"We still need to set one up, but we'll change the name. We can call it something like 'Reasonable Withdrawal Office.' Anyway, it's best if people can tell at a glance that there's no chance."
"Then why not call it the 'Funeral Committee'?"
I chuckled dryly a few times; I hadn't expected this kid to be just as sarcastic as me. I said, "I'll give you a 50 yuan commission for every one you persuade to quit."
Yan Jingsheng: "...No need, let's leave it at that."
I had only hung up the phone a few minutes ago when Principal Zhang called again. His first question was, "Xiaoqiang, how good are your martial arts instructors?"
I cursed under my breath, thinking that Yan Jingsheng must have badmouthed me. I laughed it off and said, "It's all good. You can go and check it for yourself if you don't believe me."
Old Zhang said, "I don't need to check it myself. The opportunity has come. There's a national martial arts competition next month, which will be held in our city. It mainly consists of martial arts performances and practical combat. I heard that 90% of the participants are from major martial arts schools across the country. I've already registered our school. You should prepare and try to get into the top five. That would make a difference for us."
I said in a panic, "Our students have only been in school for a short time, and their skills aren't quite there yet. Wouldn't it be better if we participated in the next cohort?"
"Who said students went? They were all coaches from various schools, and I heard there were even lay masters from Wudang and Shaolin. I see you have so many coaches; surely they're not all just freeloaders?"
Damn it, Wudang and Shaolin? Is it the six major sects besieging Bright Peak or vying for the Nine Dragon Cup? I don't have time to play with you guys right now.
Just as I was about to make an excuse to decline, Principal Zhang said, "Xiaoqiang, let me tell you, this is a chance to shine. The mayor and I have both boasted that we will definitely squeeze into the top ten and strive for the top five. Don't think I don't know you've planted a lot of cronies in the school. I'll say it again, they can't all be freeloaders, can they? As long as you meet my requirements, I'll turn a blind eye to whatever you do in the future. The mayor said that if you can make our city's reputation known, we'll upgrade your school to a university and allocate ten million yuan to you every year for school construction."
I:"……"
I'm speechless. Did you spend a single penny to plant your cronies? What's the point of building up your reputation, having students from all over the country flock to my "funeral committee"? If you persuade one student to quit, 50 yuan a month is enough for Yan Jingsheng to stay in a 7-star hotel in Dubai year-round. But the conditions are indeed tempting; ten million yuan a year is no small sum. As for the educational qualification, converting it to the Chinese Academy of Sciences isn't a big deal. Right now, I'm burdened with enormous expenses. These people eat several large, fat pigs every day, each costing 16 yuan a pound. The heroes want to drink, even though it's homemade, the water cost alone is several tens of yuan. Besides, that wine is made from grain!
In addition, I also have to give them pocket money, renovate my little villa, and support Xiang Yu's womanizing. I'm barely making ends meet by relying solely on the bar's profits.
I need money!
I told Lao Zhang, "I can guarantee a top ten finish, but I can't say for sure about the rest. What does it mean to make a name for yourself? How about I get 2 million a year if I come in tenth place?"
Old Zhang said, "Stop joking with me! It doesn't matter what place we get in the martial arts performance. What's important is the Sanda competition. The country is recruiting talent in this field. If they really pick out the best from schools, that will be counted as a political achievement for local officials!"
That's when I started to understand a little. Sanda evolved from traditional Chinese martial arts, and the country is now trying to expand its influence worldwide, as evidenced by the frequent invitational tournaments. What's currently lacking most are individuals with good natural abilities and educational facilities.
I said to Lao Zhang, "Then you tell me, besides first place, which one from tenth to second place should I get the bonus for?"
"Are you even speaking human language? It's like you can get any place you want. Why don't you aim for first place? There's definitely a prize for first place."
I said, "I dare not take it; I can't afford the fee for asking me to give it up."
Old Zhang said, "Stop talking nonsense, go and get ready!" and then hung up the phone.
Why is it that no one believes the truth anymore?
Since it's next month, there's not much to do. We can just finalize the roster the day before the competition. Right now, the most important thing is Xiang Yu's matter.
I glanced at Xiang Yu, who seemed a bit dazed, and shouted, "Hey, Brother Yu, you can't do this! You can take the head of a general from among ten thousand soldiers as easily as taking something out of a bag. Are you afraid of a 20-year-old girl?"
Qin Shi Huang suddenly asked me, "What kind of official is that deputy district chief?"
I said, "The district head is equivalent to a county magistrate, but perhaps slightly less so."
Fatty Ying curled his lip and said, "The granddaughter of a minor official."
I said, "Compared to you, she's just the granddaughter of a minor official; compared to me, she's the child of a high-ranking official."
The fat man said, "How can you pinch me? You're the King of Qi, have you forgotten?"
I haven't forgotten. I'll go talk to the government and say that Qin Shi Huang granted me Shandong as a fiefdom, and see if I can be a provincial party secretary or something? Or maybe I could start as the mayor of Linzi? I reckon the government probably won't allow it…
Seeing that Li Shishi and Liu Bang, the most meticulous and resourceful members of the group, were not around, I simply put away the newspaper and said, "Let's rest for today and discuss this further tomorrow."
I took a cup of tea, lit a cigarette, and strolled into Baozi's house. I sprawled on the sofa like a lazy bum, pushing the two women about half a meter away. Stretching, I asked, "Liu Ye hasn't committed suicide yet?"
Li Shishi asked curiously, "Why did Liu Ye commit suicide?"
I said, "He killed Zhu Siping, and then he died at Zhu Siping's house to atone for his sins."
Li Shishi frowned and said, "Don't tell me the result!"
"I told you. In the end, that model ran away, and your Yin Xiaotian is just barely clinging to life—that's it, this is a film from several years ago." As I spoke, my hand instinctively wrapped around Baozi's waist, and Baozi snuggled closer like a kitten.
Li Shishi suddenly said, "So, cousin-in-law, you've already seen it?"
Baozi said, "Yes."
"Then why are you still watching?"
"Don't you like watching it? I'll watch it with you."
I told Li Shishi, "Yin Xiaotian isn't your sister-in-law's type; she likes Dawei."
Li Shishi's eyes lit up. She turned around, about to say something, when she saw us hugging intimately. Her face flushed red, and she made an excuse and ran out.
Baozi glanced at her back and said, "My cousin doesn't look like a model at all."
My hands began to roam over her body as I asked, "What should the models look like? One by one like little vixens?"
Baozi glared at me and said, "Can you change the way you talk? You're almost thirty and you still act like a hooligan."
I said, "Didn't you like me in the first place because of this? Did you fall in love with me because I helped an old lady cross the street?"
Baozi leaned against me and recalled, "The first time I met you, I didn't even know you. You sat across from me like a hooligan, wanting to play a game with me."
I said, "Could we remove the modifier 'like a hooligan'?"
"You put a coin between your fingers and asked me questions, and made me take the coin out before answering each question. Then you asked me two really boring questions. The third question was, 'What did you say to your boyfriend during your first time having sex?' You tricked me by holding the coin so tightly, and I fell for it and said, 'Why can't I get it out?' As soon as I said that, I knew I'd been fooled. I thought to myself, since I've run into a scoundrel today, it's not appropriate to keep quiet, so I said something that wasn't very subtle."