But I also know that while she is charming, she can also be deadly—she probably wants to break bricks again, right?
They're from the Crescent Moon Women's Bodyguard School! I didn't expect them to live here too. These girls are all very pretty, so they're even more vain. As a result, when they go out, no one wears their uniforms, so I didn't know where they were from. That's why I said things I shouldn't have, and that's why they all look at me like that. You ask what "like that" means? Go catch a mouse and put it in a cat cage, observe the cat. If that's not enough, put a dog in there and observe the dog.
Confucius was right: a wise man does not stand under a crumbling wall. I am now surrounded in a beautiful walled city, and my life is in danger if I fall to either side. Escape? Only Dai Zong would consider it.
A stalemate... I dared not move, and none of them came forward. I felt like a pitiful mosquito caught in a swarm of frogs, ready to die at any moment.
Just then, Hu Sanniang strolled in from outside and spotted me immediately. For the first time ever, I didn't run away from her. She casually grabbed my neck and led me towards the elevator, completely oblivious to the hostile gazes circling around her. Only when we got on the elevator and the doors were about to close did she see the pretty female captain. Hu Sanniang pointed and said, "Hey, isn't that that lady..." The elevator doors closed as she spoke.
That evening, Baozi brought Qin Shihuang, Jing Ke, and Li Shishi to the hotel to find me. Since there were plenty of rooms available and the hotel provided meals, I let them stay as well. Li Shishi, not wanting to meet the heroes yet, hid in her room.
And so I held up that little figure drawing and went around asking for opinions. Wu Yong looked at it and said, "Nothing else is wrong, but you should at least write a few words on it, right?"
Xiao Rang said, "Whose handwriting do you want to use? I'll write it for you."
I spotted the tipsy Li Bai at a glance; the old man, with his flowing white hair, looked as ethereal as a celestial being. I thought: For a martial arts school like ours, having this literary giant inscribe a few words would be perfect. Li Bai readily agreed, and, emboldened by the alcohol, shouted, "Grind the ink!"
He did have a modified fountain pen with his own brush, but where was he supposed to get ink?
At this moment, Fatty Ying casually grabbed a bottle of ink, poured half a cup into it, swirled it a few times, and brought it over. Li Bai tried to circulate his qi, but his hands trembled uncontrollably. Unfortunately, Gao Lishi wasn't there, so no one took off his boots. I walked over and whispered in his ear, "The one who grinds the ink for you is Qin Shi Huang!"
Upon hearing this, Li Bai was greatly encouraged and wrote the words "Yucai Literary and Martial Arts School" in large characters. I rushed to have it made that very night, and from then on, this banner accompanied us as it flew for a very, very long time...
Thinking about the original meaning of this painting, it was painted because someone's wife was angry, hence the name: "Too Hasty Flag"!
(End of Volume One)
Volume Two: Yucai Martial Arts School
Chapter One: Wang Yuecai Martial Arts School
Hello everyone, my name is Xiao Qiang, my courtesy name is Qianghan, and my pen name is Da Bu Si Ju Shi. From the fact that I have a courtesy name and a pen name, you can probably tell that I am a refined person. In fact, the poems I wrote made even Li Bai speechless.
So how did I come to know Li Bai? Well, that's a story that needs to be told from the beginning...
I'm so unlucky, really.
Others travel through history to become emperors and kings, or at the very least, return to the Ming Dynasty to become a prince, but I can only be reversed in time travel...
Uh, does this look familiar? I really wish I could post all the content from Volume 1; that would make almost 400,000 words in just this chapter alone!
Okay, that concludes my opening remarks for Volume Two.
So, where was we in the first volume again? Jing Ke? Oh, no. Was it Xiang Yu? Oh, no, that's not right either. Heh, is this what they call padding the word count? Zhang Xiaohua is really unethical.
Picking up where I left off, I regretted handing the school flag to Secretary Liu. He held the piece of paper, shaking it for a long time, seemingly thinking there was something valuable inside. I had no choice but to tell him it was my school flag. Secretary Liu laid the paper out on the table, glanced at it, and said, "Hmm, the handwriting isn't bad—Wangyuecai Martial Arts School. What's all that scribbling over there? Couldn't you have found a clean piece of paper to write on?"
Okay, our modern society values equality. Just as Xiang Yu mispronounced Annie Baby as "Nü Ni Yu Bei," Secretary Liu mispronounced Yu Cai as "Wang Yue Cai." In fact, when Li Bai was drunk, he did write the character "Yu" in a completely disjointed way, especially the part on top of the "Yue" character, which seemed to suggest a solitary existence.
However, I was disappointed by his argument that "couldn't we just find a clean piece of paper to write on?" This showed that Secretary Liu was a scholar who couldn't appreciate my good intentions and couldn't see the meaning represented by that angry-looking villain. I told him that the dirty thing next to "Wangyuecai Martial Arts School" was the main part of the flag, and that it depicted a totem representing the confrontation between justice and evil, not just a sunflower and two triangles as he thought... Secretary Liu's eyes were glued to his glasses like pancakes; I could tell he was barely holding back from tearing it up. He leaned against the doorframe, called over Xiao Wang from next door, shoved the paper into Xiao Wang's hand, and weakly said, "Find an advertising company to make it tonight—let's go."
As a result, Xiao Wang turned back halfway and pointed at my school flag, saying, "Do you want the sunflower and the set square too?" Seeing that Secretary Liu's expression was not good, I quickly pushed him away, saying, "I want them all."
Secretary Liu swallowed two quick-acting pills with tea, glared at me, and asked, "How are the preparations for tomorrow's exhibition match going?"
I said, "If you know the judges, we'll be confident of winning first place."
Perhaps I was being too tactful, because Secretary Liu took a moment to process it before clutching her chest and saying, "Alright, you can go now..."
It's hard to believe that someone who has been in politics for so many years has such a fragile heart. He should have been put mayor of Lhasa for a month in March 2008.
Not many people came for dinner; the heroes had all gone to drink with Zhu Gui and Du Xing, leaving us, a small group, at two tables. Lu Junyi, Wu Yong, Lin Chong, and a few other experienced and prudent men sat at one table, while I sat with Baozi and Qin Shihuang. Li Shishi finally showed up. Of the Liangshan heroes who came this time, only Dai Zong and Li Kui recognized her, but they weren't there. However, it seemed Li Shishi wasn't going to avoid the issue any longer. She had played a crucial role in the surrender to the imperial court, and although many heroes had died or been wounded after the surrender, and those who survived were resentful and unfulfilled, this couldn't be blamed on Li Shishi.
It's like you're on a bus, and before you reach your stop, you see a beautiful, slender figure. You fall head over heels in love and demand the driver stop the bus. But when you get off, you discover that the so-called beauty has horns on her head, pus oozing from her feet, and she's a two-tailed creature. You can only blame yourself, not the driver. In fact, you should be grateful to the driver, because he did help you fulfill your wish.
Sitting at our table were Hu Sanniang and Li Yun. Li Yun handed me a thin interior design manual, showing me the retro-style pictures inside. Baozi snatched it away, frowning, and said, "It's awful, so cold and desolate." As she spoke, she flipped through the pages, pointing to a bright yellow picture, saying, "This is so beautiful." Then she pointed the book to Hu Sanniang, "San'er, what do you think?"
San'er?
San'er pointed to the pink bedroom picture and said, "I like this kind."
Baozi laughed and said, "You like this style?" Unexpectedly, the fearless Hu Sanniang blushed. Hehe, I really didn't expect that this female tyrant would also be fond of ambiguous pink.
Baozi said, "If it were me, I would make the living room yellow and the bedroom pink." Qin Shihuang saw a hallway decorated with black marble under Baozi's armpit and pointed at it, saying, "Wait, black is more elegant."
Baozi glanced at it and said, "Hmm, make the kitchen black, it'll keep dirt out."
I glanced at Li Yun and said, "Then I'll have to trouble you, Brother Li."
Li Yun jotted down Baozi's words on the paper, crumpled up the old ingredient list and threw it away, muttering, "The living room should be magnificent, the bedroom should have warm colors, and the kitchen should be practical—anything else?"
Baozi chuckled and said, "Why are you remembering all this? We can't afford a house anyway."
I whispered to Li Yun, "Leave me 5 square meters in the living room, I'll make a baby play area." That's what Baozi likes.
We were chatting and laughing in the hotel restaurant when a group of girls streamed in. The leader—you can probably guess—was the petite, squinty-eyed beauty who could kick an empty bottle, smash five bricks with her bare hands, and whose hair could be used in a Pantene shampoo commercial. This girl had been laughing and joking, but the moment she saw me, she immediately narrowed her eyes. Her eyes, which weren't small to begin with, became long, thin slits when she narrowed them, her beautiful pupils darting around in their sockets. A seemingly delicate beauty (I'm emphasizing these three words) squinting at you—I think any man with even a slight lack of self-control would rush over to strike up a conversation.
I didn't. I remained remarkably calm because I knew I had no part of my body harder than five bricks. If I were the number "3," her horizontal strike from above would turn "3" into "1" or "2"; a strike from below the waist would be "2" or "1"; and a vertical strike, anyone knowledgeable in the I Ching would immediately recognize it as the Kun hexagram…
And even if she really is a little lamb, Baozi is still sitting next to me—this book is only up to the first chapter of the second volume, and it's not finished yet.
The female tour leader, seeing me there, gave a cold snort and stormed off with her group. Am I really as repulsive as a cockroach? The restaurant is huge; they could easily have sat on the other side. Besides, I just made a witty remark. Was it really necessary to make such a fuss?
Considering the long journey and unfamiliarity with the area, tour groups usually request that three meals be included when booking a hotel room, and this cost is added to the room rate—the hotel doesn't care whether you eat or not, so how much money is wasted?
Hu Sanniang caught sight of the female leader's retreating figure. She stood up, looking lost in thought, and said, "Huh, why is this woman leaving so soon after arriving?"
Just then, Baozi yawned and said, "I'm going to sleep." She stretched and casually pinched my thigh with one hand, instantly making my heart flutter. It was only 5 o'clock, no one would believe she was sleepy so early—everyone at the table except for Ersha smiled knowingly.