"Time's Edge" by Sheng Li, Chapter 38 — Jinjiang Original Website [Works Library]
Standing on the high platform of the construction site, looking into the distance, the entire city was a silvery white, giving one a feeling of utter desolation yet dazzling brilliance. The cold wind was biting, and blowing against my face felt like being pounded by flying sand and stones; an invisible but solid pain surged from my cheeks to my heart.
Duan Jiachen was squatting on the ground talking to Lao Mo in technical terms she couldn't understand. The blueprints in his hands were rustling, and it seemed to be about the construction of an underground parking lot. In such cold weather, he was only wearing a tracksuit and a thin sweater. His face was pale from the wind, and his voice had a thick nasal tone. Song Jianan was very worried that he might catch a cold.
After a while, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She took it out and saw that it was Xi Luoyu, whom she hadn't seen in a long time. "Let me treat you to a meal sometime. It's been so long since I've seen you."
Song Jianan thought about it and realized that she still owed him a meal. Since there was no time like the present, she immediately replied, "Are you free tonight? I'll treat you to dinner. I still owe you a tomato hotpot."
I quickly received the message, "Okay, should I pick you up from the newspaper office?"
"Meet me at CITIC Plaza at six o'clock. Call me then."
The conversation over there had ended, and Lao Mo called her back to the newspaper office. She looked up at Duan Jiachen, and he looked at her too. When their eyes met, Song Jianan was the first to falter. She took off her clothes and handed them to him, saying, "Wear more clothes, I'm going back."
He nodded slightly. Someone called him over to check the scene, so he turned and left. Song Jianan sighed softly and also turned and left. The two passed each other in opposite directions.
Back at the newspaper office, half the staff were preparing articles for the Two Sessions, while the other half were busy reporting on the heavy snow. She hadn't written this kind of article in a long time and was quite rusty. Considering it was her first time publishing in Focus, she was naturally much more cautious.
She felt quite free after get off work. Since it was her first day on the job, she didn't need to pretend to work overtime. She left at the normal closing time and took a taxi to CITIC Plaza. Because the traffic was still not very smooth, Song Jianan kept an eye on the traffic conditions and chatted with the driver, "Sir, is business good today?"
The driver chuckled, "Business is good, but the roads are too difficult to navigate."
"Haven't they already cleared the snow?"
The driver shook his head. "It's alright in the city, but it's a different story in the suburbs. The roads there are incredibly difficult to navigate. And don't you know, it's the Spring Festival travel rush right now. The highways are completely jammed. How are people supposed to get home?"
She thought about it again and realized it made sense. She had the idea of publishing the article in mind, and chatted with the driver about other things. She didn't know if it was because the air conditioning in the car wasn't turned up high enough, or because it was just too cold, but she kept feeling cold, with a chill creeping into her body, while her cheeks were burning hot.
Xi Luoyu arrived earlier than her again. It had been a long time since she had seen him, and they seemed a little estranged. However, he looked refreshed, probably from sitting in the air-conditioned office.
She smiled sweetly at him and said, "Let's go, it's my treat today."
The hot pot restaurant was steaming, with an antique design. Low square tables held delicate little wooden boxes, which turned out to contain White Rabbit candies. Red scarves were tied to the railings, and the waiters were wearing their old Zhongshan suits from high school, but they were missing their school badges.
Xi Luoyu was astonished, "How come I didn't know about such a unique hot pot restaurant?"
Song Jianan explained with a smile, "This place used to be located in an alley on Guangda Road, and this branch opened later." A waiter handed her the hot pot base menu, and she handed it back without thinking, "Tomato hot pot base."
The waiter immediately beamed, "Miss, you're a regular customer."
“I’ve probably been here longer than you have. The clothes you’re wearing now are from our school. I’ll have your shop owner design a logo for you to wear sometime.” Song Jianan took a sip of tea. “Back then, I was in high school and often went to eat hot pot with my friends. We’d have a huge table around the table. The shops weren’t as fancy as they are now, and the decor was several levels below.”
After marking out the order for hot pot ingredients, Xi Luoyu became even more curious. "You were already forming cliques back in high school? That's so arrogant. We only started hanging out like this in college."
“I had very good friends in high school, and my parents knew when I went out with them.”
Xi Luoyu asked with great interest, "Oh? Are you still in contact?"
A waiter in a suit came over to light the fire. The gleaming copper pot, when the lid was lifted, released a rush of steam and a sour smell. It was supposed to be a steamy place, but she always felt a draft and was shivering.
The noisy restaurant was filled with steam, and the red-hot tomato broth was bubbling and steaming. Song Jianan picked up her chopsticks and stared intently at Xi Luoyu. "Do you think there is true friendship between men and women?"
"Why are you suddenly asking this?" He ladled a bowl of tomato broth and handed it to Song Jianan. "Are you having relationship troubles?"
She didn't shy away from the topic at all, saying, "Yes, I need guidance from an expert."
"It's hard to say. If a man and a woman who are usually very close have ulterior motives, then it's not friendship. But if they are friends who are more distant from each other and have gone through thick and thin together, then they can have true friendship."
The tomato tasted sour and a little astringent, not really whetting her appetite. She hesitated for a moment and asked, "What about a man and a woman who used to be very close? I mean, if a boy likes a girl, but the girl likes someone else, and the boy doesn't want to get close anymore, but the girl doesn't want them to lose their friendship, after all, they've had such a long relationship."
"In today's world of relationships, no one is willing to be the last one standing or clean up the mess. Everyone is selfish. Do you think we can see those selfless and regretless sacrifices that only happen in TV shows and movies in real life? What you can't have, you still can't have. It's better to walk away decisively. I understand that point."
She rolled her eyes helplessly. "You're quite pragmatic too."
“Song Jianan, I am indeed a pragmatist.” He solemnly put down his chopsticks and said seriously, “For example, if I run into a snag with you, am I supposed to relentlessly pursue it to the end? People are neither gold nor stone; they can’t be worn down by perseverance and emotion alone. And emotions can’t be maintained by being moved. In a word, it’s fate.”
"You have your own obsessions, fine, go ahead and be obsessive. I have my own ideas. If I can't have it, I'd rather leave gracefully."
She gently bit her chopsticks and thought for a while, "If I insist on being friends with him, wouldn't that be selfish?"
"Selfish? Not necessarily. In other words, you are selfish and he is selfish, but for the two of you, is there a better ending? You continue to torment him and he continues to suffer. I think it's better to never see each other again than to end up losing both of you."
Indeed, there are still great differences between people, Song Jianan thought. For example, she was a thorough idealist, while Xi Luoyu was a pragmatist. However, if she was not an idealist, how easy would it be to wait for ten years?
She asked, "Then what should we do?"
Xi Luoyu ate with relish, glaring at him for a while before slowly saying, "Let nature take its course."
"How do we do it in sequence?"
"There's nothing you can do if you just keep agonizing over it. Life will provide a solution. Just stay put."
Song Jianan complained, dissatisfied, "What you're saying is all nonsense; there's not a single substantial breakthrough."
His eyes gleamed slyly. "Nonsense is nonsense. Let's eat. You'll see if what I said was nonsense later."
The tomato hotpot that she usually indulged in was strangely tasteless today. Even the delicious lamb seemed inexplicably fishy and greasy, leaving her with no appetite. Just as she finished eating and paid the bill, her phone rang. An immediate notice came from above: "This section is in a meeting. Report back to the office within half an hour."
The reporters on the third page of the Focus section are always on call, which is an unwritten rule. Song Jianan sighed to the heavens, almost bursting into tears. Xi Luoyu asked curiously, "Why is the entertainment section so busy too?"
She picked up her bag and tightened her ponytail a little. "It's been redesigned; the focus has been removed."
"Isn't that great?" Xi Luoyu took out his car keys. "I'll take you home."
The road became even more difficult to travel. I don't know when, but it started snowing again. Large snowflakes swept against the car windows, and the windshield wipers squeaked and swung incessantly in front of my eyes, like a ticking pointer, which was very annoying to look at.
As expected, there was another traffic jam on the main road. It seemed that a light truck ahead had skidded and was blocking the middle of the road, with horns blaring all around. Song Jianan was getting impatient. "I'm going to miss it. I'll just run over."
Before Xi Luoyu could answer, she opened the car door and squeezed through the gaps in the traffic jam. She walked quickly, and her figure disappeared into the vast snow in no time. Xi Luoyu could only close the car window and shake his head with a smile.
It's such a pity that such a kind and earnest girl is not meant for me.
But he wasn't the kind of person who was absolutely devoted. If they couldn't be lovers, they could be ordinary friends. But then he thought about it again and felt that he was heartless and opportunistic. As a result, he ended up laughing and crying because of his own thoughts.
But nowadays, who would willingly take the fall or clean up the mess? Everyone is selfish.
When she arrived at the newspaper office, she was covered in snow from head to toe. After brushing it off, the warm air from the air conditioner melted the snow into water, which blurred the print on the newspapers on the table.
A reporter asked her to sit under the air conditioner. The warm air didn't make her feel warm; instead, she felt even colder. It wasn't a chill, but rather a sudden, inexplicable shiver. She had just finished eating and didn't know if it was motion sickness or catching a chill, but she felt nauseous.
The emergency meeting was about temporarily changing the focus of current affairs and people's livelihood to a special "Heavy Snow" issue. The discussion was quite lively. Song Jianan quietly asked Lao Mo, "Teacher Mo, if we add a word 'warmth' after 'disaster' to report on good deeds in the heavy snow, or government and community convenience measures, wouldn't that be more effective?"
Old Mo squinted and immediately clapped his hands. "Not bad, not bad. By the way, you're coming with me to the scene tonight. You probably won't be back until midnight. Why don't you call home first?"
She casually asked, "Where to?"
"When you go to the Beijing-Shanghai Expressway section with the interview vehicle, remember to wear more clothes. The handsome young man from this morning won't be there to bring you clothes at night."
Song Jianan could only smile awkwardly and remain silent.
We set off from the newspaper office at nine o'clock in the evening, heading towards the bridge. Before we could see the iconic red flag, the car slowed down noticeably. Old Mo opened the car door and said, "Let's get out and check the situation. We'll meet at the end of the bridge later."
Song Jianan jumped down as well. She didn't follow Lao Mo. Instead, she ran to the roadside railing, bent over, and vomited violently. The strong sour taste stuck in her throat. After vomiting, she coughed, tears and snot streaming down her face. After calming down, she took out a tissue to wipe her mouth and then rinsed her mouth with cold water.
She reassured herself that it was probably just motion sickness, and that she could deal with any illness later.
She felt much better after that. Old Mo was talking to a photographer over there. She caught her breath and ran over. "Teacher Mo, I'm going to the duty room on the bridge to ask about the situation and take a look around."
The bridge was congested with vehicles because the temperature had plummeted overnight, and the newly melted snow had frozen over. A fierce, howling wind blew from the river, making the world spin and seem to mock the insignificance of humankind.
Traffic police were directing traffic on the bridge, and some people were shoveling snow when suddenly someone shouted, "The car can't move, it's stuck in the snow, come and help!" Two traffic police ran over, and several truck drivers jumped off, waving their arms, "Brothers, come out and help!"
The impatient honking on the bridge finally subsided, the car was pushed out of the snowdrift by the crowd and put back on the road, and all the vehicles began to move forward slowly and orderly again.
The warmth that had long been absent from her heart was now deeply moved by this scene. She smiled at Lao Mo, who had rushed over, and said, "Teacher Mo, I think it was really worth it to cover this news."
When I got back in the middle of the night, I was completely exhausted. I took a taxi and rushed to the emergency room. The doctor said it was an acute gastritis attack and gave me two bottles of saline solution and an anti-nausea injection.
She slept most of the night in the hospital and then stumbled home in the dark. Perhaps people are just so vulnerable when they are sick, but when she pressed the light switch in her room, a soft yellow light slowly enveloped her, and she felt so sad that she wanted to cry.
But tears are the cheapest emotion in the world.
I don't crave the vanity of having someone pay for my meals when I go out, nor do I yearn for the sweetness of someone calling me every hour, and I certainly don't dream of a forever-lasting relationship until we grow old together. All I hope for is a shoulder to lean on when I'm sick, and that's enough.
She didn't ask for leave and received IV drips for four consecutive days. The doctor saw her and told her to "take care of rest" each time, but she just smiled and continued as usual when she was busy, afraid that if she stopped, her mind would be occupied by the pain.
On Friday, I accompanied Fang Yanyan to check out the exam venue. The snow had stopped for two days, and the long-awaited sunshine had finally peeked out a little, but the snow had not yet melted. It wasn't far from the newspaper office to the school; you could just walk through a small alley.
Snow dripped slowly from the eaves of the houses. A gentle breeze blew, and tiny water droplets floated up, reflecting a shimmering light in the pale yellow sunlight. There were specks of pale green in the corners of the walls. Suddenly, the sunlight became dazzling, and a warm golden halo enveloped my palms and brows.
The pent-up illness and frustration that had been building up in my heart for so long were instantly soothed by the warm sunshine, and I felt incredibly happy.
She led Fang Yanyan to the front of the teaching building with practiced ease, then pointed to a classroom and said, "This is your exam room. The building is closed now, so you can't go up. Otherwise, I could have helped you find a seat."
Fang Yanyan looked gloomy. "I get scared just thinking about the exam. I'm shaking uncontrollably, especially the English reading comprehension. I read it, but I can't understand it. And after seeing the answers, I still can't understand it. What should I do?"
Song Jianan comforted him, "I didn't understand it back then either. We basically eliminated two, and of the remaining two, we chose the least reliable one."
Fang Yanyan looked suspicious, but before she could speak, her phone rang. When she heard Su Li's voice, her heart tightened slightly, and a complex mix of emotions slowly overwhelmed her.
She looked up at the sky. The sky after the snow was so clear it was almost blinding. In an instant, it seemed as if everything had become an illusion, even her past obsessions and loves seemed so insignificant in the azure sky.
Fang Yanyan talked for a while, then turned around and said, "Let's go sit at K's nearby. I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything this afternoon."
Song Jianan nodded, "Okay, I'll go buy a cup of coffee to perk myself up; I have to work overtime tonight."
There weren't many people in the K family. She bought coffee to say goodbye to Fang Yanyan, but Fang Yanyan ordered a lot of food and pushed it in front of her. Then he took out a copy of the City Evening News from his bag, grabbed a French fry and put it in his mouth. After eating a few, he saw that Song Jianan was unmoved and asked strangely, "Sister Jianan, why are you sitting here like an idiot? Eat up, I'll share the newspaper with you."
She had no choice but to take the newspaper, glanced at it, and exclaimed, "Oh my, diamonds are on sale for almost the New Year! Goodness, I wonder if I can get a discount if I use my press pass from the newspaper?"
Fang Yanyan also leaned over and glanced at it, saying, "This isn't good-looking; it's such a tacky design."
Just then, a gust of wind blew by, sending a large stack of newspapers flying into the air. Fang Yanyan reached for it with his greasy hands. Song Jianan watched happily, biting into half an egg tart, when someone pulled up a chair behind her and said, "Get a newspaper to read."