Dong Ping called out, "Family members, come up too, quickly."
Xiuxiu consciously stood next to Hua Rong, and Tong Yuan, feeling dizzy, followed suit. Bao Jin gave Bao Yin a deep look, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Yinzi, you go too."
Bao Yin asked in bewilderment, "You should be the one going. I'm not in their regiment."
The heroes all shouted, "Come on up, come on up! Your brother isn't even in the same regiment as us!"
Bao Yin, with his rough and ready nature, stood on the bank of the Fangzhen River without much thought. Lu Junyi, standing at the forefront, gave the order, waving his hand: "Ready—All at once!"
The heroes strained their voices like broken gongs: "The great river flows eastward—"
The audience burst into laughter; it was absolutely awful!
Cheng Fengshou and Duan Tianlang sat together. Cheng Fengshou muttered to himself, "When did they rehearse the show? How come I didn't know?"
Duan Tianlang said expressionlessly, "As long as we're not allowed to act, that's fine."
These words were overheard by Mao Sui. As soon as the heroes finished shouting, Mao Sui immediately jumped onto the stage and said, "Next, please welcome our two kung fu stars from Yucai School, Teacher Cheng and Teacher Duan, to perform. Let me make it clear beforehand that no martial arts performances are allowed."
Duan Tianlang immediately became flustered: "I don't know anything."
Everyone said, "That won't do, we all have programs."
Cheng Fengshou chuckled and said, "Can you sing? Let's sing a duet."
Duan Tianlang scratched his head and said, "I only know old songs."
"Then let's sing 'Mount Everest'."
Duan Tianlang hesitated and said, "Isn't this too high?"
Cheng Fengshou said confidently, "It's okay, we're just practicing our breath control. Can't we even sing a song?"
Duan Tianlang nodded: "Alright then."
As soon as they stepped onto the stage, they became so nervous they didn't know what to say. If you asked them to go up into the ring and defeat someone, they'd have no problem, but being pushed onto the stage like that, they couldn't help but show their timidity. The two of them stood with their hands behind their backs, their faces flushed, like two schoolchildren. Finally, Xiuxiu started them: "Who brought this ancient call? Ready, sing—"
So the two of them started singing. The first few lines were alright, but later it became obvious that one of them was off-key, it was hard to tell if it was Cheng Fengshou or Duan Tianlang—or maybe they were both off-key. Before the climax, both of them were clearly in high spirits, their faces flushed, heads held high, their voices gradually rising. But when they got to the "Mount Everest" line, the veins in their necks throbbed, and they just couldn't make a sound, like two silent range hoods. The two looked at each other, seemingly waiting for the other to save the day. They stood there awkwardly for a while, then went offstage, their faces red. Duan Tianlang, knowing he had embarrassed himself, complained, "I told you to sing 'A Little White Poplar,' but you insisted on singing it so high."
Then, without much coercion, Xiao Liu led the cooks up and sang a pop song. These slackers, of course, didn't hold back when they sang; they screamed even when they couldn't hit the high notes, it was heart-wrenching. Even Baozi, who wasn't bothered by noise, said that if they kept singing like that, they'd save 50 sheep.
At this moment, Mao Sui excitedly ran onto the stage, glanced at his watch, and shouted, "It's the time for the Spring Festival Gala to start right now, let's have some exciting performances!"
I leaned closer to Yan Jingsheng and whispered, "You didn't hire a stripper, did you?"
Yan Jingsheng: "..."
The heroes were immediately displeased and shouted, "So that was just a waste of time for us?"
Mao Sui stepped aside, and Xiu Xiu announced, "Next, please enjoy the skit 'Selling Crutches,' performed by Jing Ke, Li Shishi, and Liu Bang."
A thunderous applause erupted. Ersha and Li Shishi walked onto the stage and sat on a bench. Liu Bang rode past them on a dilapidated bicycle, wobbling precariously. Those who had seen the skit before were stunned. They were expecting Liu Bang to fool the fool, but Ersha was the real conman. Ersha sat calmly in his chair, a smile on his face. Even as Liu Bang nearly rode off the stage, Ersha remained silent. Liu Bang, bracing himself on his feet, said with a disdainful expression, "Hey, it's your turn to say your lines!"
Ersha suddenly pointed at Liu Bang and said, "Big head and thick neck, either an emperor or a cook."
Li Shimin chuckled and glanced at the other three sulking emperors. He was the only one of them of genuine noble birth; the others had indeed been cooks before becoming emperors. Coincidentally, all three of them did indeed fit the description of having large heads and thick necks…
The crowd below was already in stitches, and Li Shishi, caught up in Ersha's antics, had forgotten her lines and was leaning on his shoulder, laughing incessantly. Liu Bang got out of the carriage and shouted to the crowd, "Let me play the master swindler, what do you think?"
The audience shouted in unison, "No way, this is what you call cross-dressing!"
To be honest, I hadn't even seen them rehearse this skit. Even if you asked Ersha (a character known for his idiocy) to memorize it, he probably wouldn't be able to recite the entire line, let alone play such a conman. The whole skit was completed while he was rambling incoherently, and everyone was laughing so hard they were doubled over. Liu Bang tried to say his lines several times but was always interrupted, which made him so angry his nose and eyes crooked. Finally, he slung his crutch over his arm and was about to ride off on his bicycle when everyone shouted, "Leave the bicycle!"
Ersha: "What do you want, a bicycle?"
Liu Bang retorted angrily, "You got that line right."
...
Next up was a street dance performance by 300, which was basically just a more aesthetically pleasing take on martial arts moves. However, the sight of 300 all doing a Thomas Flair together was truly breathtaking; it could easily be shown at the Olympic opening ceremony. Baozi also got to see the spectacle of someone spinning around with their head on the ground.
After the program ended, I suddenly received a call. Qin Shihuang, who was at the excavation site in Xianyang, wanted to send us a New Year's greeting via video. Li Shishi quickly placed her laptop with Wi-Fi in front of her, and soon the video call with Qin Shihuang was connected. Behind him was a large venue, and the people around him were still rushing about, seemingly busy even during the New Year. As they passed by Qin Shihuang, they all respectfully addressed him as "Engineer Ying." We had been eagerly hoping that Fatty could come over for the New Year, but the Qinling No. 2 project was at its most crucial stage, and Qin Shihuang ultimately couldn't return.
A cacophony of shouts erupted: "Happy New Year, Brother Ying!" "May Your Majesty the First Emperor have a prosperous New Year!" Several emperors stood up, and Qin Shi Huang craned his neck to look at the roasted lamb leg in our hands, asking, "What are you eating?"
I held up the lamb leg in my hand: "Who told you not to come back?" Just then, I saw a life-sized Mary Brother wearing a "P" hat on the huge screen behind Qin Shi Huang. Apparently, while everyone else was busy, Fatty was playing games on the video wall. I said, "Brother Ying, you can't slack off!" Well, those bullets were as big as footballs! That was awesome!
Qin Shi Huang glanced back and said, "Oh, so you only get to play for half an hour each day? Are you all doing well?"
Baozi Liu Bang and Li Shishi came over to greet him. An engineer wearing a hard hat walked up to Qin Shi Huang and said, "Engineer Ying, the third wall has been exposed."
Qin Shi Huang glanced at us and said, "Alright, that's good. I'll go back in a few days."
In the chaos, the fat man didn't even notice that Xiang Yu wasn't around. I haven't told him about this yet.
At this moment, the bonfire was blazing, the aroma of wine and meat filled the air, and everyone was in high spirits. Mao Sui, who had already been dragged along and given a good drink by the heroes, was now back on stage with Xiu Xiu. If Xiu Xiu hadn't been supporting him, he probably would have already run away. Mao Sui held a leg of lamb in one hand and a microphone in the other. He put the lamb leg to his mouth and said, "Next, please enjoy a solo performance on the yaoqin, 'Friends,' performed by Yu Boya." As he walked off the stage, he took two bites of the microphone in his other hand…
While everyone laughed, they were also puzzled: Weren't they not allowed to do their old professions? Why is Yu Boya still playing the zither?
A zither table had already been set up on the stage, with a microphone next to the zither. Yu Boya gracefully walked up, bowed to the crowd, and sat down at the zither. As the familiar melody began, Yu Boya suddenly leaned close to the microphone and roared, "Friends, friends, have you thought of me? If you are enjoying happiness, please forget me..."
This is absolutely a cross-dressing act! Someone who plays instruments is now playing vocal music, and in a popular way at that. It's no different from Chopin singing "Mice Love Rice".
As Yu Boya finished singing and was about to leave, Li Bai stood up and said, "Old Yu, play your old piece 'High Mountains and Flowing Water' for us again." Yan Zhenqing, Liu Gongquan, and the others immediately agreed. With Zhong Ziqi's death, this piece had become a lost art, and which of these art lovers wouldn't want to take this opportunity to hear it again?
Yu Boya apologized, saying, "A true friend is hard to find, and I have vowed never to play this piece again."
Li Bai asked, "How do you know there aren't any kindred spirits among those present?" The group once again strongly echoed his sentiment.