"You're the one who's a hypocrite, aren't you?" Chen Yunqi said with a wry smile, "I really feel worried for the vast majority of women."
He had never heard Tang Yutao mention having or ever had a girlfriend. Although it seemed like he was bragging, it wasn't hard to imagine this bearded young man in front of him reciting all sorts of cheesy doggerel and capturing the hearts of young girls.
"Don't change the subject. I'm asking you, are you gay?"
"Do I look like one?" Chen Yunqi lit another cigarette and asked seriously.
"It's hard to say... but generally, people who are too good-looking tend to be aloof and think no one is good enough for them. If they don't like ordinary partners, they'll go down the unconventional route." Tang Yutao sincerely analyzed to Chen Yunqi, as if he couldn't see through him: "Hey! Can't you be a little more straightforward? If it's true, it's true; if it's not, it's not. Why make up so much nonsense?"
"What kind of illogical analysis is this?" Chen Yunqi frowned. "I'm not. Although I've never been in a relationship, I'm not."
Tang Yutao didn't believe him: "How do you know you're not?"
Chen Yunqi confidently said, "It's very simple. When you feel sexually attracted to someone, that's enough to prove your sexual orientation, right? I don't have sexual attraction or desire for the same sex. So, do you think I'm gay?"
"Really not?" Tang Yitao continued to question, "Not even someone as pretty as San San?"
"No." Chen Yunqi answered again with certainty: "I admit he is good-looking. Anyone who doesn't think he is good-looking must be blind. But being good-looking doesn't mean you have to fall in love with him. San San is kind and simple, which is rare. I treat him like a younger brother."
Tang Yutao finally gave up, saying with some disappointment, "Alright, alright."
"But seriously, San San is really beautiful. When I first saw her after arriving here, I was really shocked. I wondered why a girl would dress like a boy. Although she's not tall, her proportions are great. Look at her big eyes, her mouth and face shape. I often feel sorry for her. If she were born a girl, she would be a femme fatale who would bring ruin for generations. No matter if she's a man or a woman, it would be abnormal for anyone not to be attracted to her!"
After finishing his sentence, Tang Yutao added, "Of course, this doesn't include straight men like Li Hui. Even if he had eighteen pairs of eyes with superhuman vision, he still wouldn't be able to see San San's beauty."
"Don't even think about hitting on my brother." Chen Yunqi said coldly, but he couldn't help but recall how San San slept soundly in his arms that night, and he completely agreed with Tang Yutao's statement.
After school in the afternoon, Chen Yunqi gave Huang Yelin his first art lesson. He found several pencils of different sizes, and since there was no sketch paper, he had to use ordinary white paper instead. First, he explained some object structures and the relationship between light and shadow to Huang Yelin, who seemed to understand but not quite. Then, Chen Yunqi quickly sketched some objects on the paper to visually illustrate the concepts to him.
Huang Yelin, with an awkward pen-holding posture, practiced drawing lines on the white paper according to the method taught by Teacher Chen. After drawing for a while, he felt bored and began to get restless, playing with the eraser one moment and looking around the next. After finally filling two sheets of paper, it was getting late, so Chen Yunqi let him go home.
Before leaving, Huang Yelin invited Chen Yunqi to his home for dinner. Chen Yunqi was thinking about having to go to San San's house that evening to apologize to his father, so he had no choice but to agree to go another day.
Huang Yelin, still uneasy, pressed further, "When is 'another day'?"
"I'll go with you after school on Friday, okay?" Chen Yunqi couldn't resist his persistent questioning and promised him.
Huang Yelin went home satisfied. Chen Yunqi, Tang Yutao, and Li Hui closed the school gates and went to San San's house together.
Upon entering, San San's mother greeted them as usual. San San and her father had gone out to work and hadn't returned yet; they were probably having dinner at someone else's house. Sheng Xiaoyan had already gone down the mountain to go back to school yesterday.
With San San not around, Chen Yunqi volunteered to help with the housework. After dinner, he carried a heavy bucket of pig feed into the pigpen, having to bend over because of his height. San San's old sow was about to give birth and was lying on the ground, fast asleep. Hearing someone come in to feed her, she struggled to get up and move to the feeding bowl, letting out a dissatisfied grunt at Chen Yunqi.
Chen Yunqi poured the pig feed into the long trough, and before he could even spread it evenly with a shovel, several pigs eagerly rushed over and began to feast. The pigsty reeked, and the ground was covered in manure and mud, but Chen Yunqi didn't seem to mind. He squatted down to the side, observing the pigs eating with great interest.
As he was looking around, he suddenly realized that someone seemed to be behind him. He turned around and saw San San wearing a pair of tall rubber boots, with her hands in her pockets, smiling at him from behind.
"Brother, you're staring at the pig feed so intently, are you not full?" San San laughed.
Chen Yunqi stood up and tapped San San's forehead hard with his index finger: "How dare you tease your brother like that? You've been waiting for two days, you deserve a beating." Chen Yunqi was stubborn, but there was a hint of embarrassment on his face.
Chen Yunqi picked up the empty bucket and went back with San San. Inside, they saw Tang Yutao and Li Hui sitting by the fire pit, chatting with San San's father. Upon seeing Chen Yunqi, San San's father coughed twice and greeted him somewhat awkwardly, "You're here."
Chen Yunqi nodded and smiled in response, then sat down next to San San's father and lit a cigarette for him. Seeing that Teacher Chen intended to reconcile, San San's father stopped putting on airs. After lighting the cigarette, Chen Yunqi said to him frankly, "Uncle Lu, what happened that day was my fault for being impulsive and rude. Please calm down."
San San's father knew he was in the wrong, but as an elder, he didn't want to admit his mistake in public. Besides, after sobering up that day, he regretted his words and actions. So he simply took the opportunity Chen Yunqi offered to back down: "Hey, it's not a big deal, it's not that serious. Teacher Chen, we're all rough men, and we often offend people when we're drunk. I know you're a cultured person, and we can't compare, but we're old and can't change. Please forgive us."
Chen Yunqi understood the implied meaning in his words—we are not on the same path, we should go our separate ways and not interfere with each other. You will leave sooner or later, so don't meddle in other people's business.
Chen Yunqi glanced at San San, who seemed to have sensed the underlying meaning in his father's words and was looking at Chen Yunqi anxiously, worried that he would be upset again. Chen Yunqi winked at him and then said, "Uncle, you're too kind. You're an elder, you've seen more of the world than I have, so how could I possibly forgive you? Now that I'm here in your area, I will definitely learn to respect your way of life, and please forgive me if I offend you."
After all, San San's father had limited education and eloquence, and at this point, besides saying "uh-huh, okay," he couldn't think of anything else to say. Seeing that the two of them had been rambling on for a long time without really letting go of their grievances, Tang Yutao had no choice but to act as a peacemaker, and took the initiative to bring over a barrel of wine to pour for everyone.
San San, who usually doesn't drink at all, surprisingly asked for an empty glass today, held it up to Tang Yutao, and gestured for him to fill it up. Tang Yutao simply said "Oh" and poured him a drink without hesitation. San San held the glass towards his father and, unusually, said, "Dad, I'd like to toast you. You've worked so hard. I'll try my best to support this family from now on, don't worry."
After saying that, he closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and drank the wine in the glass in one gulp. Not being a good drinker, he finished the glass, and tears welled up in his eyes from the spiciness. His brows furrowed slightly as he tried to suppress the discomfort, and his fair face instantly turned as red as the sunset.
Chen Yunqi was stunned for a few seconds.
San San's father had never seen his son drink on his own initiative. He was quite unaccustomed to the emotional displays between men, especially between father and son, but he was deeply moved. His throat felt a little sore, and to hide it, he quickly drank a glass as well, then smacked his lips and sighed softly, "My son has grown up."
After a few drinks, the atmosphere changed. San San's father became less aloof, and with Tang Yutao mediating between them, the two finally reconciled and started chatting and laughing again.
This interlude has finally come to an end.
After school on Friday, Chen Yunqi went home with Huang Yelin as promised.
Group Six is the most remote part of Tianyun Village. Even the fastest walker would need an hour and a half to get there from the school, so students living in Group Six have to leave earlier than others. The road is difficult, passing several steep cliffs. Tang Yutao and Li Hui rarely go to Group Six, and neither of them particularly likes Huang Yelin, the troublesome student. Hearing that Chen Yunqi was going to his house, they were astonished and practically rolled their eyes.
Huang Yelin and several classmates from the same group ran and jumped ahead, chasing and playing around, completely disregarding the road beneath their feet. Several times, Chen Yunqi watched as they wrestled to the side of the road, with a sheer cliff right next to them, and his heart was in his throat.
Aside from that, the scenery along the way was quite beautiful. As evening approached and the sun set, the distant, fiery clouds painted the sky a vibrant hue. The trees on both sides of the road were bare, overgrown with wild grass, creating a stark contrast to the sky's splendor. A cold wind cut through the air, evoking the feeling of "the sky is cold and blue, the north wind howls through the withered mulberry trees."① Along the way, one frequently encountered herds of cattle and horses grazed by villagers in the mountains, adding a touch of life to this bleak winter scene.
Chen Yunqi was sweating from the walk, so he took off his coat and tied it around his waist. His hiking boots were a bit cumbersome, making his walk less agile than the children's. Looking at the distant red sunset, he thought of San San, who had been drinking the night before. How to describe her appearance? "A drunken beauty with a rosy face"② would be the most fitting description. Tang Yutao was right; anyone who saw him and wasn't astonished by his appearance was definitely not a normal person.
Suddenly, I felt the fine wine intoxicating the spring blossoms, and every smile and frown added a blush to my face. ③ Chen Yunqi was also slightly tipsy last night.
Sure enough, there were several sections along the way where they passed cliffs. The children jumped across with practiced ease, stopped in front, and called back to Teacher Chen. Chen Yunqi, being tall, was prone to losing his balance, so he held onto the cliff face, carefully taking each step. Beside him was a terrifying precipice; just looking down made his legs tremble.
As they entered Group Six, the sun had just set. Huang Yelin led Chen Yunqi to a dilapidated wooden house and said to him, "We've arrived."
Huang Yelin's home was extremely shabby, with few decent items inside. Even the iron frame over the hearth was neither round nor square, standing at an angle. The ashes in the hearth hadn't been shoveled in a long time, as if it hadn't been used for a fire in ages.
Huang Yelin has a five-year-old sister named Huang Xiaoya. Huang Xiaoya isn't old enough to go to school yet and stays home every day. When Chen Yunqi entered the house, the five-year-old was carrying a pig feed bucket almost as tall as herself to feed the pigs. Seeing her brother return, she immediately beamed with joy and cheered repeatedly.
"Brother's back! Brother's back!"
Huang Yelin tossed his schoolbag to the ground, took the bucket from his younger sister, and easily carried it outside. As he walked, he said to Chen Yunqi, "Teacher Chen, please sit down! I'll cook for you after I feed the pigs!" Then he instructed his sister, "Sis, hurry up and start a fire, and get some melon seeds for the teacher!"
Chen Yunqi spent a long time inside the house but didn't see any adults. Huang Xiaoya climbed a ladder to get sunflower seeds from the roof beam. Chen Yunqi saw that the ladder was wobbly and not very sturdy, so he quickly stood up and told her not to take it. Before he could stop her, Huang Xiaoya had already scrambled up the ladder, opened a white flour bag, scooped a bowl of sunflower seeds into it, and was sprinkling them as she climbed down.
Halfway up, Chen Yunqi grabbed her and carried her, bowl and all, down from the height. He put Huang Xiaoya back on the ground, squatted down, and gently said to her, "Thank you."
The little girl smiled shyly.
Chen Yunqi pulled her to sit down and was about to ask if her parents were home when he suddenly heard footsteps. He turned around and saw a thin woman wearing a headscarf and tattered clothes, holding a baby in her arms, walking in with a wide smile.
After Huang Yelin finished feeding the pigs and returned, he pointed to the woman and said to Chen Yunqi, "Teacher Chen, this is my mother."
Chen Yunqi stood up to greet Huang Yelin's mother, but she just grinned and stared at him without responding. Her smile was somewhat stiff and a little foolish. Chen Yunqi felt a little embarrassed and suspicious, but he didn't ask any questions and sat back down.
Huang Yelin was carrying a large pot onto the fire pit and told his sister to fetch some cured meat. Chen Yunqi asked him, "Huang Yelin, where's your father?"
Huang Xiaoya suddenly stopped in her tracks. The little girl, wearing a dirty, tattered pink sweater, looked back at her brother with a disappointed expression. Huang Yelin's busy hands paused for a few seconds, then he raised his head and looked at Chen Yunqi with his big, round eyes.
"My dad...is missing."
A note from the author:
--- ① From Meng Jiao's "Bitter Cold Lament" ② From Li Bai's "Xi Shi" ③ From...I don't remember where I read it...
Chapter Fifteen: Red Heart
“A year ago, a distant relative of ours in Jiaoyuan County introduced my father to work in another city. They said the work was not dirty or tiring and the pay was high. When he left, he said he would go and check things out first and come back in three days, but he hasn’t come back yet. I asked the people who came down the mountain with him, and they said that my father got separated from everyone when he arrived in Haiyuan County. No one has seen him since.”
Huang Yelin's family was destitute, still eating stale rice mixed with cornmeal. He skillfully stir-fried a pot of potatoes and cured meat, served a large bowl of rice to Chen Yunqi, and also filled his sister and mother's bowls, while he himself only filled a small bowl halfway. Since they didn't have plates, everyone just ate the food directly from the pot.
Chen Yunqi offered to exchange his meal with Huang Yelin, but Huang Yelin refused. Chen Yunqi then pretended to be angry: "Don't you listen to your teacher? You're still growing, you need to eat more. I'm not hungry."
With his father gone, his mother in poor health and having just given birth to his younger brother, and his younger sister still small, the frail Huang Yelin became the pillar of the family. Chen Yunqi watched as his eight-year-old son, like a little adult, methodically arranged the household affairs, directing his mother and sister to help him with chores. After dinner and washing the dishes, he went out to bring the horse back, fed it corn, and prepared the pig feed for the next day. By the time he finished all this, it was already 10 p.m.
Huang Xiaoya usually shares a bed with Huang Yelin, but tonight she'll sleep with her mother. She washed her face and feet early and climbed into bed, obediently watching her mother breastfeed her little brother. Huang Yelin added lamp oil to their room and washed the dirty diapers his little brother had used that day before picking up his schoolbag and lying on the straw mat to prepare to do his homework.
Chen Yunqi brought over a small stool and let Huang Yelin use it as a table. After Huang Yelin scribbled a few words like a ghost and did a few math problems, he started yawning repeatedly and his eyelids were drooping.
Now I finally understand why he gets beaten every day for not finishing his homework. Chen Yunqi patted his head and said, "Stop writing. Tomorrow's the weekend, there's no rush to hand it in. Go to sleep early."
Chen Yunqi fetched water and took Huang Yelin to wash up. Huang Yelin didn't have a toothbrush and had never brushed his teeth before, so Chen Yunqi told him to rinse his mouth with hot water. Then they squeezed together onto Huang Yelin's shabby little bed. The wooden wall next to the bed was covered with stickers, cheap stickers printed with cartoon characters that little girls liked, but none of them looked like the real thing—Disney princesses looked like witches with heavy makeup, Sailor Moon looked like a cross-dressing pervert, and the supposedly gray Chip 'n' Roll was painted blue, like a mutant leopard.
Huang Yelin lay curled up on his side inside, while Chen Yunqi lay flat on his back with his arms behind his head and his legs propped up, looking at the ceiling.
Just as they were about to turn off the lights, Huang Yelin suddenly stared at Chen Yunqi with his big, clear eyes and said, "Teacher Chen, tell me a story."
Chen Yunqi was stunned. Tell a story? He had never told a story to anyone before. How was he supposed to do that?
He was in a dilemma, about to tell Huang Yelin that the teacher didn't know how to explain, when he turned his head and met Huang Yelin's expectant gaze, his heart softening. An eight-year-old child should be innocent and carefree, enjoying a carefree childhood, but this boy was bearing burdens far too heavy for him. When night fell, relieved of the day's pressure, he, like many ordinary children, longed for the gentle comfort of his parents, for a story full of childlike wonder, a melodious lullaby, before drifting off to sleep.
Simple and ordinary, yet these are all luxuries.
Chen Yunqi tried hard to recall the stories his grandfather had told him when he was a child. He reached out and tucked the blanket around Huang Yelin, blew out the lamp, and then began to speak slowly and deliberately:
Once upon a time, there was a landlord who kept a clever pigeon...
Chen Yunqi had only told half of the story about the pigeon delivering the message when he heard Huang Yelin's very soft snoring. He didn't stop and continued telling the story in the pitch black, as if he were telling it to himself.
In this story my grandfather made up, the pigeon was killed by bad guys after delivering a very important letter. Every time he heard this story as a child, he would cry. He would ask his grandfather why the bad guys killed the poor pigeon, and his grandfather would explain that it was because they were bad guys and their hearts were black.
Chen Yunqi then said, "Then I don't want to be a bad person; my heart is red." Grandpa said, "That's right, our hearts are all red."
The next day, just as dawn was breaking, Huang Xiaoya ran into the room, climbed onto the bed, and squeezed next to Huang Yelin to tease him. Huang Yelin, still half-asleep, pushed away her little hand that was slapping his face. Looking up, he realized Teacher Chen was gone. He jumped up, dressed, and ran to the main room, where he found Chen Yunqi had already started the fire, the water in the pot was just boiling, and he was scooping cornmeal from the vat, preparing to cook some porridge.
"Teacher Chen, why are you up so early!" Huang Yelin, dressed crookedly, rubbed his eyes and came over to help carry the pot.
Chen Yunqi frowned at him: "You still want to ask me? You were grinding your teeth and talking in your sleep all night, and you even stuck your toes on my face. If you weren't still a child, I would have thrown you out long ago."
Huang Yelin rubbed the back of his head and then his nose, just grinning sheepishly at Chen Yunqi. Chen Yunqi then asked Huang Xiaoya, "Is your brother always this restless in his sleep?"
Huang Xiaoya immediately threw herself into Chen Yunqi's arms and complained aggrievedly, "That's right! He squeezes me in every night, I don't like sleeping with my brother! I want my own bed too!"
Chen Yunqi pinched her still chubby cheeks and gently stroked her little nose, saying, "You're still so young. What if the big bad wolf comes in the night? Aren't you scared?"
Upon hearing the name "Big Bad Wolf," Huang Xiaoya's face showed fear. She nodded repeatedly and timidly replied, "I'm scared."
"So now your brother will stay by your side to protect you. When you grow up and are no longer afraid of the big bad wolf, your brother won't be able to sleep with you anymore."
"When will I grow up? I want to go to school too! I want to go to the county town with my dad to buy dolls! I want to eat popsicles! Will I have money when I grow up? I want to buy myself pretty dresses! Teacher Chen, do you have any dresses? I don't have any dresses. When I have dresses, will you still come to see me...?"
Huang Xiaoya, like a little sparrow, chirped and chattered about all sorts of wishes she had. Chen Yunqi watched the excited little girl with a smile, patiently listening to her and responding to her myriad of questions.
My heart is shattered, like it's soaking in salt water, the pain is unbearable.
Your teacher hopes you'll never grow up.
I will never understand why my father is gone; perhaps he will return soon. I will never understand why my mother is different from others; I only know that my mother loves me very much. I will always sleep peacefully beside my brother, never having to face the lonely night alone. I will always hold beautiful dreams for the outside world, never discovering the cruelty of reality.
Huang Yelin remained silent the whole time. Chen Yunqi talked to Huang Xiaoya while slowly pouring the prepared cornmeal into the boiling water, stirring it, and then asked Huang Yelin, "Is there anything else to eat?"
Huang Yelin said, "I'll go next door and get some potatoes and sweet potatoes." After saying that, he stood up and walked out.
The cornmeal porridge was ready, and Huang Yelin led a woman in her fifties through the door. The woman was carrying a basket of potatoes and sweet potatoes. She smiled at Chen Yunqi as she entered, and Huang Yelin said, "Teacher Chen, this is Huang Shuai's grandmother. She's brought us some food."
The Huang family is Han Chinese, and unlike the Sheng family, they don't have a strict generational hierarchy, so their names are chosen more casually. Huang Shuai is also a student at Tianyun Elementary School, and is one year younger than Huang Yelin.
Huang Shuai and his grandmother looked very similar. Huang's grandmother handed the things in her hand to Chen Yunqi, sat down next to him, and said to Chen Yunqi with a warm smile, "Teacher Chen, why didn't you come into our room?"