Famine

Chapter 38

She looked around hesitantly, "...Although many people know, please don't tell anyone. I...when I was young and ignorant, I had a child."

As she spoke, the child grew clearer and larger, clinging tightly to her shoulders.

“...But how could my life end like this? I was only sixteen years old...and my parents were willing to forgive me. So…” she stammered, “so I left.”

The child let out a silent scream, shook his head repeatedly, pinched her shoulders, and bit her.

The "little aunt" looked distressed and rubbed her shoulder.

My heart is aching terribly. It hurts like it's being torn apart by a thousand knives. I don't want to know, I don't want to know. "...Why didn't you get rid of it? What's the point of bringing it into the world?"

“I was young and naive, and love made me lose my mind.” She cried. “My teacher was willing to marry me and he was willing to take responsibility… but I didn’t expect my mother-in-law to be so difficult to get along with, and he was just a poor teacher.”

I can't breathe.

"Stop asking, Hengzhi!" Huang'e shouted, jumping up and down. "Just pretend you don't know anything!"

“…You’re not telling the truth, ‘Little Auntie’.” I was unusually calm. “Then how could you think the child is dead?”

Her clasped hands turned white, and her tears fell even more fiercely. "I...I...I put the bleach in the baby bottle..." she murmured, covering her face.

The child's screams were so shrill and painful, I think they echoed in her dreams day and night.

"The infant spirit" was never me. It was her accumulated guilt that fed her with illusions, creating a phantom that tormented her.

It was never me.

So that's how it is, so that's how it is. Why did I feel murderous intent the moment I saw her? I'm such a cowardly and useless person. What does a seven-month-old baby know... But some things are just buried deep in the subconscious.

It seems that Huang'e unintentionally saved my life. Babies who die from drinking bleach are not edible, so she probably threw the bottle far away and started fighting with her tribe.

Everything has its cause and effect.

"So it's none of our business!" Huang E roared, tears streaming down his face. "Let her be consumed by the guilt she raised!"

Yes, that's for the best, isn't it? I didn't do anything wrong.

I watched the badminton court; several children were having a great time playing.

Of course, I could ignore her. But how could I face the kind and innocent Tang Chen? If I stood by and did nothing, how could I possibly look Tang Chen in the eye?

“You shouldn’t be here.” I gently pressed down on that illusion. “Come with me. You won’t get what you want from that woman.”

That poor child, that pitiful delusion. She revealed a deep pain that I couldn't bear to look at, and wailed as she came into my arms.

“…You’re a madman!” Huang E cried and shouted.

"Yes, that's me," I answered quietly in my heart.

Looking back at the woman, a burning pain surged into my heart. "It's alright. You can go now."

I turned and left, tears streaming down my face.

I kept walking forward, but I didn't know where I was going.

The world is so vast, yet there is no place for me. Perhaps it would be better if I really became a monster with Huang E... No, that way Huang E would still be a monster in the end, with no chance of achieving enlightenment.

I should go to Tainan and bother my uncle, and ask him to ordain me as a monk.

"Why are you interfering so much with me?!" Huang'e cried and screamed in terror. "You can scold me a couple of times, or I'll let you hit me a couple of times... just don't do that, I'm scared..."

"Who else do I have?" I felt overwhelmed by overwhelming grief, and I couldn't even shed a tear. "Let's go."

She pulled and tugged at me, giving me a whole bunch of examples to think about, especially Tang Chen. Helplessly, I was utterly despondent.

If they had gotten rid of me back then, everything would have been fine. I could have innocently and unknowingly been reborn into another family, perhaps even finding happiness there, at least for a human life. They refused to get rid of me, and then, fearing they might soften their hearts and change their minds after I was born, they resorted to drastic measures.

What is there for me, a child who even wanted to poison his own mother, to linger in this mortal world? I should leave this world as soon as possible.

Just as things were getting heated, someone called out to me, "Hengzhi?"

Turning her head blankly, Yu Zheng stared at me. "What are you doing..." She looked at Huang E, then at the "bitter" in my arms.

“…It’s nothing.” I looked away.

But she and I are both "witches." When I'm so grief-stricken that I'm on the verge of collapse, I'm incapable of building high walls. So when she probes in even slightly, she becomes deeply tainted by all my suffering.

"How could this happen? This is terrible..." She reached out with pity, but instead took the "suffering" from my arms, saying, "A child isn't her doll..."

Her talent unconsciously enveloped me.

It was only then that I began to have a new opinion of Yu Zheng. She might be indulging in lust, willful and arrogant. But ultimately, she was, as the original spirit manifested, a "lioness," reigning over the land.

Territory was merely a source of pleasure and offspring for her; what mattered most to her were her own children and people. She was a domineering mother, cherishing all the weak within her territory.

She truly is an unbridled queen. She and Tang Chen are not a good match.

I burst into tears. As the intense pain gradually subsided, the festering agony in my heart also slowly dissipated with the tears. Yu Zheng held me tightly; her talent and emotions deeply touched and healed me.

The deep wounds that reached the very core of her soul were healed by a young "mother" who was like a lioness.

Exhausted from crying, she dragged me home, waved goodbye to Xia's mother, and roughly wiped my face with a towel. "Are you feeling better?" she asked casually.

I nodded weakly. It hurt so much. I cried so hard and tensely, and now my neck hurts so much, like I've been beheaded.

"There are countless orphans in the world, but I've never seen them cry so desperately." She pursed her lips.

…She really resembles Huang E.

That Huang'e, even though she knew I'd destroyed a lot of Yu Zheng's talents, she still escaped very quickly. Tsk tsk.

“Now…” I said weakly, “I’m starting to like you, Yuzheng.”

Every hair on her body seemed to stand on end, and her visible skin was covered in goosebumps. "...No! Why? This is the fourth girl to confess to me this year! What did I do wrong?!"

…I'm not confessing my love to you, kid.

Finally, I struggled to bring it to a close.

When they were about to leave, I waited for them downstairs and called out, "Auntie."

“Auntie, there’s no such thing as an infant spirit. That’s just your guilt.” I took a deep breath. “Your child is still alive.”

Her eyes widened. "How...how did you know?"

A name, a life, seven months of nurturing. I've considered that my life might be full of hardships and setbacks, but... I still feel...

It's good to be alive.

I knelt down before her and kowtowed seven times. "Our fate ends here, Mother. Since you have forgotten me, I will no longer remember you. All grudges are wiped clean."

I turned and walked away, not caring about her expression. Forgiving others is forgiving yourself.

I walked for a very long time, until my legs ached and I could walk no more. Panting, I looked up at the sky and was surprised to see that this filthy city could also be so clear and blue.

"It's barely passable." Huang E patted my head with its wings. "I'll still give you a compliment."

"Do I need to tell you?" I laughed.

(After saying goodbye to his mother)

The second mountain is not difficult

"Strange, if I look closely at your features, there's nothing wrong with them," Yu Zheng said, biting her eyebrow pencil, looking troubled.

Forced to sit in front of the vanity, with a rather professional-looking tattered scarf wrapped around my neck, I rolled my eyes. "...Everyone, get into your places. May I leave now?"

"Everyone in their positions? Or rather, everyone doing their own thing." Yu Zheng pressed me back into my chair, trying to turn the impossible into the possible. "It's really strange. Individually, each feature is quite nice, but when put together, something just doesn't feel right."

Thank you so much for your insightful explanation.

I know I'm quite ordinary-looking, and I know that individually, there's nothing particularly bad about my features. But when it comes to appearance, a small difference can make a world of difference. Besides, I'm quite satisfied with my looks; I hardly ever spend more than five minutes a day looking in the mirror.

If being pretty meant I'd never see ghosts again, I'd go through plastic surgery even if it meant going into debt for millions. Unfortunately, my problem can't be solved with money.

Just surviving is hard enough; why worry about your appearance? It's better to be plain-looking, less conspicuous. There's a saying, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down." A plain, unassuming appearance will at least attract less trouble.

"What kind of noodle-like figure do you have..." Yu Zheng was extremely annoyed. "My clothes have turned into a sack when you wear them... I can't tell your front from your back without looking at your face. Where are your chest? Where is your butt?"

"I'll just wear my own clothes!" I was starting to get angry. "It's just a movie, not a beauty pageant! Please, miss, you can dress yourself up, why..."

"You're acting like my lackey, how can this be?!" she yelled. "Oh, right, I have a dress from junior high that I think could fit... It's a timeless style, let me look for it..." She relentlessly struggled through the wardrobe in the Cloud Recesses.

I have a terrible headache. This woman... really does have something in common with the desolate and bleak.

Since our perilous journey together in Hsinchu, her attitude towards me has softened considerably. And when I severed ties with my birth mother and was almost driven to become a nun by "suffering," she pulled me back from the brink.

Logically, we should be even... but instead, she rode her motorcycle to find me and forced me to stay at her house. I was very grateful to her... because "Little Aunt" had caused a scene at the Tang family's house, and then came to the Xia family's house, only to be stopped at the door by Yu Zheng, who, with a territorial attitude, simply kicked her out. Her tantrum was quite audacious, and in the end, "Little Aunt" could only shed tears at the door, and had to be persuaded to leave by Big Aunt.

Things have gotten so bad that I'm too ashamed to stay any longer. But Tang's mother was in tears, Tang Chen was blocking the apartment entrance and wouldn't let me leave, and Yu Zheng didn't even bother to say a word to me. He just grabbed my clothes and dragged me back to her house, saying to Tang's mother, "Don't worry, don't worry, she can stay at my place for a few days. If she dares to leave, I'll break both her legs!"

I don't know whether to cry or laugh.

Two days later, I was taken back home by Tang's mother. She didn't know the reason, only stammering, "Parents are parents, there must have been some unavoidable reason..."

Tang's mother, someone as kind-hearted as you would naturally be like this.

"I was just a little shocked." I quickly started to lie. "Besides, 'Little Aunt' has her own life. It's enough that she knows it in her heart, she doesn't just say it."

But I found it hard to lie to Tang Chen the same way. I tried to downplay the whole story, but omitted the part about wanting to become a nun.

He was still angry. "Why didn't you tell me? You were willing to tell Yuzheng, but not me?" I was speechless for a moment. His face was red with anger, and I felt both amused and annoyed. "...It wasn't like I told her voluntarily; it was more like a form of psychological interrogation..."

"Do I have to interrogate you before you'll tell me everything?" He became even angrier.

Although it wasn't my fault, I still bowed my head and admitted my mistake.

He held my hand, ignoring my hives. "...Don't sneak away again, or hide anything from me."

I tried to snatch my hand back, but to no avail. I could only helplessly watch the hives spread upwards. "Yes, yes, yes."

This matter is now over. Tang's parents are both considerate people and wouldn't be so tactless as to bring this up with me. They just treat me with more sympathy and gentleness. When Tang Chen and I argue, they always scold Tang Chen.

This made me feel both embarrassed and touched.

The only exception was Yu Zheng. She was bored during summer vacation, so she would come to the Tang family home and drag me there, like now. She would spend two hours applying makeup to my face just to watch a one-and-a-half-hour movie.

"Found it!" she cheered, pulling out a simple little dress. "Put this on."

Before she could erupt in a rage, I sighed and resignedly changed back into my new clothes. "...I believe you have many friends who would be willing to go to the movies with you."

"Those stupid boys?" she scoffed. "Instead of paying attention to the movie, they were just touching me all over. If I dragged them to a hotel... damn it. They'd be completely out of control before I even warmed up! They pissed me off and then just ignored me, letting them touch me like that!"

I told her to stop several times, but she ignored me. How could this woman be so tactless...?

"There will always be girls willing to watch it with you!" I said, blushing.

“…Don’t even mention it.” She smeared makeup on her face sadly. “I’ve been confessed to by girls three times in the movie theater. My heart is very delicate and fragile.”