9-2
At noon, Lian Haiping took Yu Lele to eat at "Duoduo Malatang" near the school gate. "Duoduo" was a roadside stall, so the two of them ate standing on the sidewalk. While eating, Lian Haiping couldn't resist showing off: "Yu Lele, do you know the origin of Malatang?"
With her mouth full of spicy and savory wood ear mushrooms and quail eggs, Yu Lele answered indistinctly, "I don't know."
Lian Haiping said proudly, "Legend has it that the boatmen on the Yangtze River invented Mala Tang (a spicy hot pot dish). After pulling the boats, they would pick up a few stones by the river, set up a pot, scoop up some river water, add some chili peppers and Sichuan peppercorns, and then find some dry firewood to start a fire. Once the water was hot, they would add vegetables to the pot and cook them. Later, they discovered that it was not only delicious but also helped to ward off the cold, so this method of preparation spread. Eventually, small vendors brought this dish to our area."
Yu Lele swallowed a mouthful of cabbage, feeling her lips swell from the spiciness. She turned to Lian Haiping and teased, "You can talk so much while you're eating? That's amazing!"
Lian Haiping glanced at Yu Lele and said, "Yu Lele, the way you eat would be even more vivid if you added some sounds."
Yu Lele didn't understand: "What was that sound?"
Lian Haiping laughed: "Snoring, snoring, snoring!"
Yu Lele was taken aback, then suddenly realized what kind of animal it was. She shoved a string of cabbages into Lian Haiping's mouth with annoyance: "Eating can't shut you up!"
Lian Haiping was laughing as he peeked over to eat some cabbage when a loud shout suddenly rang out behind him: "Ah! You two are too ambiguous! I'm going to tell Xu!"
The two turned around and saw Xu Yin standing three meters away on the roadside, staring at them. Her arm trembled as she pointed at Yu Lele and Lian Haiping, a mischievous smile barely concealed on her face. Seeing them turn around, she pulled out her phone to take a picture, shouting, "You're feeding them in the street! I have to take a picture as evidence!"
Lian Haiping swallowed his food, looked at Xu Yin, and asked, puzzled, "What are you doing at school?"
Xu Yin smiled smugly: "If you can come, why can't I?"
She approached the two of them, took a string of quail eggs from Yu Lele's plate, and stuffed them into her mouth: "I originally wanted to go swimming at the Second Bathing Beach, but I didn't expect to see you two here."
Yu Lele said irritably, "Anyone who passed the CET-4 (College English Test Band 4) shouldn't mess with me. I'm about to chop someone up, so watch out for blood splattering!"
Xu Yin immediately put on a frightened expression and poked Lian Haiping, saying, "How could you take a female demon as your disciple!"
Lian Haiping looked utterly aggrieved: "I got on a pirate ship by mistake!"
Yu Lele raised her fist and waved it in front of Lian Haiping: "Cherish your life, Master!"
Lian Haiping shuddered slightly, then immediately straightened his neck: "Life is precious, freedom is more valuable, but for the sake of honesty, both can be given up!"
Yu Lele patted Lian Haiping on the shoulder and laughed, while Xu Yin also laughed as she ate.
Taking advantage of Yu Lele's inattention, Lian Haiping quickly snatched a string of mushrooms from her plate. Yu Lele noticed and yelled to take it back, but before she could react, Xu Yin snatched a string of sausages from her. The three of them made a ruckus in the August sunshine by the sea, with Yu Lele dodging and weaving, holding her plate above her head, temporarily forgetting the pain of her English Level 4 exam.
It seems that many things can be left behind.
A few days later, the Ministry of Education was going to conduct a teaching evaluation at the teachers' college, and all the students who lived locally were urgently summoned back to school to help organize materials. Yu Lele just didn't expect that the news of her failing the CET-4 (College English Test Band 4) had already reached Ren Yuan's ears so quickly.
Despite the sweltering 32-degree heat, he continued his earnest and rambling speech: "Yu Lele, I heard you failed your CET-4?"
While sorting through past exam papers, Yu Lele answered with her head down, "Yes."
Ren Yuan said with great distress: "I don't need to elaborate on the importance of English, do I? You'll need it for postgraduate entrance exams, doctoral entrance exams, and even finding a job. Although it's a technical skill, it has become an important standard for measuring the quality of a graduate. How could you be so careless?"
Yu Lele felt wronged: "I value it very much!"
"Haven't you taken it seriously yet?"
"My English was never good to begin with. In the college entrance examination, my English score was the lowest after math." Yu Lele's voice grew softer and softer. She knew it was something shameful and was too embarrassed to say it loudly.
Ren Yuan remained persistent: "Yu Lele, you absolutely must improve your English. You know that at our school, you won't get a degree if you don't pass the CET-4. You said we want to recruit you into the Party, but no matter how good your major courses are, if you haven't passed the CET-4, how can that be acceptable?"
Yu Lele's head started to ache. She suddenly felt that going to university was such a heavy thing: it's just joining the Party, so why are there so many standards? Not getting a first-class scholarship is unacceptable, not being united with classmates is unacceptable, not contributing to the collective is unacceptable, failing the CET-4 is also unacceptable... Is this joining the Party or selecting "China's Top Ten Outstanding Youths"?
Lian Haiping's answer to this question was quite clear: "How could he be worthy of the salary our school pays him if he didn't talk to a good kid like you? Joining the Party, scholarships, etc., are all external things. Just let nature take its course."
Seeing Yu Lele still slumped over the table sighing, Lian Haiping reached out and pulled her up: "Stop sighing, it won't help. Go home and study, or you still won't pass next time."
Yu Lele was packing her things with a gloomy face, preparing to go home, when Lian Haiping tossed her a notebook: "Here, take this."
"What is this?" Yu Lele flipped through the notebook with little interest and saw that although it was not thick, it contained a lot of words recorded in different categories.
Part 1: Vocabulary related to biopharmaceuticals and life sciences.
Part Two: Vocabulary related to astronomy, physics, and chemistry.
Part Three: Counter-terrorism and Counter-espionage vocabulary.
Part Four: Vocabulary related to computer technology and internet development.
...
"What is this?" Yu Lele asked, flipping through the notebook, still confused.
"Have you even seriously analyzed the reading comprehension sections for the CET-4 and CET-6? You can't just finish the exercises and call it a day. You have to analyze them. Make a list of all the words you didn't memorize and review them often. Over time, when you encounter similar words, even if they're not the same word, you might be able to figure out the correct meaning by looking at the root words and making connections." Lian Haiping looked at him with a disappointed expression.
Yu Lele looked at the notebook in her hand again, and gradually smiled happily: "Really? Thank you!"
Lian Haiping snorted and said as he walked out the door, "Thanking me is useless. It's faster to do the problems and organize the information yourself."
Yu Lele happily followed Lian Haiping out of the classroom. As they walked out of the school gate, the streetlights suddenly came on. They glanced at each other simultaneously, and Yu Lele's face immediately flushed red. She quickly lowered her head, focusing only on the road. A sea breeze blew by, carrying a faint, familiar, and refreshing scent of the sea.
Yu Lele secretly glanced at the boy walking beside her and asked herself in her heart: Is this what they call "ambiguity"?
Ambiguity is knowing how good you are to me, knowing you're by my side, but not loving each other.
It's not that I don't love you, it's just that you came too late, so there wasn't enough time for me to love you.
But where is the person I loved so deeply?
Yu Lele raised her head and looked into the distance: on the beach, there were couples, and their faces all seemed to have the same word written on them: "happiness".
It seems I'm reminded of Tong Dingding's words: "Long-distance relationships are tough, but you're still persevering, senior sister."
A faint burning pain rippled through my heart—in truth, who would willingly bear such hardship?
No one knows: I'm just an ordinary girl, more ordinary than ordinary, more ordinary than average. After my father's death, I gradually developed a cold, hardened exterior, indifferent to suffering, and a more fragile, more cold-sensitive heart. I'm not afraid of scorn, ridicule, or sarcasm; I'm just afraid of loneliness.
Regarding love, all I want is for you to be by my side anytime, anywhere, to tell me you love me anytime, anywhere, and to have your arms open to give me a hug whenever I need warmth. But these things seem so distant and luxurious to me.
But will you still be able to stay by my side—now or in the future?
9-3
More than a month later, Xu Chen finally returned to the city from the countryside. His face was tanned a wheat color, and his smile seemed to carry the scent of wheat fields. The moment Yu Lele saw him, she shamelessly forgot all her previous unhappiness, staring at him and then smiling foolishly. Every evening, the two of them would walk hand in hand in the seaside square, letting their footprints meander along the sand in a long, crooked line, occasionally looking up at the sky where the stars shone brightly.
Along the winding stretch of beach, barbecue stalls wafted the rich aroma of grilled fish and shrimp. Swimmers, strollers, and those who had come from afar all sat around the white sand tables, enjoying grilled seafood and fresh draft beer while chatting and watching the sea. Everyone looked happy and content. Yu Lele and Xu Chen also chose a table near the sea and ordered several grilled fish, a plate of grilled scallops, and a bowl of clam soup. Yu Lele told Xu Chen about her fun experiences teaching in the countryside, naturally omitting the beginning and end of the story about "plaster" water and beer. Xu Chen, on the other hand, vividly recounted his "battle with the grass snake" in the mountains, making Yu Lele's hair stand on end. He even struck a heroic pose like Wu Song fighting the tiger, boasting with great emotion about his great feat.
As they were talking, the voices from the next table gradually grew louder, and a name that was being repeatedly mentioned abruptly cut off Xu Chen's narration. Yu Lele was initially confused, but after listening carefully for a couple of sentences, her expression immediately changed.
At the next table were six people, four men and two women. One of them, a man in his thirties, was shirtless and drinking beer while talking animatedly: "When Xu Jianguo was arrested, good heavens, I heard that he had filled three basins with shopping cards and all sorts of membership cards alone. When the prosecutor's office went there, his wife was completely dumbfounded!"
Another man grabbed his cup and clinked it against the glass: "Serves him right. Why isn't this kind of corrupt official sentenced to death? He only served 12 years, and he's already been released before he even died of old age."
The woman's voice chimed in, "By the way, my nephew and his son go to the same school. I heard the kid is a very good student, it's just a pity he has such a father."
"Pah!" The shirtless man took a swig of liquor. "Like father, like son! I don't believe his family knew nothing about Xu Jianguo. When they were living the good life, didn't they ever think about the day their misdeeds would be exposed? His wife and son are definitely no better!"
...
Those words, like steel needles, pierced Yu Lele's heart, leaving one bloody hole after another. Pale-faced, she looked up and saw Xu Chen's ashen face, a mixture of anger, despair, and resentment flashing across it. Yu Lele instinctively grasped Xu Chen's hand and whispered, "Xu Chen, let's go."
Xu Chen remained silent, his eyes flashing with something indistinct, converging into a crimson blur. His hands clenched into fists, tighter and tighter, until the blue veins on the back of his hands bulged out, a chilling sight.
Yu Lele was extremely worried. She hurriedly called over a waiter to settle the bill, and then used all her strength to drag Xu Chen up from his seat. As Xu Chen stood up, he could still hear the men and women at the next table toasting each other, saying, "Cheers to catching another corrupt official!"
Xu Chen turned around and gave the men and women at the next table a deep look. He suddenly met the gaze of one of the women, who stared at him with a mixture of curiosity and hesitation. Xu Chen's vision blurred; he couldn't make out anyone's expressions or their movements. He only knew that the wound in his heart, which could never truly heal, had been reopened today, bleeding profusely.
The tearing pain ripped at his heart. The extreme pain brought a sense of emptiness, his limbs felt weak, and every step felt like walking on cotton. Xu Chen didn't know if he was acting like a walking corpse; he was simply following Yu Lele's steps unconsciously, without knowing which way was going.
The righteous curses of men and women echoed in his ears: Why isn't this corrupt official sentenced to death? His wife and son must be no better...
The noise was deafening, carrying an unbearable weight that pressed directly into his heart. He desperately wanted to turn around and punch that man, but he clenched his fists, using the last vestiges of his reason to restrain his surging blood. He wanted to cry, truly. He hadn't cried when he heard his father was arrested, nor when he heard his guaranteed admission was canceled, but hearing others curse his father, he suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to cry!
Yu Lele tightly gripped Xu Chen's hand and walked away, not knowing where they were going, but knowing that the farther the better. The voices of those people seemed to still echo in her ears; their unrestrained laughter, though innocent, was deeply hurtful. She turned back to look at Xu Chen's expressionless face, her heart aching terribly. She thought: Xu Chen is innocent. He is kind, hardworking, and polite. Wherever he goes, he is the best and most outstanding boy. What wrong has he done to deserve this endless humiliation that is constantly being brought up?
Thinking of this, she stopped on the beach. She turned around, took a step forward, and reached out to hug Xu Chen. She buried her face in his chest, and could almost hear his heart pounding.
Xu Chen looked down at Yu Lele, and finally reached out to hug her. He lowered his head and rested it on Yu Lele's shoulder, his strength vanishing in an instant.
Yu Lele looked up, wanting to say something, but felt his face bury even deeper into her neck. The neckline of her summer dress was low, and suddenly, she felt a damp coolness on her shoulder. She was startled, and her body quickly stiffened.
He cried.
A pang of heartache and bitterness washed over her. She turned her head and saw his hair, his ears, and then looked down to see his shoulders rising and falling gently—he was trying to hold back his tears! His arms were wrapped tightly around her, almost suffocating her.
After what seemed like an eternity, he finally raised his head. She gazed into his eyes, which were now dry of tears, only a faint mist rising and falling. He looked directly at her, then lowered his head and kissed her.
Many years later, Yu Lele would still remember that kiss. Under the starry sky, on the beach, in the slightly salty ocean air, it came on strong, seemingly filled with deep resentment, yet also fragilely seeking support. He was always gentle, but this time it felt like he wanted to meld her into his bones. Her head was spinning, she felt suffocated, and she could barely stand, only able to lean on his arm to keep herself from falling.
Yu Lele didn't know what to say. Her heart was filled with sorrow and grief. She seemed to finally understand at this moment: Xu Chen would not come back.
Yes, even if he wanted to come back, she couldn't let him return for his own good. This place was a city filled with pain for him, a city where harm could be inflicted at any moment. Everyone here knew the story of the police chief's fall from policeman to prisoner; they talked about it with relish, as casually and interestingly as a lighthearted snack. Three years after his arrest, these stories hadn't faded; instead, they'd become even more fantastical. His greed, his bloodlust, his cruelty—he was almost the embodiment of the devil.
No one mentions anymore how many major cases he led the special task force to solve, nor does anyone appreciate how effectively he cracked down on robbers and thieves in the city. From the day he went from a hero to a criminal, all his achievements were forgotten. Moreover, his family was also condemned and imprisoned, their entire clan wiped out, with no hope of ever recovering.
This person and this event are like a landmine, buried deep beneath the city. Decades later, someone will still detonate it, shattering the peaceful lives that had been built up, reducing everything to ashes, leaving no trace of the remains!
He really can't come back.
Or perhaps, the further we go, the better?
10-1
When winter came, Yu Lele began to suffer from insomnia.
Every night she couldn't sleep. Lying on her dorm bed, she would draw the curtains, turn off the bedside lamp, and still feel that the lights outside were bright. But when she actually sat up, she found that she couldn't even see the moon in the sky. Lying down again, she could hear the ticking of the alarm clock. If she removed the batteries, she could also hear the howling wind outside. She stared wide-eyed at the ceiling, listening to time slowly flowing through her life, listening to the mournful cries of withering flowers, listening to loneliness turn into a pair of feet, walking back and forth, making hollow footsteps.
Going to the school clinic to buy "Valium" (a tranquilizer), those tiny white pills, packaged in a small paper bag, 20 pills each time, the doctor wouldn't give even one more. The female doctor, in her forties, would always sigh and say, "How can such a young child have neurasthenia?"
She just smiled and didn't say anything.