisite little work of art was worthy of Lu Ni.
Hu Ni shook her head immediately when she saw the small sculpture; she hadn't thought about asking for any payment.
Xiao Wen then pretended to be angry and said, "Listen to me! Take it!"
This phrase worked. Hu Ni loved hearing it, like an addict smelling drugs, unable to resist. Instantly, her broken part found miraculous comfort. "Be obedient, Hu Ni will be obedient, as long as you tell her to be obedient, say it like a father would." Hu Ni took the small sculpture. Reaching the door, Hu Ni stopped. She hesitated, turning back. Xiao Wen was looking at her so closely; she could even smell the cigarettes on him. Hu Ni saw the restrained look in Xiao Wen's eyes, the same pain within them. Hu Ni was pushed back by Xiao Wen's self-control. Some things are better left unsaid.
From then on, Hu Ni and Xiao Wen would only meet in the classroom again.
There is a kind of love that can carry on the past (Part 5)
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Xiao Wen's portrait "Xiao Mei" won second prize in the national portrait exhibition five months later. By then, the cold winter had passed, the drizzling plum rain season had ended, and even the sweltering heat was nearing its end.
The school posted bright red congratulatory notices, making the art students especially proud. Of course, some classes also took advantage of the opportunity to go out for sketching and traveled a long distance to see the exhibition.
Soon after, the exhibited works were printed into a beautiful album.
Soon, rumors began to circulate at school about Hu Ni and Xiao Wen.
Xiao Wen was frank, while Hu Ni was indifferent; both of them seemed unwilling to say more, letting others talk.
Until one day, one of Xiao Wen's close students was chatting with him and the topic of Lu Ni came up.
In the student's studio, Xiao Wen leisurely smoked, thoughtfully looking at a painting that his student Liu Yang had just finished. He himself couldn't help but admire the students' active and bold thinking, their bold colors, unrestrained brushstrokes, and their unconventional subject matter. After acknowledging Liu Yang's strengths, Xiao Wen offered some constructive criticism.
After finishing their business, the teacher and student sat down again. As often as they do, each with a bottle of beer in hand, they chatted about everything under the sun. There was nothing they couldn't talk about.
As they chatted, Liu Yang asked Xiao Wen mysteriously, "Teacher Xiao, are you really with Mei Luni...?" Liu Yang stopped talking, looked at Xiao Wen with a mysterious expression, and waited for an answer.
Xiao Wen flicked his cigarette ash and said, "You believe other people's nonsense?"
Liu Yang smiled sheepishly and said, "I heard it from others too." Then he added mysteriously, "I heard that Mei Luni charges a lot of money."
Xiao Wen exhaled a smoke ring, put his feet on the coffee table, and casually asked, "Does she work as a part-time model?"
Liu Yang swallowed a mouthful of beer, his face slowly turning red. He glared at his reddened eyes and said, "She 'worked' outside for a while..." Seeing Xiao Wen's blank expression, he hurriedly explained, "She was a prostitute..."
Xiao Wen was certain he had misheard. He asked in surprise, "What?"
Liu Yang clearly stated, "To be a 'Miss'." The term "Miss" in China has been given a special meaning, subtle yet respectable.
After understanding, Xiao Wen was convinced that Liu Yang was just repeating hearsay. He glared at Liu Yang, put his foot down abruptly, and said, "Impossible! Absolutely impossible! How could such a pure and innocent girl become a prostitute! Even if everyone in the world became a 'prostitute' or 'young master,' that girl would never become a 'prostitute.'"
Liu Yang said very seriously, "It's true, some of my classmates want to do business with her. The prices she asks for are outrageous! If I had that much money, I could hire countless prostitutes. Why would I be eyeing her?"
Xiao Wen didn't listen to anything else he said after that.
After class, Lu Ni walked alone in the corridor as usual, just like every other day.
"Mei Luni!" Luni was startled by a familiar voice.
Lu Ni turned around and saw that familiar face that had begun to show signs of aging.
Come to my place tonight, I have something to tell you!
Hu Ni stood there, stunned. Xiao Wen seemed very angry. Hu Ni was speechless, somewhat bewildered and at a loss. Xiao Wen's tone was still domineering, as if he knew Hu Ni would definitely go.