Liang Shi was too embarrassed to go up; he didn't have the face to do so.
Xu Qingzhu then said, "Don't you want to be closer to me?"
Liang Shi: "..."
Liang Shi also took off his socks and sat down next to her.
Feet touched in the water, and Xu Qingzhu's head rested on Liang Shi's shoulder.
The house fell silent instantly, so quiet that you could almost hear each other's heartbeats.
Liang Shi asked Xu Qingzhu, "When did you find out?"
Xu Qingzhu replied, "About ten days ago."
"Then you..." Liang Shi didn't dare to ask her, and spoke hesitantly.
Xu Qingzhu turned her head around, placed her hands on her face, and looked her in the eye. "Liang Shi, are you feeling very guilty?"
Liang Shi nodded.
Xu Qingzhu said, "Then you should love me a little more."
Liang Shi placed his hand on the back of her neck and slowly nodded.
Xu Qingzhu leaned forward, her voice even lower: "Just a little bit is enough."
Liang Shi pursed his lips, and after a long while, when their lips touched, he made a serious and sincere promise: "From now on, I will love you more than I love myself."
Chapter 164
These aren't just pretty words spoken when emotions run high.
It's not about adding icing on the cake for this momentary pleasure.
It was a promise made after careful consideration.
The cold sunlight refracted through the window, and dust particles danced in the light, all settling on Liang Shi's back.
The wind howled past the windowpanes, and the traffic on the Yujiang Bridge slowly returned to normal.
The bustling city was revived in an instant.
All that remained in the living room was the sound of their intertwined breaths.
Slow and gentle, with a touch of caution.
After a long while, Liang Shi moved his body back, ending the lingering kiss.
He then raised his hand to wipe away Xu Qingzhu's tears, "Are you hungry? I'll go cook."
Xu Qingzhu made a soft "hmm" sound, but as Liang Shi stood up, Xu Qingzhu reached out and tugged at the hem of her clothes.
Xu Qingzhu gently tugged at the hem of Liang Shi's clothes, causing the collarbone and a bit of his shoulder to tilt slightly.
Liang Shi turned to look at her and asked gently, "What's wrong?"
Xu Qingzhu sniffed, her red eyes fixed on her: "One more hug~"
Her cool voice had a touch of softness, making her sound pitiful.
Liang Shi was incredibly soft-hearted. He knelt on one knee on the sofa and leaned in to hug her.
A tight embrace allows each other to feel the other's body temperature and heartbeat, a warmth and peace of mind that has been absent for a long time.
Xu Qingzhu buried her head in the crook of her shoulder, but Liang Shi patted her back and said, "Okay, aren't you hungry? I'm really not going anywhere."
Even such assurances did not make Xu Qingzhu loosen her grip; she still held her waist tightly.
Xu Qingzhu's cool voice carried a hint of softness and obscurity as she whispered, "You've lost weight."
As he spoke, he pinched her waist lightly, just a tiny bit of flesh, before quickly sliding it down between her fingers.
"How dare you say that to me?" Liang Shi stroked her back. "Can't you see how thin you've become? Really, you need to eat properly."
"Nobody cooks for me again," Xu Qingzhu complained. "I try my best to eat every day, but when I'm in a bad mood, I eat and then throw up. It's a never-ending cycle, and it's really uncomfortable for me too, okay?"
Upon hearing this, Liang Shi felt even more guilty and sighed softly. All the eloquent words seemed insignificant at this moment.
After much deliberation, all I could say were three words: "I'm sorry."
"Then you'd better treat me well." Xu Qingzhu pursed her lips, turned her head and gently kissed her neck, leaving a wet mark. "Even if you don't treat me well, you should at least treat your child well, otherwise, after she's born, I'll..."
He suddenly stopped talking at this point.
Liang Shi asked gently, "What are you going to do?"
"There's nothing I can do." Xu Qingzhu's voice suddenly softened, sounding somewhat powerless. "I'll tell her it's because I'm not good enough that I couldn't keep you."
Liang Shi: "..."
After holding her quietly for a while, Liang Shi got up to go to the kitchen, but while she was washing the rice, she suddenly thought of something…
When Liang Shi turned around, she met Xu Qingzhu's eyes, who had tiptoed into the kitchen and walked up behind her.
Their eyes met, and Xu Qingzhu suddenly stood on tiptoe, leaned forward, and kissed her.
Liang Shi paused for a moment, then slowly stuck out the tip of his tongue and lightly touched his lips, as if savoring the memory.
Xu Qingzhu's eyes held a faint smile, which was probably the happiest expression she had shown since their reunion.
It wasn't the kind of panic and fear, nor was it crying uncontrollably.
It's simply a mischievous laugh born from inner satisfaction.
"What's wrong?" Xu Qingzhu asked, her tone rising slightly as she noticed her dazed expression. "Are you stupid?"
“No…” Liang Shi subconsciously retorted.
But undeniably, Xu Qingzhu's unexpected kiss made her heart race and her mind go blank for a moment.
I can't say whether it was because of that kiss or because of Xu Qingzhu's smile.
Generally speaking, both are present.
Liang Shi turned around in a slight panic and turned on the tap to continue rinsing the rice.
I only remembered what I was going to say after I finished shopping.
However, she first put the washed rice and water into the rice cooker, plugged it in, and pressed the cook button. Only then did she turn around slowly. As soon as she turned around, a pair of hands reached out from her waist and hugged her from behind.
Liang Shi's slightly cold hand landed on the back of her hand and patted it.
Xu Qingzhu asked, "Why didn't you use hot water?"
"It's not flowing yet," Liang Shi said. "At first, it was all cold water."
"It's colder than my hands," Xu Qingzhu said.
Liang Shi nodded: "Who would have thought of that?"
Liang Shi responded and echoed Xu Qingzhu's words in a very accommodating manner.
After a moment, Liang Shi whispered, "You just now..."
He paused, his voice drowned out by the sound of the refrigerator door opening. After closing the door, Liang Shicai casually said, "Are you pretending?"
This word seems a bit serious.
But Liang Shi couldn't think of any other more suitable words.
Xu Qingzhu's arms around her paused, then Liang Shi added, "It wasn't pretending, it was acting. Just now in the living room..."
"Huh?" Xu Qingzhu feigned ignorance: "What are we acting out?"
“You’re clearly not like that,” Liang Shi said.
Xu Qingzhu: "...Then what should I be like?"
With one sentence, he shut Liang Shi down.
What kind of person should Xu Qingzhu be?
"Maybe it's because you don't like me that you feel like nothing I do is right," Xu Qingzhu rubbed against her back, her voice sad. "I used to be like that too."
Liang Shi: "..."
The green pepper in his hand had already been broken open, and Liang Shi absentmindedly broke it into pieces and threw it into the plate.
After a while, Liang Shicai said seriously, "You're just acting."
Xu Qingzhu: "..."
“I really won’t leave,” Liang Shi said. “And I really love you. Please don’t make me feel bad by belittling yourself, okay? I like you, and hearing you say that you’re not good enough hurts me more than hearing you scold me.”
Liang Shi didn't turn around. Although he was doing something, he was in a numb state.
The hardest and most embarrassing things have already been said, so what follows is not difficult at all. It's like pouring beans from a bamboo tube; everything has been said.
"I thought you could have a better life and a better future if you left me, so I wanted to divorce you. It's not that I don't love you. The reason I chose to leave the place where I grew up to come to you is because I love you."
“Xu Qingzhu, you are so good, so incredibly good, so good that sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough for you. You’re too perfect, just like Lu Jiayi. You are outstanding in every way – education, appearance, personality, ability, family background. I often think, what can I do for you? It seems like there’s nothing I can do.”
“What I can do for you is nothing special, just the usual housekeeper or nanny can do it, but can I play this role for you forever? You’ll get tired of me sooner or later, won’t you? I always think, I’d better leave before you get tired of me.”
“If I leave first, your sadness will pass, and a brighter future awaits you. I don’t need to keep worrying about it. I want to be with you, but I keep overthinking things. I don’t want to be a burden on your life.”
"I don't want people to see us together and say, 'Oh, this person has nothing. Is Mr. Xu blind to have fallen for someone like this?' Whether it hurts my self-esteem is secondary; the most important thing is that your reputation will be damaged."
"From beginning to end, I have never said that I don't love you. Maybe I love you as much as you love me, and I love myself as much as you love me, but in this world, you are truly the person I love the most."
"So don't feel insecure, okay? Think about it, I'm almost exclusively with you here. Only you know everything about me, know that I came from somewhere else, and know that I have nowhere else to go. Where can I go?"
Liang Shi called Xu Qingzhu's name slowly and gently.
She spoke these words slowly and deliberately, breaking the green pepper in her hand into small pieces, her eyes lowered.
"Xu Qingzhu, you are really good. Don't belittle yourself just to keep me by your side, okay? I love you, I will love you no matter what, even when you don't love me..."
She paused for a moment, then said, "I will also remember those moments when you loved me and love you back."
Xu Qingzhu didn't say a word from beginning to end, his face pressed against her shoulder, warm.
Liang Shi made a sincere promise in a gentle voice, "I will try to do that in the future."