The squad leader, leading a dozen or so remaining soldiers, fled in disarray. He ran to the general, wiping his sweat, and said, "General, the monster's hide is very tough, and there's a demon inside its belly. What do we do?"
The general said with a focused expression, "Protecting the king's safety is of utmost importance. Whoever has a way to drive away the monster, I will definitely report to the king and reward them handsomely."
The group of soldiers surrounding him immediately started chattering, saying things like, "Burn it with fire, General!" "Flood it with water! This monster is invulnerable to swords and spears, it must be afraid of water!" "I heard from my elders that to deal with monsters, you have to splash them with dog's blood!" "Pour it with manure, I don't believe it's not afraid!"...
What kind of people does that fat guy Ying have working for? I need to hurry up and get out of here. I'm not afraid of anything else, but if they really poured manure on my car, who could stand that yellowish, stinky stuff?
Then someone else said, "I think this monster is really powerful. Let's not provoke it. It doesn't seem to want to stay any longer. Why don't we open the city gate and let it go?"
Finally, they'd met someone who understood. The general thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, let's do it this way. Men, open the city gates." He then tried to justify himself, saying, "We're letting it go not because we're afraid of it, but because it might be an auspicious beast."
The crowd around: "That's right, that's right."
So the city gates slowly opened again, and Qin Shi Huang's henchmen made way, eagerly waiting for me to leave. I was quite anxious too; Liu Laoliu's old trick of using divine wind was completely useless, and the machine still wouldn't start. As I tried to start the fire, I looked outside, and the people outside stood at a distance watching me. We just stared at each other, wide-eyed, and the atmosphere became tense.
Finally, having no other choice, I had to give up and waved to the people outside again. The captain, Jia Chou, was bold and stepped forward a few paces, saying to the general, "That monster seems to have something to say to us."
I cracked the car window open a crack and shouted, "I'm not a monster."
The captain exclaimed in surprise, "You can speak human language? Then what are you?"
"...I am a human being, I want to see Ying...I want to see your king."
The captain turned around and said, "General, he says he wants to see the King."
The general readily agreed.
I was overjoyed and was about to get out of the car when I heard the general say resolutely, fiercely, and unwaveringly, "Unless he steps over our corpses to get in!"
Damn it, thank goodness you told the truth early, or I would have really been tricked into leaving. I quickly closed the car door. Looking at the vast expanse of lifelike terracotta warriors, I was forced to think of something and blurted out, "I'm here to deliver the elixir of immortality to your king—"
Chapter Ninety: Single Love Song
To be honest, Qin Shi Huang's guards left a good impression on me. Throughout the encounter with the "monsters," they showed hesitation and fear, but never considered running away, demonstrating their high level of loyalty to the emperor. Of course, in terms of military strength, the Qin army was not only the strongest among the seven states, but also at its zenith during the entire Qin Dynasty.
When I finished shouting my last words, the Qin soldiers looked at each other in bewilderment. The general muttered to himself, "An elixir of immortality?"
I asked in surprise, "Didn't your king tell you about going to find the elixir of immortality?" Everyone shook their heads.
I immediately realized that Qin Shi Huang hadn't yet unified the seven kingdoms, and it wasn't time for him to indulge in extravagance and seek remedies. While Qin was stronger during the Warring States period, the final outcome was uncertain, and it could very well be annexed by another state. If that happened, becoming a perpetually exiled king after taking the remedy wouldn't be particularly interesting.
The general shouted, "Who exactly are you?"
I rolled the window down a little more and said obsequiously, "As the duty manager, you should have this kind of insight. Can't you tell that I'm actually a cultivator?"
Someone whispered to the general, "Should we report this to the king?"
Suddenly, a group of people, all dressed as civil officials, rushed out of the main hall and asked in unison, "Your Majesty asks what is causing this commotion outside?"
The incident happened suddenly; I had only been there for a dozen minutes. In the rush, Qin Shi Huang's guards had not yet reported the situation back, so Qin Shi Huang sent someone to inquire.
Those people were probably of high status. The general in charge of the guards said politely, "Doctors, you've all come? This... this thing, whether human or demon, said it wanted to present His Majesty with an elixir of immortality. We dare not let it in rashly."
Several elderly civil officials glanced at me sitting in the carriage, then stepped back to a safe distance, asking in astonishment, "I wonder if it's human or demon... Is it a human-demon?" As they spoke, they pulled their guards to shield them, all filled with doubt and uncertainty. Only one person stepped forward, cautiously approaching me, his eyes full of curiosity. The general behind him called out, "Li Keqing, be careful! This monster is impervious to swords and spears; it's truly formidable."
This Li Keqing was probably close to forty, thin, with shifty eyes—the kind of retainer from the Warring States period who made a living through eloquence and a spirit of adventure. He stopped about five steps away from me, warily asking, "Who are you? What are you trying to do by barging into the Qin palace?"
"My name is Xiao Qiang, and I am here to deliver the divine medicine to the King."
Li Keqing scrutinized me carefully for a few moments, his wariness undiminished, and asked, "In that case, to show your sincerity, are you willing to come out of that monster?"
This has stumped me. Staying in the car at least offers some safety, but once I'm out, they can do whatever they want with me. But staying in the car isn't a solution either. All I can say is, "Can you guarantee you won't hurt me?"
Seeing that I seemed to have no ill intentions, the general in charge called out, "Come out and talk. If you don't barge in, we won't kill you."
After much deliberation, I gritted my teeth and actually climbed out of the car as he instructed. As soon as I was out, I put the bag of bricks on the ground and raised my hands high—being a god isn't just about long-distance driving; sometimes you have to take a gamble. I thought it through. Even if they developed nuclear weapons on the spot, they wouldn't be able to do anything to me. The problem was, they wouldn't be stupid enough to actually research nuclear weapons. If they surrounded me for three days, I'd be finished. I wasn't afraid of dying of thirst or starvation, but finding Fatty Ying again would be almost impossible.
After getting out, I cleverly kicked the car door shut from the outside. A guard shouted, "Behave yourself!" I instinctively covered my head and took two steps to the side. Immediately, someone kicked a brick away and yelled, "Get down!" At the same time, several guards pushed me to the ground. I shouted, "I really came to deliver medicine—" The guards: "Enough nonsense! (CCTV-6 is airing 'See You Later' again today!)!"
The guards reported, "General, he really has no weapons on him." Another guard said, "But there are quite a few strange things." He then proceeded to examine the numerous items they had taken from me, such as my cell phone, cigarette case, and lighter. Suddenly, I cried out and jumped up. It turned out he had accidentally turned on my cell phone screen, causing the guard to drop it. Luckily, I was lying right in front of him, and I quickly caught it, scolding, "Be careful! Can you afford to pay for it if you break it?"
The general in charge gestured to the guards to take my phone away again, saying, "We can't return these things to you for the time being..." I shouted at the guard, "Don't press it! Don't press it!"
With a click, the unlucky kid lit the lighter again. Luckily, he was prepared this time and quickly caught it just before it slipped from his hand.
Seeing that I was no longer a threat, Li Keqing said to the guards who were holding me down, "Let him get up and speak." Then he asked me, "Where is the elixir of immortality you spoke of?"
I opened my palm, unfolding the three alluring grass leaves I had been desperately protecting. Everyone around me involuntarily took a step forward, but seeing that they were just three ordinary grass leaves, their disappointment was palpable. Even the guards didn't bother to grab them anymore and scattered.
Li Keqing was closest to me. He couldn't help but sniff the scent of the Temptation Herb and reached out to take it. I pulled my hand back and said, "This medicine is for the King. No one but the King is qualified to touch it."
The old men who had been hiding behind the guards exchanged glances and suddenly shouted in unison, "Bullshit! What if you're holding poison?"
I was stunned for a moment, then I could only laugh a few times like those virtuous and chaste men, and said, "If it's poison... then even if I poison your king, I'll only have one way out: death. Do you think I'd be that stupid?" The ministers said, "Hmm, that makes sense."
An old man behind the guard said, "Bullshit! You think you can trade your worthless life for our king's? You wish!" A group of ministers said, "Hmm. That makes sense."
I yelled in frustration, "Then what do you suggest we do?"
Li Keqing took a step forward and said firmly, "I will test the medicine for Your Majesty."
I clutched the Temptation Herb to my chest and said, "No. This medicine is very precious. Every piece we eat is one less. What will happen to your king if you eat it?" To be honest, I had no intention of giving this to an outsider—besides, although the Temptation Herb isn't poisonous, I really don't know what kind of person ate it in their past life, or what kind of trouble it would bring me.
Li Keqing turned and looked towards the royal court. His thoughts had likely already been relayed to Qin Shi Huang. A short while later, a eunuch's shrill voice rang out: "His Majesty has decreed that Li Keqing is permitted to test the medicine. His Majesty has said that Li Keqing's loyalty is beyond question; if he survives the test, he will be immediately promoted to Grand Master, and his previous memorial, the 'Edict to Expel Foreign Guests,' will be approved, ceasing the expulsion of retainers from various states."
Li Keqing prostrated himself on the ground and said loudly, "Li Si thanks Your Majesty."