Suddenly, a child's laughter came from over there, as if he had walked to People's Square. His voice grew clearer and clearer, "Poor me, I have to go on a business trip alone this Christmas. I wonder if I'll have to hang my socks on the plane?"
Song Jianan laughed heartily, opened the window door, and went out. "Yeah, back then, the flight attendants were probably scrambling to stuff your socks full. You might have woken up to find yourself drowning in gifts. By the way, where are you going on your business trip?"
"Beijing."
Looking out from the fifteenth floor, the wind grew stronger and stronger. The cold night in Jiangnan was long and melancholic, filled with loneliness and emptiness.
A private car drove by downstairs, its headlights forming a flowing, shimmering line that vanished in an instant. She suddenly didn't know what to say, and the voices over there seemed to disappear into the cold darkness, becoming silent. Suddenly, Xi Luoyu spoke up, "Actually, this isn't bad either."
"Hmm?" Song Jianan replied absentmindedly, as if she hadn't yet recovered from the chill of winter.
"Actually, it feels nice to chat like this. Are you outside too? It's very windy outside, but that's how it is in winter here. If we could go out for hot pot tonight, with the house warm and cozy while the outside is freezing cold, that would be really nice."
"Oh, right, I still owe you a tomato hotpot!"
A soft laugh came from the other end, sounding like someone in a good mood. "Song Jianan, you can't keep denying it. You can't hide forever, or I'll have to use legal means to defend my dignity."
"Attorney Xi, that's so cheesy! Okay, I'll treat you to hot pot when you get back." Just as she was about to say goodbye and reach for the call button on her phone, he interrupted her with a soft voice.
"Let's wait a little longer. I just want to hear your voice. It's okay if you don't say anything. This is fine too."
A thought struck me: memories are such wondrous things; the long years seemed to shorten in an instant, and scenes from the past returned to my eyes.
When did it start, that I got into the habit of receiving a timely text message every day, and then a phone call, which would always ring at a certain time every day, with a boy's cheerful and familiar voice coming through, "Song Jianan, it's nothing, I just wanted to, uh, ask how you're doing, and also hear your voice."
At that moment, she walked past the sun-drenched lawn, up the long stairs, and saw the teaching building covered in ivy. Holding a heavy book in one hand and her phone in the other, a faint smile played on her lips as she spoke to the other person, almost as if talking to herself, "I'm going to the library to borrow books. The sun is shining so brightly here today, and the white clouds in the sky are like cotton candy, so soft. I really want to lie down and sunbathe, and give this weather a bear hug!"
"Heh, Song Jianan, you lazybones."
......
Perhaps she had become too accustomed to such care, but one day, she looked up from her thick book and could no longer see that familiar number flashing on the screen. In her heart, she felt only a cold draft.
Some real people in our lives, and those illusory people, are all just a dream.
In her world, Su Li, to whom she poured all her youthful love, and Duan Jiachen, to whom she trusted wholeheartedly, both slowly drifted away in different ways. When she looked back, she was shocked to realize that so many years had passed.
The initial beauty and the warmth of the present world—if we cannot have both, how should we choose?
In the spring of 2004, Song Jianan saw the first ray of sunshine after the rain shining into her palm. She silently told herself to forget the initial beauty and cherish the warmth of the present world.
But that summer, a letter lay quietly in her mailbox.
"Song Jianan, perhaps neither of us has truly experienced love, so we don't know what it really is, and thus we mistake this kind of understanding and care for what we call love. Perhaps we are both wrong, perhaps what we are holding onto is not love, but merely the friendship and kinship we have built up over time."
When habit becomes friendship, and friendship becomes kinship, romantic love fades.
Perhaps, love never existed between us.
It turns out that the beauty and warmth of the past never existed.
Author's Note: You can probably guess what happened to Song Jianan in college. She made up a name to fool Su Li, then, not knowing how to end things, cut off contact with him. She wanted to start a relationship with Duan Jiachen, but was dumped by him (there's a reason for it). Haha, how tragic...
I didn't mean to hurt her...
I suddenly came across an old outline today and realized that Song Jianan was actually a mistress. Luckily, I wrote about Su Li breaking up with his girlfriend before.
While feeling relieved, I was even more shocked to discover that Su Li was actually the mistress! A male mistress!
Tears streamed down my face.
Chapter 22
I have never seen such a beautiful festival. All the lights are shining in the darkness at once, as if by magic.
I had never noticed such a heartwarming holiday before. Under the colorful lights, the fountain in People's Square made the water droplets look like crystals falling from the sky to the ground, like scattered gold dust. Mischievous children tried to catch a splash of water, but ended up crying and running around the pool. Sweet couples walked hand in hand, with girls holding balloons or flowers given to them by Santa Claus on the street, their faces full of happiness. The shop windows were decorated with snowflake patterns of various colors, white and hazy.
Song Jianan looked up and saw a huge billboard next to the stadium behind the square. The sweet girl had a faint smile on her face. Even if it was a deliberate publicity effect, it still made people feel happy for no reason.
The spacious stadium was completely dark, with only dim stage lights and wisps of smoke rising from it.
All around her were cheers and shouts, everyone was waving their glow sticks, and the stage lights kept changing, but she sat there quietly by herself.
With her eyes closed, she experienced a mix of painful memories and sweet reality. She was just a listener, not a supporter; she simply came to listen to the songs and let those old tunes evoke memories from the depths of her heart.
The all-too-familiar melody rang in my ears: "Happy breakup, please be happy. Only by saying goodbye to the wrong one can you meet the right one. Leaving old love is like taking a slow train. Once you see things clearly, your heart will be sunny. No one can take away anyone's happiness..."
Suddenly, it was so long since I'd heard this song, and a flood of memories came rushing back.
That was the first and only time they talked. She couldn't even remember his voice anymore, only that it sounded like water dripping through ice—cool, light, yet incredibly clear.
On that ordinary evening, she had just returned from the study room and was walking back to her dormitory when her phone suddenly rang. She hurriedly opened her bag to get it, but when she saw the caller ID, she lost the courage to press the call button.
It was Su Li's name.
Over such a long period of time, there were only one or two simple messages between them. They exchanged letters more often than phone calls. She never called him, and he never contacted her.
Was it a wrong number, or a mistaken press? Song Jianan slowly squatted down, gripping her phone tightly, watching the screen flash incessantly until it finally stopped. She let out a soft sigh of relief, unable to tell whether she felt relieved or regretful.
She was about to send a message to ask a question, but before she could even press the first word, the screen lit up again with Su Li's name on it. She hesitated for a moment before finally answering. For a long time, all she could hear was her own tense and disordered breathing.
"Are you there?" The sound waves traveled thousands of kilometers, carrying a hint of uncertainty and elusiveness, but it was very pleasant to hear. The only time I could remember hearing his voice face to face was when I desperately tried to memorize it, but when I thought back on it afterward, I had no recollection of it.
The unfamiliar yet familiar voice rang out again, evoking all the memories of her youth. Tears welled up in her heart, and unable to control her emotions, she could only softly utter an "Mmm".
Both of them seemed a little embarrassed. The person on the other end spoke softly, as if talking to themselves, "It's snowing here. I'm sitting on the bleachers of the playground. The snowflakes are huge, and my vision is all blurry. For some reason, I just really want to talk to someone."
"Well, it's a pity we can't see snow here, there are only a few stars right now."
The wind was strong over there. Song Jianan slowly straightened up, walked to the nearest bench by the roadside, sat down, looked up at the sky, and heard the whistling wind in her ears. "Aren't you busy right now?"
"It's nothing, I just came out of the study room."
Another eerie silence fell. Song Jianan had a vague sense of unease. Suddenly, he spoke, "I don't know why, but I suddenly thought of a lot of things. That year, it was also a snowy night..." He didn't continue, but just sighed softly and muttered to himself, "People say it's because the scenery evokes memories. It really is like that."
He didn't say it explicitly, but Song Jianan understood in her heart that he was referring to his first love. At that time, she didn't know about Su Li and Qin Yuanyuan's past. It was only after she reconnected with him that she vaguely guessed the cause and effect.
It seemed futile to try to comfort him with any words, as she wasn't good at comforting others. So she could only sigh softly. He, however, laughed and said, "Why are you sighing? By the way, can you sing?"
"What?"
"Singing? When you're in a bad mood, you should listen to music and sing. Do you know how to sing Fish Leong's 'Happy Breakup'?"
"Huh?" Song Jianan was quite surprised. "I thought you wouldn't listen to that kind of music."
With a faint smile in his voice, he said provocatively, "I thought all girls could sing that song."
"Who says I can't!" Song Jianan readily took the bait. Her voice was naturally a bit deep, unlike the sweet voices of most girls; instead, it had a magnetic quality. She started by humming slowly, and finally began to softly sing, "Happy breakup, please be happy. Only by saying goodbye to the wrong one can you meet the right one. Leaving old love is like taking a slow train. Once you see things clearly, your heart will be sunny. No one can take away anyone's happiness..."
One song after another, songs by Fish Leong, Faye Wong, Tanya Chua, and Maggie Chiang. She couldn't sing every song in its entirety, but she had a great grasp of the pitch and rhythm, making it sound like a medley of songs.
That night, it was very late, she didn't even know what time it was. In the darkness, she listened to the slow passage of time and his voice, and heard his tone change from low to happy. She felt very happy and content.
Who said that once you have something, you will want nothing else? Who said that they don't care about forever, they only care about having had it?
She doesn't remember much, only that she sang "Red Bean" at the end: "Sometimes, sometimes, I believe that everything has an end, that there is a time for meeting and a time for parting, and that nothing lasts forever."
The song abruptly stopped, and Su Li asked with a smile, "Why did you stop singing?"
"I forgot the lyrics." Song Jianan smiled slightly. "I haven't sung this song in a long time, and I've almost forgotten them all."
She didn't tell him that she remembered the lyrics very clearly: "But sometimes, I would rather choose to linger and not let go, until I've seen all the scenery, maybe you'll accompany me to watch the gentle flow of water."
She remembered it clearly, but didn't have the courage to sing it out loud, because her love was so resolute, yet at the same time so cowardly.
Her love was brave, yet lonely; she was courageous in front of herself, but humble in front of him.
Suddenly she felt a wet patch on her face, and her fingertips and the back of her hands were icy cold. She laughed, realizing that she really couldn't come to such a memorable concert alone.
But there was a strange feeling, as if along with those tears, some things from the past were slowly being drawn out of her body and diffused into the air. A slight stirring in her heart made her feel much lighter.
The last song, as usual, was the popular "Courage." The girl on stage wore a red dress, and the lights were bright. Almost everyone stood up and sang or shouted in unison, "Love really needs courage to face gossip. As long as you give me a look of affirmation, my love has meaning. We all need courage to believe that we will be together. In the crowded streets, I can feel you. I hold your true heart in my hand."
The girl next to her and her boyfriend held hands tightly, tears welling up in their eyes. Another girl next to her was choking up, laughing and crying at the same time. Song Jianan bit her lip and sang along softly.
So many people together, singing a song together, so many happy, joyful, moved, and sad faces, people experiencing sweetness, ambiguity, hesitation, heartbreak, and despair in love, all gathered at this Christmas Eve concert.
After the event ended, the huge corridor was packed with people rushing out. In the chaos, Song Jianan was accidentally pushed against the wall and bumped lightly. She stopped, shook her head, and checked that her belongings were still on her.
An unconscious glance revealed a familiar figure in the distance, lean and strong.
But so what? So what if it was him? So what if it wasn't? Song Jianan laughed to herself. It turned out that they had just missed each other. It was all in the past.
Those initial beautiful moments have truly become beautiful memories.
It was quite late when we left the venue, but the festive atmosphere in the square was still strong. There were fewer children, but more couples and friends who had come from the concert.
It was late at night. The city was located at the junction of north and south, and the temperature was close to zero in the dead of night in December. Song Jianan put her hands in the pockets of her coat, looked up, and greedily breathed in the cold air.
She suddenly thought of many people, but one person's face became clearer and clearer in her mind. Often, when a person was not by her side, Song Jianan would feel that longing slowly rising from the bottom of her heart.
It turns out she's someone who only learns to cherish things after they've happened, because she always lives in the past.
She took out her phone and saw five missed calls, all from Xi Luoyu. She laughed and dialed the number. "You know what? I just went to Fish Leong's concert."
Xi Luoyu was slightly taken aback, as if he had never heard Song Jianan speak to him like this before. Her tone was coquettish and her voice was sweet, clearly indicating that she was in a great mood. "I just arrived at the hotel. Heh, you had a very fulfilling Christmas Eve."
"I was so moved, so...so incredible. So many people standing together, singing together. I always wondered why people shout and scream so wildly at concerts. Now I understand, it's really that kind of atmosphere..."