After hearing the situation, Jin Shaoyan threw the keys on the table: "Go get them." He probably never thought that there was such a thing as taking leave in the world. There are many young masters like him who are not unkind, but they are spoiled and do not consider others at all—if they take leave, they will lose their perfect attendance bonus?
I said, "When will he reply to my text message?"
Jin Shaoyan glanced at his watch and said, "I'll be back by 8 p.m. sharp. But don't pay any attention to him, keep him hanging on, and we'll talk about it tomorrow." Jin Shaoyan stood up and concluded, "You don't really know where your worthlessness lies until you've experienced death—can I go upstairs and chat with them for a while?"
I nodded. There's no need to be wary of someone who will lose these memories in five days. I instructed him, "Don't mention Yu Ji to Xiang Yu. Fatty Ying, oh, Qin Shi Huang doesn't even know who Liu Bang is yet, just don't let it slip."
Later, I realized my worries were completely unnecessary. The guy with the watermark wasn't interested in those old-fashioned things at all. When I went upstairs, I found him sitting in front of Li Shishi, holding a copy of "600 Movies You Must See in Your Lifetime" on his lap. A handsome man and a beautiful woman, sharing a book, with soft music playing nearby—the scene was more like a Korean movie than any Korean film. But I knew his main purpose was to make Japanese films.
Jin Shaoyan pointed and gestured, explaining how this happened, where that was filmed, and that he had even been to the filming location. He started off well, but quickly shifted from *Forrest Gump* to *Basic Instinct*, and one arm quietly slipped behind Li Shishi's back. I called out at the top of my lungs, "Brother Yu—"
Xiang Yu came in with his head down. I pointed at Jin Shaoyan and said to him, "If you want to ride this young master's mount, it won't even take you an hour or two to get back to your hometown. Let him teach you."
Xiang Yu asked me, "How about comparing bread?"
I said, "A single wheel can run faster than bread."
Xiang Yu's eyes lit up, and without saying a word, he grabbed Jin Shaoyan and left—"Let you go and try to pick up my... uh, the girl in my house again."
Li Shishi looked at me with a half-smile, and I said awkwardly, "I was thinking of Brother Yu..."
Li Shishi chuckled and said, "Even the fastest car in the world couldn't send him back from 2007 to before Christ, right? Unless you can exceed the speed of light and turn back time."
I was so shocked I rolled my eyes. This girl had even studied Einstein's theory of relativity! I only heard about relativity after reading "A Bloodbath Caused by a Steamed Bun".
"That young master Jin doesn't seem like a bad person, and he's quite knowledgeable."
"So what kind of person is considered bad? Is it someone who tucks a fan into their collar and carries a birdcage? It's not hard to be knowledgeable, is it? If your brother Qiang had money, he'd send an American to the moon to chat with Sister Chang'e. Let me tell you, there are all kinds of birds in a big forest, and no rich person is a good one."
My resounding theory of the proletarian fox seemed to have a certain impact on Li Shishi, who chuckled and said, "I agree with the first half of your last sentence."
Sigh, I wish I hadn't thrown away my elementary school "Moral Education" textbook.
Just then, Jin Shaoyan returned, followed by a dejected Xiang Yu. Jin Shaoyan chuckled and said, "Brother Xiang, you're too tall for my car." He turned to Xiang Yu and said, "It's alright, Brother Xiang, I'll get you a Hummer, no problem at all. If that doesn't work, we'll have it custom-made." Xiang Yu put his arm around his shoulder and went into the sleeping room: "What kind of horse? It's got a fiery temper, isn't it?"
...
Alas, it's unbelievable that the illustrious Hegemon-King of Western Chu was so quickly corrupted by money. It seems money truly is no good. As the saying goes, wealth is an external thing, and riches should not corrupt. A high-ranking monk in history once said something profoundly insightful and profoundly wise: "Money is just a pile of shit."
When will I be able to have lots of piles of poop?
Then I heard someone say from the other room, "Brother Ying, you like photography, right? I'll give you a digital camera." Qin Shi Huang, holding up an MP4 player that had just been used to take pictures, poked his head out and asked me, "Qiangzi, what's a digital camera?"
I told him, "An MP4 player that can't play music, can't play games, and can only be used for drawing is just a digital camera." Winning people's hearts isn't that easy.
Qin Shi Huang: "I don't want that."
Jin Shaoyan: "So Brother Ying likes playing games? That's easy, I'll send you a collector's edition set from Nintendo to Sony."
Jin Shaoyan went around to each room and said to Jing Ke, "Brother Jing's hobby is quite unique. I can only give you a set of independent audio equipment."
When Jin Shaoyan asked Liu Bang about his hobbies, the two whispered and chuckled mischievously. Jin Shaoyan said, "How about I introduce a few actresses to Brother Liu?" Liu Bang said something to him, glancing at me as he spoke. Jin Shaoyan looked at me and smiled, nodding frequently. He came over and said, "Brother Liu said he only likes steamed buns. I wanted to introduce him to women, but he said he wouldn't accept anyone less attractive than a steamed bun." He then asked curiously, "Who's a steamed bun? Is she very pretty?"
I said, "It's hard to describe her as just pretty or not. Every man would be stunned if he saw her. Also—Baozi is my girlfriend."
Jin Shaoyan said wistfully, "A woman who could make Emperor Gaozu of Han so infatuated, you can imagine—who was prettier, her or your cousin?"
I said, "To borrow Liu Bang's words, that's like heaven and earth."
Jin Shaoyan looked on with envy: "You're so lucky. When will I get to see her?"
I chuckled and said, "You'll see her tonight. If you like her, you can go after her all you want. I'll fight you if you want, I'm your grandson." I thought this kid would be overjoyed, but to my surprise, Jin Shaoyan solemnly said to me, "You don't know how lucky you are. You should love such a good woman seriously."
I said with a bitter face, "You'll regret saying that once you see her in person." But he clearly misunderstood me: "Although I, Jin Shaoyan, am not a good person, I would never do anything to steal someone else's love. Don't worry, no matter how beautiful your girlfriend is, I won't be tempted, and even if I am, I won't lay a hand on her."
This kid is more sensible than Liu Bang; he knows not to touch the food that belongs to someone else.
At 8 p.m., Jin Shaoyan checked his watch every few seconds and said, "I've never waited this long for even A-list celebrities." A quarter past 9 p.m., Jin Shaoyan said impatiently, "Do you know their boss? Make a call."
What a joke! How could I possibly know them? The owner of Baozi's shop is an entrepreneur with three chain baozi shops, earning over 100,000 yuan a month. I heard they even give you 10 yuan in the parking lot and don't ask for change. Wow, what a grand gesture!
I saw it was almost time, so I called Baozi to tell her not to eat at the restaurant. The phone rang twice and then hung up. I peeked out the window and saw that Baozi was indeed downstairs. Jin Shaoyan heard about it, leaned over to take a look, and exclaimed, "Just that figure is the best I've ever seen!"
I watched as Baozi went inside, and Jin Shaoyan ran downstairs.
Silence... a terrifying silence. Why haven't the screams I imagined come yet?
A little while later, Baozi came upstairs by herself. She turned around in confusion and asked me, "Is that your friend downstairs? What's wrong with him?"
When I went downstairs, I saw Jin Shaoyan slapping himself hard across the face, saying, "I'm dreaming, what I'm seeing is all fake..." I went over and pulled him away. Jin Shaoyan said with a sob in his voice, "From the time I had the car accident to the time I went to the underworld, and then to the time I came here, I have always been optimistic. But from the moment I saw your girlfriend just now, I lost hope in this world."
"Isn't that a bit of an exaggeration?" I was a little angry when I heard someone say that about my girlfriend.
Jin Shaoyan grabbed me, saying, "Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of women uglier than her, but I've never seen anyone with a better figure. This world is so unfair! If she were even slightly prettier, I would have signed her immediately." Jin Shaoyan cried out in anguish, "Why is this happening—"
Chapter Twenty-Four: Drinking Moutai with Jam
I asked Jin Shaoyan, "Where are you planning to take them to eat?"
"Drunken Eight Immortals?" Jin Shaoyan immediately dismissed it. "It's all retro architecture there, they probably won't be interested." I added, "Exactly, the waiters there certainly won't kneel down to everyone they see. If Fatty Ying wants to exterminate a person's entire family or Liu Bang wants someone to serve him in bed, we'll be at a disadvantage."
Jin Shaoyan said, "Choose one of the five major cuisines."
I said insightfully, "Is there a place outside of these five systems? A place that will make them feel different at first sight, where they can fully enjoy the food while keeping them in check, so that they don't feel like emperors just because someone is serving them?"
Jin Shaoyan thought for a moment and said, "Then we can only eat Western food. There's a French restaurant called Caesar that's very authentic."