I had been downstairs for less than 10 minutes when Mulan poked her head out from the stairwell, her head covered in bubbles, and said, "Xiaoqiang, why is there no water?"
"Oh no, really?" I said as I walked upstairs, then suddenly stopped and asked Mulan, "Aren't you wearing clothes?"
Mulan peeked out; she was already dressed, though her hair was covered in foam. I breathed a sigh of relief and followed her to the bathroom. I assumed she didn't know how to use the water heater, but then I realized: damn it, the water was off!
This is a disgrace to the 21st century! They were just boasting, but they messed up at the crucial moment.
Mulan smoothed her sticky hair and said, "What should I do?"
I had no choice but to pick up the bucket and say, "Squat down, I'll rinse it for you."
Mulan squatted beside the bathtub, and while I helped her wash her hair, she said, "Do you usually need two people to take a bath together?" I wonder if the waterworks manager would resign if he heard that.
Mulan rubbed her hair as she spoke, revealing a patch of smooth, white skin on her neck. I interrupted, "Sister Hua, was it easy for you to take showers and such back in the army?"
Hua Mulan said, "Hey, when I was a soldier, I was exhausted from marching every day. I would just sneak a moment to wipe myself down in a secluded spot. Later, when I became a vanguard officer, I had my own tent, and that was a little better. Back then, all I was thinking about was fighting for my life. Who had time to care about getting dirty?"
I was taken aback. A young woman, amidst the hustle and bustle of war, not only had to fight the vicious Huns every day, but also had to be wary of her comrades discovering her gender. It's hard to be a wolf in sheep's clothing, but it's even harder to be a sheep in wolf's clothing.
Mulan looked up at me and asked, "Why aren't you falling down?"
I paused what I was doing, and quickly continued watering her hair, saying, "I'm just feeling quite emotional; we've had similar experiences—"
Hua Mulan glanced at me in surprise, then stood up abruptly: "You're a woman too?" Before I could answer, she reached out and gave my chest a hard squeeze, then murmured, "Flatter than mine, how did you wrap it up?"
I removed her hand and said dejectedly, "I'm a real man!"
"Well, how should I put it..."
I lowered my head and said, "During the elementary school talent show, there were two more boys than girls in our class, so the line couldn't be aligned. I had long hair back then, so on the day of the performance, the teacher drew red lips on my face, tied my hair in a braid, and pulled me to the girls' line. Anyway, the audience and the stage were far apart, so no one could notice."
Hua Mulan chuckled: "Then you've done a good job for the collective."
"Yes, in the end, the teacher even held a special criticism meeting for me."
"Criticize and denounce? Aren't you a minor hero?"
"...I would truly be a hero if I didn't bring girls from other schools to the restroom."
"What happened?"
“A female student from another school wanted to go to the restroom but didn’t know the way, so I acted as her guide.”
"So what? Weren't you helping someone?"
I sighed deeply, "I shouldn't have gone in there..."
Mulan, true to her military background, was rather oblivious and asked, "What are you going in for?"
“I’ve never been inside before, I was just curious.” I reminisced and said slowly, “Actually, I didn’t want to go in at first, but that female classmate from another school said she wasn’t used to being alone and insisted that I go with her.”
Mulan thought for a moment and said, "Oh right, you were dressed as a girl back then too. So how did people find out? You... you didn't pee standing up, did you?"
I clutched my hair, trying to recall the painful memory: "I didn't pee—I went in and found out there were no urinals in the women's restroom; the female teacher who did my makeup was squatting inside..."
Mulan paused for a moment, then burst into laughter. She grabbed a towel and dried her hair, patted my shoulder, and said, "I was just saying, how can a girl who looks like you get married?"
I muttered to myself, "That's because you haven't seen our steamed buns."
"What? Who's Baozi?"
I said with a bitter face, "My fiancée."
Mulan hurriedly asked, "Is it the little girl you asked to lead the way? I don't think she can marry anyone but you."
A single sentence jolted me awake. I stroked my chin, thinking: Yes, that girl was so beautiful back then, how could I have forgotten to keep in touch? — It seems ancient times were better. If a woman was touched by a man and didn't commit suicide, she had to marry him. If I were born in that era, I could stroll around the streets every day, throwing punches like crazy, and I'd probably have hundreds of wives every month.
I said with a smile, "Sister Hua, if you're saying that I saw you taking a bath, does that mean you have no choice but to marry me?"
Hua Mulan wasn't angry at all, and said humorously, "I can't get married until I get rid of my habit of going into the men's restroom." She asked me, "Are you getting married soon?"
I said seriously, "Oh right, I just wanted to tell you about this. When your wife comes back, just tell her she's my cousin, and that she came all the way from out of town to attend our wedding. She doesn't know anything about it..." I told her about Baozi's situation, and Hua Mulan nodded and said, "Okay, then you can call me 'sister' from now on."
We went downstairs, and Mulan sat cross-legged on the sofa, shaking her wet hair. I asked her, "Sister, what are your plans for this year?"
Mulan paused, then said with a touch of melancholy, "After fighting for so many years, I've almost forgotten who I am. Now, I want to be a woman." Seeing the strange look in my eyes, Mulan crossed one leg, propped her elbow on it, and, with a manly air, chuckled self-deprecatingly, "Heh, isn't that difficult?"
I quickly replied, "You're actually very pretty, definitely a beauty!"
Mulan waved her hand and said, "Tch, have you ever seen such a dark-skinned beauty like me?"
It turns out she lacked confidence in her skin tone. To be honest, her skin was a bit darker than those of urban white-collar workers, but paired with her capable and forthright military style, it revealed an extraordinary maturity and wild beauty, making her far superior to those tomboys who flaunted their individuality and complained without any real substance.
Through casual conversation, I learned that Mulan served in the army for 12 years and died of illness shortly after returning home, likely from a severe stomach ailment she contracted during the war. Essentially, she left this world just after returning from the battlefield, leaving behind only a lasting legacy of beauty and glory for the Hua family, without ever having the chance to enjoy it all. The image of her "combing her hair by the window, applying makeup before the mirror" is merely a beautiful fantasy of later poets, let alone the possibility of marriage. Therefore, Mulan had this wish: to be a woman.
The problem is, I'm not an expert at being a woman. If Li Shishi were here, she might be able to help a little; dressing up and etiquette are her strengths.
I could only comfort her by saying, "Don't worry, even if you were a man, I can still let you be a woman for once, let alone be a woman by nature."
Chapter Four: Preferring Military Uniforms to Red Dresses
Just then, Xiang Yu pushed open the door and came in. He saw someone sitting on the sofa, nodded slightly, and went upstairs.
I quickly introduced Mulan: "This is Xiang Yu, and the fat man upstairs was Qin Shi Huang."
Mulan stood up, somewhat surprised, and said, "The King of Chu?" It was clear that, as a military general, Mulan was more curious about Xiang Yu.