Путешествие безумки по династии Сун

Глава 3

Deal with the palace maid first, then use hypnosis? That won't work either. I have no equipment, no facilities, and no superpowers. How can I kill one instantly without alerting the people around her?

Leng Jie began to miss her exquisite pen-shaped tranquilizer gun, those high-efficiency chemical sprays, those incredibly powerful and sophisticated weapons, those advanced equipment that allowed her to scale walls, hang from rooftops, and cling to walls. But now, she could only dream about them. Here, she had nothing but this fool's body and her immortal soul.

In a modern society that champions materialism, Leng Jie could easily scare away a large number of people who don't believe in ghosts and spirits if she wanted to pretend to be a god or a ghost. Unexpectedly, in this superstitious feudal society, she found herself completely at a loss. Leng Jie frowned, clenched her fists, and symbolically swung them at her own face.

Leng Jie tried hard to calm her slightly agitated thoughts, and mentally reviewed all the choices and decisions she had made since coming to this world. She concluded that she hadn't made any wrong choices, and if she could do it all over again, she would still do the same.

However, she realized she had missed an opportunity to acquire more advantageous tools for herself. Leng Jie suddenly regretted not asking the handsome imperial physician for some silver needles or poison while she was in the imperial pharmacy! If she had a silver needle in hand now, with her unerring marksmanship and the current distance, accurately shooting a needle laced with a bewitching drug into the girl would be no difficult task.

While it's true that an excellent agent needs to be adaptable and resourceful, the current situation and surrounding environment reminded Leng Jie of a proverb—even a skilled cook can't make a meal without rice!

After analyzing the situation, Leng Jie's lips drooped slightly, her eyelids slowly narrowed into slits, her gaze grew increasingly dark, and her hands frantically searched her body. Suddenly, Leng Jie's eyes lit up, her gaze flashed, her eyelashes blinked, and the corners of her mouth turned up, clearly indicating that a plan had come to her.

Immediately, Leng Jie crossed her fists, turned, and bowed towards the sky. In her heart, she prayed, "Heaven help us, that the Emperor and the Consort will always adhere to ancient etiquette and not become too familiar with each other, unlike modern premarital couples who are so intimately acquainted. I also hope that the Emperor has never seriously considered the physical characteristics of his legitimate wife, the Foolish Empress!" After saying this, she touched her forehead and both sides of her chest with her right hand. She also inquired of the Western God for help.

[Main Text: Chapter Nine: A Sleepless Night (Part Two)]

Xuanyuan Yunlu ignored the palace servants kneeling in greeting in the courtyard, rushing forward. His wide robes whipped up the fallen leaves and branches that the servants had just gathered along the palace path, making his path resemble a scene swept by a whirlwind. Yet, he was completely unaware of his surroundings, heading straight for the Imperial Concubine's palace with a face full of excitement.

The palace maids and eunuchs kneeling on the ground had never seen the Emperor like this before! In their minds, the Emperor, as noble as a god, always wore a face of unparalleled beauty with only one expression: cold and indifferent. Even before the Empress Dowager, he remained the same. But now, he had changed for the new Consort. Judging from his excited and eager appearance, it was clear how much the Consort held in the Emperor's heart. Each of them couldn't help but secretly rejoice, feeling as if their bright future was already within reach, being able to serve such a favored master.

The six gatekeepers at the entrance to the Imperial Concubine's palace had already knelt on the ground the moment the Emperor stepped into the West Palace, loudly shouting "Long live the Emperor!" to inform the Imperial Concubine inside.

The "new concubine," who was wolfing down a chicken leg inside, was startled by the sudden shout! A piece of chicken got stuck in her throat, unable to go down or come out. She was about to suffocate; she didn't want to be the first person to die from choking on chicken. Desperate, she could only reach in and try to pry it out, once, twice… "Ugh." The "new concubine" patted her chest and sighed softly, "Ah! Finally, it's out!"

The emperor rushed in just in time to witness this breathtaking scene. However, he was unaware that Consort Shui had been replaced by his foolish empress. The person standing before him, making such "elegant" gestures, was none other than the true empress he now desired to rely on—the foolish Empress Leng Jie.

Even a single person who could sweep through an army without blinking an eye was stunned by the scene before him, his brows furrowed. The elegant and noble beauty of the day was now performing a "horrible" act of self-torture. The food and wine prepared for the conjugal ceremony on the table were in a mess, as if they had been ravaged by a hungry wolf.

During the day, her almond-shaped eyes were full of spring and affection, but now she was staring blankly at her clothes, which she had sprayed with dirt, not knowing how to greet him, and not feeling any fear.

Xuanyuan Yunlu couldn't help but think, "What's going on? Isn't midnight not yet? Could it be that the King of Hell has come to collect souls early? Yes, that must be it, otherwise there's no way to explain the strange behavior of the person in front of me."

An emperor is an emperor; his capacity for understanding and imagination is naturally extraordinary. Xuanyuan Yunlu quickly accepted this fact and regained his senses. He was eager to see what this person, missing a soul and a spirit, would become. Therefore, he paid no attention to the dirt on his body and simply waited quietly for her next expression.

After catching her breath, Leng Jie belatedly realized that a figure dressed in a bright yellow brocade dragon robe was standing in front of her. She said "figure" because she could only see his body from the shoulders down. To make matters worse, she also discovered that all the delicacies she had just vomited up had ended up on that seemingly soaring dragon.

In this situation, even a truly foolish person would know they've gotten themselves into deep trouble, right? Leng Jie's heart pounded with anxiety. She thought to herself, "Is today truly my last chance to escape this doom? All the bad luck I've never experienced in decades has come crashing down on me today. First, I discovered my husband's infidelity, then I was shot by some nobody thug, and when I woke up, I was in this unknown ancient world. I haven't even had a chance to settle in! And now a new round of battles has begun. Even eating a chicken leg almost killed me! I just escaped death, and now a living devil is trying to kill me."

Leng Jie had drugged Consort Shui and her maid before entering. She simply stripped Consort Shui of her clothes, put them on, and then applied makeup to resemble Consort Shui. Because she had never seen Consort Shui's conscious expression or heard her voice, even with her excellent makeup skills, she could only achieve a resemblance of seven or eight tenths. This was more than enough to fool ordinary people, those not very close to her. But those close to her would immediately recognize the deception. Therefore, Leng Jie dared not utter a sound, nor dared she raise her head.

Just now, while eating, Leng Jie's mind flashed through countless scenarios of meeting the emperor. Scenes of mutual affection, the two of them embracing passionately and kissing upon meeting. Then, taking him by surprise, she would hypnotize him, imprinting in his memory the image of witnessing the Black and White Impermanence stealing his beloved concubine's soul and spirit.

There was a scene of eager anticipation and shyness between the emperor and the concubine. The emperor, like a lecherous wolf, couldn't wait to get straight to the point, while she had to act like an innocent young girl, shy and hesitant, and then brainwash him in the same way.

She had even imagined him seeing right through her, then her subduing him and taking him hostage out of the palace. She had envisioned a life of wandering the world, constantly on the run from wanted criminals. But she never expected this scene, this way of meeting.

Now, besides blaming her own gluttonous mouth, all she could do was pray that the Emperor loved, loved very much, this Consort Shui. He loved her so much that he wouldn't mind her eating first, that he would only worry about whether she had swallowed something bad, not whether she had vomited on him. But if he truly loved that gentle, water-like beauty so much, wouldn't she easily be exposed? Leng Jie's heart was in turmoil, but only for a moment before she composed herself. She decided to use a strategy of remaining calm and unchanging to deal with the current crisis.

And so, the dragon and the phoenix faced each other in silence. There was no verbal exchange, no eye contact. They remained locked in this stalemate, each lost in their own thoughts.

The eunuch Fu and Lady Liu, who had followed the emperor in to prepare for the wedding ceremony for his beloved concubine, were equally dumbfounded and speechless by the concubine's actions, expressions, and the scene inside the room. They had spent decades in the palace, serving several emperors, each with their own harem of three palaces, six courtyards, and seventy-two concubines. What kind of newlywed situation hadn't they seen?

Some were overjoyed to enter the palace, some fainted from happiness; others were unwilling yet forced to put on a brave face; some were so fiercely passionate they threatened suicide; and some cried and screamed, wanting to leave the palace. But no concubine had ever been seen to devour all the food and wine for the Emperor's conjugal ceremony before it even began, let alone vomit in front of him—such an impolite and outrageous act! If it were any other concubine, upon seeing the Emperor, even if she vomited, she would have swallowed it back down. This new mistress, however, actually used her hands to vomit all over the Emperor. They couldn't help but worry for this concubine; no matter how much the Emperor favored her, he wouldn't tolerate anyone infringing upon his imperial authority, would he?

Knowing the inside story, Eunuch Fu, seeing the Emperor's expression, simply concluded that the Emperor had made his decision. Although he didn't understand why the usually gentle and virtuous Consort Shui had suddenly changed like this, he felt relieved for the Emperor and the foolish Empress. In any case, the Empress's life was saved. Regardless of whether she was a phoenix spirit or not, it concerned the Emperor's future happiness and the fate of the Jinghe Dynasty. He preferred to believe it was true rather than let his master take the risk. Besides, keeping another foolish Empress in the palace was no big deal.

The cunning old fox hurriedly bowed to the Imperial Concubine and said, "This old servant greets Your Highness, may Your Highness enjoy boundless blessings!"

Liu Momo, who was standing to the side, also bowed and greeted them.

The two greetings forced Leng Jie to reply, but she decided against targeting the emperor and instead chose to play the role of a concubine missing a part of her soul. As for how to escape later, she couldn't care less.

[Main Text: Chapter Ten - Gathering at the Eastern Palace]

Leng Jie, feigning ignorance, stared blankly at the tall figure hurrying away, her mind momentarily blank. However, she quickly realized that this beautiful Consort Shui, like the foolish Empress, was nothing more than a political sacrifice dressed in glamorous attire.

Childhood sweethearts, favored concubines—it's all just for show, or perhaps just idle speculation by the palace maids and eunuchs.

It is an undeniable fact that emperors throughout history have been ruthless. Looking back over five thousand years of Chinese history, how many emperors were as devoted as Emperor Shunzhi, loving beauty more than their empire?

Leng Jie suddenly felt a sense of disgust at being used. She couldn't help but mutter to herself, "I've wasted so much time and worry. If I'd known he was only arguing with me for a moment, I wouldn't have even asked what happened or summoned the imperial physician. I could have just said, 'Consort Shui has suddenly fallen ill and is unfit to serve Your Majesty. She should rest and recuperate in the West Palace. Without my decree, she is not to step outside the West Palace.' Did I really need to go through all that trouble, wasting so many brain cells acting out this? I could have just drugged her with a sleeping potion. Now I have to change her clothes."

Although she felt a little resentful, she didn't stop. Hearing people outside calling, "Respectfully seeing off the Emperor!" Leng Jie hurriedly ran to the door and locked it from the inside. Needless to say, once the Emperor left, those doormen outside would definitely rush in.

Leng Jie went around behind the screen and knelt by the bed. She forcefully pulled out the unconscious concubine and maid from under the bed. Having just eaten a feast, Leng Jie's strength was slowly returning, and her stamina was recovering slightly. So, she pulled the two out, changed their clothes, moved them to the bed, and covered them with blankets—all done very quickly.

Preoccupied with her own survival, Leng Jie had no energy to feel sorrow for the women of ancient times. Finally, with a pitying glance at the sleeping beauty on the bed, who had been banished to the cold palace by the emperor's mere words, Leng Jie turned around, put her eunuch clothes back on, and jumped out of the window.

When Leng Jie returned to the East Palace, she saw Xiao Mingzi standing alone at the entrance to her chambers, leaning against the wall, his head drooping and nodding like a hen pecking at rice. To avoid waking him, Leng Jie quickly turned back, quietly went around to the back, and entered through the window.

It took her some effort to switch her and Xiao Qingzi's images back. Just to be safe, she also implanted Xiao Qingzi's memories of his movements over the past half-day into his memory. Once everything was ready, Leng Jie patted Xiao Qingzi's ears with both hands, and Xiao Qingzi slowly opened his eyes. Then he shook his head vigorously, trying to clear his somewhat confused mind.

Meanwhile, Leng Jie had reverted to her foolish self and was "enjoying" the watered-down rice that Xiao Qingzi had given her. Seeing that the foolish woman was still eating his spiked rice, Xiao Qingzi gave a disdainful smile and turned to leave. Just then, Fu Gonggong's high-pitched, hoarse voice came from outside the door:

"The Emperor has arrived!"

The sound startled not only the two incompetent eunuchs but also Leng Jie. Although the emperor's arrival was expected, his sudden arrival surprised her. She had thought the emperor wouldn't come to see this so-called 'Phoenix Body Immortal' until at least tomorrow morning. She was alarmed by her own haste. If she had been any slower, wouldn't they have caught her red-handed?

In fact, Leng Jie's calculations weren't wrong. The Emperor had never intended to come to the Eastern Palace. He simply didn't want to see anyone there. Even if she indirectly helped him achieve his wish, he only wanted to keep his promise and let her remain in the Eastern Palace to fend for herself. The Emperor, who had grown up amidst palace intrigue, knew better than anyone what kind of treatment an unfavored, powerless, and foolish Empress would receive in this complex and power-hungry harem. However, Leng Jie had overlooked the character of Imperial Physician Hu.

As soon as the emperor left the West Palace gates, he was stopped by Hu Qingfeng, who had been waiting outside, and Hu Qingfeng recounted the afternoon's events. Upon hearing this, Xuanyuan Yunli's brows, which had just relaxed, furrowed again. Recalling Shui Rong'er's unusual behavior, he immediately returned to the West Palace. However, Shui Rong'er had locked the bedchamber door from the inside. Enraged, he slammed the thick wooden door open with a single blow. Rushing back inside, he found Shui Rong'er and her maid lying quietly on the bed, fast asleep, showing no sign of waking despite the commotion.

Qingfeng, who had entered with the emperor, immediately recognized that they had been drugged with the bewitching powder she had personally prepared for the eunuch. Qingfeng pouted her sensual lips and complained to the emperor:

"They were drugged, and I know who put it in. But I thought he was after you. If I had known he was after the one in bed, I wouldn't be standing here at the West Palace gate, feeding mosquitoes in the middle of the night!" After saying that, he deliberately scratched himself, pretending to be very itchy and pitiful.

Xuanyuan Yunlu glared at him and replied coldly:

"Stop fooling around. Everyone knows you're the nemesis of all poisons! Mosquitoes are three feet away from you; they're scared away by your scent. Come with me to the East Palace and see who this little Qingzi really is. I feel like this matter is getting more and more complicated!"

“Wrong, I think it’s getting more and more interesting!” Qingfeng replied with excitement in his eyes, “Come on, today I’ll accompany you to that gloomy and deathly Eastern Palace for a visit.”

After saying this, no one paid any attention to the person lying on the bed, and the group headed towards the East Palace.

As soon as they entered the East Palace gate, a gust of cold wind swept over them. Xuanyuan, who was walking in front, couldn't help but turn around and glance at Qingfeng, as if to say that he was truly divine, able to foresee the future.

Qingfeng rolled her eyes at him, giving him a look that seemed to say, "You're an idiot," and continued on their way. The three of them spotted Xiaomingzi dozing off in the distance. Qingfeng gave Eunuch Fu a look, signaling him to remain silent. Eunuch Fu knew that the Emperor's sworn brother was playful, so he went along with it, only beginning his duty when they reached the Empress's palace gates, and began to report:

"His Majesty has arrived!"

Upon hearing this, Xiao Mingzi, who was standing by the door, opened his eyes, which were already only a slit wide, and saw the emperor and his entourage standing in front of him. His mouth opened wide, but he couldn't utter the words "Long live the Emperor." His legs trembled, and he knelt down with a thud.

Qingfeng laughed and teased:

"Haha. Eunuch Ming, how come I didn't know you could speak sign language! You must help me next time I test the mute medicine!"

Upon hearing that the emperor's most trusted physician, Physician Hu, wanted his help, Xiao Mingzi, without hesitation, replied with tears of gratitude:

"It is my honor to be able to help you, my lord. Please do not hesitate to give me any instructions. I will do my utmost to serve you until my dying breath."

Eunuch Fu, standing to the side, felt ashamed to have such a foolish subordinate. He glared at the clueless Xiao Mingzi and said coldly, "Since Xiao Mingzi is so eager to become Lord Hu's medicine man, then report to the Lord's medical clinic tomorrow!"

Upon hearing that he was to be used as a guinea pig for Physician Hu's medicine, Xiao Mingzi turned deathly pale, his eyes bulged, and his kneeling body trembled like a rice sieve. Xiao Mingzi was now so regretful that he wanted to bite off his own tongue.

Xuanyuan Yunlu was already used to Hu Qingfeng's pranks, so he ignored their conversation. His sharp gaze swept coldly over Xiaomingzi, who was kneeling on the ground like a clown, and he asked with an imposing air:

Why are you all alone here?

"Your humble servant Xiao Qingzi greets Your Majesty! Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor!" Before the Emperor finished speaking, Xiao Qingzi had already rushed out of the Empress's palace, and completed a series of actions such as bowing, kneeling, and paying respects in an instant.

[Main Text: Chapter Eleven: Second Meeting (Second Update)]

The noise outside was deafening. Inside, the simple-minded Empress Leng Jie listened intently. When she heard Physician Hu's voice, her heart skipped a beat. His next words made Leng Jie, who was always very confident in her hypnosis skills, doubt her abilities for the first time.

Upon seeing Xiao Qingzi, Qingfeng asked before the emperor could even speak:

"Young Master Qingzi, did you go to the Imperial Pharmacy this afternoon? Where were you just now?"

"Yes, I happened to run into you, Lord Hu, in the Imperial Garden. You instructed me to go with you to the Imperial Pharmacy to get the sleeping potion and deliver it to the new Consort in the West Palace! I delivered it and gave it to the Consort's personal maid. Then I returned to the East Palace and saw that Xiao Mingzi was dozing off, so I didn't wake him and went straight to deliver food to Her Majesty the Empress. Her Majesty is eating inside now!" Xiao Qingzi answered clearly.

Qingfeng stared at Xiaoqingzi in disbelief, but there was no trace of lying in his expression. However, Qingfeng was certain that the person before him couldn't be the same one from that afternoon, so why would Xiaoqingzi hide it for him? Qingfeng asked again:

"Are you sure you really went to the West Palace? Who in the West Palace saw you? And how did you get back?"

"This servant is certain that I have been to the West Palace. I saw a head physician in the Imperial Pharmacy, and I ran into the former personal maid of the Empress who used to serve in the East Palace," Xiao Qingzi replied calmly and confidently.

Qingfeng was truly confused by Xiaoqingzi's words. It was clearly Xiaoqingzi who asked him to prepare the medicine, so how did it become that he was the one asking Xiaoqingzi to take the medicine to the West Palace? And he spoke so confidently, as if it were the truth. If he weren't the person involved, he would definitely have been fooled by Xiaoqingzi's expression as well.

Xuanyuan Yunlu and Eunuch Fu, standing to one side, looked at Qingfeng and then at Xiaoqingzi. They were equally confused by their words. Xuanyuan absolutely believed that Qingfeng wouldn't joke about such a thing, so he glanced at Xiaoqingzi on the ground and coldly asked:

"You said Physician Hu asked you to deliver medicine to the Imperial Concubine? As a servant of the Eastern Palace, why would you accept a task like delivering medicine to the Western Palace? You've been in the palace for so many years, don't you know who your master is?"

"This, this..." Xiao Qingzi racked his brains but couldn't figure out why he would do these things. So, he stammered for a long time but couldn't explain it clearly. However, he broke out in a cold sweat.

Xiao Qingzi naturally couldn't answer, because Leng Jie hadn't expected Qingfeng to remember everything. She thought Xiao Qingzi would only need to deal with the palace maid and physician she had met before. Therefore, she simply recorded a brief itinerary of her time using his identity into Xiao Qingzi's memory.

Meanwhile, inside, Leng Jie was also sweating profusely. From Qingfeng's questions, Leng Jie realized that she had been tricked by the seemingly harmless Physician Hu. He hadn't been successfully hypnotized at all; his accommodating manner was all an act. She finally understood why her hallucinogenic drug had turned into a mind-altering drug—that guy must have secretly tampered with it.

Fortunately, now that she's reverted to being a fool, even if he knows Xiao Qingzi is lying, he won't blame her for being a fool. However, she just can't use Xiao Qingzi's identity anymore. As for Xiao Qingzi's life or death, that's not something she can worry about.

The questioning outside continued, and Leng Jie calmed herself down again, listening intently to the sounds outside. She heard Physician Hu ask again:

"Xiao Qingzi, before you met me this afternoon, who else did you see? Did you see any strangers?"

"This servant hasn't seen anyone else. Besides Her Majesty the Empress, it's just Xiao Mingzi," Xiao Qingzi replied, holding her head.

Qingfeng suddenly remembered the fake Xiaoqingzi who had brainwashed him, confirming that Xiaoqingzi had definitely been brainwashed by him. However, he couldn't understand why that person had gone to such great lengths just to drug the new Consort. If it were a power struggle among the concubines, that would make sense. But currently, the palace only had the Empress and the Consort as its two masters. And this Empress was a mentally challenged woman who couldn't even take care of herself. If she would have such cunning to harm the new Consort, wouldn't she have already won over the Emperor's heart in the past three years?

But if it wasn't the Empress, then who could it be? Could it be the Imperial Concubine herself? That seemed impossible. Just as Qingfeng was racking her brains, completely baffled, the Emperor said sternly:

"That's enough, let's leave it at that. Xiao Qingzi, Xiao Mingzi, I wish you to erase all memories of today."

"Yes, Your Majesty, we obey your decree and thank you for your mercy!" The two eunuchs thanked him with joy at the same time.

Xuanyuan Yunlu ignored the person on the ground and turned to Qingfeng, saying, "Qingfeng, come with me inside to see the Empress. Check her pulse and see if the toxins are still in her body."

Xuanyuan Yunli considered Qingfeng and Xiaoqingzi's statements and concluded that neither of them could be lying to him. Therefore, there was only one possibility: Xiaoqingzi had been possessed by a ghostly talisman. However, he didn't want anyone else to know that the Empress possessed immortality. Not even his best friends or brothers. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side and to confirm his theory, he suggested that Qingfeng take the Empress's pulse.

Upon hearing the emperor's words, Qingfeng realized that he didn't even know how effective the newly prepared antidote was. So, without saying anything, he followed the emperor into the empress's palace.

Two people entered one after the other. What came into their view was a disheveled, vacant-eyed, pale-faced, and bluish-lipped woman who was eating leftovers with great relish as if they were delicacies.

It was the first time both Xuanyuan Yunlu and Qingfeng had stepped into the Eastern Palace and seen the idiot empress for the first time. Although they knew that the idiot was very stupid and ugly, they still couldn't bear to see her in person, and both of them frowned at the same time.

Their expressions, too, were captured in Leng Jie's seemingly blank eyes.

[Main Text: Chapter Twelve - A Stunning Surprise]

Leng Jie was very satisfied with their disgusted expressions. To achieve the best effect, she decided to go all out and add fuel to the fire. She gave them a silly, toothy grin, her eyes narrowed into slits, and food dripped down her chin.