"That's easy, just have Sisi (Shishi) keep it to herself, and pretend we bumped into each other again, right?" Qin Shihuang picked up a pencil and drew circles around the district committee dormitory.
Liu Bang glanced at Xiang Yu and said, "It's unbelievable. You've fought so many battles, yet you don't even know how to arrange troops."
Xiang Yu wasn't annoyed. He rubbed his hands together and said, "That's a good idea, but who knows which way A Yu will take home?" He snatched Qin Shi Huang's pencil and drew the circles he had drawn, saying, "Where should Shi Shi meet her?"
Liu Bang clicked his tongue and said, "It would be great if we had a strategic map, or even just a squad of sentries."
I thought for a moment, then ran downstairs and brought my laptop back up. I opened it, found a blue and white sphere icon, clicked on it, and a picture of Earth appeared. Everyone stared at each other, asking, "What's this?"
I snapped my fingers and said, "It's unbelievable that you guys have been here for so long and you still don't know Google Earth."
I found the Chinese rooster icon, clicked on it, found the province, clicked on it, then the city, the district… I slowly approached our location with a godlike, bird's-eye view. This time, Xiang Yu was the first to spot a few familiar roads and landmarks. He exclaimed in surprise, “Isn’t this where we live?” Pointing to a small building on the screen, he shouted to the bewildered Liu Bang, “Can’t you see? We’re right here.”
Liu Bang immediately recognized the mahjong parlor at the alley entrance. As the picture gradually became clearer, even the flowerpots in front of our door and the clothesline hanging in our neighbor's yard became faintly visible. Liu Bang exclaimed in astonishment, "If we had had a map like this back then, fighting would have been much easier."
Qin Shi Huang asked in surprise, "Is the sky round?"
Jing Ke gave him a disdainful look and said, "How could that be? Didn't the people down below fall down?" Then he pointed to our small building and said, "Can you see the people inside?"
Faced with their various questions, I could only say, "Let's discuss Brother Yu's question first, and I'll explain universal gravitation to you later."
The old district committee building wasn't hard to find; the district committee dormitory was right behind it. I then realized that the old district committee building facing the street was now completely blocked by newly built commercial buildings, and the road to the dormitory had been narrowed down to just a narrow path. Pointing to this winding path, I said, "This is Zhang Bing's only route. Having Shishi guard this place will ensure everything goes smoothly."
Jing Ke suddenly said, "Who would go down such a desolate path?"
We were all shocked and secretly ashamed. Even a fool would have thought of this. It seems we had to come up with a good reason.
Liu Bang, resting his chin on his hand, said, "Just say that Shishi has relatives here."
Qin Shi Huang shook his head: "Isn't that too much of a coincidence? Besides, in such a small place, everyone knows each other's names. What if Zhang Bing asks about it?"
We all fell silent, racking our brains for excuses, the atmosphere quite solemn.
Just then, Li Shishi came out to use the restroom. Seeing our dazed expressions, she came over and asked with concern, "What's wrong with you two?"
I turned the computer towards her, gave her a general overview of the situation, and concluded by saying, "This is Zhang Bing's usual route, but we really can't think of any reason why you would be there."
Li Shishi gave us a deep look, took out her phone, dialed, and said, "Hello, is this Zhang Bing? How about we go shopping together tomorrow?... Oh right, you also have to visit Grandpa. Can I come with you?... Okay, then I'll wait for you there."
Li Shishi slammed the phone down, glanced at us again, and said, "It's unbelievable that you made such a simple thing so complicated." Then she turned and left.
We looked at each other, speechless. After a long while, I chuckled and said, "That's what they call 'Even the wisest person can make a mistake,' hahaha."
Liu Bang nodded vigorously: "Yes, yes, that's right, I like that sentence."
Qin Shi Huang: "Who said that? It's absolutely right."
Xiang Yu: "Was it fabricated by later generations based on my story?"
Before Jing Ke could speak, I immediately uttered the second half of the sentence: "Even a fool may have a stroke of genius."
Jing Ke thought for a long time and said, "I agree with the first half of the sentence."
I closed my laptop and said, "Okay, now let's continue discussing what's next—after Shishi went to Zhang Bing's house, she can take Yu Ge along under the pretense of visiting her grandfather. Yu Ge, is that what you're thinking?"
Xiang Yu nodded and said, "It would be best if Shishi could find out Grandpa Ayu's hobbies on her first visit..." At this point, Xiang Yu felt embarrassed by his own cunning and chuckled, "I learned all this from Xiao Qiang. By the way, Xiao Qiang, what did Uncle Xiang say to you inside?"
I exclaimed in surprise, "Don't call him 'old man'!"
Xiang Yu said, "I'm talking about Baozi's dad. What else should I call him if not 'old man'?"
"...Just call him Xiao Xiang."
Let's analyze this: Xiang Yu is Baozi's Nth-generation ancestor, which is Baozi's father, Lao Xiang's, N-1th-generation ancestor. If I were to associate with Xiang Yu as an equal, then I would be the brother of Lao Xiang's N-1th-generation ancestor. If I were to consider him as Lao Xiang's son-in-law, then Xiang Yu would also be my Nth-generation ancestor. Furthermore, if Xiang Yu were to call Lao Xiang "uncle," then Lao Xiang would be a generation older than Xiang Yu, meaning he would be both my father-in-law and my N+1th-generation ancestor...
So we come to this conclusion: If Xiang Yu calls Lao Xiang "Uncle", then I'm definitely his great-grandson; but if I call Xiang Yu "Brother Yu", then I'm the brother of Lao Xiang's N-1th generation ancestor, let's call him the N-1th generation great-uncle for now, then I'll still be Baozi's Nth generation great-uncle, Baozi is my wife, I... I am my own ancestor!
It's too chaotic, even more chaotic than "Back to the Future." But his story almost involved incest, while mine is a bit simpler; at least Xiang Yu didn't fall in love with Baozi.
What a stroke of luck amidst misfortune.
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Note: The saying "Even the wisest man can make a mistake" has two interpretations: one from the *Records of the Grand Historian*, and the other from the *Yanzi Chunqiu*. This book adopts the first interpretation, which places the story after Liu Bang and Xiang Yu.
Chapter 88 Negotiation Expert
The next day, Li Shishi left early in the morning, Liu Bang went to see the Black Widow, Qin Shi Huang was playing games, Jing Ke and Zhao Bailian were "practicing swordsmanship" downstairs, and Xiang Yu was standing at the window gazing into the distance. I knew that he was still not at peace.
I pulled up the photos Qin Shi Huang had taken and flipped through them, saying, "Brother Yu, don't panic. If all goes well, Shishi can lead you into your sister-in-law's stronghold tomorrow. Dealing with old men is something we're good at. Old men, well, they just like antiques and calligraphy. Even if his grandfather was a deputy district head, he probably hasn't seen an authentic Li Bai painting, right? If he doesn't know anything about art and just likes excitement, that'll be even easier. I'll have the master calligrapher Xiao Rang write the 'Eight Honors and Eight Shames' in the style of Yan Zhenqing and Liu Gongquan and give it to him..." Suddenly, I had a flash of inspiration and said, "Maybe the old man is good at martial arts, then that would be twice as effective. Think about it, why did Zhang Bing study dance instead of anything else? It's probably because of his grandfather's teachings."
Xiang Yu also became excited and said, "I may not be good at anything else, but I believe I am unmatched in the world when it comes to my skills on horseback and on foot."
I stood up and circled around twice, then said, "No, the old men can only practice Tai Chi at most. Have you ever seen an old man wielding a 100-pound spear every day?"
What kind of martial art is Tai Chi?
I sized up Xiang Yu, a powerful and imposing man like a god. It was hard to imagine him practicing Tai Chi. It's like asking Xi Shi to wield two axes: it's too incongruous. Tai Chi emphasizes using the opponent's force, using minimal force to deflect a great weight. Xiang Yu is a classic example of the creditor and the recipient of that force. Besides, I'm desperately lacking in Tai Chi masters right now. My historical knowledge is so limited that I only recently learned that Tai Chi didn't exist in Lin Chong's time. I do have a copy of "Tai Chi Master Zhang Sanfeng" at home, but I don't have a fan; I can't possibly get Xiang Yu to the point where he can curl up a leaf.
Fortunately, I have one good quality: I don't get stuck on things. I quickly realized: Zhang Bing's grandfather might not actually like practicing Tai Chi.
What else do old men like to do? Playing chess, diabolo, shuttlecock kicking, cricket fighting... these are getting more and more absurd, and none of them seem to fit Xiang Yu, this big guy, into any of them. Hopefully, her grandfather will enjoy some more physically demanding activities.
We had only been sitting for a short while when Li Shishi returned, looking very unwell. Xiang Yu asked cautiously, "Shishi, what's wrong?"
Li Shishi picked up her water glass and took a sip, saying, "Zhang Bing had a last-minute rehearsal and was called back."