Author's Note: I watched three episodes of Gossip Girl today, and it gave me a headache. I still prefer Chuck; the other men are either too promiscuous or too irresponsible—I don't like them.
At noon, I was discussing with people in the group who should be the male lead. A very talented and beautiful woman wrote: Let her and Su Li live happily ever after, filled with the innocent dreams of their youth, and then reminisce about their childhood sweetheart, Xiao Duan, in the dead of night! You can't have your cake and eat it too. Then, in Xiao Duan's memoir, he writes, "Xiao Nan, you are my youth with flowing hair," and Xiao Nan replies, "Duan Lang, we missed love in the best of times..."
The jingle for the Forever Friends and China Merchants Bank commercials is really good. Actually, I couldn't find the full one-minute version. (Tears welled up)
Chapter 17
"Where are we going to interview today?" Zeng Shuyi sat lazily opposite Song Jianan, casually flipping through the notices on her hand. "The 30th Anniversary Golden Melody Awards, the provincial TV station, oh dear, they're all has-been singers, and they still want to interview them."
While typing, Song Jianan replied, "There's nothing I can do. They gave me a red envelope, so I have to squeeze out a little space for them."
Zeng Shuyi remarked with emotion, "Yes, yes, I had forgotten that the richest people in your entertainment section are like that attending physician, who can just reach out and receive a mountain of red envelopes."
"Come on, only singers who aren't very famous would spend money to buy media coverage. Those singers and actors who are so dramatic, outrageous, and big-name, you'd have to rack your brains to get them to hum a couple of lines, and then you'd make up stories to give them a big section on the page. Readers love it, the more celebrity gossip the better. There's nothing we can do about newspapers with high moral standards like ours."
"Li Chunbo, isn't it that song 'There's a girl in the village named Xiaofang, beautiful and kind'? Haha, almost everyone knew it back then, I knew it too." Suddenly, a head popped out from the cubicle, Fang Yanyan smiling with a look of utter delight. "Want me to sing you a couple of lines?"
The people present started cheering, "Sing! Sing!"
Fang Yanyan looked around, stared at Zeng Shuyi for a while, and said, "No, it's too embarrassing with strangers around. That song has too much of a rural feel to it. If people sing it, they'll think we're in a rural commune."
"Sing it for your wife, make her jealous to death," Song Jianan laughed, then changed her tone, "Fang Yanyan, are you so free in the social section? I see you running around here every other day, what's up this time!"
"Tickets to Fish Leong's 'Night of Psychic Communication' concert."
Song Jianan looked up in surprise, "Didn't I give it to you a few days ago? I went to look for you but you weren't there, so I just gave it to Zhou Yu."
"Yes, yes, I returned it. It's useless now." Fang Yanyan shrugged and placed the ticket intact on Song Jianan's table. Perhaps noticing her probing look, he said, "Oh, it was originally my cousin who wanted it. They've broken up now, so it's useless."
"Weren't there two tickets?" Song Jianan was about to take the ticket when Zeng Shuyi asked first, and the ticket ended up in Zeng Shuyi's hand. "Why is there only one? Kid, don't tell me your cousin gave the ticket to his ex and then casually said, 'Let's go see it.'"
Fang Yanyan glared at Zeng Shuyi fiercely, "It's my family matter, why are you meddling so much?"
"Tsk tsk! He stepped on the cat's tail, why did he jump so high!" Zeng Shuyi giggled. "If I were that girl, I would have torn up the ticket right in front of him and let the snowflakes fall all over his face. Seeing how arrogant he is, I would have just broken up with him."
Fang Yan's expression grew increasingly stiff, and Song Jianan quickly kicked her, saying, "Miss, watch your mouth. You've had enough time to wander around and have fun. Your boss is going to start yelling at you again."
Before the words were even finished, someone shouted from the French windows, "Zeng Shuyi, you've only written half of your manuscript."
She jumped up with a "whoosh," exclaiming, "Coming! Coming!"
"Zeng Shuyi is just a bit sharp-tongued and cynical, especially towards men, but she really doesn't mean any harm. Her aversion to men is just an instinctive impulse," Song Jianan explained to Fang Yanyan while packing her things.
"She must have been dumped by a man before."
Song Jianan smiled and said, "She likes those older men, but they are all focused on their careers and don't have time to serve her tea and water or stay by her side. So she is quite sensitive to these topics. Your unlucky cousin hit her sore spot."
Fang Yanyan suddenly leaned forward and whispered, "Sister Jia Nan, I want to ask you women, do you prefer men to spend more time with you, or do you prefer men to be successful in their careers and have a lot of money?"
“If I were a materially poor and spiritually shallow woman, I would definitely hope that a man is rich. If I were a spiritually noble woman with no material desires, I would rather a man spend time on me.” She paused, then smiled slyly at Fang Yanyan, “But I am neither of those types.”
Fang Yan rolled her eyes helplessly, watching Song Jianan put the press passes and access cards into her bag, and quickly changed her tune, "Sister Jianan, you're going to do an interview, not interview Miss Xiaofang, are you?"
"Yes, Uncle Xiaofang." She looked down to check that her documents were complete. Just as she was about to stand up, a sharp pain shot through her foot the moment it touched the ground. She lost her balance and was fortunate that Fang Yanyan caught her just in time.
"What happened? Did you twist your ankle wearing high heels?"
Song Jianan shook her head. "No, it's nothing. I was probably a little distracted just now. I have to go now; I need to catch the interview before the show."
"Oh, be careful on the road."
It was already past six o'clock, and the sky was dark. Neon lights slowly illuminated the city. It was rush hour, with people coming and going, and traffic winding from Beijing Road all the way to Jiefang Road.
Song Jianan checked the time on her watch more than once. The seconds ticked towards seven o'clock, and the surrounding scenery was moving little by little. She said to the taxi driver anxiously, "Sir, could you please hurry up? I have something urgent to attend to."
The driver replied unhurriedly, "Didn't you hear the traffic radio network just now? They said there's a traffic jam on Chengde Road, and it probably won't be open for a while. By the way, you're going to the provincial TV station, but unfortunately, that's the worst traffic there during rush hour."
"Is there any shortcut that avoids traffic jams?"
"No, unless you walk through the underground passage of the stone archway, but that will take a long time."
She took out the fare from her wallet and handed it to the driver. "Sorry, sir, I'm in a hurry, I'll get off here." With her bag in her hand, she opened the car door and jumped out with a loud "bang," startling the driver who quickly checked if the door was still open. The driver shook his head helplessly and muttered to himself, "Which newspaper reporter is she? In such a hurry. These days, reporters really have it tough."
When they arrived at the provincial TV station, it was exactly seven o'clock. The singers didn't say anything, but a slight dissatisfaction was evident in their eyes. Song Jianan wasn't in the mood to apologize and went straight to the point, asking a few questions. She found the answers to be too formulaic and immediately lost interest. Li Chunbo, on the other hand, was more talkative, especially when he mentioned the start of filming for the TV series "Xiao Fang." A reporter jokingly asked him, "Did you have a crush on a girl named Xiao Fang when you were a sent-down youth?"
The others smiled knowingly, and Song Jianan picked up her pen with interest to take notes. Li Chunbo answered frankly, "I definitely have had those experiences, otherwise how could I have such a deep one? Unrequited love—I'm sure everyone here has had it. After all, youth is beautiful, and at any time, the fire of youth can ignite the joy of life. We, the educated youth who are now over fifty, also had our own Xiaofang, and experienced love that we dared not hold hands with."
"Beautiful youth, love that dares not hold hands." Song Jianan suddenly smiled. Su Li's figure flashed through her mind. On that rooftop, the gloomy and pale boy was the youth she never dared to hold hands with.
A strange feeling welled up from the bottom of her heart. She couldn't help but look out the window. The provincial TV station on the 63rd floor, and civil aviation aircraft flying overhead with flashing lights. She suddenly remembered their unexpected encounter ten years ago, their real face-to-face conversation, and the cell phone that contained his first phone number but was lost. So many years of twists and turns.
Perhaps, this is the end for them, not even a matter of forgetting each other in the vast world.
After finishing the interview, I was pondering how to deliver this report when the phone rang.
Song Jianan wasn't surprised at all that it was Xi Luoyu calling. However, with the mobile phone in her hand and the screen flashing incessantly, she didn't know whether to answer or not. While she was hesitating, the call ended.
She pressed her temples helplessly, recalling their conversation that day that ended without any resolution, and felt a sudden wave of worry for no reason.
She must have been out of her mind yesterday to agree to his request to "think about it." In fact, she knew that "thinking about it" was just an excuse to procrastinate. She knew in her heart that the place she held in his heart would never be erased.
Whether it was out of fear or for some other reason, Song Jianan really didn't understand. For so many years, she had been used to quietly chasing after another person's footsteps on the edge of loneliness and prosperity.
But a voice in her heart told her, "Song Jianan, your last wish in life has been fulfilled. You should be satisfied. Why do you have to keep pursuing something that never belonged to you? Su Li was just a dream you made up."
She sighed softly, carefully dialed Xi Luoyu's number, and it was quickly answered. A familiar voice came through, slightly smiling and affectionate, "Finished with work?"
It seems like a long time ago someone asked her the same question, carefully and cautiously comforting her frustration and setbacks. She looked around the provincial TV station, where staff members came and went, all wearing professional smiles, but none of them seemed to resonate with her.
The pain on the top of her foot slowly gnawed at her like tiny ants, and the pain gradually intensified. She had no choice but to lean against the wall to support her weight, and her voice unconsciously weakened, "Yes, I just finished an interview."
"Do you have time to eat? There's a nice snack shop here that makes really authentic soup dumplings."
It turns out that Xi Luoyu still remembered that she had casually mentioned her favorite soup dumplings. She couldn't quite describe the feeling in her heart, as if it were a kind of compromise with reality. It turned out that she was not as strong as she thought. She asked softly, as if she had made a great decision, "Is it convenient for you to come and pick me up from the provincial TV station?"
Because she was always alone, ten years passed, all the glory faded, and she spent it all by herself.
I'm not used to relying on anyone, because love has become a belief, not a dependence.
Chapter 18
“Actually, there’s really no need to come to the hospital.” Song Jianan pursed her lips habitually, then looked down at the medical record in her hand. The penmanship on the cover was still wet, and it had the three characters “Song Jianan” written in beautiful running script by Xi Luoyu.
It turns out this lawyer has an occupational hazard: he always carries a pen, just in case.
She moved her foot, and it didn't seem to hurt as much as before. The air in the emergency room smelled faintly of disinfectant, and there was a damp chill, which made her feel relaxed for no reason. "It was just a little step on, it'll be fine. I'll just put some safflower oil on it when I get back."
Standing next to her, Xi Luoyu glanced at her feet almost imperceptibly. "What if you break a bone?"
Song Jianan replied casually, "It's a good opportunity to take leave and go home to rest." People were coming and going in the corridor, and there was a commotion at the end of the emergency room. She suddenly laughed, a smile that was both smug and mischievous. Xi Luoyu was slightly taken aback and followed her gaze, but saw nothing. He couldn't help but ask curiously, "What are you laughing at?"
"It's nothing, I was just wondering if I would get kicked out of the hospital if I took out this press pass."
Xi Luoyu gave a helpless twitch of his lips. "Hospitals are most afraid of reporters. Your thinking is truly incomprehensible. No wonder you're an entertainment reporter. I wonder how much of what's in those newspapers is just made up by you reporters."
She chuckled. "Apart from the major policies of the Party and the State, everything else is basically embellished. Do you know a lot about Xi Luoyu? Don't you read the newspapers?"
"Well, you did ask me that question before. I'm a loyal reader of the City Evening News."
The conversation suddenly hit a dead end, and Song Jianan didn't know how to respond. Just then, the nurse called her name and pointed to the darkroom in the corridor, "Ms. Song Jianan, please come here to have your X-ray taken."
She had just stood up when the siren of an ambulance roared past the emergency room entrance. Several doctors and nurses rushed over, and the scene instantly became chaotic. Song Jianan felt her eyes reflexively fixed on the entrance, eager to go forward and find out what was going on.
Suddenly, she felt a gentle pat on the head. The palm of her hand brushed softly across her face, as light as a feather, with a slightly cool dampness. She looked up and met Xi Luoyu's eyes, which held a hidden smile, and pursed her lips shyly.
He shook his head helplessly, saying nothing, but smiled faintly. For some reason, Song Jianan felt a pleasant sense of understanding. She turned around and glanced at the chaotic scene that made her "reporter" nerves sensitive, and walked righteously into the clinic, a smile still on her lips.
It seems like it's been a long time since I've had such a relaxed moment. Song Jianan smiled and shook her head. Over the years, perhaps I really have been pushing myself too hard and too fast.
If there is someone who can make you feel peaceful and secure, then you no longer need to yearn for those irreversible years of youth to reappear in your life with great fanfare, but can instead quietly rest in peace in this world.
After the X-ray, there were no major problems, just a period of treatment. The doctor prescribed some medications for sprains and bruises, and advised her to minimize exercise and use a car instead of walking.
Just as she came out of the emergency surgery room, she saw a tall boy running past in the corridor. It was a familiar figure, and Song Jianan blurted out, "Fang Yanyan?"
As expected, it was Fang Yan. Her hair was styled into a bizarre hedgehog shape by the wind, and her eyes were red. It was obvious that she had run over against the wind. However, she had good stamina and was not out of breath. From this point of view, I think this reporter is quite professional.
Fang Yanyan tilted her head, her eyes wide, and muttered to herself, "Sister Jianan, weren't you going to the provincial TV station for an interview? How come you're here at the hospital with us? This role reversal is too fast."
"I came here for a medical checkup. Honestly, what happened this time that made you come here?"
“A food poisoning incident.” Fang Yan smiled, then saw Xi Luoyu standing next to her and blinked in confusion, “Friend, male friend, boyfriend?” Before Song Jianan could answer, she took it upon herself to deny it in a low voice, “No way, a pretty boy and a repressed flirt is her type.”
Song Jianan didn't hear anything at all and quickly explained, "Just a friend. By the way, Fang Yanyan, are you here alone for the interview? There are still people on duty at the newspaper office. Zhou Yu didn't feel comfortable letting you come alone?"
Fang Yan clicked his tongue, "Oh my, you're here to inspect the people's conditions with the director. I'm telling you, Sister Jia Nan, just focus on getting better. You're not my boss anymore, so don't worry about so much." He smiled at Xi Luoyu, "I'm leaving now. Reporters are very busy, especially those who aren't well-received in hospitals."
Song Jianan watched Fang Yanyan run up to the second floor and could only smile wryly, sighing, "Kids really have it tough. Looking back at my younger self, I realize how difficult it was."
I once wrote an article all night and when I got home, I was still clutching the newspaper's mobile hotline. I was so tired that I had to ask my roommate to answer the call while I slept soundly on the table. I also once stood in front of the police station in the dead of winter, enduring ridicule and humiliation for the sake of a little bit of inside information. I was also ostracized by other people at the newspaper, and the articles I finally published were credited to someone else.
But after so many years, it seems I've gotten used to it, and even in my free time, I unconsciously think about work.
—Work, manuscript—Suddenly Song Jianan paused, then softly exclaimed, "Oh, right, my manuscript!"
The entertainment section reporters and editors had all left, leaving the room empty except for the faint white light from the incandescent bulb near the door, her computer on her desk, and a small orange pendant lamp on the next table, adding a touch of light to the desolate night.