I:"……"
After saying that, he gripped the fly swatter and swatted at a thug in the crowd. The thug turned around—"smack!"—and another pale-faced man appeared. Then Zhao Bai slowly moved to the side, dodging the man's kick; "smack!"—after the second slap, a living, breathing vegetable was born.
Strangely, the man who was furious after being hit once became slow-moving and dazed after being hit a second time by Zhao Bailian. He staggered around the yard like a drunkard, and had no more offensive power.
After Zhao Bailian successfully created the third vegetative state, the thugs erupted in commotion and immediately sent four or five men to deal with the idiot. They unleashed a flurry of flying kicks, but Zhao Bailian turned away and ran a few steps before slowly turning back, delivering a series of slaps to each of them across the face. Then, without any apparent reason, he turned his head to the side. One thug, realizing his mistake, missed his punch, and with a "slap," instantly became a vegetable.
At that moment, an extremely bizarre scene suddenly unfolded: Zhao Bailian crouched down, then suddenly jumped more than a foot high. Just as I was wondering what was going on, a thug swept his leg across Zhao Bailian's body with lightning speed...
Now you know why it's weird, right?
Normally, if A performs a sweeping kick and B jumps up to dodge, there's nothing unusual about it. But the situation here is this: A is standing perfectly fine, B suddenly jumps up, and then A performs a sweeping kick as if to coordinate with B, like two clumsy martial arts actors filming a movie.
But Zhao Bailian and that scoundrel obviously didn't know each other, so there's only one explanation: the scoundrel had just thought of using this trick but hadn't even used it yet when our idiot Zhao noticed it...
That's terrifying!
I stood there dumbfounded for a while and then noticed something else: the reason Zhao Bailian was so slow was because he was extremely weak; any one of these thugs was much stronger than him. Remember when I first saw him, I almost mistook him for a ghost? If he didn't know what move they were going to use beforehand, he wouldn't have been able to dodge a single punch.
But no matter how fast a bullet is, it doesn't turn corners. If I know what you're thinking before you fire, you'll never hit me in your entire life.
Similarly, although Zhao Bailian moved as slowly as someone suffering from a stroke, he didn't throw a single punch or kick. However, even so, his stamina had clearly decreased. Two blows were enough to knock someone unconscious, but now it took four, five, or even more. Eventually, his blows posed no threat at all. Those he had initially struck stumbled around the yard, dizzy and disoriented, falling and collapsing unconscious.
But that was enough. After taking down six or seven men, Jing Ke unleashed his full power, easily defeating one with a single punch or kick. Even so, more people sought out Jing Ke than Zhao Bailian. The reason was simple: a heavily armed general might dare to face thousands of soldiers alone, but he would hardly have the courage to confront a shrew wielding a filthy humiliation pot—Zhao Bailian's weapons were simply too disgusting.
Finally, a few thugs remembered to pick up sticks from the side, seemingly unprepared for the brawl. Their actions, in turn, reminded Jing Ke. Seeing people charging at him with sticks, Ersha looked around, then grabbed a ladle from the stove. As two sticks came crashing down, Ersha swung the ladle, cleaving both sticks in two with a single stroke…
The remaining thugs were terrified and stayed put. Xiao Liu shouted, "San'er, go and call for help!"
I was taken aback. I hadn't expected those thugs to have reserves. If another ten or twenty came, we wouldn't be able to handle them at all. I watched as the scoundrel called San'er had half his body running out when he suddenly screamed and fell back, clutching his head. From inside the door, Liu Bang strolled back slowly, carrying a table leg in his hand. It turned out that the guy hadn't left at all; he'd been watching from the doorway the whole time.
San'er stumbled and scrambled to her feet when a fierce general leaped out from behind Liu Bang, wielding a strangely shaped, long, thin object in both hands. He repeatedly swung it at San'er's head, cursing, "You dare extort money from me! You dare call for help..." It was none other than Liu Bang's mistress, the Black Widow, Guo Tianfeng. Instantly, rows of small bumps appeared on San'er's head. Having vented her anger, the Black Widow kicked the weapon she was carrying onto her foot—it turned out to be a high-heeled shoe.
Now, the few remaining thugs who could fight were completely desperate. They jumped back, shouting, "We're not fighting anymore!" To my amusement and dismay, Xiao Liu was also in there. I first looked at Er Sha; his clothes were torn to shreds, but he was alright. The worst off was the guy who had been pushed into the pot. Every exposed part of him was cooked until it was white and pink, looking quite delicious. He was currently in the corner, wiping away tears while stretching out his pants.
I went up to Xiao Liu and asked him, "Aren't you going to fight anymore?"
He nodded vigorously.
I kicked him in the stomach: "Why didn't you do this earlier?" I then raised my bag at the group of thugs, scaring them into squatting down.
Jing Ke jumped up in front of Zhao Bailian, a little angry, grabbed his shoulders and said, "I've been waiting for you for so long, why haven't you come yet?"
Zhao Bailian, holding a fly swatter, mimed sheathing a sword, and said blankly, "I didn't know you were waiting for me..."
I had no idea what those two idiots were talking about. I said, "Let's go."
Liu Bang shook his head at me, then walked up to Xiao Liu with a smile and said, "Who instructed you to make things difficult for me?"
His words immediately reminded me. According to Liu Bang, he and Xiao Liu usually got along well, so why did they suddenly change their attitude today? On the surface, it seemed like they were desperate to get their money back after losing, but was it worth it for a mere 2,000 yuan?
Xiao Liu struggled to his feet, clutching his stomach and forcing a smile, "Brother Liu, I was just trying to joke with you..."
Liu Bang slammed Xiao Liu to the ground with a table leg. Blood from his head quickly stained Xiao Liu's white hair red, trickling onto the ground like tiny snakes. Leaning on his staff, Liu Bang still smiled and said, "The joke's gone too far. Tell me, who was it?"
I was chilled. I never imagined that Liu Bang would turn on me so drastically. After all, Xiao Liu had treated him fairly well, never hitting or scolding him, and even giving him watermelon.
Xiao Liu lay on the ground groaning, "Brother Liu, please spare me. I'll give you all your money back." A thug next to him tremblingly took out all the money he had extorted from Liu Bang and the Black Widow and returned it to him.
Liu Bang took the stick and casually handed it to Black Widow, then tossed it aside. Just when everyone thought the matter was finally settled, Liu Bang moved a bench over, gently placed one leg on Xiao Liu's hand, and, leaning casually on it, said with a grin, "If you hadn't told me, I might have sat down—"
Black Widow finally couldn't stand it anymore, and she pulled Liu Bang aside, saying, "Forget it..."
Liu Bang slapped her hand away and said with a stern face, "Someone wants to harm me. Are you trying to kill me by not letting me find this person?" Black Widow was stunned for a moment and stood aside in silence.
Liu Bang turned around, his fierce expression revealing his true colors, and said, "Do you believe I can break every single bone in your body by sitting on it?"
Liu Bang was a rather unique emperor in Chinese history. From the moment he rose in rebellion after slaying the white snake, he was constantly besieged, then broke out, only to be besieged again… yet none of these sieges truly brought him to death. This was related to his humble origins and ability to maintain a low profile, but it also fostered a heightened sense of crisis. Even after he finally conquered the land, those who betrayed him were chopped into mincemeat. Liu Bang could treat the people of the land generously, but he was exceptionally cautious and ruthless towards those close to him—the exact opposite of Xiang Yu.
Liu Bang gradually increased the force, and Xiao Liu's face contorted in pain. Finally, he shouted, "Someone offered us 100,000 yuan to do this!"
Liu Bang immediately stopped and asked, "Who was it? What did they say?"
"...I've never seen anything like it before. He just threw 100,000 yuan at us and told us to do it."
"He didn't say why?"
"No..." Xiao Liu only managed to utter one word before Liu Bang pressed the stool down again. Xiao Liu cried out, "I remember now! He said that as long as we can lure someone named Xiao Qiang here, the rest is none of our business!"
"Really?" Liu Bang observed the expressions on their faces and saw that the thugs squatting by the wall were looking at him with fear, so he asked, "Did you know about this?"
A few thugs murmured amongst themselves, "We know." "It's true."
Liu Bang threw down the stool and said to me, "It seems this man is trying to get back at you."
I was startled; I hadn't expected to be among them. I immediately realized I'd likely fallen for a diversionary tactic. I frantically dialed numbers, letting everyone know I was safe—home, school, and the bar. Then it dawned on me: I wasn't the tiger…
Liu Bang helped Xiao Liu up and said as if nothing had happened, "Now you're rich, I'll come to play every day from now on." But no one dared to respond to him.
I was filled with questions as I led Ersha and the others out, lost in thought. Once outside, Black Widow excused herself and took a taxi. Liu Bang's actions had clearly frightened her, or at least made her uncomfortable. After Black Widow left, Liu Bang asked me, "Did I do something wrong? If it were that woman surnamed Lü, she would definitely blame me for being too lenient."
I knew he was referring to Empress Lü, so I changed the subject, saying, "I heard your wife is very beautiful?"
Liu Bang nodded and said, "Not bad..."
Then we all said in unison, "She's quite attractive—"
I laughed and said, "Your sister-in-law is so alluring, why don't you like her?"