Zhou Xingqi handed Su Jinning a glass of wine and let out a long sigh: "He locked himself in his room, unable to eat a single bowl of rice a day. To hypnotize himself, he studied day and night, doing boxes and boxes of test papers. Like a dummy, his speech was barely audible. At night, he would curl up in bed with his Walkman, turning the headphones up to the maximum, as if suppressing some kind of sound. He would stare blankly at the ceiling for half the night. He also slept, sometimes for a whole day at a time, waking up without complaining of hunger or thirst. In a month, he lost fifteen pounds, his arms looking like they could be crushed with a gentle pinch. As my father wished, he never cried or made a fuss again. But none of us recognized him anymore. It was at that moment that I realized..."
"I never knew people could suffer so much, suffering to the point of growing thinner and thinner, suffering to the point of falling silent."
“It seems like he’s been waiting all along…” Zhou Xingqi leaned on the bar: “Even if he knows you won’t come, he’ll still wait until the very end.”
He couldn't forget him, nor did he intend to. Even if Su Jinning was a swamp, he still deeply loved the feeling of being slowly swallowed up by him until he suffocated. Even if everyone dragged him ashore, he would keep Su Jinning's scent on him for a lifetime.
On the last page of the notebook, there is this sentence.
[A chilled version of the summer fireworks has arrived; I imagine the roses outside your window are blooming too.]
I mean, it's summer now, and I miss you so much.
Shen Moyu kept waiting, waiting for the flowers to bloom, waiting for the height of summer, waiting for him to come home.
Su Jinning held the document in her palm, repeatedly digesting the information about Shen Moyu that she had heard from others.
It turns out that during many times when he hesitated, Shen Moyu always firmly chose him.
He desperately wanted Shen Moyu to have a good life and didn't want to see him suffer. But he forgot what Shen Moyu truly wanted.
“I can’t bear to see my brother like this…” Zhou Xingqi poked his heart: “It hurts…it’s excruciating to watch…”
He felt sorry for Su Jinning, and even more sorry for Shen Moyu. He and Shen Donghai believed that their repeated obstruction would secure Shen Moyu's future, but they never expected that it would ruin his happiness.
The cocktail that Jeremy made was indeed very strong; Su Jinning's cheeks flushed and her stomach churned after drinking it.
One hundred and seven pages, more than seven hundred fragments—Shen Moyu pieced them together bit by bit, tracing out every illegible character, even a comma. He reassembled the last gift he gave to Su Jinning, the unwavering and profound love that had been torn apart, only to be pieced back together and sealed away by him.
“My dad was too focused on profit… He never loved anyone.” Zhou Xingqi smiled bitterly, “Including my deceased mother.” He didn’t wait for Su Jinning’s reply, but stood up. His once innocent, starry eyes were now filled with sorrow, as if he had grown up in an instant.
Su Jinning gritted his teeth, unable to speak, whether from stomach discomfort or heart pain.
“Actually, my dad can’t keep him in. If he really wanted to go out, he could smash the window with one punch. But he still stayed in the room for two months. Do you know why?”
Su Jinning tasted the bitterness of the wine, the spicy flavor sliding down her mouth to her heart.
"Because he knew that no one would come to pick him up from outside the window anymore."
What kept him out was never the window, but Su Jinning's words, "Let it go."
After Zhou Xingqi left, Su Jinning was left alone sitting at the large bar.
After finishing the last sip of his drink, he leaned against the bar and thought for a long time.
He just felt that he had lost the audacious and unruly Su Jinning he once knew.
He constantly reminds himself that he is an adult now and needs to learn to let go and face things maturely.
But he forgot that adults not only have to learn to accept separation, but a qualified adult should have the right to take control of their own future and the courage to give their loved ones a safe haven.
He often lamented his parents' tragic end, for they loved each other so much.
So he often wondered, could love also bring unhappiness?
He watched as Shen Moyu was locked in the room, and in his attempt to see him, he smashed the window and even broke his arm.
These events were like the blade that severed his last shred of resolve.
He only wanted Shen Moyu to live a good life, but unintentionally, he repeatedly used a blunt knife to kill the hearts of two people.
But all of this was simply because his love was too insecure and timid.
"After you finish this drink, my shop should close." Jerhe handed him another brown specialty cocktail.
Su Jinning glanced at him, grabbed her wine glass, and drank it all in one gulp.
Suddenly, the spicy sensation went straight to my stomach, and within five minutes I started to feel dizzy. The alcohol was really strong.
"How is it?" Jeremiah asked him, resting his chin on his hand.
Su Jinning hesitated for a long time before finally managing to say, "Fierce..."
"And then? What else did you feel?" Jerhe seemed eager to hear his answer to his drink.
Su Jinning wanted to say that it was just intensely hot, and she didn't feel anything else. But the next second, a surge of heat rushed up, from the inside out, from her blood to her flesh, leaving only a cool sensation in her stomach. In an instant, the dizziness from drinking too much turned into excitement.
"Do you know what this wine is called?" Jeremiah elegantly wiped his wine glass, tossing a handful of his beautiful short hair. "Tripas."
Su Jinning wasn't sure if it was because the alcohol was too strong or if she hadn't heard him clearly: "What?"
“Portuguese.” Jae looked up at him, his hands still supporting his chin: “It means courage.”
Su Jinning's gaze shifted from confusion to composure.
"This wine isn't cheap; it's the store's signature drink," Jiehe said, lifting Su Jinning's chin and looking at him with his light blue eyes. "I hope you don't drink it for nothing."
As night deepened, the sky, which had been drizzling just moments before, was now filled with stars, and the dense clouds dispersed to reveal the bright white moon.
A person under the influence of alcohol is capable of anything. Following the scattered blossoms at the end of the cherry blossom path, he thought he should try to find something that had been lost for a long time.
No one knows what will happen next, just as he didn't know he would meet Shen Moyu, nor that he would love him so much afterward. He only knew he was lucky. So how could he just let go of something so lucky?
If you love someone, why back down?
It's not that I can't afford to lose, it's just that I really can't miss this opportunity.
The cherry blossoms bloomed as scheduled, their colors vibrant and fiery. The love that blossomed beneath the fluttering petals that year was passionate and intense.
Cherry blossoms will fade, but they will bloom again next year.
——
For the past two months, Shen Moyu has rarely opened the window.
Silence enveloped the streets at 9:30. Leaves rustled, and the street below was covered by the shadows of the trees, like a winding river leading to a nebula. At the end of the intersection, the boy's figure was illuminated by the streetlights.
In that dark night, the two gazed at each other's faces by the faint moonlight.
Willow catkins drifted past the window, and the spring breeze rose once again. He stood downstairs and waved to him. At that moment, time seemed to stand still.
In the merging of light and shadow, the boy saw his own youth.