Chen Yunqi was at the very end of the queue. After boarding the plane, he found his window seat and fastened his seatbelt. Just then, a flight attendant approached him and his neighbor, reminding them, "Sir, Madam, your seats are at the emergency exit. The emergency exits will only open in case of an emergency. Please carefully read the emergency exit safety instructions and cooperate with the crew to evacuate passengers if necessary..."
Chen Yunqi doesn't really like flying. Although air travel is relatively time-saving, there's no scenery to see along the way. He chose to take the train for his journey, and regardless of the length of the trip, he would get off at each stop to have a smoke, look at the local snacks sold on the platform, and listen to the locals speak their dialects. In his view, this kind of lively, down-to-earth experience is what makes a complete journey.
The roar of the engines was deafening and gave him a headache. The plane sped towards the end of the runway, and only when it took off did Chen Yunqi belatedly realize that he was really leaving.
Recalling his descent down the mountain, he had constantly restrained himself from looking back. Several times he almost gave in, wishing he could run back immediately and kidnap San San without a second thought. Although San San had cruelly bid him farewell to his face, Chen Yunqi had never doubted her love for him. Every word San San had spoken, every glance she had given, was so real, so tangible. He knew San San was definitely evading the question, and if he were to force her to make a choice based on their relationship now, she might not be able to live peacefully outside in the future. Chen Yunqi couldn't be so selfish, just as San San couldn't be so selfish either.
It was the same road I had come by, but now I was all alone. Autumn had passed and spring had come; the desolate mountains and wilderness had unknowingly become lush and vibrant with life. Trees were flourishing and springs were beginning to flow; the new greenery covering the mountains and fields was calming, yet I could not achieve inner peace.
After arriving at the foot of the mountain, Chen Yunqi hailed an unlicensed taxi and paid a generous fee for the driver to take him directly to C City Airport without stopping.
He rushed to buy a ticket for the last flight, and the hurried journey briefly masked his inner pain. He pulled back the window shade, watching the city buildings gradually shrink in scale until they became like sand table models. As the plane pierced through the thick fog and soared into the endless night, he finally felt himself getting further and further away from San San.
Most passengers became drowsy shortly after takeoff. The flight attendant thoughtfully turned off the cabin lights, and the lady next to him, engrossed in a thick English book, didn't even notice the change in lighting. Chen Yunqi reached out and turned on the overhead light for her. Startled by the light, she looked up in surprise, but quickly returned a friendly smile to Chen Yunqi.
Chen Yunqi closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, trying to fall asleep, but he couldn't. His heart felt like it was tangled in a knot, the other end of which was tied to the young man in the mountains. As the distance between them grew, his senses weakened, but the knot remained untied and unresolved.
How is my San San doing now?
It was midnight when the plane arrived over its destination. After the cabin announcement that the plane was about to arrive, the cabin lights suddenly turned on, and all the passengers were awakened from their sleep. The flight attendants checked each passenger and adjusted their seat backs. They all got up and lined up to use the restrooms before they closed.
Chen Yunqi rubbed his sore eyelids and looked out the window. A scattering of lights twinkled on the ground, and the plane was low enough that he could clearly see the endless stream of vehicles on the overpass. He turned his head and met the gaze of the woman next to him, who was also looking out the window. The two exchanged friendly smiles and greetings once again.
In the bright light, Chen Yunqi could see that the woman sitting next to him was elegant and poised. She wore a dark green, high-quality silk blouse, and her thick, tan curly hair cascaded over her shoulders. A valuable diamond earring adorned one of her exposed white earlobes. Her meticulously applied makeup made her look neither tired nor old. She smiled and asked Chen Yunqi, "Are you here on a trip?"
Chen Yunqi shook his head and said, "Go home."
"Oh, you work in City C? You must have just graduated. You look very young."
Her tone was very calm and composed, without any excessive curiosity or probing intent. Instead, it carried a sense of familiarity. Chen Yunqi smiled somewhat embarrassedly and said, "I studied in S City. I did just graduate, but I'm not exactly young anymore."
The plane had not received clearance from the ground to land and was forced to circle continuously over the city. Passengers erupted in another round of discontent, causing even the most composed passengers to become agitated.
The woman next to him extended her hand and said, "What a coincidence, I also work in S City. My name is Xue Meng, you can just call me Sister Meng."
Chen Yunqi extended his hand and shook her hand briefly, saying, "Hello, Sister Meng, my name is Chen Yunqi."
During their conversation, Sister Meng told Chen Yunqi that she ran a fairly large bar in S City and was visiting a sick relative at home. When she heard that Chen Yunqi was studying finance, she immediately smiled and said, "My husband also works in investment banking. When you come back to S City, come to my bar sometime and I'll introduce you. But he's very busy, working overtime every day, so I rarely see him."
Chen Yunqi smiled and said, "Indeed, there's a saying in investment banking: 'Don't marry a female investment banker, don't marry a male trader.' Working in this industry is all about working day and night, and the pressure is really immense."
Sister Meng also had a very good impression of this refined and presentable young man. She brushed the stray hairs that had fallen to the side of her face behind her ear, smiled elegantly, and said, "Working so hard, do you still want to work in investment banking?"
Chen Yunqi thought about it carefully before answering, "I do want to. To be honest, I might be more interested in operating experience, but I'd rather start from the basics, accumulate experience in the Analyst Program, and learn how to increase profit margins and market share by paying attention to industry trends, rather than just focusing on industry depth..."
Seeing the sparkle in the young man's eyes as he talked about his field of expertise, Sister Meng interrupted him with a smile, saying, "Stop talking, I don't understand a single word of your industry jargon." She unscrewed a bottle of purified water, took a sip with her red lips, and continued, "To be honest, your expression just now was just like my husband's. He looks like that when he talks about work with the guys in his department."
“You guys,” she pointed to her eyes, “have written all your passion here.”
Chen Yunqi realized that Sister Meng was praising him, and smiled at her calmly. The plane finally landed smoothly. After walking out of the departure building, Sister Meng pointed to the line of people waiting for a car on the roadside and said, "There are so many people. My family has a car coming to pick you up. Can I give you a ride?"
Chen Yunqi politely declined, saying, "I'm going to the suburbs, which is a bit far and probably not on my way. Thank you, Sister Meng."
Meng didn't try to persuade him further. She took out her phone, exchanged phone numbers with Chen Yunqi, said goodbye, and jogged in her high heels towards the black car waiting across the street. Only then did Chen Yunqi realize that she had no luggage except for a paper bag filled with books.
She seemed like a free-spirited and straightforward woman, Chen Yunqi thought to himself as he gazed at her slender back.
After watching Mengjie leave, he queued up and got into a taxi, heading straight back to his grandmother's house.
As he entered the military compound, he could see the familiar streetlamp in front of the family quarters from afar, its old, yellowish light shining as if it had been waiting for a long time. In the open space in front of the building, his childhood favorite swivel chair was being pushed around by the wind all by itself, making a rusty, rattling sound in the darkness.
Chen Yunqi returned without prior notice. The moment he knocked on the door and saw his grandmother, he instantly shed his travel-worn demeanor. A mix of grievances, sadness, anger, and disappointment welled up in his heart, like a child who had failed an exam returning to his kind grandmother, eagerly seeking a word of comforting affection.
Grandma was extremely surprised by his sudden appearance. She quickly took his hand and led him into the house, where she sat him on the sofa and began to ask him all sorts of questions.
"Why did you come back so suddenly? Did you tell your mother? Did she send a car to pick you up?"
Noticing his dejected expression, Grandma couldn't help but ask, "What happened? Why do you look so haggard?"
Chen Yunqi forced a smile and said to his grandmother, "It's nothing, I'm just tired and homesick."
He hadn't been back for several years, and when he occasionally called, he only reported good news and never bad. When she suddenly heard him say he missed home, her grandmother had a bad feeling. She was sure he had encountered some difficulties or suffered some setbacks, so she lovingly stroked his back and said, "I heard from your mother that you went to teach in a rural area. Is it not going well?"
Chen Yunqi shook his head again. His grandmother sighed and said, "Your mother has had a hard life. I know you are the most sensible person and can understand her. Although she has not cared much about you over the years, no matter what happens or what difficulties you face, you should still tell your family. Your family will always be your strong support."
His grandmother's loving care flowed like a sweet spring into Chen Yunqi's heart. His pent-up emotions, which he had no one else to confide in, finally found solace. He looked up at his grandmother and abruptly said, "I've fallen for a boy, a very serious kind of liking... no, it's love. I love him. I thought I could handle everything, but now I don't know if I've already lost him..."
Grandma was visibly stunned upon hearing this. Chen Yunqi didn't dare look into her cloudy eyes, lowered his head and said, "I feel very sorry for you and Grandpa, sorry for the way you raised and taught me."
Grandma didn't respond immediately, but asked hesitantly, "Are you talking about your neighbor, Xiaosong?"
“No,” Chen Yunqi said, still keeping his head down, “It’s a boy I met on the mountain, named San San. It was only after meeting him that I realized I might not like girls… His parents found out about our relationship, and they couldn’t accept or understand it, so we… broke up now.”
"Grandma, I'm sorry," Chen Yunqi finally mustered the courage to look up at her and say, "I don't know why I've become like this, but I just love him, I love him like I'm bewitched..."
Grandma raised her thin, withered arm and gently patted Chen Yunqi's shoulder, sighing as she said, "If you don't like girls, then you don't like them. As long as you're happy. Grandma is old and doesn't understand you young people's affairs. Your grandpa and I loved you the most, and you were the one he worried about most before he passed away. You're a good child who values relationships, so don't let your parents' unhappy marriage affect you. Think things through carefully, okay?"
“I know,” Chen Yunqi said, slightly surprised by her grandmother’s attitude, but still emphasized to her again, “I’ve thought it through, but I don’t know if there will be any chance for me to be with him again.”
"Now that you're back, get some rest and don't overthink things. Go to sleep early," Grandma said, standing up and draping Chen Yunqi's coat over the back of the chair. "It's rare for you to come back, so come with me to sweep your grandfather's grave tomorrow."
After Grandma finished speaking, she went back to her room to rest. Chen Yunqi washed up and lay down on Grandpa's bed. Grandpa's quilt cover had been washed until it was faded, but he had never thrown it away. For decades, it had always smelled of laundry detergent, and it felt clean and fluffy against his skin. He hadn't slept for two days straight. Even though his heart was still full of worry and longing for San San, the moment he touched the familiar pillow and blankets, he could no longer stay awake and fell asleep from exhaustion.
The next morning, Chen Yunqi woke up to the rich aroma of milk tea. He stared at the marks he had made as a child on the leather headboard and suddenly couldn't remember where he was. He remained in a daze for a long time until his grandmother lifted the curtain and called him for breakfast, at which point he groggily got out of bed.
After dinner, he packed the items needed for tomb sweeping and accompanied his grandmother out the door. In early spring in the north, the snow had just melted, and the ground was covered with mud mixed with snowmelt and dust. After only a few steps, his trouser legs were splattered with mud.
The cemetery was also in the suburbs, not far from home. Although the weather was still a bit chilly and the spring breeze was not yet warm, the air after the snowfall was very clean and fresh. Chen Yunqi helped his grandmother walk slowly forward. Along the way, his grandmother did not mention the events of the previous night, but only inquired about his studies.
This was Chen Yunqi's first visit to his maternal grandfather's grave. During the funeral that year, he stayed outside the crematorium and refused to leave. Even after the ashes had been taken out and buried, and the mourners had dispersed, he remained motionless, staring at the door, his expression as if he were simply waiting for someone who had gone out for a walk and never returned.
A few days ago, a heavy snow fell. Chen Yunqi picked up a dry branch to sweep away the water on the tombstone, straightened the fallen incense burner and artificial chrysanthemums, opened a bottle of red paint, and used a brush to fill in the illegible characters on the tombstone.
After tidying up, he unfolded the folding stool he had brought with him and helped his grandmother sit down, then lit the paper money and incense. As she burned the paper money, his grandmother murmured to the deceased about everyday matters, recounting the children's affairs, neighborhood matters, and recent political news in detail. Finally, as the paper money burned out and the ashes were swept up by the wind and danced in the air, his grandmother looked up at the drifting ash and said to Chen Yunqi, "Look, it flew quite high; your grandfather received it all."
Chen Yunqi lit a cigarette, took a few puffs, then took out the pipe he had bought at the market in Qinghe Town from his backpack and placed it in front of the tombstone along with the cigarette. He said to the cold stone, "Grandpa, I'm late. I've done so many wrong things while you were gone. You must have seen them all from heaven, right? Weren't I incredibly stupid? If only you were here, you would have told me what to do."
Chen Yunqi's eyes stung with tears. He looked up at the sky and silently said in his heart, "Grandpa, I dare not ask for your forgiveness. I only hope that if you are watching over me from heaven, you will bless San San and that kind child who said that if we cannot die together, then we can only be separated."
Spring soon arrived in the northern city with its distinct four seasons. Chen Yunqi settled in at his grandmother's house, taking walks and gathering firewood every morning, going to the market to buy groceries in the afternoon, and occasionally accompanying her to church gatherings to sing hymns. His grandmother was also a devout Christian, and in the days when her children were not around, she prayed twice a day.
Tang Yutao hadn't called, but Li Laoqi often sent messages. He was poorly literate, so his messages were mostly incoherent, often just short greetings like "Little one, how are you doing lately?" and "Eat more, take care of yourself." Occasionally, he'd send a multimedia message or two, a blurry photo of Li Dong, Li Qin, and Li Ye standing side-by-side on a dirt slope, their expressions blank as they faced the camera. Looking at the photos, Chen Yunqi could almost picture Li Laoqi telling them to stand up straight, saying, "This is for Teacher Chen to see." He felt a pang of sympathy, but never replied. He only mimicked his grandmother's prayers at church, offering prayers for health and peace for those far away.
Time flies, and three months have passed in the blink of an eye. The branches are laden with bright orange apricots, and the ripe fruit has fallen to the ground. Picking one up and biting into it is so sweet it's almost cloying. In the days before his departure, Chen Yunqi finally met with his mother, who was constantly flying around. Hearing that the scholarship program for Tianyun Elementary School seemed to be progressing smoothly, he breathed a sigh of relief, packed his bags, and returned to S City.
The ashtray, which hadn't been cleaned before leaving, was already moldy, and the only potted plant on the balcony had withered. Everything in the house smelled damp and rotten, including the bag of clothes left by Yu Xiaosong in the closet.
Chen Yunqi spent the entire day airing out the quilts and cleaning the room. In the evening, after showering, he collapsed onto the bed, lost in thought, when his phone suddenly rang. The usually cheerful ringtone sounded urgent in the empty room. Chen Yunqi got up and picked up the phone. Seeing the words "Tang Yutao" on the screen, he panicked. He calmed himself for a moment before pressing the answer button. That familiar yet unfamiliar voice came from the phone, and its opening words were like a bolt from the blue.
"Old Chen... Li Laoqi is dead."
A note from the author:
①From Tao Yuanming's "Returning Home" (with preface) ②I vaguely remember this saying, but it's not very accurate... It's late. I wanted to thank all the friends who sent me starfish and tips, but there's no one-click thank-you function, so I'll just send my greetings from afar. I'm happiest when I see your comments and when you come to find me on Weibo~ We'll meet again soon! Thank you for every click.
Chapter Sixty-Two: Escape
"What did you say...?"
The room was quiet. Chen Yunqi held his phone for a long time, not understanding what Tang Yutao was saying. He stood shirtless in front of the table, the cold air from the air conditioner above him making his back feel cold.
"Li Laoqi is dead..." Tang Yutao repeated, choking back tears. For the first time, he, who was usually easygoing, showed his grief.
One person on the other's end of the phone was struggling to understand, while the other was trying to organize their thoughts; both fell silent for a moment. After a long while, Chen Yunqi forced himself to regain his senses from the shock and asked in a still-unacceptable tone, "How could this be... what happened?"
Tang Yutao sighed deeply and said, "After you left, Third Uncle and Teacher Sheng led people from Groups Two and Three to cause a huge scene at the school. Unable to find you, they made trouble, accusing us of corrupting the village's atmosphere and distributing supplies unfairly. They demanded we leave Tianyun Village and threatened to report us to the county education bureau. Li Laoqi spoke up for what was right and was ridiculed and isolated. He was pointed at and ostracized in the village, and after spring planting, he went to work on the riverbank. Three days ago, he fell to his death at the construction site..."
Most of the workers at the river dam construction site were temporary workers, without labor contracts or personal protection. Due to lax site management and failure to strictly enforce safety regulations for working at heights, Li Laoqi, who had never received any professional guidance, fell from a height of tens of meters without any protective measures and died on the spot.
Chen Yunqi's mind went blank. Tang Yutao's words sounded so unreal, as if he were recounting an accident from a news report. Those tragic events that could only be read about on television and in newspapers were heartbreaking, but they were always so distant that people could never truly empathize with them.
Chen Yunqi still had text messages from Li Laoqi in his phone's inbox, but he couldn't glean any sense of disappointment from those brief, error-ridden words. The image of Li Laoqi's dark, weathered face floated into his mind, imagining his honest smile even as people gossiped and insulted him behind his back. The thought of Li Laoqi lying in his cramped, stuffy mobile home after a day of grueling labor, texting him, made his heart feel as if it were being squeezed and crushed by an invisible hand, almost bursting. A suffocating feeling violently pounded in his chest.
"Where is he now...? Where is Third Sister?" Chen Yunqi asked through gritted teeth, struggling to steady his hand, which was trembling so much he could barely hold the phone.
“The person has been sent back to the mountain. They were burned yesterday afternoon... Third Aunt... Third Aunt has been crying for days. Li Hui and I are currently in Haiyuan County dealing with the lawsuit for compensation. The construction site is trying to use connections to suppress us. The media’s undercover investigations and exposures are being obstructed. The relevant departments are just muddling through and not doing anything. It’s too troublesome and a real headache.”
“It’s been three days… Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have gone back immediately, at least let me… let me see him off…” Chen Yunqi said weakly with his eyes closed.
“Old Chen…you…sigh, I didn’t want to tell you, afraid it would upset you. I don’t know what you’re thinking now, whether you still want to get involved in this mess…but…” Tang Yutao hesitated, then said after a moment of thought, “But San San went with you too. He asked me not to tell you, but after Li Laoqi’s accident, I’ve been thinking about it and I’m still worried. This job is too dangerous…”
"Wait a minute," Chen Yunqi tensed up immediately upon hearing the name San San, fearing he might be involved in the matter. He quickly interrupted Tang Yutao, asking anxiously, "He went along too? What does that mean? Where did he go? Where is he now? Is he safe?"
Before Tang Yutao could answer, he snapped angrily, "What's wrong with your brain? He told you not to talk about it, so you didn't? You!"
"Damn it, don't be so hasty, listen to me first..." Tang Yutao seemed to have anticipated his reaction and hurriedly explained, "I was wrong, okay? Don't rush to scold me, and don't blame San San, he had no choice! You don't know... Uncle Lu originally promised that as long as he broke off with you, he would let him go to school, but who knew that bastard Sheng Xueshu came back from the county meeting and told him the whole story of the Tianyun Elementary School one-on-one assistance program. After he found out that the sponsor was your mother, he refused to let San San go no matter what, forcing San San to go to work in the riverbank with his mother. San San was afraid that you would be disappointed, so he begged me not to tell you..."
"You have no idea how he's been these past few days... Sigh, he was locked up in his room for a whole month before being released, and no one treated his injuries. His father watches him everywhere he goes. Besides working in the fields, he just sits at the crossroads in a daze, often for an entire day..."
Chen Yunqi froze, holding his phone, unable to hear a single word that followed.
He thought that once he left, San San's father would forgive San San, and the whole thing would be forgotten over time. He thought that once San San graduated high school and got into university, he might find another opportunity to see him, even if it was just from afar.
But he never expected that so many things would happen in just three months. The problems he thought he could solve by leaving would leave endless troubles for San San, Li Laoqi, and even Tang Yutao and Li Hui.
"Keep an eye on him for me. I'm booking a flight back now." He opened his laptop with one hand and said without hesitation, forcing himself to stay calm.
"Damn it! No, no, no!" Tang Yutao pleaded, "Don't be impulsive. You see, I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you'd act rashly and come back. San San is alright now. Although he can't go to school, at least his dad's attitude towards him has improved a little. Uncle Lu is inciting everyone to see you as a thorn in their side. If you come back again, whether you can take San San away is another matter. You might even get him beaten up again."
Chen Yunqi's hand, which was holding the mouse, suddenly stopped. The words were like a wake-up call. The sight of San San, covered in wounds, brought back the painful memories that had been buried deep in his heart but could not be erased by time. They ruthlessly crushed his youthful vigor and pushed him into despair once again.
Overwhelmed by guilt, regret, and heartache, he stared helplessly at the flight ticket purchase page on his computer screen and said, "What can I do now..."
"I don't know either, let me think of another way..." Tang Yutao could understand Chen Yunqi's feelings at this moment, but he also felt that he was willing but unable to do anything, so he could only try to comfort him in a vague way to dispel his impulsive thoughts.
After hanging up the phone, Chen Yunqi sat on the bed, covering his face. Caught completely off guard, he was caught off guard by these sudden messages. He tried hard to recall the contents of Li Laoqi's last message, but he couldn't remember it at all, and he didn't have the courage to open his phone to check. Only then did he realize that he didn't even know Li Laoqi's real name.
Chen Yunqi still couldn't believe that he had left without a word, leaving behind three young children. The village would never again see the smiling son-in-law who used to drive his sheep along the path, and San Niang would never again see her husband who would pull out cheap trinkets from his pocket to please her.
His heart ached so much he could hardly breathe; opening all the windows in the house did nothing. Chen Yunqi finished a whole pack of cigarettes, splashing cold water on his face, but still couldn't alleviate the indescribable oppression and pain. For the first time, he felt a fear of loneliness, his once warm and safe home suddenly feeling terrifyingly empty. A surge of unprecedented longing welled up within him—a longing for someone by his side, a longing to feel the breath of life. He wished he could get completely drunk, and how wonderful it would be if, upon sobering up, he discovered it was all just a nightmare.
Chen Yunqi couldn't bear to be alone any longer. He hurriedly put on a coat, grabbed the keys and phone from the table, and rushed out the door in a panic.
At midnight, the city's night was just beginning. Chen Yun got out of the taxi, walked past a couple vomiting by a trash can on the side of the road, and entered a bar called CityDream.
Inside the American retro-style bar, an elegantly dressed singer was softly singing a jazz version of "The Hands That Built America." Her deep, husky female voice was captivating. Chen Yunqi, standing at the entrance, had only listened for a few moments when he was interrupted by a waiter. Learning that the bar had a members-only policy and he needed to show his VIP card to enter, he took out his phone to double-check the address in the text message and said to the waiter, "Hello, I'm looking for Sister Meng."
The waiter wore a puzzled yet very polite expression: "Sister Meng? Is this your guest?"
Looking at the earnest expression on the face of the waiter dressed in an elegant vest and bow tie, Chen Yunqi suddenly found himself deliberately ridiculous. He realized that he was ultimately not comfortable in such places. If he really wanted to get drunk, he would rather buy a bottle of Erguotou from the convenience store downstairs and drink it all by himself.
Thinking of this, Chen Yunqi smiled and waved his hand, giving up on communicating. Just as he turned to leave, someone grabbed his arm, and when he turned around, it was Xue Meng.
"Why are you leaving now that you've come all this way? Don't you like it here?" Xue Meng asked him with a smile.