The Lonely City Closed

Chapter 134

"She will probably never understand what I'm thinking," Feng Jing said silently to himself, a thought that made him feel uncontrollably sad.

Of course, his invisible tears flowed only in his heart and did not show on his face. When Yuan Yuan turned to look at him between accounting, she only noticed his absent-mindedness.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" she asked with a smile.

He continued to gaze at her and asked, "Yuan Yuan, do you know me?"

She blinked, looking puzzled, but still answered seriously: "Of course I recognize you... Even if you turned to ashes, I would still recognize you."

He smiled sadly, gently pulled her into his arms and held her close, without saying another word.

The Lonely City (The Princess Who Fell in Love with a Eunuch) - Side Story 7

Chapter word count: 5350 Update time: 08-08-21 17:27

7. Make a wish

The following year, the two classmates from the prefectural school who had previously visited Feng Jing's home passed the preliminary examination held in the prefectural capital and prepared to go to the capital to participate in the provincial examination, also known as the Ministry of Rites' examination. Feng Jing once again invited them to his home and hosted a farewell banquet for them.

During the banquet, Feng Jing toasted his fellow students, wishing them success in the imperial examinations and a meteoric rise in their careers. The students thanked him profusely. Afterward, one of them looked at Feng Jing and sighed with emotion: "Your talent is unparalleled in this era, far surpassing ours. If we had taken the provincial examinations together back then, we would probably have easily obtained the title of top scholar. Now that the three of us are going to the capital together, how wonderful is that!"

Feng Jing shook his head and said, "My books have been gathering dust for a long time. Besides, from the Sui and Tang dynasties to the present dynasty, there have been regulations that merchants and artisans are not allowed to enter officialdom, so I dare not hope to take the imperial examinations again. You two gentlemen have already stood out in the preliminary examinations and are on the verge of being appointed to official positions. It is only a matter of time before you wear purple robes and gold belts. Yet you do not consider it shameful to associate with merchants and artisans, and you still join me for drinks. I am deeply honored and grateful."

Upon hearing this, his roommate quickly advised, "Why do you say such things? You and I are just ordinary people. Although you have done a couple of business deals, you don't need to categorize yourself as a businessman. You are still young. If you stop doing business now and continue your studies, it won't be too late to take the imperial examinations again next time."

Another roommate chimed in, saying, “The current dynasty does not consider family background when selecting officials. Although merchants and artisans are not allowed to enter officialdom, Emperor Taizong once issued an edict: ‘If there are people of extraordinary talent and outstanding character among the merchants and artisans, they may also be recommended for official positions.’ The time for merchants is very short now, and you have extraordinary talent. Even if someone forces you to be classified as a merchant or artisan, you can still take advantage of this regulation to take the imperial examination. You might as well return to the prefectural school, concentrate on your studies, and wait for the next imperial examination.”

Since the current emperor ascended the throne, the imperial examinations have only been held once every four years. The next one should be four years from now. Feng Jing thought silently, four years is enough time for many things to happen and change... Yuan Yuan should have one or two more children by now. Will she and her children be healthy, well-fed, and happy?

So he looked up and smiled faintly at his roommate: "I am content with the status quo and have no intention of taking the imperial examination."

The roommates looked at each other in silence, only sighing. After a while, one of them said, "Now that we wear fine clothes, eat delicacies, and have beautiful wives at home, have you forgotten the grand ambitions we made back then in the state school, when we pointed out the state's affairs, discussed strategies, and vowed to govern the country and bring peace to the world?"

Feng Jing put down his wine cup, calmly met his roommate's questioning gaze, and said, "If you can't even support your wife and children, how can you talk about governing the country and bringing peace to the world?"

***********

This time, Yuan Yuan accepted Feng Jing's suggestion and did not show herself. She only served dishes with her mother-in-law in the inner room, having the maids bring them out. During this time, Madam Feng went behind the curtain several times and overheard some of Feng Jing's conversations with his roommates.

That night, Madam Feng summoned her son to the study, took out a copy of the Book of Poetry that he had read in his childhood, turned to the last page, and handed it to Feng Jing: "This line of text was written by your father back then, do you still remember it?"

Feng Jing took it and saw his father's familiar handwriting: "Borrowed from Feng Jing, a military officer, garrison commander, assistant prefect, and prefect of Jingnan Military Prefecture."

Back then, he didn't understand the official title, so he asked his father. His father patted him on the shoulder and smiled, saying, "If my son becomes the top scholar in the imperial examination, the emperor will most likely give you this official position."

The words still echoed in his ears, and through those lines, he seemed to feel his father's earnest gaze once more. Feng Jing closed the book, his eyes lowered in sorrow.

"Your father's greatest regret in life was failing to pass the imperial examination and enter officialdom," Madam Feng said slowly. "In his early years, he was just like you now, traveling around as a merchant, enduring the cold stares of others. Later, he managed to obtain a minor, honorary title of Left Attendant by contributing millet, which at least allowed him to escape the ranks of the common people. Therefore, he always urged you to study hard, pass the imperial examination, become the top scholar, and become a high-ranking official, bringing glory to the family. I never imagined that you would end up on the same old path he followed..."

Before she could finish speaking, Madam Feng's voice choked with sobs, and tears streamed down her face.

Feng Jing knelt before his mother and solemnly said, "Your son has failed your high expectations and is truly unfilial. But your father once taught me that a good man should be trustworthy and responsible, and that the sages placed self-cultivation and family management before governing the country and bringing peace to the world. Now that Mother is getting old and Yuan Yuan's illness has not yet been cured, how can I abandon my mother and wife and only seek fame and fortune without thinking of supporting my family?"

Hearing him say this, Madam Feng found it hard to refute him. Finally, she shook her head and sighed, "Although I am already quite old, fortunately I am still healthy and have no major illnesses. My daily expenses are not high, and I can live a simple life with you. However, Yuan Yuan's health is not good now, and she often needs to take tonics... Perhaps we can let her take good care of herself now, and after a year or two, when she is fully recovered, you can prepare for the imperial examination again?"

Thinking of those long four years, Feng Jing did not agree immediately, but replied, "Let's talk about the future later."

These words saddened Madam Feng, who covered her eyes and said with tears in her eyes, "If you had married a few years later, you wouldn't have been burdened by family responsibilities, trapped in them, and unable to fulfill your wishes."

After a moment of silence, Feng Jing spoke again to his mother, saying, "Yuan Yuan's matter is my fault. I was reckless and impulsive back then, and made this grave mistake. But if I don't marry her, it would be even more heartless and immoral, adding insult to injury. Since the mistake has been made, I must be brave enough to bear it. At first, I harmed her, but now I am willing to give her a stable life to make up for the mistakes I made. Therefore, I am willing to accept this outcome."

**********

After his mother left, Feng Jing remained in his study, sitting there for a long time. The otherwise ordinary night seemed to stretch on endlessly. He chose a way to while away the time: holding a bottle of sake in one hand and a pen in the other, he drank the sake and wrote furiously.

He eventually became completely drunk. Before falling asleep at his desk, he swept away the pile of papers with writing on them. The papers fluttered and danced in the air, each one bearing the same lines of poetry: "Han Xin lingers in poverty, Xiang Yu is destitute; hand in hand, long sword in hand, drinking in the autumn wind..."

I woke up slowly in the middle of the night and found myself wearing a cloak. The papers that had been scattered on the ground had been picked up and neatly stacked on the table.

Was Yuan Yuan here? He wondered groggily, but quickly dismissed the thought: if she had come, she would have woken him up with her chatter and urged him to go back to his room to sleep.

Perhaps it was the maid's doing. He was too lazy to investigate further. Feeling the chill of the night and a throbbing headache, he got up and dragged his heavy steps back to his bedroom.

Yuan Yuan lay on the bed, turned to her side, fast asleep. He lay down silently beside her, fully clothed, without intending to disturb her.

She was unusually quiet today. He thought this before falling into a deep sleep.

After that, Yuan Yuan became quieter and quieter, and spoke less and less. Although she still often had a smile on her face, it was only a polite smile, and her loud laughter gradually became rarer.

Even the sound of her moving the abacus beads wasn't as cheerful as before. Feng Jing was secretly surprised, and finally couldn't help but ask her, "Yuan Yuan, is something on your mind?"

She smiled and said, "No."

He looked her over and said, "You don't look well."

She thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I'm not fully recovered yet... It's okay, I'll get better someday."

The difficult childbirth she had experienced left her with many aftereffects, and she has not fully recovered to this day. She often suffers from abdominal pain and backache, and her menstrual flow is irregular. He continued to seek medical treatment for her, but with little effect. Moreover, she was not very cooperative with the treatment. One day, he even discovered that she had secretly poured away the medicine she was supposed to take.

He was both angry and anxious. He went over to question her about why she wasn't taking her medicine. She smiled at him and said softly, "The medicine is too bitter."

Later, she grew increasingly disgusted with taking the medication and simply refused to take it openly. Even if she was forced to drink it, she would vomit it up very quickly.

As a result, her illness worsened until she was bedridden.

One day, Feng Jing came to Yuan Yuan's bedside and saw her sleeping soundly, thin and haggard, with only a sickly flushed face, like a lotus flower about to wither in the night. He couldn't help but feel sad and shed tears.