Han An nodded, let out a long sigh, and a gentle breeze ruffled his hair, allowing Su Jinning to see his red, swollen eyes.
“He resigned too,” Han An said. “So, I don’t want to stay here either.”
The amount of information was too much for Su Jinning to process all at once. He wanted to ask why they broke up and why he resigned, but after thinking it over, he realized that the two were probably connected.
“Why…” Su Jinning asked.
Han An seemed extremely reluctant to recall the past, but he managed to hold back the tears welling in his eyes. Finally, he patted Su Jinning's shoulder and said, "Jinning, just consider me a negative example." Han An smiled bitterly; Su Jinning had never seen him so weathered before. "Don't be as timid as us, afraid to face things. I hope you and Mo Yu can make it work, okay?"
His eyes were filled with tears, and he spoke very earnestly, his last sentence even sounding like a plea.
Su Jinning nodded, feeling a pang of reluctance.
"You need to understand that you're facing not only reality and the future, but also societal norms and societal expectations. This path won't be easy," Han An continued, his voice trembling uncontrollably.
Su Jinning probably understood what he meant and immediately lowered her head. It is said that human emotions are contagious, but at this moment she realized that was not the case.
It's because you share similar experiences that when you hear others talk about it, it feels like your own wounds have reopened, causing excruciating pain.
"Why do we have to break up?" Su Jinning asked Han An, but she couldn't control her emotions first.
Because he didn't know who he was asking.
“Not all people who love each other can be together,” Han An said. His smile was still gentle, but it was no longer as pure as before: “Some people will eventually drift apart, and it just so happens to be us.”
Su Jinning is not ignorant of today's society, nor is she unaware of what she will face in the future.
But he wasn't ready yet; he had only just met the person he loved.
Before anything could happen, those solemn vows seemed to turn into a joke in an instant, and former lovers became bargaining chips to be used in the face of reality.
Is he greedy? He just wants to be with the person he loves, so why does the whole world have to stop him?
He didn't steal anything from anyone or do anything wrong. He just wanted a happy ending with the person he loved. He didn't understand where he went wrong.
"So, in the end, we all have to lose to reality?" Su Jinning looked directly into Han An's eyes.
"No way," Han An said. "There are many special people, but some are just destined not to be."
Su Jinning wanted to refute, but the words were choked up and covered up by sobs.
Because there are just too many living examples: his parents, Shen Moyu's parents, and Han An and Song Chengnan.
They seemed to meet at the most beautiful time of their lives, had a passionate love affair, but ultimately lost to reality and unexpected events.
He had considered many possibilities, but now he doesn't even dare to put the two of them on this list.
He wasn't afraid to believe it; he was afraid to face it.
He has experienced too much and has always tried to live like an adult. Over time, he developed a misconception.
He thought he was an adult and could withstand anything that came his way. But in the end, he realized that he didn't even have the confidence to face it together with Shen Moyu.
Love can be frightening, without exception.
——
The weather, which had just warmed up, suddenly turned cold again, and even light snow often fell.
February in Shanghai has never been friendly, never giving people a chance to react; it always likes to leap wildly between spring and winter.
Shen Moyu sat by the window, reaching out to touch the gleaming glass in front of him. The icy touch made him instinctively pull his finger back.
Perhaps it's because the weather has been so cold lately, but the streets downstairs are almost deserted, the whole street is as quiet as a ghost town.
He suddenly remembered the apartment building where he had lived for more than ten years. The apartment was very small, and it seemed that it could only fit him and his mother. It seemed to be even colder in winter than here. But every time he looked downstairs, he could see the crowds of people at the morning market. The few dilapidated shops always had their doors wide open, and the sound of horns that made people's hearts tremble would be heard early in the morning.
He used to hate that place because he thought it was too noisy. It was then that he made up his mind to make something of himself and live in a quiet villa area.
But now that his wish has come true, he can't stand the quiet.
It's like someone who's been sweltering for too long being suddenly thrown into an glacier; the coolness is fleeting, and the cruel frostbite is their final fate.
But thinking about it, it wasn't that he was reluctant to leave that neighborhood. It was just that the seemingly dirty and messy street had witnessed the purest first kiss of the boys and set off a sincere story.
There was a period that was so intense, he can't forget it.
No one will miss a place unless there are unforgettable memories or people they miss.
He opened his phone, which Shen Dong had already blocked, and opened WeChat, which still had no messages. He refreshed it habitually, even though he knew there would be no messages.
He had secretly rejoiced that Shen Donghai had only removed his SIM card and hadn't cut off the home internet. He stayed obediently in his room, hoping for the best. It wasn't that he didn't want to cause trouble, but he felt that the other person would definitely send a message one day: "Come downstairs."
At that time, he would definitely risk his life to leave with him.
From south to north, without asking where to go.
But after a long time, the area downstairs remained eerily empty. Snow fell again and again, but no one ever left any footprints.
It was as if his heart had been suddenly locked away, and no one had opened it since.
For five days, Su Jinning never sent him a single message, and he remained offline on the forum.
Gradually, he transformed his anticipation into waiting, and then into numbness, treating it like a task.
Because he didn't believe it, he didn't believe Su Jinning would lie to him.
That's his Ning-ge, the person he once promised to spend his life with. He'll definitely keep his promise.
These words became his spiritual pillar.
While waiting for him, he spent his free time knitting a scarf, something his mother taught him when he was a child, something he still remembered.
Snow was falling outside the window, so he would wrap himself in a blanket and sit on the bay window, knitting a little bit each day, never more.
It's like keeping accounts; it follows a very regular pattern.
He didn't know who he could give the scarf to after he finished knitting it, especially since it was already spring.
But he always felt that someone would like it.
It just seems there's no chance to send it out again.
He never sent Su Jinning a single message; he would just stare blankly at their past chat history.
Because he understood that even if he sent it out, he would only face prolonged silence.
When a person wants to let go, there won't be much of a commotion. They might not even say a word to end things, because decisiveness is always swift and silent, and it can defeat a person effortlessly.
The last message was a week ago, during his time at Su Jinning's house. He was cooking when he suddenly ran out of salt, so he messaged Su Jinning to buy some, and he sent her a panda emoji.
Ning: Yes, my wife.
He stared blankly at the screen, momentarily unsure whether to laugh or cry.