"Go ahead and tell me."
Liu Bang murmured, "To be honest, it's not a big deal—I heard that quite a few people saw me naked when I went to the general's tent to ask for an audience in Julu, but I'm too dull to remember anything like that..."
Xiang Yu and I exchanged a glance, and Xiang Yu, suppressing a laugh, said, "That's nonsense. It must be some bored person making things up." I was so embarrassed that my face turned red. This blame had indeed fallen on Liu Bang. If I had known, I wouldn't have even worn a blanket; I would have let him lose face completely.
Upon hearing Xiang Yu's words, Liu Bang breathed a sigh of relief and said, "That's good. If that were the case, it would be too offensive."
Xiang Yu couldn't hold back and finally let out a smile. Liu Bang, observing Xiang Yu's good mood, suddenly straightened up from his half-kneeling position and said in a trembling voice, "General, spare my life."
Xiang Yu asked, "What are you doing?"
Liu Bang, with a mournful face, said, "I heard that the general is furious when he heard that I entered Xianyang first and wants to reward the three armies to punish Liu Ji. The general and I have fought against Qin together since our early years and were fortunate enough to become sworn brothers. Why did this happen today?"
Xiang Yu asked, "Some people say you want to occupy Guanzhong and establish yourself as king. Is that true?"
Liu Bang forcefully waved his hand and said, "Which villain is spreading rumors and causing trouble? We started our uprising together back then, and now I'm lucky enough to have entered Guanzhong first. How could I be so presumptuous as to overestimate myself? Besides, how could I possibly forget the general's support?"
Xiang Yu asked, "Then why did you send people to guard the pass?"
Liu Bang said aggrievedly, "General, you have wronged me. In this day and age, tigers, leopards, wolves and jackals roam the world. If we do not defend the pass, how can we guarantee that they will not harbor any improper intentions and will swarm us? My death is not a pity, but my sincere intention to send you a generous gift will be completely wasted. General, I am guarding Xianyang for you, waiting for you to come and take it."
Xiang Yu chuckled. His words were nothing more than lines from a script, so it was hard to say whether he believed them or not. He raised his cup and waved it at Liu Bang: "Drink."
Liu Bang let out a long sigh, carefully wiping the sweat from his brow as he offered Xiang Yu a cup. This greatly worried Fan Zeng, who was standing nearby. He knew Xiang Yu's temperament; battlefield intrigues might not fool the seemingly rough and tough overlord, but in political maneuvering, he was undoubtedly an idiot. After Liu Bang uttered a few conciliatory words, Fan Zeng, fearing Xiang Yu would waver, quickly interrupted, "Your Majesty, with such a distinguished guest, why not have someone dance to entertain them?"
Xiang Yu remained silent, which meant he agreed. Fan Zeng, his face beaming with joy, clapped his hands and shouted, "Men, perform a sword dance for Liu Bang and the King to accompany the wine!"
Before the words were even finished, Ersha bounced in from outside, clearly impatient from waiting. His eyes darted around, his tongue licking his lips excitedly. He scanned the room and immediately spotted Liu Bang. Then Ersha winked at Liu Bang. Liu Bang, bewildered, could only manage a forced smile.
But the next moment, Ersha drew his sword and swiftly stabbed it into Liu Bang's cheek. The cold wind made the hairs on Bangzi's face flutter. Bangzi cried out in fright and involuntarily sat down on the ground.
Not only him, but even Xiang Yu and I were a bit surprised. Normally, when you're practicing swordsmanship, you should at least approach slowly from a distance, not just start slashing right away.
But Ersha didn't care. He was just trying to scare Liu Bang, so he kept slashing with his sword, each strike landing three inches from Liu Bang's head and chest. Not to mention Liu Bang, even Xiang Yu and I were terrified.
At this moment, Zhang Liang was naturally the most anxious. My old in-law gasped in shock and immediately turned his gaze to Xiang Bo across from him. From the way Zhang Liang was flirting with him, it was clear that the old man had definitely conspired with Liu Bang yesterday.
At this juncture, I also really hoped the old man could step in and hold them off for a while. This silly guy gesturing at Bangzi's head like he's trimming bushes isn't a good look; it can't go on forever. But then I looked at Xiang Bo. At first, he intentionally avoided Zhang Liang's gaze, and finally, he simply shrugged at Zhang Liang, indicating his helplessness. I quickly realized what was going on: the old man wasn't stupid; he was afraid of becoming a scapegoat!
Because in the original version, it was Xiang Zhuang who was wielding the sword. You see, Xiang Yu, Xiang Zhuang, and Xiang Bo all share the surname Xiang. Biologically speaking, Xiang Bo is Xiang Yu's uncle, which means he's also Xiang Zhuang's uncle. Old Man Xiang understood that Xiang Zhuang wouldn't dare to truly harm him. But this time, it was that clueless fool, who knew if his hands were clumsy? Even if they weren't, he might not take him seriously. If that sword struck, and Old Man Xiang got his nose and eyes pierced, there would be no reasoning with him. So the old man remained unmoved, finally glancing towards the northwest corner and whistling to himself. He was definitely not going to help.
Liu Bang dodged for a while like a roly-poly toy, but finally couldn't hold on any longer. He said in a trembling voice to Ersha, "Brave warrior, your swordsmanship is excellent. Would I...would you have the honor of inviting the brave warrior for a drink?"
Ersha's expression was cold and stern, showing no sign of stopping. He was undoubtedly a powerhouse in both acting and swordsmanship. If I were him, even if I were careful, I would probably have already pierced several holes in Liu Bang.
Zhang Liang was so anxious his veins were bulging; he looked ready to fight to the death, completely lacking the composure and wit he displayed last time. This wasn't entirely his fault; the situation was sudden, and anyone would panic in his shoes. Besides, last time there was Old Xiang to smooth things over. Seeing my in-laws about to become Ersha's victims, I reached out and tugged at his clothes, whispering, "Don't you have Fan Kuai?"
Zhang Liang, after all, was a man who had weathered many storms. After hearing what I said, he didn't care about anything else and ran out.
Ersha drew a figure eight with his sword, turned to look at me, as if asking what to do next. I quickly gave him a look to be careful. Just then, there was a commotion outside the hall. A hairy man with a long sword on his face and arms, carrying a shield on his shoulder, knocked down the guards and rushed in. He was shocked by the situation, raised his sword to parry Ersha, and glared angrily at Xiang Yu.
Xiang Yu said calmly, "Who goes there?"
Zhang Liang then entered and said, "This is Fan Kuai, a guard of Liu Bang. I found it rather boring for this strong man to dance with his sword alone, so I had Fan Kuai accompany him."
Xiang Yu glanced at Fan Kuai and said, "Hmm, a loyal servant. Give him a cup of wine."
Someone brought him a cup of wine, which Fan Kuai downed in one gulp. After gathering his emotions, he began to speak eloquently: "I..."
Xiang Yu interjected, "Alright, you've seen enough swords, all of you may leave."
Fan Kuai was stunned: "This..."
Xiang Yu waved his hand, and immediately someone stepped forward to lead Jing Ke and Fan Kuai out. As Fan Kuai walked out, he kept looking back, as if he still had a lot to say…
Not only was he not allowed to speak, but I remember Xiang Yu also forfeited the piece of raw meat that was originally intended to reward Fan Kuai. Speaking of Fan Kuai, he wasn't as rough as he appeared. His powerful and eloquent speech in the original version stole the show; it seemed he had prepared his remarks from the moment Zhang Liang approached him, building up his emotions and preparing for his speech. Unfortunately, this valiant warrior, the most outstanding at this meal, was dismissed by Xiang Yu with just a few words. Not only did he miss out on a piece of meat, but he also left this banquet, where he had once made a name for himself, filled with melancholy and resentment…
Chapter 135 Toilet Chronicles
After Fan Kuai and Er Sha left, the banquet returned to calm. Liu Bang wiped his sweat and said awkwardly, "Ji, I was impolite."
After Zhang Liang sat down again, he didn't outwardly express any gratitude, but he quietly tugged at my sleeve. I understood that this gesture carried a deeper meaning, containing both thanks and a private inquiry. I didn't say anything more, just kept drinking.
Seeing the assassination plot fail, Fan Zeng tapped the table lightly and glanced at Xiang Yu several times. Xiang Yu ignored him, instead chatting with Liu Bang about past battles. When they found common ground, they both laughed heartily. However, Liu Bang was now trying to curry favor with Xiang Yu, while Xiang Yu's laughter was somewhat genuine. I knew that Xiang Yu harbored feelings for Liu Bang. Their enmity stemmed from their struggle for power; Yu Ji's death was purely accidental, and Liu Bang hadn't personally done anything excessive to Xiang Yu. When they first came to my place, things didn't go smoothly, but as Xiang Yu pursued Zhang Bing, Liu Bang constantly offered him advice, and their animosity faded considerably. Besides, in my unfamiliar territory, Liu Bang was the only contemporary he knew; they had fought together against others and clashed with each other, so they had plenty to talk about.
Later, although Xiang Yu still missed Yu Ji, he had actually let go of his hatred for Liu Bang. The two, who used to bicker and sulk, had unknowingly become close friends. In the end, when they parted, the person they cared about most was probably their nemesis from a past life.
So when Xiang Yu met Liu Bang this time, he couldn't act arrogantly at all. It was clear he was starting to enjoy chatting with Liu Bang. Seeing this, I wanted to take the opportunity to get him to recall Liu Bang. I kept winking and gesturing at him, making small movements to attract his attention. Before I could get Xiang Yu's attention, I alerted the person next to me, Zhang Liang, who asked with concern, "Brother Xiao Qiang, are you feeling unwell?"
Hearing this, Xiang Yu glanced over, and our eyes met. I blinked frantically. Xiang Yu understood what I meant, of course. His hand instinctively gripped the pill in his sleeve, and after hesitating for a while, he finally shook his head slightly at me.
I slapped my thigh and exclaimed, "This damned hero complex!"
Seeing Liu Bei and Xiang Yu getting along so well, Fan Zeng became very anxious. He had always been a staunch advocate of eliminating Liu Bei, and now that this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity was about to be missed, he couldn't sit still any longer and kept giving Xiang Yu meaningful glances—this meal was truly a meal filled with frantic eye contact.
Xiang Yu seemed oblivious, engrossed in chatting with Liu Bang. Old Fan, frantic with worry, scratched his head and instinctively took off the jade pendant from his waist and held it in his hand. I was also looking for something to distract Xiang Yu; in this place where eye contact was ineffective, I could only use an upgrade tool to attract attention. If I could give Liu Bang the medicine now, how much trouble would I save later?
But I only had a set of car keys in my pocket...
I turned my head and saw the jade pendant in Fan Zeng's hand. The old man tried to raise it several times, but then remembered Xiang Yu's prior words and didn't dare. Instead, he twisted the ribbon on the jade pendant around on his fingers. I leaned over and said, "Are you going to use it or not? If not, I'll lend it to you."
Fan Zeng remained silent, mechanically handing over the jade pendant. I took it, and seeing Xiang Yu's gaze sweep over me, I quickly raised it high. Xiang Yu glared at me, then turned his head away again. I sighed, and could only tap the jade pendant lightly on the table, waiting for another opportunity. A moment later, when Xiang Yu turned his head again, I held the jade pendant in front of me once more. Xiang Yu glared at me, still without reacting. When I raised the jade pendant for the third time, Xiang Yu snorted with considerable dissatisfaction.
Liu Bang was startled, thinking he might have unintentionally offended Xiang Yu with something he said. Both men had already drunk quite a bit, and it was inevitable that they might have said something inappropriate while intoxicated. Liu Bang cautiously asked, "General?"
Xiang Yu waved his hand dismissively, his face showing displeasure: "It's none of your business, let's continue drinking."
I knew that once Xiang Yu became stubborn, not even nine oxen could pull him back, so I had no choice but to return the jade pendant to Fan Zeng. Fan Zeng remained silent, lost in thought. If I used mind-reading on him, the old man's mind was filled with thoughts of swords and spears; it seemed he was still plotting to kill Liu Bang.