A wave of revulsion washed over him. The usually mild-mannered Chen Yunqi was suddenly provoked into a rebellious mood. He impatiently interrupted the incessantly chattering Zhou Jun and said in an icy tone, "It's none of my business who comes. I said I won't reply. I'm hanging up."
"How the hell do you talk to me like that? You think you're all grown up now? If it weren't for me, would you have even come to S City? Who the hell taught you to be so ungrateful and treacherous?"
Chen Yunqi hung up the phone decisively, took a deep breath to calm himself down, and was about to take out a cigarette when he suddenly heard San San rushing out of the house and shouting to him, "Brother! Come quick, San San is not doing well!"
Upon hearing this, Chen Yunqi threw down his cigarette and quickly followed San San back into the house. In the cardboard box by the hearth, little San San was kneeling weakly, her eyes closed and her breathing shallow. There was a puddle of diarrhea beneath her, which had soiled the freshly washed white wool again.
San San brought over some tissues, and Chen Yunqi, ignoring the stench, wiped it clean, then held it in his arms and called to it softly. San San heard the sound, slightly opened its eyes, bleated twice at Chen Yunqi, then closed its eyes again and remained still.
"Oh dear, I'm afraid it won't work. Did you ruin it this morning?" San San's mother said as she passed by with a bamboo basket in her hand.
Chen Yunqi frowned, didn't answer, and moved closer to the fire pit with Xiao San San in his arms, regretting it to the core.
Even if he lacked common sense, he should have realized that such a small lamb couldn't possibly take a bath in this cold weather. Leaving aside whether the lamb even needs a bath, even if it did, it should be licked by the mother sheep, not washed with soap and hot water.
San San was also very worried and couldn't bear to see Chen Yunqi so upset. He knelt down, took Chen Yunqi's arm, and whispered to the silent man with his head down, "Brother, don't worry, let's see if there's any other way. This isn't your fault..."
"Is there a veterinarian in the village?" Chen Yunqi suddenly looked up and asked with red eyes, "Even if it's in Group 1 or Group 6, it doesn't matter. No need for anyone to come over, I'll carry it over myself."
San San bit her lower lip, and after a long while, she lowered her eyes and shook her head.
"No... it's common for livestock to get sick and die. People are too busy taking care of themselves to bother treating animals..."
Chen Yunqi looked at Xiao San San in his arms, feeling both helpless and heartbroken. The last glimmer of hope vanished as San San finished speaking; its fate had already been altered once by Chen Yunqi, and now there was nothing he could do but pray for a miracle.
But where in the world are there so many miracles? Just like that big carp back then, Xiao San San was just a life that shouldn't have existed in this world. She was just a drop in the ocean among all living beings, and it's already a miracle that she's survived to this day.
Chen Yunqi felt that time was passing very slowly and was difficult to endure.
Little San San gradually stopped breathing in his arms.
The image of it desperately chasing after him, trying to nurse from the strange mother sheep, was still vivid in his mind. Chen Yunqi held Xiao San San with a heavy expression, watching helplessly as the little life he had personally saved ultimately perished in his hands.
San San sat there blankly, not knowing what to do. She could only gently pat his back, trying to offer him some futile comfort. After sitting like that for a long time, Chen Yunqi finally came to his senses, put San San's body back into the cardboard box, picked it up, and walked out.
San San seemed to guess what he was going to do. She went into the house, rummaged through the closet, found a piece of clothing, tucked it into her clothes, and hurried after him.
Chen Yunqi carried the cardboard box and walked straight into the woods behind the school. He walked quickly, jogging for a while before catching up and taking his hand.
There was no one in the woods. Holding hands tightly, they crossed ravines and weeds until they reached a cliff edge. Chen Yunqi squatted down at the edge, took out the little San San from the cardboard box, and gently held its now-cold body, saying softly, "I'm sorry I couldn't take good care of you. This is where I'll leave you. Go and reunite with your mother."
San San unfolded the old clothes that Sheng Xiaoyan had worn when she was a child and handed them to Chen Yunqi. She said to him softly, "Brother, wrap yourself in this. Go in a child's clothes. In your next life, be reborn as a human being and don't be a miserable animal anymore."
Chen Yunqi took the clothes, wrapped Xiao San San up carefully, held her up to the edge of the cliff, hesitated for a moment, and then suddenly let go.
Little San San rolled down the cliff without making a sound.
The wind was strong at the edge of the cliff, making people sway and lose their balance. San San reached out and pulled Chen Yunqi, who was squatting on the edge of the cliff, back. Chen Yunqi slumped backward as if he had lost his bones and fell into San San's arms in a daze.
San San felt extremely sorry for him. She opened her arms and hugged him tightly, shielding him from the biting cold wind. She rested his head against her chest, twirled his stray hairs between her fingers, and whispered in his ear, "Brother, don't be sad, you still have me."
Chen Yunqi buried his head in his arms, so quiet that even his breathing was inaudible. San San didn't know if he was blaming himself or silently shedding tears, until the distant clouds rolled in with the sunset and wisps of smoke rose from the opposite mountain. Only then did he slightly move his numb limbs, and when he spoke, his voice was as hoarse as a dry well.
"San San, don't leave me."
Chapter Forty Speculation
"No, don't worry," San San gently patted Chen Yunqi's back while softly comforting him, "If Little San San is gone, there's still Big San San. From now on, I'll be your little shadow, wherever you go, I'll go."
They sat on the cliff edge for an entire afternoon, both of them freezing. When they got home, they warmed themselves by the fire. Chen Yunqi then dug a small pit behind the house, lit a fire, and threw in the towels, bottles, and other odds and ends that Xiao San San had used to burn. He planned to keep the few cans of milk powder left for the unborn baby in the mute family.
Without the little white figure running around in the room, Chen Yunqi felt a little uneasy. Occasionally, he would still wake up suddenly at night, instinctively reaching for his pillow, but hearing no familiar call, he would remember that Xiao San San was no longer there and no longer needed to get up to feed her.
In the days leading up to the Lunar New Year, San San's family, like everyone else in the village, was busy preparing food for the holiday. Besides slaughtering pigs, making sausages and cured meat, every Yi family must make tofu for the New Year. The firmness of the tofu is used to predict the fortune of the coming year—firm tofu indicates good luck and peace, while firm tofu indicates the opposite.
Chen Yunqi spent the afternoon grinding soybeans in the yard. He brought the ground soybean milk into the kitchen and handed it to San San's mother, but before he could even see how to make tofu, he was chased out. He stood at the door looking at San San with a puzzled expression, and San San explained to him that outsiders were not allowed to enter when adding alkali to the tofu, otherwise it would wash away the good luck.
Chen Yunqi was exhausted and his back ached. After hearing this, he could only sit down dejectedly next to the stone mill and smoke. He picked up some soybeans scattered on the ground and used them as targets to shoot at the rooster in the yard. San San watched as the poor rooster was shot and scattered in all directions. The more he shot, the more enthusiastic he became, his mischievous behavior just like Huang Yelin's.
San San originally disliked the smell of smoke. Although almost everyone in the village smoked, he often had no way to avoid it. But when Chen Yunqi smoked, he could never help but watch him with fascination.
Chen Yunqi tried his best to exhale smoke in the opposite direction, but some smoke inevitably drifted over. San San didn't mind; instead, she moved closer to him, watching him hold the cigarette between his slender fingers, take a deep breath, and then exhale slowly, the smoke drifting and obscuring his handsome profile.
Those lips...that nose...those eyes...that alluring chin and Adam's apple...
Teacher Chen is so beautiful...
San San stared intently at those red, moist lips, and couldn't help but swallow.
Chen Yunqi finished picking up the soybeans on the ground and then got up to look for some on the stone mill. Suddenly, he noticed that San San was staring at him. He was unusually shy, but it only lasted for a moment. He quickly realized what was going on, grinned, and said, "What are you looking at? Want a smoke?"
San San was still lost in admiration for his handsome looks, nodding blankly. Chen Yunqi immediately flicked her forehead with his finger, bringing her back to her senses. She lowered her eyes, rubbed her forehead, and said aggrievedly, "Ouch...it hurts."
"It's supposed to hurt," Chen Yunqi stubbed out his cigarette, raised an eyebrow, and looked at him sideways. "You don't learn the good things."
San San pouted and remained silent, but Chen Yunqi found him incredibly cute. So, taking advantage of the fact that no one was around, he put his arm around San San's shoulder, blew on the spot on San San's forehead that he had flicked a few times, and said casually, "Is it done now?"
San San complained, "What's the use of blowing on it a few times? It still hurts!"
Chen Yunqi was both amused and exasperated. "Didn't you teach me to blow on it and it would stop hurting? Is that how you dismissed me last time?"
San San turned her face away and ignored him. After a while, she said again, "You don't learn the good things."
Chen Yunqi was amused and reached out to pinch his chin, forcing his face back to look at him. He pretended to be fierce and said, "Don't be naughty!"
In the kitchen, San San's mother and Xiao Yan were busy cooking, and a rich aroma wafted from the pot. In the courtyard at dusk, two handsome boys sat side by side, secretly hooking their little fingers together and whispering kisses under the cover of twilight.
San San, chin in hand, gazed at the rooster that had just returned from seeking refuge outside, and suddenly asked, "Brother, how did you usually spend the Spring Festival?"
Chen Yunqi scratched his head, organizing his thoughts for a while before letting out a barely audible sigh and saying, "In previous years... I don't remember. I was always alone, with a friend by my side."
San San stared wide-eyed in surprise, seemingly unable to believe it, and asked again, "Why aren't you with your family?"
Chen Yunqi smiled and said, "I haven't spent Chinese New Year at home since my grandfather passed away. Everyone is getting busier and busier, and we don't value family reunions as much as we used to. My memories of Chinese New Year from childhood to adulthood are all related to my grandfather, so I've never been able to face the fact that he's gone."
San San nodded thoughtfully, indicating that he understood. Looking at Chen Yunqi's somewhat forlorn expression, he felt a pang of sadness. Even though he himself had many unhappy and sorrowful moments, at least his parents and sister were by his side, caring for and loving him. San San suddenly seemed to understand why he always looked so melancholy, especially the way he smoked. At the prime of his youth, he seemed to have experienced many hardships, having long since seen through the illusions of the world and become as still as water.
“Tell me about it, I want to hear it. I want to know how you and Grandpa celebrated the New Year when I wasn’t around?” San San suddenly started to whine to him, her eyes sparkling with stars.
Teacher Chen couldn't resist such sweet talk. Upon hearing this, she immediately patted his head affectionately and said dotingly, "Okay, I'll tell you whatever you want to hear."
When the past was brought up, Chen Yunqi unconsciously took out a cigarette, lit it, and took a few puffs before speaking slowly.
“When I was little, Chinese New Year was nothing special. My mom was busy, so she would always call to ask me what I needed or what the family needed, and then she would buy it and have someone deliver it. She would also buy me new clothes, but she always bought the wrong size.”
Once they started talking, they couldn't stop.
“When I was little, my family would make a lot of food for Chinese New Year. My maternal grandparents were from the south. For Chinese New Year, they would pound steamed glutinous rice until it was soft and sticky, spread it with roasted sesame seeds and make it into glutinous rice cakes. I especially loved eating them. They would be even more fragrant if they were fried in oil the next day.”
Speaking of delicious food, Chen Yunqi suddenly felt hungry and couldn't help but smack his lips, reminiscing about the delicious food from his childhood.
"I haven't eaten this for many years. I really miss it. Making glutinous rice cakes is quite laborious. It takes two or three people to do it together. My grandma is too old to do it anymore, and besides her, there is no one else in my family who knows how to do it or is willing to do it."
San San whispered, "We can still do it in the future. You teach me, and I'll help you."
Chen Yunqi smiled slightly upon hearing this, "Okay."
“In my family, there is also the saying of ‘opening the main gate,’ which means opening the door and setting off firecrackers to welcome the gods on the morning of the first day of the Lunar New Year. The earlier a family sets off firecrackers, the more auspicious it is. On New Year’s Eve, everyone sleeps late and stays in bed in the morning. Only my grandfather and I would set off firecrackers. We did this every year until he passed away.”
Chen Yunqi's eyes always lit up when he talked about happy things, but his eyes gradually dimmed when he mentioned his grandfather. He sat quietly, as if lost in memories, and after a long while he looked up and said, "Nothing special. Tell me about you. How do you celebrate the New Year? It's different from the Han Chinese, isn't it?"
San San looked at his slightly reddened eyes, sorted out her thoughts and said to him, "The Yi people have their own New Year, which is as important as the Torch Festival, but the Bai Yi people here celebrate the Spring Festival just like the Han people. Other festivals are not celebrated as grandly as those of the Yi people in the Greater and Lesser Liangshan Mountains."
San San told him that the Yi people's New Year is in the tenth month of the lunar calendar, due to the Yi people's ten-month solar calendar. The tenth month of the lunar calendar is the season after the harvest, and the Yi people choose this time to conduct traditional sacrifices to celebrate the prosperity of the year and to wish for good fortune and peace in the coming year. Unlike the Han people's Lunar New Year, the Yi New Year only lasts for 3 days. The first night is called "Jue Luo Ji", the first day of the New Year is called "Kusi", the second day is called "Duo Bo", and the third day is called "A Pu Ji".
Besides the Yi New Year, San San also told him about the Yi Torch Festival, the "Axi Jumping Moon" (②), and the story of Ashima and the hero Zhige Aru (③).
Speaking of these ethnic minorities with such familiarity, his tone carried a rare, almost imperceptible pride and joy, captivating Chen Yunqi completely. This was the first time he had ever encountered an ethnic minority so deeply, and he was profoundly drawn to the rich, mysterious aspects of their traditional culture.
“I heard many of these stories from my mother,” San San said, her throat dry from talking for so long. “The first time I heard the story of Ashima, I even cried, and my mother and father laughed at me for a long time.”
Chen Yunqi laughed and said, "Little crybaby."
San San glared at him. "Who's the crybaby? I seem to remember a teacher who shed tears in front of me several times."
Who could argue with that? From the very first day on the mountain, Chen Yunqi had revealed far too many emotions in front of San San. Although he often felt quite embarrassed, this feeling of not having to suppress or restrain his emotions made Chen Yunqi very relaxed and enjoyable. San San's tenderness and patience warmed Chen Yunqi's frozen heart, giving him a secret garden where he could vent freely.
Chen Yunqi scratched his head awkwardly, then chuckled and said, "Okay, okay, we're both crybabies, a match made in heaven."
“San San, I’m not afraid you’ll laugh at me, but I’ve almost never cried since I grew up, not even when my grandfather passed away. But since I met you, I’ve been able to cry so easily.”
Chen Yunqi suddenly became serious and said, word by word, "I don't like myself like this; it's really not manly."
San San looked at him and replied very seriously, "I like it."
I love you for who you are, for how you're not so strong around me. I want to protect you so that you'll never have to feel sad about losing anything again.
San San spoke calmly and simply, without a trace of sentimentality or exaggeration, as if she were just talking about an ordinary family matter. Yet, Chen Yunqi felt his eyes well up with tears once again.
He quickly turned his head, closed his eyes, suppressed the flutter in his heart, and chuckled, "Little one."
"Hmph," San San said, raising her eyebrows defiantly, "So what if he's taller and bigger than me?"
Chen Yunqi laughed and said, "Yes, he is indeed much older than you. Didn't we see that last time? Still not convinced?"
It took San San a while to realize what he was saying. Annoyed, she turned away and muttered, "Bullying me again..."
Chen Yunqi suddenly reached out and grabbed San San's soft ear from behind, gently pulling her towards his chest. He said seriously, "From now on, only I can bully you. You can cry when I bully you, but you can't cry when others bully you. Endure it and wait for me to deal with them before you cry to me."
He grabbed San San's ear and leaned close, emphasizing, "Did you remember?"
San San felt a sweet warmth in her heart, nodded, and turned to say something when the kitchen door creaked open. The two of them immediately let go of each other's hands, sat up straight, looked around, and put on a nonchalant expression, but in reality, they were both extremely guilty and nervous, as if they had just had an affair.
San San's mother brought out a pot and saw the two of them sitting outside. She smiled and said, "What are you doing sitting outside in this cold weather? Come inside and get ready to eat."
Chen Yunqi and San San responded in unison and got up to go inside.
Following behind San San's mother, Sheng Xiaoyan watched the two people trying to cover up their true intentions with a cold expression, her eyes filled with icy intent. These past few days, she had been in low spirits, the shocking scene replaying in her mind endlessly, refusing to leave. She was so confused and curious, as if she had uncovered some earth-shattering secret, yet could only speculate about it alone, unable to understand it and forced to endure it, a state of agonizing inner turmoil.
At the dinner table, the older brother frequently served food to Teacher Chen, carefully picking off the peppercorns stuck to the ribs. Seeing that Teacher Chen was grimacing from the spiciness of the alcohol, he quickly handed him a water glass. All these subtle gestures, which were previously overlooked by everyone, now became glaringly obvious in Sheng Xiaoyan's eyes.
Dad came home late today. As soon as he entered the door, he took off his mud-covered coat and threw it on the ground. He went straight to the table, sat down, poured himself a glass of wine, tilted his head back and gulped it down. After a while, he sighed and said, "Ugh, I'm exhausted."
San San's mother, holding her rice bowl, looked at him suspiciously and said, "Didn't you go to play cards? Why are you so dirty?"
“Don’t even mention it,” San San’s father said, picking up the wine barrel and placing it in front of him. “A-Cuo Qubi was fighting with his wife again. I went to stop him and got punched for nothing.”
Achuo Qubi is Sheng Qinzhi's father, and Chen Yunqi doesn't know why everyone is used to calling him by his Yi name. Chen Yunqi had heard that Achuo Qubi and his wife often quarreled and fought. It is said that the village chief and school teachers had gone to his house to mediate several times, but to no avail. Every time the couple fought, it was a chaotic and life-or-death struggle, and the noise was so loud that it could be heard clearly within a radius of ten miles.
"If you ask me, his wife brought it on herself. Who drinks as much as she does?" Aunt San said, continuing to eat as if it were nothing out of the ordinary.
“Sigh, this woman is impossible to beat, and she loves to cause trouble,” San San’s father shook his head and drank another glass of wine. “I’m afraid something bad will happen sooner or later.”