Don't give up on yourself when you can give it a try.
“Dad just feels it’s not a good idea to do it in the neighborhood. Everyone passing by is someone we know. What if we get seen and they ask me about it later? What am I supposed to say?” Teacher Zhao cleverly passed the question to Zhao Xiyin. “Boyfriend? Or should you just say husband?”
Zhao Xiyin's face flushed involuntarily, but she wasn't foolish enough to jump into a trap. "Who would ask such a pointless question!"
Zhao Wenchun chuckled, "I asked if it's okay?"
"Dad!!" Zhao Xiyin stamped her foot in embarrassment and muttered under her breath, "Not so fast." Then she dashed off to the living room.
"Auntie, you have so much free time today?" Zhao Xiyin sat down next to Zhao Lingxia, her tone ingratiating, though she was uneasy and couldn't hide her cautiousness.
Zhao Lingxia turned her head and looked at her with a loving smile.
The calmer it is, the more unsettling it becomes.
Zhao Xiyin swallowed hard and grinned sheepishly.
"It's so cold, why are you sweating?" Zhao Lingxia gently brushed away the stray hairs on her forehead, her eyes warm. "Go take a shower first."
Zhao Xiyin felt uneasy, unsure of her aunt's attitude. She went back to her bedroom to tidy up her clothes, and soon after, Zhao Lingxia came in. The door closed gently with a "click," and Zhao Xiyin's heart skipped a beat.
Zhao Lingxia was unusually calm today.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at her for about ten seconds. At first, Zhao Xiyin bravely met his gaze. But gradually, her momentum waned, and she was clearly unable to withstand his gaze.
Zhao Lingxia killed her with her eyes, effortlessly extinguishing most of her enthusiasm before asking calmly, "You and Zhou Qishen have made up?"
Zhao Xiyin shook her head. "No."
Zhao Lingxia understood that it conveyed roughly the same meaning. Without being aggressive, she maintained a calm tone, asking, "Have you forgotten your lesson?"
Zhao Xiyin suddenly clutched her clothes tightly.
"You should have forgotten all the injuries, the losses, and the beatings you suffered," Zhao Lingxia answered for her.
Zhao Xiyin raised her head and called out timidly, "Auntie."
"What are you trying to say?" Zhao Lingxia smiled slightly. "That he was unaware, that he didn't do it on purpose, that it takes two to tango, that the divorce wasn't his fault, that even if Zhou Qishen hadn't pushed the child down, he wouldn't have been able to keep it. Is that right?"
After a long silence, Zhao Xiyin shook her head and said four words in a low voice, "I still love him."
I've hated, regretted, broken ties, and even considered ending it all.
She tried to let go, and she actually did it. She left Beijing, cut off all possible contact, looked at the mountains and rivers, the sun, moon and stars, and all kinds of people, but in the end, she still couldn't forget this person.
She had also resented Zhou Qishen's annoying habits and vowed never to lose herself again. But in the dead of night, she would always remember his little moments. His shrewdness and cunning, his drinking and lust, his domineering masculinity, or his tolerance and thoughtfulness towards her whenever they were together. All of these things, in their grand schemes, were real.
Love is not a fleeting infatuation, nor is it lust at first sight. Rather, it is the lingering attachment and unwavering connection after the initial passion, novelty, and impulsiveness have faded. What Zhao Xiyin achieved was simply to be honest with herself.
Zhao Lingxia remained silent for a long time, her delicate and beautiful face revealing neither joy nor anger.
After a long pause, she said coldly, "Don't make him sound so innocent. He's definitely involved in the child's situation. If you two hadn't been arguing so much back then, maybe the pregnancy would have been smoother. You've suffered a huge loss; you're incredibly unlucky to have Zhou Qishen. Your health has been damaged, and you haven't recovered yet. Let me be clear: what if, what if you have difficulty conceiving in the future? Have you thought about his attitude?"
These words were realistic and cruel. Zhao Xiyin's face paled, and she tightened her grip on her clothes.
After a few seconds of silence, she replied, "I've broken up once, so I'm not afraid of breaking up a second time. I've learned my lesson, haven't I? People with different values shouldn't work together. He can find someone who can have children. What era are we living in? Women can't live without children? I've lived alone before, and I'm doing just fine. When trouble comes, I don't run away. I work hard to earn money, buy myself insurance, save for retirement, and take care of myself when I die. Look at you, living so carefree now. I'll follow in your footsteps and never let you down."
As Zhao Xiyin spoke, she became more and more relaxed, her expression light. She chuckled and even asked Zhao Lingxia, "Auntie, do you think Zhou Qishen is the kind of man who cares about carrying on the family line?"
Zhao Lingxia hadn't expected the little girl to be so sharp-tongued, nor had she expected her to be so open-minded and not love-struck; she saw things very clearly.
Zhao Lingxia's face darkened, and she remained silent for a long time.
Zhao Xiyin smiled confidently, "See, even you think he's not that kind of person."
Zhao Lingxia became even more stern and raised her voice, "I've really spoiled you too much!"
Zhao Xiyin's eyes were bright and sparkling. She suddenly squatted down, bent down slightly, and gently rested her face on Zhao Lingxia's lap, whispering, "Auntie, I know you care about me from the bottom of your heart."
Zhao Lingxia said in a strained voice, "You brat, it's good that you know."
"Anyway, I want to try again."
"What about your father? Do you never intend to let him know about that?" Zhao Lingxia asked.
Zhao Xiyin suddenly raised her head. "Of course! It's been so long, it's no use him knowing. It would only make him worry for nothing. Teacher Zhao is very timid and can't stand being scared at all."
Zhao Lingxia agreed with this, letting out a cold snort, "I really owe you and your father a debt."
No sooner had the words left his lips than a loud "bang" was heard as the bedroom door was pushed open from the outside in, the door panel slamming against the wall.
Zhao Wenchun stood blankly at the door, his eyes vacant, his breath caught in his throat, and he remained motionless.
Zhao Xiyin's heart sank. Oh no.
"Dad, Dad." Zhao Xiyin followed Zhao Wenchun from the living room to the bedroom, and then from the bedroom to the kitchen, sticking to his side every step of the way. "Can't you say something? Don't make me worry, okay?"
Zhao Wenchun remained silent like a wooden statue, having been silent since earlier.
Zhao Lingxia wasn't good at playing the family drama card and felt it was a waste of time, so she left long ago. Zhao Wenchun didn't press her for details or make a scene; she just quietly started cleaning the house.
The tables, chairs, and sofa were spotless, the bed sheets and duvet covers had all been replaced with new ones, the washing machine was humming, and there were three large buckets of laundry waiting to be washed outside. Zhao Wenchun was hunched over, his spine bony, which made Zhao Xiyin feel sorry for him.
Teacher Zhao squatted on the ground brushing shoes. The basin was half full of water, with a ring of white soap bubbles floating on top.
The father and daughter stood, one standing and the other standing. Zhao Xiyin squatted down and snatched the wooden brush from his hand, "The water is too cold, you rest, I'll do it."
Before her hand even touched the water, Zhao Wenchun grabbed it tightly.