But idealism is often a synonym for unrealistic, I agree.
The most realistic way to divide things up is for Baozi and Li Shishi to sleep in the bedroom. As for me, Ersha, and Fatty, how they sleep doesn't seem to matter anymore…
Chapter Eight: Let the beauties come even more fiercely!
Li Shishi went up and never came down again. Qin Shihuang ran down excitedly and shoved the MP4 into my hand: "I've discovered that this thing can draw really well. Can you draw me too?" It turns out that he had just realized that the MP4 could even take pictures of people.
I absentmindedly took a few pictures of him with my MP4 player. Fatty Ying instinctively straightened his crown, one hand on his sword, making him look like Yang Zirong from the model opera "Taking Tiger Mountain by Strategy." I connected the MP4 player to my computer. The already low-resolution MP4, in Qin Shi Huang's hands, filmed every nook and cranny of my house. The lighting was dim, the angles were skewed, and the scenes looked like murder scenes.
But as I looked, my eyes lit up. On the screen, a beautiful woman's lips were slightly parted, her gaze darting sideways, her delicate fingers casually brushing her hair behind her ear. She possessed both an antique charm and a girlish, playful coquettishness. The following pictures were even more breathtaking. This little beauty leaned on the bed, her fragrant shoulder half-exposed, the black bra straps on her snow-white shoulder particularly eye-catching. That pink Hello Kitty was simply a primal summons to every man's possessive desire—Li Shishi's professional skills were indeed very strong. She didn't need anyone to teach her how to pose in the most seductive way. She was the only girl I had ever seen who could make Hello Kitty look like a thong.
I glared at Qin Shi Huang: "Did you take all these photos?"
"That's right, I told her I'd draw her a picture, and the woman just grinned at me like an idiot." Qin Shi Huang looked at me, then suddenly said, "Why is your nose bleeding?"
I wiped the blood from my nose and glared at Fatty Ying: "What have you seen? You were emperor for half a day, and neither Afang nor Meng Jiang ever smiled at you like that, did they?"
Fatty Ying immediately looked sad, so I had to give the MP4 back to him and tell him that next time he wanted to "draw" himself, he could do it in front of a mirror. Qin Shi Huang was delighted to hear this and ran upstairs—his intelligence had clearly declined since he became friends with Jing Ke.
I kept looking at Li MM's photos and fantasizing about them. Just then, the avatar of my QQ friend "Wolf Head" flashed. I clicked on it, and he said, "What are you doing?"
"I'm looking at pretty girls, I don't have time for you." Wolf Head is a "wolf friend" I met on a website with pictures of pretty girls.
"You? I'm not trying to humiliate you, but every single picture of a beautiful woman on your desktop or the one you use to 'masturbate' was given to you by me. If you're really that capable, then Photoshop 'Sister Furong' into Lin Chi-ling."
...Wolf Head has the right to say that about me. In fact, he does have an astonishing number of beautiful women's pictures—he is a photography editor and reporter for a well-known magazine, and more than 60% of the cover beauties on this bi-monthly magazine are his original works.
I was furious, so I sent him the first picture of Li Shishi.
Less than three seconds later, Wolf Head hysterically sent a series of lewd emojis at me, asking, "Is there any more?"
My vanity was greatly satisfied, so I gave him the remaining two photos. It took a long time for Wolf Head to reply: "The woman is practically perfect, it's just that the guy taking the photos was terrible. Which website did you see her on?"
"...This woman is my cousin, and I took the photo." That's all I could say.
Wolf Head launched into a 40-second tirade, accusing me of being ungrateful for not telling him about the good website and for making up such low-tech nonsense to fool him.
I didn't say anything, but sent him the picture of the "murder scene" that Qin Shihuang had taken, showing the spot where Li Shishi had sat.
After a long while, Wolf Head finally said, "It seems you're telling the truth. How about selling me the photos? I haven't decided on a cover for next month yet."
I asked him, half-jokingly and half-seriously, how much he could pay me. This guy told me very seriously, "I'll buy yours for 400 per copy. Just so you know, I'll only use one copy. I can recommend the others to other magazines. If they use them, they'll pay you for the articles."
From this perspective, Wolf Head is quite kind. In fact, even if he had used it directly, I probably wouldn't have known, and even if I did know, I probably wouldn't have reported him. I'm a lazy person.
1200 yuan came so easily; the temptation was huge. I definitely wouldn't have agreed before, but now I have to support three idle people: Fatty Ying eats a lot, Jing Ersha is a drain on electricity, and the most expensive is Li Shishi. After all, she was the emperor's concubine, the top courtesan of an era; you can't just give her a 15-yuan bra, can you? You can see from Baozi that women are expensive. She even comforted me, saying that beautiful women are even more expensive. Now, I have women and beautiful women in my family, but the problem is I have no money.
Wolf Head was very agreeable; after receiving my reply, he immediately logged off and sent me the money.
The beauty economy, the beauty economy, comrades!
The much-anticipated kings and heroes have arrived in the real world, but all they can do is produce excrement and waste batteries. Look at Li MM, her butt (butt, butt again) hasn't even warmed up yet, but it has already brought me a considerable income.
Liu Laoliu, if you have any conscience, bring all the beauties like Daji, Baosi, Zhao Feiyan, Diaochan, and Su San!
Speaking of women, I'm reminded of steamed buns, and thinking of steamed buns... makes me hungry.
A sage once said it so well: "Food and sex are human nature." If he could come, I'd have a good chat with him.
Fatty Ying and Silly Jing, as my "friends," are already widely known among the neighborhood residents. Silly Jing often has disheveled hair, an open zipper, a transistor radio in his ears, and gazes at the sky at a 45-degree angle with his astigmatic eyes. I tell the neighbors he's into rock music, and they all believe me without a doubt.
Fatty Ying doesn't like going out, but he's become somewhat of a familiar face. Although our street is quiet, both of them have seen cars before, and because of Jing Ke's habit, he can occasionally spot airplanes. It's relatively safe to take these two out on the main street. But now that Li Shishi is here, if she asks about everything she sees, it could easily lead people to misunderstand that I'm organizing mentally challenged people for illegal activities. In the end, I had no choice but to order a huge amount of takeout.
Qin Shi Huang was getting more and more playful. He would stand in front of a mirror, take a picture, look at the photo, memorize his expression and movements, take another identical picture, and switch between the two photos, playing a game of "spot the difference".
When Li Shishi first arrived, she had already met the legendary Jing Ke and Qin Shi Huang, so she was mentally prepared for this place. Now, she was actually sitting in this bizarre environment reading a book. I glanced at the title and broke out in a cold sweat: "A General History of China".
This book isn't mine. I don't know which unlucky kid left it at Baozi's shop. No one claimed it, so Baozi took it back, looked through it, and then just left it in the TV cabinet to wait to become an antique.
Seeing me looking at her, Li Shishi smiled and said, "How presumptuous of me to touch your things like that." She was an extremely intelligent woman, and she had probably already guessed that this place was not some kind of fairyland. The biggest flaw was probably that my eyes were too worldly (some might call it lecherous). I told her not to be polite and to make herself at home.
She slammed the book face down on the table and said, "What about the rest? Why does it only go up to the Western Han Dynasty?" I glanced at the book; the back was printed with "10-volume set." I breathed a sigh of relief. Luckily, that unfortunate child had missed the first book; otherwise, Li MM would have been heartbroken to see the fall of the Song Dynasty.
Li MM's shrewdness gives me a headache. She knows how to seduce men and how to learn about the world through the oldest but most reliable channels. I don't know how many simplified Chinese characters she can read, but trying to fool her like Meng Jing the fool is clearly unrealistic.
In short, a beautiful woman who knows how to seduce men and can also calmly read a book is very powerful and invincible. The book describes her as neither humble nor arrogant, gentle and dignified, but only briefly mentions her profession as "a famous courtesan in Bianjing who was proficient in music, chess, calligraphy and painting," which is very unscientific!
In fact, whether it's unofficial history or official history, any description of Li Shishi can be summarized in two sentences: she was a prostitute in bed, but a lady in public (look at my literary talent).
I took the book away and said in a voice just loud enough for her to hear, "You probably understand now, there are no gods here. Do whatever you want this year. Also, you can call me Brother Qiang from now on."
Li Shishi sighed softly and said, "My original purpose in coming to 'Fairyland' was to live a peaceful life for a year without men and far from politics. The name Shishi is inconvenient, so I will call myself Wang Yuannan from now on."
Upon hearing this, I collapsed to the ground with a thud. To find out what happens next, stay tuned for the next installment of this spiel.
Chapter Nine: Don't Show Off, Showing Off Will Get You Struck by Lightning
Looking at Li MM's heartbroken appearance, it seems as if she has broken her heart for every man in the world.
It's no wonder, considering that all her lovers were high-ranking officials and noblemen, yet none of them, even those who were jealous of each other, ever considered rescuing Li Shishi from her life as a courtesan. This included Emperor Huizong and the famous poet Zhou Bangyan. Once, Zhou Bangyan excitedly went to a brothel, only to be caught at the door by Huizong. Forced to hide under the bed, he overheard his superior's intimacy with Li Shishi. In his intense jealousy, he even sent a lewd text message mocking Huizong, resulting in his demotion and exile from the capital. Later, Huizong felt somewhat embarrassed and brought him back, even giving him a minor official position (excerpt from Chapter N, Section 13 of *A Thousand Years of Historical Anecdotes*, edited by Zhang Xiaohua). The subtle exchange between these two men clearly demonstrates that in their eyes, Li Shishi was nothing more than a prostitute (in a modern interpretation).
I felt it was essential to instill the right views on love in Li MM, to help her regain confidence in finding true love. I used a phrase my mom always says to me: "If you find someone suitable, you should find one. You're not getting any younger..."
We chatted idly over dinner, with Li Shishi showering him with compliments. She only asked how Qin Shihuang came up with the ideas for standardizing weights and measures and building the Great Wall, without mentioning anything about the burning of books and burying of scholars alive, or Qin Shihuang's mother (who was quite a womanizer). She then asked Jing Ke some detailed questions about swordsmanship, to which Jing Ke, like a narcissist in a martial arts novel, arrogantly replied, "I only know how to kill, not how to wield a sword." What a load of bragging.
At this point, it becomes clear that those who have been emperors and heroes are different. These two men clearly didn't realize that Li Shishi was deliberately trying to please them; they were focused on the issue itself and completely oblivious to Li Shishi's ample bosom. The maids who cleaned toilets in the Qin Dynasty were selected from among the six states, and Jing Ke received extremely high-level treatment from Prince Dan (so high I can't even imagine; I estimate the maids serving towels and hand towels were all virgins). These two men's defenses against beautiful women were at least +800.