I slurped the entire bowl of noodles down to my heels, and weakly said, "Weren't you going out? Go find Xiao Wang next door who delivers to the supermarket and borrow his van."
Baozi said excitedly, "Yes, seven people is just right. We'll give him 50 yuan worth of gas on our way back..." and then left.
After Baozi left, I slammed my bowl down on the table and yelled, "Listen up, all of you!" The five of them looked up at me blankly. I then realized that very few people in their lives would dare speak to them like that. But I didn't care. They came here to eat, drink, wear, and even date my girls; why would I be so patient?
"I'm making three rules for you (I didn't realize at the time that this idiom was coined by Liu Bang), you're not allowed to talk to strangers when we go out later, especially you, Liu Bang! If you keep calling everyone 'I, I'll beat you up!'" I said this, but I glanced at Qin Shi Huang. Qin Shi Huang's domineering presence at the dinner table had already silenced Liu Bang, who hurriedly expressed his obedience.
"Also, don't grab anything you see, and don't shout if you don't know what it's for. Remember to come back and ask me. Last and most important, don't leave my side... uh... this far away." I really didn't know what to say, so I paced back and forth a few steps. "This world is actually very dangerous (go back to your time)."
Actually, I really wanted to keep some of them, but the current situation is no better than that of someone leading sheep, wolves, and a basket of vegetables trying to cross a single-plank bridge. Without racking my brains, I have no idea what to do. Fortunately, the newly arrived Liu Bang has been intimidated by me, and Xiang Yu is focused solely on Yu Ji. The other three should be fine.
With a heavy heart, I found two sets of clothes for Liu Bang and Xiang Yu to change into. Baozi was already downstairs honking his car horn. Baozi isn't very good at driving, but he can move the car from next door to my door.
I stood at the top of the stairs, letting them come down one by one: "Jing Ke, zip up your pants! Brother Ying, I'm taking you to see the people's lives, so don't reveal your identity. Liu Bang..."
Liu Bang: "Me! Me! Me! Me!"
I:"……"
Li Shishi gave me a meaningful look, as if to reassure me, or perhaps to mock me. In any case, this girl probably understands everything.
Because I had taken good precautions, everything went smoothly until everyone was on the bus. I turned the key, and the bread lurched forward with a couple of grunts, barely making half a meter, when I suddenly heard Xiang Yu behind me say, "How long will it take to get to Hubei in this?"
Baozi turned to Xiang Yu, who was sitting with Qin Shi Huang, and said, "We'll have to wait for the floodwaters to recede before we can go back—by the way, I don't think I've heard of any floods anywhere this year?"
I strained my ears, afraid to utter a word. I'd always thought Xiang Yu was only thinking of Yu Ji, but I hadn't expected him to be so sensitive to anything that "moved." Everyone on the train except Baozi was riding in this for the first time, and Xiang Yu's question made them completely forget their earlier agreement. Jing Ersha was the first to confront me, pointing to the train's loudspeaker and saying, "Are there spies in here too?" Because Liu Bang and Li Shishi were back-to-back with me, I overheard their whispered conversation. Liu Bang asked, "Why does this thing move on its own?" Li Shishi whispered back, "I think something inside is at work (hitting the nail on the head)." Qin Shihuang, having overheard their conversation, dismissively exclaimed, "It's simple! Didn't you see Qiangzi stab it with something? Did it hurt?" He used the car keys as spurs.
I cautiously glanced at Baozi's reaction. She smiled and, seeing me looking at her, smiled back at me: "Your friends are all very humorous."
Chapter Thirteen: Shopping in a Group
I glared at them as I turned back, and the atmosphere in the car instantly turned cold. As I sped off and drove out of the familiar streets, I noticed a distinct difference. Liu Bang raised his arm, seemingly wanting to speak, but then held back; it seemed Qin Shi Huang had indeed intimidated him considerably. Li Shishi looked out the window for a while, then lowered her head to silently memorize things for a few minutes, quickly compiling a beautiful version of "100,000 Whys." Xiang Yu was uninhibited, but he seemed somewhat dazed; I noticed in the rearview mirror that he appeared only interested in the speeding cars. Qin Shi Huang looked around, the reason he didn't ask a question was probably because Jing Ke had instilled in him the idea that "this is the realm of immortals, you wouldn't understand even if I explained." I really liked Jing Ke; that silly guy had a transistor radio stuck to his ear, completely at ease.
Outside the car window, skyscrapers and bustling traffic—the fast-paced, modern city unfolded before their eyes, leaving them in awe.
This is really just a matter of perspective. If you woke up to find that the creatures around you had eyes the size of eggs, wore oxygen masks, and emitted a beam of light before entering or exiting a UFO, then you would know that Earth has been invaded, and you would have to dust yourself off and fight them to the bitter end. Once you defeat them all, your fellow Earthlings will naturally flock from all directions to celebrate your victory.
If you wake up to a group of men with queues watching you make a scene, you'll have to get up and shoo them away. If you're in a really bad mood and a beautiful woman in fine clothes gallops by on horseback, be careful—she might be a princess or a noblewoman, one of your future wives. If you're a former special forces soldier, you can easily stop the runaway horse; if you're not so capable, no problem, just wait until she crashes into you and then try to extort money from her—it'll definitely work, those riding BMWs are usually more reasonable than those driving them.
Or you might open your eyes to find a giant orc battling a beautiful elven warrior—help the elves! Their tribe is full of beauties, and after taking their princess's virginity, your back and legs won't ache anymore, and you can climb five floors in one go without breaking a sweat.
The problem is that Fatty Ying and his friends have never received this basic education. When they see wheels running all over the street, they are dumbfounded; when they see someone ascending (with an external elevator), they are stunned; when they see two men kissing passionately in the street, they are dizzy (well, I rarely see that either).
Baozi, who was in the passenger seat, also sensed something was wrong and asked me in a low voice, "Why aren't they saying anything?"
I quickly came up with a clever idea: "Maybe she's homesick..."
I parked the car on Futai Road, and Baozi gently pinched me. I knew she was afraid people would laugh at her; Futai Road is a notorious street full of street vendors in our area, where you can buy a complete outfit from head to toe for 50 yuan in the summer. There are a few specialty stores on both sides of the road, but they're all places that are all selling inferior goods under false pretenses. Taking a friend to buy clothes in a place like this is clearly not very considerate.
Whether it's fair or not, a pair of socks at Zhongda International costs 300 yuan, and they still complain about the air conditioning being too cold.
As soon as I got off the bus, I grabbed a little red hat and asked the vendor, "How much?"
"15!"
I tossed him five yuan, and he put it in his pocket without saying a word.
I called Xiang Yu off the carriage, put the little red hat on his head, and loudly said to the others, "Everyone, stay around this little red hat and don't get separated. If you can't see the little red hat, call me immediately. Understand?" Seeing the laughing passersby, Baozi thought I was just joking and didn't think much of it.
Even if I wanted to think about it, I couldn't care less. Futai Road is 200 meters long, and it can only barely accommodate two tricycles. Moreover, the street is crowded with people from morning till night. If someone gets lost in the crowd, there's no way to find them again.
I had Baozi and Li Shishi walk in front, Qin Shi Huang and Xiang Yu in the middle, and I led Jing Ke and Liu Bang at the back. This proved to be a huge mistake. Shopping is in every woman's nature, and Baozi is the kind of person who gets particularly restless when she's out shopping. She wasn't in a hurry, and Li Shishi was even less so; she was eager to learn as much as possible. With the two women stopping, our group could only stand still, being jostled and pushed around by the crowd. Finally, Liu Bang couldn't help but point at Aaron Kwok's image on the Metersbonwe store and say, "What terrible crime has this man committed? Why is he being hunted everywhere?"
At this moment, I had Baozi lead Xiang Yu and Liu Bang into a shop to try on clothes. Qin Shi Huang squatted on a stall selling old epaulets and fake antiques as trinkets, with Jing Ke accompanying him. I stood at the door, keeping an eye on both sides. I heard Qin Shi Huang say to the old man selling trinkets, "This silk is fake."
The old man said, "How novel! Can you really sell this here? Don't rub it, don't rub it, it's all fake." I turned around and saw Qin Shi Huang squatting in front of the stall, holding a replica knife coin in his hand, his hands covered in verdigris. The old man said, "If you like it, buy one to play with. It's only 10 yuan. It'll look very unique hanging on your keychain."
“I’m really hungry,” said Qin Shi Huang.
"Ha, bro, you're quite the braggart. If you really had something, would you come to a place like mine to see it?"
You know what, I actually remembered that when Qin Shi Huang first arrived, he seemed to have a few knife-shaped coins hanging on his clothes. I became suspicious and asked the old man, "How much could they really sell for?"
"It's really unusable now, the authorities have said it can no longer be circulated."
The old man paused for a moment, then pointed at Fatty Ying and said to me, "You're quite the joker, brother."
I wiped my sweat and said, "That's just how he is. How much can a real coin sell for?"
"A decent one might cost tens of thousands, but these kinds of things aren't actually worth much."
As we were talking, I heard the shop owner say, "He's so big, this is the only one left. Going anywhere else is pointless..." I turned around and saw Xiang Yu wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt, a pair of athletic shorts meant for mannequins, with his razor-sharp eyebrows, melancholy eyes, and that incredibly lifelike little red hat—anyway, if I ever saw someone like him on the street, I would definitely stay far away from him.
Liu Bang's clothes were much easier to buy. Every time the boy put on a new outfit, he'd strut around in front of Baozi, and when people asked him if he was satisfied, he'd grin and say to Baozi, "If you're satisfied, then I'm satisfied..."
Li Shishi walked up to me and whispered, "I want to go across the street to read some books."
I knew this smart woman wouldn't just drift through life like this, so I took out 100 yuan and gave it to her: "I'll go with you." She glanced at Baozi and chuckled, "Your sister-in-law will be jealous." Baozi also glanced at us with a half-smile.
Li Shishi went into the small bookstore across the street alone, and I quickly asked Jing Ke to accompany her. Ersha, after all, had plenty of experience in transactions and knew how to make change; besides, he now even knew to ask for matches when buying cigarettes…
I was swamped with work, and then I glanced at the fat man at the street stall—and a chill ran down my spine: Qin Shi Huang was gone without a trace! I was about to ask the old man when I suddenly saw him sitting across the street at the cold drink stall, legs crossed, drinking soda. I walked over with a grim expression, asked the vendor for a bottle of water, and chugged down more than half of it in one go; I've been sweating a lot lately.
The fat man swung his legs and said leisurely, "I've discovered that even in this god-like place, you can't do anything without money."
Chapter Fourteen: Accompanying You to See the Terracotta Warriors