The Lonely City Closed

Chapter 99

Mr. Zhang nodded: "The eunuchs in the princess's residence now are either old or young, and most of them she didn't recognize before. The only old servants left by her side are probably two or three maids." He looked intently at my expression and said, "When you made your mistake, you probably foresaw your current situation and even disregarded your own life. However, you probably didn't think through the situation the princess might face."

I turned my head to avoid his gaze and looked elsewhere, but my nose stung, my eyes welled up with tears, and the scene in front of me rippled like water, making it impossible to see clearly.

"Huaiji," Zhang Xianxie called my name again, his voice gentle and calm, "I'll ask you again, do you know where you went wrong?"

I swallowed the choking pain in my throat with difficulty, and answered in a low voice according to the charges leveled against me by the censors: "My words and actions were frivolous and lacked self-restraint, disregarding rank and disrespecting superiors..."

“You’ve crossed the line.” Before I could finish speaking, Mr. Zhang had already given me his diagnosis. “Leaving aside the distinctions of rank and status, just considering our identity, we are different from ordinary people. We have no right to pursue what ordinary men possess.”

Seeing that I remained silent, he asked again, "Have you considered how things would develop between you and the princess if the censors hadn't noticed this time?"

After hesitating for a long time, I finally shook my head.

Mr. Zhang continued, “Love is like fine wine; it’s addictive and makes one lose all sense of satisfaction. You’ve taken the first step, and there will inevitably be more attempts. In the end, how are you any different from the despicable eunuchs that the censors criticize?”

I bowed my head and listened, saying nothing. He paused, then said something I hadn't expected: "Besides, if the person you admire sees your disabled body, what dignity do you have left?"

His tone remained calm and even, like still water on an autumn day, yet his words carried a sharp edge, striking straight to the most vulnerable part of my heart. I looked up at him with a start, seeing pity in his eyes as he gazed at me. After a moment, he lowered his eyelids, a glimmer of light flashing within them. He sighed, a rare hint of sadness in his eyes: "From the moment we were castrated, we were severed from love. We may have many identities in our lives, but we can never truly be a woman's husband or a child's father. A woman's happiness often comes from marriage and family, so it is impossible for us to give any woman happiness... We originally had nothing. If you cherish someone, stay away from her, don't interfere with her life with her husband, and try your best to retain some remaining dignity."

I pondered sadly, and finally forced a smile: "Sir, there is no need to worry. I have been banished here, and I will never have anything to do with any woman again in this life."

Mr. Zhang remained silent, picked up his teacup, took a sip, and said, “I particularly love drinking tea because it doesn’t make you drunk, but it brings a sense of clarity and tranquility, unlike fine wine, which, though delicious, drains your heart and soul. Moreover, just as there are spring, summer, autumn, and winter in the daytime, and the moon waxes and wanes in the sky, watching the frothy foam rise and fall while making tea is like experiencing a process of birth, persistence, decay, and dissipation… That’s how everything in the world is, isn’t it? Cycles repeat themselves, everything has its destiny, so there’s no need to be too demanding. When the past fades away, there’s no need to be too sad. It’s better to adjust your mindset and calmly face the days to come. Perhaps another clear and pure life will begin.”

For a long time after Mr. Zhang passed away, I was unable to adjust my mindset and achieve peace and tranquility, as he had predicted. Reflecting on his words and missing the princess became an indispensable part of my life.

I transplanted a wisteria vine into my yard. For the past ten years or so, I have cared for the princess as if she were a flower. Now, I care for this wisteria vine as if she were a princess, doing my best to make it lush and verdant, not letting a single leaf vein show any yellowing, not letting a single vine be stained with insects. I even find the dust on the leaves an eyesore and always carefully brush it away. If there is any joy in life in Xijing, it comes from tending to the flowers.

In mid-spring, my wisteria produced clusters of blossoms that hung from the branches, as bright as rosy clouds. Among them, orioles and warblers often sang, just like in Li Bai's poem: "Dense leaves hide singing birds, fragrant breezes caress beauties."

I love this flower dearly and won't let anyone touch it, even if it means being cold to others. But there are exceptions.

One evening at dusk, after finishing my work, I returned to my residence and sat inside for a short rest. As usual, I looked out the window at the wisteria in the yard and noticed that the vines were shaking, as if someone was pulling on them.

I rushed out immediately and saw a young girl standing on the stones, holding onto the wisteria vines with one hand and stretching the other hand upwards as much as possible, clearly trying to pick the flowers.

I shouted to stop her, and she was startled. She slipped and fell off the rock.

She immediately burst into tears. I rushed over to help her up. Seeing that she was just like a child, with a pitiful look, my initial anger vanished instantly, and my heart softened. So I comforted her gently and picked a few more flower spikes for her. After a long while, she finally stopped crying a little.

Her cheeks were rosy, and her eyes were bright. Upon closer inspection, she bore a striking resemblance to the young princess. I felt a sense of familiarity and smiled as I asked her, "What's your name?"

She still looked at me timidly for a long time before pointing to a vine on a pine tree outside the courtyard gate and softly replying, "Vine."

Her clothes weren't particularly exquisite, but they weren't too bad either; she probably wasn't a lowly palace maid. Guessing her identity, I asked her, "Who is your mother?"

She replied, "Shen Si."

Shen Sishi is a female official who was demoted to the Western Capital Palace. It is said that she was in charge of the emperor's hair and combing, and was cheerful, talkative, and always smiling. At that time, the emperor was only a teenager, not yet married. Once, while Shen Sishi was combing the emperor's hair, the two were laughing and joking, but unfortunately, Empress Dowager Zhangxian saw them. The Empress Dowager then accused her of bewitching the emperor and banished her to this place. From then on, her personality changed drastically; she became taciturn, rarely smiled, and always appeared aloof and unapproachable.

So this Luo Luo must be Shen Si's adopted daughter. I felt a pang of emotion and a surge of pity for her. I gently tugged at the ribbon in her hair and asked, "Luo Luo, how old are you?"

He said, "I'm five years old. I'll be five tomorrow."

Is tomorrow your birthday?

She nodded.

I decided to give him a birthday present. I went back inside and found a small knife. Then I went out and found a village knife as thick as an arm in the yard. I sat down and buried myself in carving for a while. Wood chips flew everywhere, and a round-headed doll gradually appeared.

After roughly carving it, I handed the wooden doll to Luoluo. She took it with delight, examined it closely, and couldn't put it down.

I thought about it, and since the doll I had made was a bit crude, I took it back, intending to carve some headdresses and clothes for her. This involved defining the doll's identity, so I asked Luo Luo again, "What are your wishes when you grow up?"

Women in the palace usually have a position. I was planning to wait for her to tell me what she wanted to do before matching the wooden doll with the corresponding clothes, but this little girl gave a completely unexpected answer.

"Have a baby!" she answered without hesitation.

I was stunned for a moment, and then I felt my face burning and starting to get hot.

"Uh, I mean, what do you want to be when you grow up?" After regaining my composure, I tried to explain to her.

"Have babies," she said, unwavering in her resolve, "preferably two, one boy and one girl."

I tried to smile, though I could feel the stiffness in my smile: "Do you want to be the Director of Ornaments, the Director of Medicine, or the Director of Clothing and Ceremonies in the future...?"

I was still thinking about whether to list a few more female official positions for her to choose from when she impatiently replied again in a clear voice, "I want to be a mother."

I was utterly speechless. After a moment of silence, I picked up my knife again and carved the image of her holding a baby in swaddling clothes onto the wooden doll. Luo Luo was delighted, took it and played with it for a while, then ran off happily.

The Lonely City Closes (The Princess Who Fell in Love with a Eunuch) Rubble and pearls alike are thrown back to the capital.

Chapter word count: 1962 Update time: 09-07-05 10:39

Return to the palace

(1821 words)

In the intercalary eighth month of the sixth year of the Jiayou era, the Prefect Deng Baoji came from Tokyo and conveyed a secret edict to me: I was to return to the capital and serve in the palace immediately. I was quite surprised, not expecting that I would be granted such a general amnesty only a year after being demoted. When I saw Prefect Deng solemnly summoning me alone into the side hall, I thought he had brought an edict to execute me.

"Was it...the princess who spoke on my behalf?" After receiving the decree, I asked Deng Duzhi, who had congratulated me, in a low voice.

Deng Duzhi sighed, "What the princess did for you cannot be summed up in the words 'advising'... After discovering you had left the capital, she went to the palace to beg the Emperor to summon you back, crying so hard she nearly fainted. But the Emperor only offered gentle words of comfort and never agreed. So the princess wept day and night, whether in the palace or at her residence, facing everyone who tried to comfort her, she would only angrily say one sentence: 'Give me back Huaiji!' She attempted suicide at her residence more than once or twice, frightening Consort Miao into hastily requesting the Emperor to summon her to the palace to live, staying by her side day and night, not daring to leave her for a moment. In the past year, she has hardly had a happy time; besides crying, pleading, and cursing, she has only been in a daze and in a deep sleep. This July..." In the story, Consort Dong gave birth to the thirteenth princess. One day, Princess Chongguo went to visit her little sister and held her, only then showing a slight smile. At that time, the eleventh princess was also with Consort Dong. Her wet nurse was feeding her porridge, but she shook her head and refused to drink, repeatedly saying "taro," probably wanting taro cake. Upon hearing this, Princess Chongguo stared blankly, motionless for a long time. Consort Miao noticed her unusual behavior and immediately had the thirteenth princess taken away. Princess Chongguo let them take her sister and silently walked out. Consort Miao followed her out and took her to the back garden to relax. The princess remained quiet, but when they reached a well, she suddenly jumped in, and no one around could stop her…

As if struck by a heavy blow, my chest heaved, and my voice trembled: "Princess... something happened?"

Fortunately, I soon saw Chief Deng. "Luckily, the eunuchs reacted quickly and rescued her," he said. "Lady Miao held her and cried her heart out, while the princess remained silent, her eyes lifeless, like a wooden doll. It wasn't until the Emperor arrived that she spoke, but she still uttered the same words—'Give me back Huaiji.'"