"Haha, my wife is pregnant. Even if I wanted to be a body double, I'd have to wait until Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt make their comeback."
Just then, the door opened, and Xiao Wang, who delivers goods to the supermarket next door, came in. I closed my laptop, and Xiao Wang lit a cigarette for me, saying incoherently, "...Brother Qiang, if you ever need a car, just let me know. As long as I'm not delivering goods, I'll be your driver, no charge." I didn't understand what he meant. He stammered for a while, sat for a bit, and then left.
Xiang Yu and Xiao Wang entered one after the other, each carrying something in their hands, and stormed upstairs. At first, I didn't pay much attention, but when I saw what he was carrying, I was utterly terrified—it was his golden armor!
I stumbled and grabbed him, my voice trembling with tears, "Brother Yu, what have you been doing?" I was terrified he'd tell me, "I was in a really bad mood, so I went out and killed a few scoundrels." It's not like he's incapable of doing something like that.
Xiang Yu said dejectedly, "Is my golden armor really not even worth a loaf of bread?" It took me a while to process what he was saying, but then I realized: he must have gone to trade this golden armor with the neighbor, Xiao Wang.
Although I've always been kind to everyone since I came here, my neighbors all know that I used to be a complete scoundrel. Lately, some shady characters have been coming to my house often. Little Wang probably thinks I'm trying to extort money from him. No wonder Aunt Wang from the neighborhood committee doesn't dare let her second daughter come to collect sanitation fees...
I yelled in frustration, "Brother Yu, just give your brother a break! If someone who knows their stuff sees this, they'll dig up my ancestral graves!"
Our King Xiang Yu, picking at his nails, said pitifully, "I just want some bread (have I been starving for generations?)..."
"Brother, I promise I'll buy you a loaf of bread."
"When?" Xiang Yu asked excitedly.
I blurted out "a year," but then I realized he'd definitely get angry if I said that, so I could only say, "within a month."
Xiang Yu tossed the golden armor into my arms: "I'm entrusting this matter to you." Then he went upstairs.
I followed him up, clutching his vest, sweat pouring down my back. Thank goodness Xiao Wang hadn't changed!
As soon as I went upstairs, I witnessed a terrifying scene, and my heart stopped beating instantly.
It was a terrifying scene that no literary giant in the world could describe.
That place is 18,000 times more thrilling than any scene in Braindead.
That was a moment that would leave an indelible mark on anyone who saw it.
—The wind-listening bottle, worth 2 million, stood upside down on the table, looking like it was about to fall over, while Jing Ersha stood two meters away, puffing out his cheeks and blowing hard on it!
Fatty Ying, hands on his hips, said, "If you can't handle it, then starve yourself."
Liu Bang held a deck of cards in his hand, and was trying to spin them one by one like the God of Gamblers...
I jumped up and yelled, "Shut up, all of you!"
The three of them were stunned for a moment and stopped.
The floorboards trembled slightly from my jump, and the wind-listening bottle tilted gracefully, falling off the table like a girl determined to die for love. I pounced on it like a vicious dog, managing to salvage the situation mid-air, the edge of the bottle grazing my fingers as it fell to the ground.
"Crack—" It shattered. I lay on the ground, speechless with grief.
Everyone present applauded enthusiastically. Liu Bang said, "Qiangzi really knows how to do things." Qin Shi Huang said, "If it were hungry, it would have been panting long ago." Jing Ke, still not satisfied, said, "Find me another one."
I lay quietly on the ground for a while, summarizing my experiences in the first half of my life: When I was 9 years old, I did throw the neighbor's wooden toy gun into the toilet, but he threw sand at our windows first; in the second year of junior high, I beat a good student who didn't care about the ways of the world to tears, because he told the teacher I smoked; before I met Baozi, my friends treated me to a bath a few times, but that shouldn't have caused me so much persecution; even if I am a descendant of the Eight-Nation Alliance who invaded China, fate shouldn't treat me so unfairly, right?
Now, it doesn't matter how much that bottle can be sold for. What matters is that it actually cost Lao Hao 200,000 yuan, and now I've gone from a negative asset of 4.86 million yuan to 5.2 million yuan.
I yelled at them, my face flushed and my neck red, "Do you know how much that thing is worth—2 million!" I thought even if they were all rich before, they should at least feel ashamed, right? But they didn't take it to heart. Qin Shi Huang even discussed with Liu Bang what 2 million could do, and concluded that it couldn't do anything. After they finished their scorn, they went back to doing their own things.
Class, oh, this is class! The wicked feudal lords were extravagant and licentious, they preyed on the people, they defecated and urinated on the people's heads—this is a bit disgusting, so I won't go into details.
Even the understanding Li Shishi didn't realize what 2 million meant to me. In her eyes, that bottle was nothing more than a worthless piece of junk worth 20 taels of silver. She carefully collected the broken pieces of the bottle, and I was just about to feel touched when she said something infuriating: "Don't cut your foot."
I was devastated, speechless, and bursting into tears. I really wanted to commit suicide and fight Xiang Yu so he could just strangle me to death.
Just then, a handsome young man came up the stairs, wearing a white shirt with light blue floral patterns, looking like a large watermark, his hair styled in a neat, energetic way. He glanced at everyone and asked, "Who's Xiaoqiang?" I asked curtly, "What's up?"
"Liu Laoliu sent me; I'm Xiaoqiang's client."
I was furious at the time and wasn't thinking about anything else; I was just extremely averse to the name "Liu Laoliu." I waved my hand and yelled at the top of my lungs, "I quit—get out!"
The young man wasn't angry at all, and said with a smile, "You can quit, but then you'll miss out on earning 5 million."
Chapter Twenty-Two: Young Master Jin
Actually, I'm not that interested in the 5 million figure anymore, because I already owe 5.2 million.
I should have realized earlier that this young man wasn't an ancient customer. His styling was more professional than mine; the top button of his shirt was undone, revealing a handsome chocolate complexion, and he wore a stylish soldier badge around his neck. More importantly, he was wearing a Patek Philippe watch on his wrist and holding a laser key—a car key—in his other hand.
By this time, Li Shishi had finished cleaning up my 2 million yuan worth of trash on the floor. When she came into the living room and saw a stranger, she smiled politely at him and went back to her room to read.
The young man stared intently at Li Shishi. I coughed and, for the sake of the 5 million, said in a friendly tone, "What's going on with you?" He then snapped out of his daze and regained his nonchalant demeanor: "Let's go downstairs and talk."
As soon as I came downstairs, I saw a sporty double-row sports car with a very upturned rear end parked in front of my door. The guy with the watermark sat down and got straight to the point: "I'm your customer, but I'm a little special."
"Oh? What's going on with you?"
"Today is June 12th. Five days later—on June 17th—all the major newspapers will have the same headline: Jin Shaoyan, the only son of film tycoon Jin Ting, died in a car accident at the young age of 24."
I was completely confused: "What do you mean? What does this have to do with me?"
"I am Jin Shaoyan, the unlucky guy who will die in the car in five days—"
I nearly slipped and fell to the ground. I pulled the ashtray closer and said, trembling with fear, "Are you a human or a ghost?"
Jin Shaoyan laughed and said, "Don't be afraid. If you smash an ashtray on me, I'll still get a bloody head. Actually, you've seen people like me before. Tell me, were Qin Shi Huang and Liu Bang men or ghosts?"
This kid actually knows so much!
He continued, "I died, but who knew that when I got to the underworld they would find out that they had made a mistake with my lifespan. I shouldn't have died."