Because Zhang Zeduan was the last to finish painting, Wu Daozi and Yan Liben were standing beside him. After seeing his last stroke, the two said in unison, "I lost."
In Zhang Zeduan's painting, a man and a horse leisurely walk home, with two butterflies fluttering around the horse's hooves. Coupled with the poem "Returning home after treading on flowers, the horse's hooves are fragrant," one can feel the fragrance just by looking at the painting. It is truly a masterpiece!
Wu Daozi and Yan Liben admired Zhang Zeduan's painting for a long time and said, "Brother Zhang's idea is novel and the layout is ingenious. He is far superior to us."
Zhang Zeduan blushed and said, "I'm ashamed to say that this idea was actually conceived by one of my colleagues. I'm just showing it to you two brothers today."
Yan Liben said, "Even so, we are content to be able to see such paintings."
Wu Daozi took his own painting, looked at it for a while, and said to himself with a self-deprecating smile, "Mine does have the 'Returning Home on a Trip to Flowers' in it, but unfortunately it can only be described as 'Returning Home on a Trip to Flowers with Fast Hooves,' and has nothing to do with the word 'fragrance.'"
Yan Liben laid out his work, shook his head, and said, "As for my piece, it smells nice, but you can't tell it's because of the flower-treading technique. It's a failure."
Seeing his frustration, I said, "Actually, you could see it if you added just two more strokes."
"Oh?" Yan Liben's eyes lit up, and he placed the painting in front of me. "Where do you think I should add it?"
I gripped the brush like a madman, drew three wavy lines behind the horse's rump in his painting, then threw the brush down and said, "Can't you see it now?"
Yan Liben examined it from the left and right, then asked, "What is this?"
I pointed to the three wavy lines and said, "That's the fragrance."
"A visible...fragrance?"
I said, "Yes, that's surrealism."
"...Surrealism?"
"It's about representing things that are not normally visible in the form of physical objects, such as fragrance, emotions, or a head full of black lines..."
...The three masters, their faces full of black lines, crowded around to listen to my eloquent discourse. Although they didn't understand everything, they still showed some interest in the end. Yan Liben laughed and said, "Quite interesting. It seems Xiao Qiang is not simple either."
Zhang Zeduan said, "I knew it. How could the spokesperson of the Celestial Court not have real skills? If we're talking about the intention, I think Xiao Qiang is even better than us."
I'm so beautiful!
I always thought the three wavy lines I drew were surrealism, and even considered them a bridge connecting Chinese and Western cultures. Later I learned that wasn't the case. Wavy lines aren't surrealism, nor are they representative of Western painting styles, because they don't exist in classic Western oil paintings. You don't see wavy lines running across the table of food in "The Last Supper," and you don't see ovals radiating from the dignified and content Mona Lisa's head, with the largest one containing a smiling face…
Later I realized that wavy lines are only used in cartoons and comics, such as "Little Pig Hururu" and "Calabash Brothers," where it means that if you are furious, you can draw three small flames on your head...
As for Yan Liben's painting, I saw it later. Whether those three wavy lines were drawn below the horse's hooves is debatable, but they were drawn behind the horse's rump—and considering the rich expressions of the little figures in the painting, it's hard to say for sure. So much so that later, everyone who saw it said: "It's a beautiful painting, but unfortunately, earthworms have crawled on it."
Chapter Eighteen: A Fury for a Beauty
When I came out of the lecture hall, I saw Xiang Yu leading a rabbit and chatting with someone. I was furious when I saw that the person was none other than Wu Sangui!
What do you think they were talking about? They seemed quite happy. Wu Sangui was stroking the rabbit's back, while Xiang Yu was holding the reins. Both of them were beaming. When I walked over, they burst into hearty laughter again.
I asked, feigning concern, "What are you talking about?"
Xiang Yu smiled and said, "Let's talk about horses and warfare."
Wu Sangui snorted: "And women too."
I chuckled and said, "We have a lot in common. Brother Yu, wait a little longer, I'll settle this old man Wu in and then we'll leave." I planned to put Wu Sangui in Qin Hui's room; the two of them would definitely have more in common.
Xiang Yu said, "What arrangements are there? Old Wu will come back with us."
"Huh?" I was speechless (surreal). Looking at Wu Sangui, who was smiling and saying nothing, it was clear the two of them had planned this beforehand.
Xiang Yu said, "Anyway, that kid Liu Bang hasn't been back much lately, so Old Wu can sleep in his room. If all else fails, we can squeeze in."
I'm not Chen Yuanyuan, why should I squeeze in with Wu Sangui?
Seeing my predicament, the old man became even more determined to defy me and got into the carriage first. I asked Xiang Yu, "What about the rabbit?"
Xiang Yu said, "I just spoke with Xu Delong, and he will take care of Xiao Hei."
I had no choice but to start the car. Seeing that Xiang Yu was about to leave, the rabbit took off and ran after us. After running for about a mile, Xiang Yu rolled down the car window, stuck his head out, and shouted, "Go back!" Only then did the rabbit reluctantly wander back.
I said, "Well, you've raised this horse like a dog."
Wu Sangui interjected, "What's wrong with that? Night watch is often carried out by horses."
Xiang Yu nodded and said, "That's right." Then he added to me, "We chatted for a while. This old Wu used to be a military commander. He's very good at fighting. When we get back, let him have a go at it with that little girl, Hua Mulan."
I said in a very low voice, "Do you even know what kind of person he is, yet you're acting like he's your brother?"
Xiang Yu said indifferently, "Old Wu told me everything. Wasn't it just because of Chen Yuanyuan that he fell out with that farmer surnamed Li?" Xiang Yu sighed, "I envy him. If I had such an opportunity, I would be willing to do the same for Yu Ji."
I couldn't help but exclaim, "That was a war of treason!"
Wu Sangui coldly replied, "The country you're referring to is the Zhu family or the Li family? I've betrayed both!"
I'm speechless. This is the first time I've ever met a traitor so brazenly; it's completely different from someone with a middle parting and plaster on their face.
I said, "You risked your life against Li Zicheng because he took your young lover, but did you later rebel against the Qing Dynasty also for Chen Yuanyuan?" That doesn't make sense. Even if Kangxi was into older women, he wouldn't have harmed Chen Yuanyuan, who was decades older than him, would he? Unless he was into older women or older women.
Wu Sangui laughed heartily, "In this respect, I am different from Brother Xiang Yu. How can a true man be entangled with a woman? It is true that I was for Chen Yuanyuan, but that was only to prove myself. Li Zicheng is ruthless, so don't blame me for being unjust. As for my later rebellion against the Qing, it was because that little brat Xuan Ye was trying his best to weaken the power of the princes. If he had been allowed to continue like that, I would have become a fish on a chopping board sooner or later. Rather than let him drag me down with a dull knife, I would rather fight back and end up making a glorious exit."
I didn't care about anything else and yelled, "Is that what you call a glorious achievement? You're just destined to be infamous forever!"
Wu Sangui said, "That works too."
I'm completely speechless.