École des sciences humaines

Chapitre 4

Ai Ai calculated everything perfectly; Nana, who is very particular about love, would definitely reject Jiawei afterward. No matter what method she uses, in the end, Jiawei will definitely be hers.

Stubborn possessiveness.

However, from a certain perspective, she is tragic.

To love someone so deeply, yet there is no future for it.

Resentment. Desire. Loneliness.

Too many emotions can turn a person into a vengeful ghost.

"...He is mine..."

The first chapter, "A Pale Smile," is finished.

Author: Xinxinjun Reply Date: 2005-01-02 00:20:00

Part Two: Nana's Wound

When I was a child, I thought that things I could never achieve could be called dreams.

I only realized it was wishful thinking when I grew up.

Although I was reluctant to admit it, by the time I discovered this fact, I was already deeply involved.

The lost past can never be recovered, and I can no longer return to that world.

Before an injury deepens, it's just a wound.

Only in the end did they realize that the injury had become an indelible pain.

The pain is as deep as bone marrow; even a slight smile can trigger it.

Sometimes, happiness is like a puppy's tail; it feels so close, yet you can never quite catch it.

In places you don't know, there is only darkness.

If I could forget, I would rather be a person without memories.

—Foreword

Author: Xinxinjun Reply Date: 2005-01-02 00:25:00

Nana's been acting strangely lately. It's been over a month since her senior left, and autumn has arrived. Logically, she should have forgotten about him, and Nana should have new suitors. I thought someone as optimistic as her wouldn't be stuck in one emotion for so long, but seeing her stare out the window and sigh for the 100th time, I couldn't help but wonder what was so good about that awful senior. By the way, that annoying and troublesome Dao Lian is showing up around us a lot now. He's very interested in my strange constitution. It's not that he wants to save me or anything. It's purely because he's never seen this strange, almost ghostly, magnetic field of my body before. But the bad thing is, this guy, who's supposedly a senior in our high school, is somewhat handsome, and perhaps a little witty and humorous in other people's eyes. Plus, he's a bit smart and athletic, making him a fairly popular figure in our high school. The number of girls who secretly admire him could easily be counted in the dozens. So his frequent appearances in the junior high classrooms are bound to cause some minor ripples. What's annoying is that this man is currently sitting right in front of me.

"Senior, don't you need to go back to the classroom for evening self-study?"

"I'm in the student council, it's okay, just pretend I'm on patrol." I really wanted to slap that arrogant face of his.

"You care about me so much, I really can't accept it." I stood up, wanting to ask Nana to switch seats with me. "Sit down!" He grabbed my hand, his expression a little serious, "Don't disturb her."

I looked back and saw Nana sleeping. She's been in a bad mood lately.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly, slowly sitting down, unaware that this would only deepen the misunderstanding among the observant classmates around me.

“Look at her head, there’s a ghostly aura about it,” he said in a low voice.

"How could that be? Nana's flames are high, it shouldn't be like that. Is it Senpai's Nen?"

"No! No! I only appeared in the last two days. That's why I came to find you. After evening self-study, we'll meet in the garden behind the dormitory and try to find a way to keep Nana from finding out."

After evening self-study, I came up with a lame excuse to let Nana go back to the dorm first, and rushed off to find Daolian. The back garden was quite dark, and its secluded location made it a popular dating spot for students. I didn't think there was anything wrong with them dating early; after all, everyone was just lonely. But since I was in this place, and I was going to run into Daolian, I figured I should be careful to avoid any misunderstandings.

Looking around, I didn't see him. I kept turning back as I walked. Suddenly, a hand reached out from the bushes and pulled me over.

I did indeed fall into the arms of a terrible man. It was so awful; his slightly warm body temperature was such a stark contrast to my own coldness.

I pushed him away and glared at him angrily.

"I didn't mean to be so mysterious. The student council will be patrolling here a lot lately, and I don't want to get caught or misunderstood." He spread his hands, looking innocent. "I just wanted to call you, but you're hard of hearing, so you didn't hear me. I just pulled you a little, and who knew you had such bad balance that you fell. I was just trying to help you!"

"Fine. You have the best reason. Tell me, what's the deal with the ghostly aura above Nana's head?"

"It's strange. At first, I also thought it was my senior's chanting, but then it didn't seem like it. Because if it really was my senior harassing Nana, it should have appeared during the seventh day after her death. But the ghostly aura above Nana's head only appeared recently, didn't it? And it feels like a ghostly aura, but also like a phantom or something. If it's a phantom, that would be terrible."

"Void? What is that?"

“We know that initially, after a person dies, if they don't ascend to the next realm, they become what we call a soul, or what we call a ghost. If a soul cannot ascend for a long time, due to its attachment to time, it becomes what we call a thought, and a resentful thought becomes a vengeful ghost. However, sometimes, living people experience their soul leaving their body; this soul is called a void. This often happens to people who are suicidal or extremely depressed. The one on Nana's head that I can't sense any thought or malice about, and is very blurry, is very likely her own void. There is a connection between the living person and the soul called the karmic chain. If the void is away from the body for too long, or if the void's power is too strong, the karmic chain will break, and the void will become a soul that wanders forever, while the body will remain in a perpetual sleep, becoming a vegetable. Nana is completely unaware of this now. Voids are generally formed slowly from unspeakable pain in a person's heart. There must be a hidden thought of death in Nana's heart, otherwise the void wouldn't have come out.”

"Then... what should I do now?"

"Keep an eye on her. Don't let her do anything that harms herself unconsciously. If we can find out why, that will be great. She should be able to get through this difficult period. I don't know why Nana is feeling weak, and it seems to be getting a bit serious. Has she been feeling down lately?"

"Yes! Don't you have any solutions? Was her senior's death really that much of a blow to her?"

"No! There must be another reason, because look at Nana, this didn't happen when Senior died right away. There must be some other secret that can't be told. This is the first time I've encountered a Hollow. The Hollow is still very blurry right now. If the shape of the Hollow becomes clearer, the day when the chain of cause and effect breaks will be getting closer and closer."

What shape will the void slowly take?

"Nana's own shape. Because that was originally her soul, it was just slowly leaving her body."

"Then why aren't you trying to find a solution!"

"This is the first time I've encountered something like this! Tonight, open the dorm window. I'll come find you. When Nana is asleep, I might be able to see more clearly what's going on, what kind of state Hollow has become, and I'll be able to know more clearly."

"Don't you dare turn into a pervert and attack us!"

"Please! That way I won't tell anyone!"

When I got back to the dorm, Nana was already asleep. After Daolian pointed it out, I could indeed see a faint shadow on her head. Nana has been sleeping a lot lately and seems quite listless. What could have caused this?

I waited for that man until after 11 PM, and I was so tired that I fell asleep. In my hazy state, I felt something heavy pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. Was it sleep paralysis? I tried to open my eyes, but even moving a finger was difficult. My scalp tingled, and I started sweating profusely. Finally, I opened my eyes.

"Nana?" What I saw was Nana's pale face. Her icy hands touched my neck and began to strangle me forcefully.

Slowly, I lost consciousness...

Author: Xinxinjun Reply Date: 2005-01-02 00:26:00

When I woke up again, I found myself in an unfamiliar room. It was raining outside, and the room felt very cold.

At that moment, loud footsteps sounded outside the door, followed by knocking.

It instills a nameless fear. It makes you instinctively want to hide.

"Waaah..." It was only then that I noticed someone hiding in the corner, a little girl, who was nervously hugging a teddy bear and crying incessantly.

She can't see me. I can feel it.

Was she afraid because of the person outside the door?

"Nai Nai, you brat! Open the door! Stop hiding, I know you're in there!"

The knocking grew more and more intense, and the girl shrank further and further into the corner.

She is Nana. I don't know why, even though it's a completely unfamiliar face, I can tell it's her.

There seems to be a sense of foreboding.

I feel like I'm about to see the wound in Nana's heart.

It hurts a lot.

Tears began to flow without my noticing.

Some people suffer injuries that they can never forget for the rest of their lives.

No matter how hard I try, I can't forget.

The door opened, and my chest tightened. The screams of young Nana echoed in my ears. A heart-wrenching scream. I couldn't see anything; tears blurred my vision. My hands and feet were paralyzed; I wanted to stop her, but I had no strength. Because it was the past. I knew this was in Nana's memory. A memory she tried so hard to forget, yet could never truly forget. Perhaps this was also the reason for her ghostly appearance. Behind her usual smiling face lay such a past…

"No... Brother... No... Please forgive Nana, I won't run away next time..."

"You can't escape...you'll never escape...you little rascal, so young and already so horny, aren't you just begging me to sleep with you? Hurry up and thank me...thank me for satisfying you...tell me...if you don't tell me, will I love you even more? Or do you secretly want me to love you even more?"

"...Thank...brother..."

"And what else... Speak louder... I don't want to hear you say it so weakly..."

"Thank you...brother...you've satisfied me..."

I don't want to watch... I don't want to watch anymore... But the scene in front of me is just like a live TV broadcast, but it's a live TV broadcast without a remote control, so I can't change the channel.

"That was the first time I wanted to kill someone. I really wanted to kill him back then." A familiar voice came from behind.

"Nana..." refers to the current Nana.

“You see… I don’t know how I brought you in here. I’ve been here for the past two nights. Every time I fall asleep, I end up in this maze, filled with terrible memories. It takes me ages to get out, and I almost can’t find the exit each time. I know it’s not good to stay here and be sad all the time, but it’s really tiring.” Nana said with a smile, a hint of tears in her eyes.

"Nana...I don't know..."

“Don’t tell me anything. Those things are in the past. Although I’ve been trying to forget them, I don’t know why I still think about them. That man was my stepfather’s son. I really wanted to kill him back then. That guy tried to make me his forever… How disgusting. He was quite handsome, but I never expected him to be a pervert. If he had used a gentler approach, maybe I would have accepted him.” Nana said with a smile, but the smile was somewhat bitter.

“Let’s go. Ah Ling, you’ll throw up if you keep looking at those scenes… If we don’t hurry, we won’t be able to get out of this maze.” She took my hand and said with a smile.

Nana is truly strong. Although everyone has a sad past behind their smile, this is the first time I've felt that Nana's small body can contain such immense energy. Sometimes, a person's ability to face pain is incredibly resilient. That Dao Lian said Nana has the calligraphy of the Void on her, and now I'm starting to doubt it. Some kind of spirit must be possessing Nana; that idiot just can't see it. How could Nana have suicidal thoughts?

"Nana, what's going on with this maze?"

"I don't know either. I always end up here after I fall asleep. And the maze is full of terrible memories I don't want to recall at all. So, Zero, no matter what you see here, don't pity me when you go back. That's all in the past. I'm still the cute and cheerful Nana!"

“I know…” I gripped Nana’s hand tightly, “but when you grabbed my neck in the dorm just now, I was really startled. I thought you had turned into that Hollow that Dao Ren was talking about…”

"Really?" Nana's smile looked a little strange at this moment. "If I were a Hollow, why would I be helping you now? Don't you think so?"

"Yes! Yes! Let's go!"

It seems like I've overlooked something, but since I've forgotten, I'll bring it up again when I remember.

I hurriedly ran after Nana, and the surrounding scenery suddenly darkened. Nana told me to hold her hand tightly and not to get separated. A faint light began to appear ahead, but strangely, Nana, who was running with me, disappeared at this moment.

"Nana..." This is a terrible maze; it's really hard to find the exit. But logically, this maze only appears when Nana is asleep, so it should disappear when she wakes up. If Nana is already here, then what's the deal with this maze? If Nana is still asleep, then what about the Nana who was with me just now?

That's it! It must be because of some vengeful ghost! Some malevolent spirit must have done something to Nana! I explained to myself, thinking I knew what I was doing. And that Dao Ren, he never showed up in the end, so I had to rely on myself at the crucial moment. After becoming friends with Nana, I no longer felt that loneliness and isolation. Although it wasn't for long, if… if I really had to die at 25, this period would have been the happiest time of my life. No matter what, I must help Nana…

But... it's really strange. With my weird constitution, if there really were vengeful ghosts, my body should easily resonate with them... Why don't I feel anything now?

I walked towards the light. Since I was already inside, heading towards the light was the right thing to do. Nana was probably already there.

"Nana..." A kind-looking woman ran past me. Right, I forgot, nobody here can see me. It still feels a little strange.

That must be Nana's mother! Because her smile has a warm feel to it.

“Mom…” Little Nai Nai rushed out from behind me, smiling as she hugged the woman from before.

This is a courtyard; it must be autumn. You can tell by the withered yellow leaves falling from the trees.

Author: Xinxinjun Reply Date: 2005-01-02 0:30:00