Jin Wuzhu wiped his sweat and said to me, "Then the Tang army you're talking about must be the Li family's army?"
"That's right, those guys who block your door every day demanding weapons are the eighteen heroes of the Sui and Tang dynasties."
"...No wonder they're so formidable! What's wrong with the Song army? The Song army we fought against was utterly useless."
"Those were the troops sent by Emperor Huizong of Song to avenge his grandson. In this respect, you are not as good as Emperor Huizong of Song. Your Wan (Yan) family has only two generations from father to son, and your family background is not good."
Jin Wuzhu sighed deeply and said, "Just explain it to me clearly all at once. What's the deal with the Yuan army and the Ming army?"
I hesitated for a moment and said, "I shouldn't really tell you much about this. The Yuan army is that group of ragged but exceptionally brave men to your north, also known as the Mongols. They will eventually wipe out all the armies of your Jin Dynasty, including the Western Xia and Southern Song, and establish a great unified country, which is the Yuan Dynasty. As for the Ming Dynasty, you don't need to know too much about it. The garbage flying into your area every day is all thanks to their cannons."
Jin Wuzhu, his face ashen, said, "The Yuan army will annihilate us? How many years has our Great Jin Dynasty lasted?"
I never thought my knowledge of history would give me the chance to educate others. I casually said, "It wasn't for many years. Anyway, in history books, you only left place names because you bullied Emperor Huizong of Song. Besides, you didn't conquer the entire Song Dynasty. There was still half of the land in the south."
Jin Wuzhu chuckled bitterly: "What's the point of a lifetime of toil? Since we'll be driven back to Liaodong sooner or later, what's the point of all this?"
I said, "You can't be so pessimistic. If everyone thought like you, even if no one beats you up, you'd still die in the end anyway. How would society progress then?"
By now, Jin Wuzhu's mind was completely at peace, a calm tinged with despair and profound enlightenment. If Xuanzang were to give him another push, he could instantly attain Buddhahood. He straightened his armor and weakly said, "My mind is made up. I will return to Liaodong to hunt and gather ginseng, and never set foot in the Central Plains again."
I said impatiently, "Damn it, did I just waste my breath talking? I've been rambling on for so long just to get you to stay."
Jin Wuzhu asked me in a trembling voice, "Why is that?"
I stood up and paced back and forth on the ground, gesturing wildly as I said, "Because history is history. It's like a sugarcane, with a beginning and an end, and you're supposed to stay in the Northern Song Dynasty for a few years. If you leave, it's like cutting the sugarcane in half, and then we're all doomed."
Jin Wuzhu said angrily, "I understand. You want to use our Great Jin as a stepping stone, but we won't do it!"
I pointed my finger at him and said, "How can you be so selfish? Throughout history, who wasn't a stepping stone for the changing of dynasties?"
Jin Wuzhu shook his head like a cunning middleman selling cabbages, saying, "No, no, I'm not doing it."
What the hell is going on? Before, they were eager to seize other people's territories, but now they're not even doing it on a mobilization basis. Those in the know understand that I'm letting them take over the Central Plains, but those who don't might think I'm forcing women into prostitution.
I pleaded, "Let's talk this out, just don't leave."
Jin Wuzhu coldly replied, "What if I refuse?"
I couldn't hold back any longer and shouted, "We have to do it whether we like it or not! The Ming army's cannons are powerful, right? Let me tell you, there are thousands or tens of thousands of times more powerful ones. In our dynasty, if I threw a thing this big (gesturing with my arm) at you, all 800,000 of you would be wiped out, you believe me? Have you ever heard of nuclear weapons or atomic bombs?"
Jin Wuzhu paused for a moment, then crossed his legs and sneered, "I believe everything you say. But you also said you'd be finished without us. Come on, throw something this big over here and kill us all, let's see what you do then?"
"Oh—" I looked at Jin Wuzhu in surprise and chuckled, "I didn't expect to run into a scoundrel today!"
Jin Wuzhu swayed his leg triumphantly, smiling without saying a word.
Tong Yuan muttered, "What a character!"
My eyes lit up with a sudden idea. I grabbed Tong Yuan and pulled Jin Wuzhu aside, saying, "Don't get cocky, kid. See this girl? Strictly speaking, she's also a Jurchen. My book says the Jurchens destroyed the Northern Song Dynasty, but it didn't say how many there were. If you act recklessly again, I'll really kill all your people and let this girl take the place of Emperor Huizong. We'll still be able to live as long as she's the only Jurchen left!"
Upon hearing this, Jin Wuzhu sat up straight as if burned by a cigarette butt, and said with a mixture of anger and helplessness, "How can there be such a despicable person as you in this world?"
I laughed and said, "Just based on that statement, you and Emperor Huizong must have a lot in common." Emperor Huizong had also made the same assessment of me.
Seeing that Jin Wuzhu had softened, I patted his shoulder and said gently, "Don't be like that. It's not like I'm asking you to be a prostitute. Besides, you still owe me a favor, have you forgotten?"
Jin Wuzhu asked, "What favor do I owe you?"
I pointed at his nose and said, "How many times did you call my wife 'ugly monster'?"
Jin Wuzhu immediately deflated, and said weakly, "Then what do you want?"
I said, "Emperor Huizong of Song is in Taiyuan City. Tomorrow, representatives from all three parties will enter the city and hold a ceremony. The northern part of the Song Dynasty will then belong to you. After that, you can take Emperor Huizong and his son for a stroll around your Five Kingdoms City, and we'll consider this matter settled."
Jin Wuzhu lowered his head and said, "What's left? Are we just waiting for the Mongols to come and attack us?"
I smiled and said, "You're so stubborn. Why bother fighting? When the Mongols come, you'll just leave. Let's all part ways amicably, that's what a harmonious society is all about."
Jin Wuzhu sighed and said, "This is the only way."
I patted him on the shoulder with my two hands draped over my shoulder, and then said in a wise old-fashioned tone, "Don't be like that, young man. Tragedy is more moving. Don't you want to be a hero? Your people will always remember your kindness."
Jin Wuzhu murmured, "I would prefer that others be remembered."
I chuckled and said, "Alright, we're off then. You can send someone to my place later to collect a night's worth of relief food. Let's turn hostility into friendship."
Jin Wuzhu led us blankly to the tent. We had just mounted our horses when he suddenly grabbed my reins, as if he couldn't understand something crucial, and said, "Wait a minute, if that's the case, why did you gather millions of men to surround me? You should have left me alone; I've already taken down that brat Zhao Ji, haven't I?"
I was confused for a moment before I shouted, "Who gave you permission to grab my wife and my cousin and not let go?"
Jin Wuzhu's expression was as if he had been struck by hundreds of thousands of volts of electricity. He first stiffened, then went limp, and then muttered to himself in frustration, "I was so stupid, really. I never imagined that this war would actually be just for those two women."
I said, "No, that's not true. Wouldn't this save a lot of lives?"
With snot and tears streaming down his face, Jin Wuzhu cried out, "But I didn't lose any of my life!"
I chuckled and said, "There are always deaths in war. See you tomorrow!"
When we returned to the Allied camp, it was a scene of jubilation. The soldiers, knowing their efforts had yielded a partial victory, were greatly encouraged. Baozi, surrounded by the Liangshan heroes, was excitedly recounting her experiences and insights from the past two weeks of captivity. She even said she had tried to dig a tunnel to escape, placing a table at the entrance and spreading the excavated soil evenly outside during her daily exercise time. Unfortunately, she gave up after digging less than two centimeters, explaining that her belly would grow larger and larger, and in a few months the tunnel would be unusable…
I squeezed in and said, "Don't embarrass yourself. Even if your waist is as thin as an ant, do you think anyone can just dig that hole?" It's several miles from where she and Li Shishi lived all the way to the Allied territory. If she really succeeds, we might as well let her dig the subway for our city from now on. I then asked, "Where's Shishi?"
Baozi pointed ambiguously to a tent and said, "They're confessing their feelings to each other right now."
I went over and listened intently at the door. There was nothing unusual inside, so I went in. Sure enough, there were two people embracing, laughing and crying. Jin Shaoyan was holding a knife, carefully cutting pieces of cowhide off Li Shishi's clothes. They stopped when they saw me. I quickly said, "You two go ahead, I'll stand guard. Shaoyan, if you're still interested after you've finished skinning the cowhide, don't use the knife on the clothes underneath. Our allied forces don't have women's clothing." Li Shishi gave a coy spit.
That night, the allied forces lit bonfires for the umpteenth time, holding an unprecedented celebration. Jin Wuzhu sent a small, timid detachment to collect relief from us. Everyone agreed that since reconciliation had been reached, we should provide enough rations for 800,000 people for a day. I insisted on giving only enough for 300,000, explaining, "Until it's completely over, we can't let that damned Jin Wuzhu be well-fed and strong!" Everyone laughed, "Xiao Qiang is too wicked."