Xiang Yuan took a deep drag, the ash as long as half a cigarette, and with a tremor of his hand, the ash fell all over the ground.
"Have you thought this through? If you make this decision, Xiang Lan will definitely blame you, and it will also affect your relationship as a couple."
“This is what I should take responsibility for.” Fang Zidu rubbed his eyes, his hands still smelling of tobacco and a little astringent. “I want your support for my decision. The numerical advantage might make her give in, otherwise I have no way to persuade her.”
What do your parents think?
“My dad wouldn’t like a child with a disability.” Fang Zidu shook his head. “Tell him he feels the same way.”
Where's your mom?
He looked troubled. "My mother is hard to persuade, so I don't want to tell her, even though she's a doctor."
“If you’re a man, you have to be ruthless. I support your decision, but it’s best to handle this separately. I don’t want to affect your sister-in-law’s mood.” He reached out and stubbed out his cigarette on the balcony. “Tomorrow morning, you take Xiang Lan to the hospital, and I’ll go too. We’ll work together to persuade her—”
"Convince whom?" Xiang Lan leaned out from the balcony, her face deathly pale. "What are you hiding from me?"
The two men were startled. They were usually eloquent, but now their mouths were as if sealed with tape, and they couldn't say a word.
She came out, grabbed a few pages of medical records from the side, and after quickly reading them, she almost fainted.
"Don't rush—" Fang Zidu reached out to help her, but she slapped his hand away and said, "Don't touch me."
Her face was flushed, both angry and anxious. "I knew you were acting strange today, so this is why. You wouldn't let me see a doctor at the hospital, and you even lied to me, saying it was just for an extra test. Do you think I'm stupid? You kept it from me all by yourself, waiting for you all to have a plan and form a united front to deal with me?"
"Lanlan, calm down. Zidu didn't want this to happen either."
"Brother, when did you get so close to him?" Xiang Lan touched her belly, and because she was anxious, the baby inside her was also restless and kept kicking her belly. "Or do you both have the same idea that if there is even a slight problem with the child, you will just abort it?"
"It's precisely because I was worried about you that we discussed it first."
"This isn't a discussion, it's a conspiracy!" Xiang Lan clenched her fists tightly; due to the effects of pregnancy hormones, she was more prone to crying. Normally, when watching a TV series, the moment sad music started, her emotions would immediately kick in, and she'd burst into tears without even needing to prepare; this was even more true now. She sobbed, "Fang Zidu, are you like your father, only wanting children without flaws, and getting rid of anything slightly imperfect? Let me tell you, no way! I conceived this myself, I'll give birth to it myself. If you don't want it, I will!"
Fang Zi clenched his fist, then relaxed it. "Xiang Lan, I didn't say I didn't want it."
"You just don't want it," Xiang Lan accused. "You've already made up your mind, haven't you?"
He couldn't deny that.
"I knew it. You have no feelings at all. It was the same when we got married. You thought there was nothing you could do about the pregnancy, so you just tried to fix it. Now that the child has some problems, you're just trying to fix it if you can. I don't want this. I hate you."
"Xiang Lan, don't talk nonsense. These past few months have been more than enough time for me to tolerate your capriciousness—"
"What's wrong? What's going on—" Hu Li, seeing that the people hadn't returned for a while, also came out to find them. "Didn't we tell them to cook? They're starving—"
“Yes, let’s eat first, we can talk after we’ve eaten.” Xiang Yuan quickly got up and said to Hu Li, “Take Lanlan back inside first, it’s cold outside, don’t let her catch a cold, her health is important.”
Xiang Lan was reluctantly pulled into the house. Without even looking at Fang Zidu, she threw herself into Hu Li's arms and cried so hard she almost fainted. "Sister-in-law, Fang Zidu doesn't want our child anymore. He's a bastard!"
Fang Zi kept his head down. He had anticipated Xiang Lan's strong reaction after he made the suggestion, but he did not expect to feel so heartbroken when faced with her accusations.
"Don't rush, talk to your sister-in-law properly." Hu Li patted Fang Zidu, winked at him, and whispered, "Wash your face, drink some water—"
Fangzi nodded and went to the bathroom.
Hu Li helped Xiang Lan back to her room and settled her on the small sofa. He noticed that she was holding a few pieces of paper in her hand, so he took them and looked at them, but didn't say anything for a long time.
In the later stages of pregnancy, her belly was too big, putting a heavy burden on her body. Xiang Lan did her usual walks to exercise and improve her physical condition, but crying was extremely exhausting. After crying for a while, she began to feel short of breath and had to loosen her clothes to let in some air, forcing herself to hold her breath and stop crying.
Fang Zi brought over a cup of hot water and a warm towel to feed her water, but she pushed him away. She tried to wipe her face, but he pushed her away again. Hu Li had no choice but to take over, carefully wiping her face clean and giving her some water, saying, "Don't cry yet. Let's sort this out first, okay?"
Xiang Lan nodded, pointed at him, and said aggressively, "You speak."
He said, "Today I went to the Women and Children's Hospital for a prenatal checkup. The doctor in the ultrasound room found that the baby's head was significantly smaller than expected. They asked the attending physician to take a look, and he thought there was a problem. They then asked another senior specialist to take a look, but no one was sure, so they arranged for us to go to the affiliated hospital for a second opinion. The affiliated hospital has advanced equipment and can see the clearest picture. The results—" He paused, then said with difficulty, "...are still smaller than expected. Although there's a certain chance it's because the baby is positioned posteriorly, the more likely reason is that it hasn't developed properly, so—"
Xiang Lan couldn't hold back any longer and burst into tears, "He even kept it from me and secretly discussed with my older brother that he didn't want him anymore."
Fangzi stood there like a child who had made a mistake, not knowing what to do. He was already helpless against Xiang Lan's tears, and now the issue of the child had been added to the mix. Both of them were young, but the problems they faced were significant. They were at a loss, yet had to make difficult decisions, and the pressure was almost unbearable for him.
Hu Li immediately noticed that something was wrong with him, patted Xiang Lan on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry, don't cry. Zidu doesn't want to either. This is his child, and he definitely can't bear to part with it."
He squatted down beside her and said, "Xiang Lan, how about we go to another hospital for a check-up tomorrow?"
Xiang Lan nodded, tears streaming down her face. He reached out to wipe away her tears, and this time she didn't refuse.
Hu Li immediately took out his phone and said, "I have a few friends who are doctors. I'll contact them and see if we can get the tests done tomorrow. We can't afford to delay any longer in this situation."
Hu Li went out to make a phone call, and Fang Zi couldn't help but pull Xiang Lan into his arms, saying, "Xiang Lan, I didn't want this to happen either, please forgive me."
Xiang Lan gripped his arms with both hands and said, "You're scaring me. All the previous checkups were fine, so why did they say I wasn't fully developed when it came time to give birth? They must have made a mistake. You should have yelled at them back then—"
Fang Zi patiently patted her back to soothe her, saying, "That's possible."
“Yes, it’s possible they were mistaken. Why didn’t you check? You came back immediately and said you didn’t want him. If Dad doesn’t want him, he’ll be heartbroken. I’m heartbroken too.”
"Don't cry. If he can't breathe, he must be feeling uncomfortable too."
"Tell me, is it because I drank alcohol when I was pregnant with him? Or wore makeup? Or didn't take folic acid properly? Or did I travel around and not get enough nutrition? Otherwise, we're so young and healthy, it's impossible for this to happen, right?" Xiang Lan said, blaming herself and doubting. "You know so much, tell me, what exactly happened?"
She couldn't even give him a prescription, but her eyes were full of expectation and trust, as if she could persevere as long as he gave her any answer.
Chapter Sixty
Xiang Lan cried and was exhausted. Afraid that going hungry would have a worse impact on her baby, she insisted on getting up to eat. No one spoke at the table, and no one brought up the topic. She stared blankly at the green vegetable stalks on her plate for a while. Finally, Fangzi put food on her plate and nudged her arm, bringing her back to her senses.
She forced a smile, her appetite gone. She recalled the first time she said she didn't want the child, the ugly look on Fang Zi's face, and everything he did to cheer her up afterwards; she remembered how he investigated Gu Yuan's background to ensure her and the child's safety, and how he lied to her about not going to work; she remembered how, even when he was at his busiest at work, he wouldn't forget to take her to the suburbs for fresh air on weekends; and she certainly wouldn't forget how, when she got pregnant and her legs cramped, he got up in the middle of the night to give her hot compresses and massages, enduring several nights of that cold weather.
He loved the child no less than she did, but when it came to severing ties, he was more ruthless than she was.
After drinking a bowl of soup, she felt full and put down her chopsticks. She could clearly feel that everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’ve already contacted several hospitals and found a few specialists; they’ll all help. Don’t be too anxious or scared; it’s all about probability—” Xiang Yuan cleared his throat and said, “If it’s a misdiagnosis, great; if it’s a bad result, you have to accept it. Even if Ziqi can make a relatively calm judgment, you should too—”
Xiang Lan slammed her chopsticks on the table and said, "What is a calm judgment? You said it yourself, it's just a matter of probability. There's no confirmed diagnosis yet, and you've already decided not to have him. That's just selfishness to avoid dragging your life down. If, and I mean if, you really don't want him, but after taking him off the hook you find out he's perfectly fine, how will you face yourself for the rest of your life?"
"Xiang Lan, that is the pain I have to bear, and I will not run away from it."
"Then don't run away now. Let's keep him together. If it really comes to a bad end, we'll bear it together." Xiang Lan's eyes were already swollen, and her blinking was very heavy.
"Lanlan, don't make it sound so easy—"
"Xiang Yuan, stop talking." Hu Li was also upset and said, "You men think differently from us women."
Xiang Yuan immediately shut up and said to Fang Zidu, "Zidu, don't go back and cause trouble tonight. Just stay here with me. Go and call your uncle and aunt and have a good talk about this."
Fang Zidu stood up, looked at Xiang Lan who was staring blankly at the ground, and said, "Xiang Lan, don't be sad. Whatever decision you make, I will—"
Xiang Lan seemed not to hear. After sitting in the restaurant for a while, she returned to her old room, took off her coat, and snuggled into bed. She wanted to sleep, so she went to bed. It should be tomorrow; once she found the doctor and got everything sorted out, everything should be fine.
But the more she tried to fall asleep, the less she could. Her mind was a jumbled mess, and her heart felt like it was being gripped by something, making it hard to breathe.
A moment later, Fang Zidu came in, saw that she was already asleep, and went out again. There was the sound of running water, and then a warm towel was placed on her face. She didn't open her eyes or move her body, but she could feel him gently moving her. Then, he seemed to change the towel and wipe her hands and feet.
The house had underfloor heating, and the blankets were quite thin. Her stomach was pressing on her lower back and bladder, making her very uncomfortable. She lay on her side, reaching up to lift her stomach and place it on the bed, where she touched his hand. She couldn't pretend anymore. She opened her eyes and saw him kneeling by the bed, one hand stroking her stomach, his ear pressed against it, as if he were feeling her heartbeat.
Xiang Lan turned over, her back to him; she didn't want to see him at all right now.
The next morning, Liu Zewen and the driver waited downstairs. After Xiang Lan and her group came downstairs, she hurriedly came up to them, pulled them into the car, and Fang Zidu silently sat in the passenger seat.
"How are you?" Liu Zewen asked worriedly. "Is there anything wrong with you?"
"It's fine." Xiang Lan concealed the fact that she had woken up in the middle of the night because of breathing difficulties and had not been able to fall back asleep. She was now beginning to understand her mother's feelings of worry for her children.
"She didn't sleep well," Fang Zidu said. "When we get to the hospital, it's best to give her oxygen first, as she might have some breathing problems."
"Okay, okay."
Xiang Lan lowered her eyes, not arguing with Fang Zi, but felt a pang of sadness in her heart, knowing that he had also not slept well all night.
Upon arriving at the hospital, a doctor was already waiting. An elderly doctor with gray hair reviewed the test results and personally escorted Xiang Lan for further examination. She was very anxious, following behind the doctor, and whispered, "Doctor, I'm about to give birth, the baby should be fine, right?"
The old doctor didn't answer her question directly, but simply told her to relax and that everything would be discussed after the examination.
After several more examinations, they waited outside for the results. Fang Zidu naturally went to the office to communicate with the doctor, while Xiang Lan was extremely impatient. Her stomach was aching slightly, and she wanted to go talk to the doctor as soon as possible, but Liu Zewen held her back tightly.
"Don't get angry at him right now, and don't think the worst, okay?" Liu Zewen comforted him. "He looks so upset, and he still has to take care of you, so you should too—"
“He doesn’t want our child.” Xiang Lan touched her belly and said bitterly, “His first reaction was that he didn’t want it.”
"Do you expect him to jump up and insist on having the baby? What if something goes wrong after the baby is born? You'll be dragging along a bad child for the rest of your lives. How will you ever have a life of your own?" Liu Zewen sighed. "You're being too emotional. And him? He wants to take all the blame himself. Is that something he can handle alone? If someone has to bring this up, it has to be him. Do you understand?"
"I don't understand." Xiang Lan was about to cry again. "It's just a possibility. What if the baby is born normal? I've seen many people online say that a small head circumference and slightly smaller biparietal diameter of the fetus are normal. It will develop further after birth."
"Within the normal range, doctors wouldn't be this cautious. Yours is clearly on the smaller side, you understand? Clearly—"
"It must have been from the wrong spot when I was looking at him. This little darling is very mischievous; when I talk to him, he often jokes with me, hides and plays hide-and-seek with me. He must have done the same thing this time—"
Liu Zewen also wanted to cry; she couldn't persuade her.
After Fangzi returned, he said, "Xiang Lan, the doctor wants to talk to you."
Xiang Lan stood up, her stomach tightening. Fang Zi quickly helped her, saying, "You didn't sleep well last night. Don't get agitated when you talk to the doctor. He'll do a psychological assessment of you as a woman in labor based on your current mental state. You—"
"I'm fine now," Xiang Lan said, forcing herself to remain calm. "I've made up my mind. I'm going to have the baby no matter what, and I'll bear the consequences myself."
Fang Zi pursed her lips and said, "I know, I already know."
The doctor who spoke with Xiang Lan was the same kind and approachable old man. He quickly dispelled her anxiety with just a few words. He inquired about her basic personal information and the various test results during her pregnancy. Afterward, he handed her a form and asked her to fill it out truthfully.
Xiang Lan took the form, held her breath, endured the pain, filled it out, and handed it to the doctor. The doctor looked at it and said, "How do you assess your current condition?"
“I feel fine,” she said frankly. “I was angry and sad last night because the news came too suddenly, and my husband had been hiding it from me and made the decision to give up the child without consulting me. That was the main reason for my unusual behavior, but my decision to keep the child was not based on emotion; I had my own judgment.”
"you say."
“I’m in great health.” Xiang Lan paused for a moment. “Since I became pregnant, apart from morning sickness, my appetite and weight have been normal. Every prenatal checkup has been excellent, and the little one is growing very well in my belly. Before this, there were no abnormalities. Even now, he’s kicking me very vigorously. I don’t think a child with such strong vitality would be abnormal.”
"Anything else?"
"Everyone has a subconscious mind. If there are physical or psychological problems, it can lead to self-suggestion, which may manifest in dreams or as anxiety or other forms. But I haven't experienced any of that. Since I became pregnant and accepted this child, I've only had pleasant dreams, without any anxiety, tension, or fear. So, both physiologically and psychologically, this child is healthy. As for the test results, I saw yesterday's, but I haven't seen today's yet. However, these devices aren't 100% accurate, are they?"
Xiang Lan's eyes widened. "They are just auxiliary means, helping all pregnant women to better understand their bodies and prevent the birth of children with obvious defects. But these devices are not advanced enough or accurate enough, otherwise, I wouldn't have had to go to several hospitals for examinations. Referring to the results of medical equipment examinations is one aspect, but more importantly, it is the doctor's experienced judgment, right?"
"Thank you for trusting the doctor."
“Yes, I believe you. If I didn’t believe you now, I wouldn’t know what to do. Should I really agree to my husband’s suggestion and give him up? I can’t do that—”
“Moreover, his decision was too hasty.” Xiang Lan gripped her clothes tightly. “He just wanted to solve the problem as quickly as possible, and giving up was the simplest and most effective way. I know him; sometimes, when he makes decisions, he doesn’t think of himself as an ordinary person.”
"You seem a bit nervous right now, can you relax a little?"
Xiang Lan raised her hand to wipe the sweat from her forehead. "Am I nervous?"