Shen Moyu gripped his hand tightly, as if he would disappear the moment he let go, and tears streamed down her face.
He really shouldn't have cried in front of Su Jinning. Su Jinning was already in a bad mood, and he couldn't help but cry. He was afraid that Su Jinning wouldn't be able to hold back either.
Shen Moyu had never cried so hard in front of him before, which made Su Jinning a little stunned.
He watched as Shen Moyu lowered his head and choked back tears, reaching out to pull him into his arms, but he simply didn't have the strength.
What can he do? He can't even hold himself tight.
He wanted to offer some words of comfort, but given his own state, what could he possibly say?
He knew that Shen Moyu felt sorry for him and was afraid that he would be upset.
Finally, Su Jinning reached out and wiped away a tear from his face.
He didn't speak; his eyes, devoid of any emotion, merely swept across his face before he quickly lowered his head and took his hand in his own.
His voice was hoarse and painful. After a moment, he spoke, "Don't cry. Next time, I won't throw up."
I'm okay, don't cry.
His words were like a thin, long needle, piercing Shen Moyu's veins. His long-held composure was torn to shreds, leaving only uncontrollable tears.
Idiot, why are you acting like you've wronged me when you're upset?
He took a step forward and hugged Su Jinning, using all his strength to protect his rose that was almost killed by the cold wind.
Shen Moyu pressed herself against his chest, as if that could alleviate the pain in his heart.
He truly never imagined that the person who had pulled him out of the abyss would fall so hard.
He thought that since Su Jinning didn't tell him anything, nothing would happen; he thought that since Su Jinning was humorous, witty, and quirky every day, she would never be in the midst of passion.
But he forgot that Su Jinning was also a boy only one year older than him. He wrapped everything around Shen Moyu with his shirt and said with a smile, "You still have me."
But once he turns around, who will be his support?
When the unstoppable torrent surged toward him, he could only be that steadfast and unyielding birch tree.
But with such big waves and such cold water, and being all alone, he was afraid.
How could Shen Moyu stand on the distant shore and say, "You can do it, you must persevere and get through this"?
Those words that tried to pull him away and make him strong were no less than forcing him to die in that torrent.
He couldn't empathize, and all he could do was shed tears of heartache.
He loved him, but he couldn't save him.
The two fell silent, their sobs rising and falling in the small room.
"Brother Ning..." Shen Moyu raised her red, tear-filled eyes, her voice still choked with sobs even as she called his name.
Su Jinning did not answer, but let him pull her fingers, touching and rubbing them, gripping them so tightly.
Shen Moyu suddenly smiled, gently touching the pale face again, her voice soft: "I'll buy you some plain rice porridge later. It's colorless and tasteless, so it probably won't make you nauseous."
Su Jinning stared at him without saying a word.
Shen Moyu pursed her lips, tears welling in her eyes: "I know you're upset, but you can't skip meals."
He squeezed his eyes shut, his voice trembling with tears, "Your stomach problem has gotten so bad lately, you won't be able to handle it if you don't eat..."
Shen Moyu looked down at Su Jinning's hands, so long and wide. He tried everything he could to cover them completely, but could only stroke them helplessly.
"Don't skip your food..." He took a deep breath, his voice faltering, "I'm really scared..."
He was afraid Su Jinning wouldn't eat, afraid he'd vomit until his stomach failed. He was afraid Su Jinning would be upset, afraid he'd lock himself in his study and refuse to see him.
He was afraid that his Ning Ge would no longer be his Ning Ge.
Seeing him cry, Su Jinning moved her lips, and taking advantage of a brief pause in her stomach pain, patted his back and said, "Mmm."
With a brief "hmm," Shen Moyu's tear ducts seemed to suddenly be blocked, and she quickly regulated her chaotic emotions.
He hurriedly went downstairs and bought Su Jinning a bowl of white rice porridge. Su Jinning used to always go to this breakfast shop to buy him breakfast. This time it was finally his turn, but he couldn't help feeling sad no matter how he thought about it.
"I've been waiting in line for a long time, haven't I?" He put the porridge on the table and scooped out a spoonful while it was still hot: "Let me feed you."
Su Jinning saw that he was sweating profusely from exhaustion, his half-damp hair still carrying the scent of rain. Even though he really didn't want to eat, she couldn't bear to refuse.
Shen Moyu didn't dare feed him too much, afraid he might vomit if something went wrong. After he drank more than half a bowl, Shen Moyu cleaned up the porridge.
Seeing his increasingly sleepy eyes, I got up and covered him with a blanket.
"Brother Ning." He pursed his lips, bent down, and hugged him.
He whispered softly near Su Jinning's ear, "No one wants to see you like this. Auntie doesn't want to, Uncle doesn't want to, and neither do I."
As if afraid Su Jinning couldn't hear him, he leaned even closer: "We all love you, and you must love yourself too."
Outside the window, the rain was continuous, and the whole world seemed to be encased in a dark little box.
The box was small; it couldn't contain the hustle and bustle of the city, nor could it contain the undercurrents in Su Jinning's heart.
——
Around 11 a.m., after seeing that Su Jinning had fallen asleep, Shen Moyu got up and left the study.