She needs to reveal Gu Xingyue's rebellious edge in all the major events of her life, using self-harm as a bargaining chip, in order to gain a slightly more normal chance at life.
For example, when choosing a university in Haizhou City, Yang Jianni wanted her to choose oil painting because Qi Jiao was very talented in painting.
However, Gu Xingyue chose to become a kindergarten teacher, and when Yang Jiani wanted to change her application, she gained a temporary victory in this way.
For example, regarding her job after graduation, she grew up in an orphanage, so she really likes children and wanted to become a kindergarten teacher.
But Yang Jianni really wanted her to work at the library because Qi Jiao used to love reading and even said that she thought librarian was the warmest job in the world.
Gu Xingyue disagreed and instead confronted her once again, which earned her the opportunity to work at the kindergarten.
The rest of the time, she was Qi Jiao.
Qi Jiao is quiet, obedient, and docile, without any independent thought.
Qi Jiao suppressed all her emotions and dared not approach anyone.
Gu Xingyue was once taught by the dean that one must be independent and self-reliant, not depend on anyone for survival, not be vulgar, not be sharp, be tactful when you can be tactful, and show your sharp edge when you can't be tactful. You can't always be like fire, nor can you always be like water. Water and fire are incompatible, but they must coexist.
"Do you know?" After a long silence, Gu Xingyue raised her hand and placed it on the table, not hiding the mark on her wrist. Her voice was very light and she changed the subject. "I used to think that compromising would make everyone better, but now I realize that compromising will only make bad people more ruthless."
“I was abandoned at the orphanage,” Gu Xingyue said. “The director said that when they found me, I was only a few months old. At that time, I had a large rash on my face and could barely cry anymore. One of my feet was wrapped in bandages, and I had a problem with my leg. If I cried for too long, my heart would lack oxygen, but I didn’t die then.”
Liang Shi listened quietly, his heart pounding with anxiety.
Hearing such words always makes me feel sad without realizing it.
"My illness stems from crying for a long time when I was a child. I didn't die, but I developed a host of chronic illnesses. I have a weak heart and can't handle strenuous exercise. I can't withstand strong stimuli, and I faint when I get emotionally agitated. I also walk and react slower than others. I guess what people nowadays call having a high tolerance for stress." Gu Xingyue spoke at a steady pace, as calm and composed as if she were telling someone else's story, without any significant emotional fluctuations.
“They all say that being insensitive is a good thing, but my insensitivity is different from that of ordinary people. I'm a beat slower to react to those things, and my emotions are also a beat slower to react. It's just that I'm not sad at the moment. But I'm fine. Becoming Qi Jiao has already become a part of my life. I haven't even thought about how I should live as Gu Xingyue.” Gu Xingyue also frankly told Liang Shi, “I never thought about cooperating with you, nor did I think about giving you Qi Jiao's diary. I've always felt that you're talking without understanding the pain. You don't know what I've been through. All you've experienced is the initial madness of Yang Jiani.”
The extent of Yang Jiani's later madness is unimaginable to a normal person.
“I dare say if I died now, she would immediately find a replacement,” Gu Xingyue said coldly. “And she could grind me to dust and whip my corpse ten thousand times.”
There might be more than that.
This woman's obsession and possessiveness have reached an outrageous level.
"I'm telling you this to express my feelings." Gu Xingyue paused, then looked sincerely at Liang Shi.
Their eyes met, and Liang Shi saw a determined light in Gu Xingyue's eyes. "I'm willing to believe you now, but if you want to run away halfway, I won't blame you. I hope you can pass my letter on to my brother."
“I will not run away,” Liang Shi said. “I will fight this battle with you to the very end.”
I couldn't be with Qi Jiao before, so I'll be with Gu Xingyue now.
Ultimately, bad guys will have to pay the price.
The truth may be late, but it will surely come.
“Whether you are here or not.” Gu Xingyue smiled, her fingertips tracing the blue porcelain cup, her long eyelashes fluttering, her eyes filled with an unprecedented determination, “I will get all of this back.”
All the hardships and grievances we've endured over the years deserve to be repaid.
For no other reason than that she wanted to become Gu Xingyue.
What's the use of someone else's genuine affection?
Why not go and fight for it yourself?
It couldn't get any worse.
//
Gu Xingyue couldn't stay here for too long; after talking with Liang Shi, she had to rush back to school.
She doesn't have a driver's license or a car, and she usually gets picked up and dropped off by a driver to work. In this situation, Yang Jiani will keep a close eye on her, so she will pick her up and drop her off to and from get off work.
But it will only last for a period of time.
When she becomes docile and becomes Qi Jiao again, hiding her sharp teeth, Yang Jianni will give her some freedom again.
After leaving the teahouse, Liang Shi offered to take her back to kindergarten, but Gu Xingyue refused.
Gu Xingyue took a taxi and left. Liang Shi stood there for a while, processing his emotions alone.
Compared to Gu Xingyue, everything she had experienced seemed insignificant.
Liang Shi felt a pang of sadness and only took out Qi Jiao's diary when he got back to his car.
Gu Xingyue was a very meticulous person. When she was copying Qi Jiao's diary, she first copied it out in Morse code and then translated it on the back.
For Liang Shi's convenience in viewing.
Gu Xingyue must have almost memorized this diary by now, as most of the entries are about daily life.
Qi Jiao didn't have many friends at school, and she didn't dare to make friends with anyone.
But actually, she has the kind of looks that people like: a girl next door, pure and cute, she would probably be liked by many people when she was in school.
But because of her strange quietness, no one dared to speak to her.
Even when Qi Jiao changed deskmates in junior high school, her deskmate was surprised to say after a week: "So you're not mute after all."
How ridiculous.
Qi Jiao's ability to express herself began to deteriorate rapidly. She often wanted to communicate with people but did not know what to say. She would even become extremely nervous when speaking to strangers, stammering for a long time before finally being unable to utter a single word. She would also blush with embarrassment and not know what to do.
So her classmates all thought she was socially anxious.
Actually, she doesn't. She really wants to blend in with the crowd.
But Yang Jiani didn't like it.
Yang Jianni hates that Qi Jiao has any social circle and wishes that Qi Jiao would revolve around her alone.
Qi Jiao's life belongs to Yang Jiani.
Qi Jiao also asked in her diary: "Why is it that my life can only have my mother, while my mother's life can have many other people?"
Qi Jiao's diary rarely mentions Qi Xiangui, only mentioning him briefly.
To her, her father's image was very thin. He was a mercenary, vain, and extremely selfish businessman. He had more than one woman, his mother. In fact, when Qi Jiao was 12 years old, she saw him with another woman on his sofa.
The servants in the house all knew that her father was having an affair. Once, she even overheard the servants discussing that men with money tend to go bad. What did it matter how glamorous the wife's family was before? Even if the family is still glamorous now, the men still have to look for food outside. Besides, Yang Jianni's family was only glamorous in the past; now they are just a fallen heiress.
Qi Jiao also asked Yang Jiani why she didn't get a divorce and why she didn't take her with her when she left?
When Qi Jiao was young, she hoped that Yang Jiani would leave Qi Xiangui, so that Yang Jiani would gradually return to normal.
But Yang Jianni looked at her with a cold smile and asked her in return, "Where are you going? How are you going to live?"
Qi Jiao had also heard Yang Jiani say that she and Qi Xiangui were sworn enemies for life.
Qi Jiao wrote in her diary: "It's strange, 'fight to the death' is a phrase usually used between enemies, but my mother used it to describe my father, and it didn't seem out of place. They only appear loving in front of the camera, in the eyes of others. I wonder if everyone's life is like this?"
They mingled among the crowd, wearing a mask of hypocrisy; no one knew they were nothing but a pack of wild beasts.
I feel like I'm just a tool, used to extract emotional value and fulfill my emotional needs, to become a tool for vying for favor and showing off. I shouldn't have my own thoughts. If that's the case, why not buy a doll? Or become a marionette? They don't have their own thoughts.
My soul was killed this night. I'm willing to give up everything. All thoughts are meaningless. Life itself is a paradox. We are learning about the origin of the universe, biological evolution, and the theories of inherent goodness and inherent evil, but I feel that what's in textbooks is insufficient to explain the complex species of humankind.
...
It's hard not to feel sad when you read Qi Jiao's diary.
In particular, Liang Shi had met her, remembered her, and had many memories with her that were not pleasant, but in which only she shone.
They had made a pact to become kindergarten teachers together, to see the ocean together, to keep each other warm in the darkness, and to be each other's source of light.
Unexpectedly, none of their promises were fulfilled.
In a short period of time, she didn't remember Qi Jiao and missed the rest of her short life.
After reading Qi Jiao's diary, Liang Shi put it in a hidden place before taking out his phone.
It was the chat page with Xu Qingzhu that hadn't been closed before.
Yang Shuyan's autograph is still hanging in the most conspicuous place.
Liang Shi tapped the screen and said: "I just went to see Gu Xingyue and didn't check my phone."
She explained why she hadn't replied to the message, and then sent another message: "[How did you get ToSign so quickly? I was going to help you.]"
It was Xu Qingzhu's break time, and she replied quickly: "I'm signing a supplementary contract with Yang Shuyan today; it'll be here soon."
Liang Shi: ...
They really are capitalists.
Liang Shi: [Alright.]
Xu Qingzhu: [Why do you seem unhappy?]
Liang Shi: [No.]
A moment later, Liang Shi added: "[It's because she saw Gu Xingyue that she's unhappy. I got Qi Jiao's complete diary.]"
Xu Qingzhu's name has been changed to "The other party is typing," presumably because she is organizing her words.
After a long while, Xu Qingzhu sent a ten-second voice message.
The cool, unhurried voice said, "Her diary must have been very distressing. So, Teacher Liang, have you eaten? I'm a little hungry. If you're not busy... um... could you come and have a meal with me?"
Xu Qingzhu spoke without any affectation, her voice much gentler than usual.
Just from her tone, Liang Shi was stirred up with sadness.
Xu Qingzhu didn't comfort her, but Liang Shi understood.
Normally, he could have dealt with these emotions on his own and digested them quickly, but then someone suddenly said this to Liang Shi.
Liang Shi felt that his sadness had been amplified many times over, and he really wanted to talk to someone.
She sat there and replied: 【What a coincidence, I haven't eaten either. Wait for me for ten minutes.】
//
It only takes ten minutes to drive from Gulangting to Minghui.
But the journey was smooth and Liang Shi drove fast, arriving at Minghui Building in just eight minutes.
Liang Shi parked the car on the side of the road and sent Xu Qingzhu another message: [I've arrived, come down.]
Within two minutes, Xu Qingzhu appeared downstairs at Minghui Building.
They soon spotted Liang Shi's car.