"Did I insult you?" I was furious. I had always wanted to know why he didn't choose me. If he hadn't chosen my sister, I might have asked him why it wasn't me! My thoughts back then were really strange; I had put myself in a passive position.
"No, it's not a question of good or bad. Do you like wolves?" He put down his bowl, barely eating a couple of mouthfuls of porridge.
"Don't tell me you think I'm a wolf!" I yelled irritably.
"Pretty much, but so am I! We're both born in the Year of the Wolf!" He wasn't joking, and I didn't understand. Born in the Year of the Wolf? Why! Why be born in the Year of the Wolf?! He continued, "My favorite animal is the wolf, because wolves have a characteristic that you and I share. That is pride! Wounded wolves don't go home! Zoologists think this is the law of the jungle! I don't think so. I think it's because of the wolf's pride! Wolves are noble. A wounded wolf is at its weakest, and weakness is something they can't show. They will hide deep in the wilderness, licking their wounds alone. Either they recover and return home victorious, or they die proudly alone! You and I are both born in the Year of the Wolf, and it's because we're the same kind that we can't be together!" He spoke seriously, and I listened carefully. Wolves are ferocious, yet noble. Aren't humans ferocious? But they're not necessarily more noble than anyone else. I didn't think he was being derogatory. What was he saying? That we can't be together because we're the same kind? Or was he saying we're both too proud? I pondered his words.
"If they're not the same kind, how can they be together?" Xiao Ming didn't understand. Only when his sister reached out and touched his porridge bowl—it was already cold, and the porridge was getting cold quickly—did she put the porridge away and go into the kitchen to get a hot bowl. She quietly placed it in front of him, and he smiled, picked it up again, and ate it while it was still hot. I suddenly understood.
"Because we're so alike! We're equally proud, equally afraid of losing! We're the same kind, we share a deep understanding, we see each other as both rivals and comrades, we can advance and retreat together, we can't tolerate each other's weakness or regression, we each have a whip in our hands to spur ourselves on. You might ask, how can two people with whips be together, right?" I laughed; I finally understood what he was thinking. He, too, had made his thoughts clear to me. He understood himself as well as I did. From that moment on, we both branded ourselves with the mark of the wolf.
"Going back to the original topic, do you think it's fair to my sister to keep this from your father? Do you think a marriage without the blessings of elders can bring true happiness? Running away won't solve the problem!" I was already very calm, and I felt like I had found a balance.
"I know, I'm just playing the timing game! I'll tell my father I'm getting married, and the person I'm marrying is Bi. But after the wedding, my father won't object, and Uncle Li's objections won't matter!"
"Are you really sure your father won't object?" the older sister asked after a moment's thought.
“我小时候打破人家的头，老师让他去，他说方诚打破了人家的头？会吗？小李你去了解一下，记得跟人家道歉！回家后李叔叔狠揍了我一顿，可是父亲根本就忘掉了这回事！问也没再问过了。我考大学，李叔叔说他已经请好了假会陪我去，可是父亲竟然对他说又不是大事让李叔叔和他出国访问了。考上了北大，人家会请请师宴，会高兴得不知道该怎么办才好，可是他没有，他想了一下说不该考上吗？是啊！做他的儿子，我无论做成什么样都是应该的，我出生到现在他没有管过我，没有任何的要求，所以我娶什么人和他也没有关系！明白吗？我比较怕李叔叔！瞒过他就行。”他很无奈，说到这里感觉上他很难原谅他父亲。我们不再说什么了。
We went to see the house together. It was a pretty nice house, four bedrooms, two living rooms, 150 square meters. They had already done some basic renovations, all done by themselves, without bothering me or Xiao Ming. He gave my sister a remittance slip along with his ID card and signature; it was for money to buy furniture and appliances, money he'd gotten from his father. He wrote to ask for money, and they sent it. You can't say he had no sincerity at all!
Moving was a matter for the three of us sisters; he was off to "make money"! I only then realized that those various articles paid very generously, and combined with his salary and bonuses, his income had long surpassed that of a senior white-collar worker in a foreign company. We moved into the new house before New Year's Day, partly to save on rent, but more importantly so that my sister could be closer to take care of him.
Our first guest in our new home turned out to be Xiao Ming's mother.
"I've come to pick Xiao Ming up!" she said bluntly. Xiao Ming didn't want to talk to her and went to his study to play on the computer.
“Xiao Ming and I get along quite well. Since Father entrusted him to us, we have an obligation to take care of him. Don’t worry!” Xiao Ming is her son, and it’s understandable for a mother to want her child back by her side. I could only try to persuade her gently.
"Xiao Bi is getting married?" She looked around the living room. Although there were no "double happiness" decorations, everything was new, and there was still a faint smell of paint in the room. I nodded. "Will he accept Xiao Ming?" she asked suspiciously.
I stood up and led him to Xiao Ming's room. I didn't want to explain further. The room was simple, but it had everything he needed, arranged according to Xiao Ming's preferences.
"Thank you!" She seemed to be moved to tears, but I felt she was overwhelmed with gratitude.
"He's our brother!" I didn't accept her gratitude. I poured her a cup of tea. I felt that she must have thought Xiao Ming would be abused if he came with us! I thought of my father. Was it because of my father?
She held her teacup, and she seemed very nervous. I waited quietly. "Do you get along well with your sister, Xiao Ming?" she asked softly. This was what she had always wanted to know! Yes, she seemed quite afraid of her sister.
"My sister won't hold a grudge against Xiao Ming; she knows exactly what's going on!" I answered carefully. I wanted to know what happened back then, but no one would tell me. Perhaps I could only find out from the woman in front of me. I carefully observed her expression.
"Really? I underestimated her!" She smiled bitterly.
"Your parents are gone, so let bygones be bygones. You should let it go too!" I gently comforted her, considering how to elicit the story from back then.
“You’re a good child. You’re more magnanimous than her. Your dad would be so happy to see you before he passed away!” Her mood relaxed a bit.
"Xiao Ming said you remarried. Forgetting is the best remedy. Xiao Ming will be fine with us. My sister loves him very much. She bought this house for him, just so he could have a Beijing hukou and it would be easier for him to take the college entrance exam! My brother-in-law is the same. They get along like brothers."
"Is that so?" She nodded. "As long as you don't provoke Qin, she's still a good child." She was still somewhat reserved.
Is it right for you?
"To your dad! I'm nothing to her anyway, I probably don't even remember what I look like." She tried to console herself, but then she seemed to remember something and couldn't help but shiver. The apartment in Beijing had heating, yet she was trembling. What could have frightened her so much?
"It was just a moment of anger. My sister was just a child back then, and her mother had just passed away. She just couldn't accept it." I knew we were getting close to the core of the problem.
"But she hired a lawyer to kick your dad out of the house, forbidding him from attending your mom's funeral, and even from seeing you. She had the lawyer tell your dad she didn't want his support, she wouldn't fulfill her filial obligations, and that they would go their separate ways and never see each other again. Your dad hasn't been happy since! But that incident was accidental. Your mom was sick for two years, a beautiful woman turned into a ghost! Your dad was with her every day; even a strong man would break down. He needed to vent, he needed someone to listen to him. That time was an accident. We were all drunk; we never expected your mom to die then! And we never expected Qin to come home then!" She trembled again, the memory making her feel cold. I finally knew the story from back then.
"What was her reaction?" I asked, looking at her.
"Her? No reaction. I've never seen such a terrifying child. She pushed open the door, saw us, paused for a moment, thought for a second, and said, 'Mom just died, you didn't do anything wrong!' Then she gently closed the door and walked out, just like a very polite child. I only saw her like that once, when she was only twelve!" It was very much like her older sister's way of doing things, but she was only twelve years old then! It was truly terrifying.
"Let bygones be bygones! Xiao Ming is in the study, you can have a good talk with him." I led her to the study door, opened it, and Xiao Ming glared at me. I rolled my eyes at him. "Have a good talk with your mother, no matter what, she's your mother! I can't even find a mother to nag right now!" I made sure he nodded before letting her into the study and gently closed the door for them.
I wanted to go back to my room to read, but I was afraid my sister and the others would come back, so I ended up reading in the living room. However, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Was it Father's fault? Or was it this poor woman's fault? My twelve-year-old sister handled things this way; no wonder this woman is still traumatized. Suddenly, I find my sister terrifying. No wonder Uncle Zhou said never to make an enemy of my sister! That lawyer from back then must be him. No wonder my sister once wanted to marry him; life would be much more comfortable with someone who understands you.
"What are you doing here!" My sister and Fang Cheng came back together.
"Where did you go?" I rubbed my eyes.
"I went to buy some things. He doesn't have many decent clothes. It's almost Chinese New Year, you and Xiao Ming should get some new clothes too. Where's Xiao Ming?" She seemed to feel the house was too quiet.
"Xiao Ming's mother is here. I told them to chat in the study!" I licked my slightly dry lips and looked at her carefully. She glanced at me, a hint of displeasure flashing in her eyes. However, as a law student, she knew better than I that she had the right to visit her son and that she had no right to stop her.
"Okay! I'm tired and want to sleep for a while." She was about to go back to her room, which was better than I expected, but wasn't this her normal reaction? But Fang Cheng stopped her.
"Think about Xiao Ming! Your attitude will embarrass him!"
"What did I say?" She appeared calm, but her gaze was cold. She was angry, and it didn't matter if the other person was Fang Cheng.
"Look!" He opened her purse, took out a powder compact, and showed her her reflection in the mirror. She smiled; it seemed there really was someone who could overcome anyone!
“I’m going to sleep. You don’t need to tell them I’m back!” She thought for a moment, then smiled. “I don’t believe she wants to see me either!” She was quite confident in herself.
The door closed. Fang Cheng shook his head, looked at me, and I smiled. After thinking for a moment, I asked, "Do you want to know what happened back then?" He thought for a moment and then shook his head.
"I'm going to Xiao Ming's room to read. Call me when that lady leaves." He really acts like the head of the household. I feel like I've been a complete scoundrel. But their way of getting along is reassuring. I knocked on my sister's door; it's been decorated as a new room, though Fang Cheng is still staying in the study these days. This is the smallest of the four rooms, and the darkest, but they say the small size makes it feel more intimate, and the poor lighting creates romance. I sat on the stool by the window, looking at my sister leaning against the wedding bed. She wasn't asleep; she was looking at files. She didn't acknowledge me when I came in.
Are you angry with me?
“You know I won’t be angry with you!” She put down the file.
"Are you really planning to continue like this with Fang Cheng?" I decided to change the subject.
"I don't want to rush things!" she thought for a moment.
"Didn't you already choose him? He loves you, and you trust him, and now you're living together..."
“We just live in the same house!” she corrected.
"But others won't think that way. What difference does it make whether it's a few days earlier or a few days later? Fang Cheng is good!"
"Didn't you say he didn't respect me?"
“I still disagree with him on this point. Don’t you want to know who he is? Aren’t you curious at all about who your father-in-law is?” I got agitated again.
"It's not hard to find out! As long as I tell Dazheng that I want to marry Fang Cheng, by this time tomorrow, Dazheng will dig up Fang's family history for me and let me know that marrying him was a mistake. But I don't want that. I'm waiting for him to tell me himself!" She smiled, and after a while, she said quietly, "I don't dare to know either. Knowing would put even more pressure on me!" She wasn't sure either.
“I know about Father!” I said softly. She suddenly raised her head, and I could tell she didn’t want me to know. I continued, “I have no right to say anything to my elders. I can only tell you that Fang Cheng won’t. There are plenty of pretty girls in college, just look at your sister. But he’s arrogant and has no respect for anyone else. He only has eyes for you!”
"Can you really let him go?" She thought for a moment, then finally looked up at me. She finally asked the question. From the moment Fang Cheng confessed to her, I had been waiting for her to ask me, because this was the most important thing to her. She couldn't hurt me! I stared at her face for a long time, until she herself became embarrassed. "If you don't want to answer, that's fine."
“I already said a few days ago that we’re the same kind of people, and I’ve been very unhappy that he didn’t choose me. My pride was hurt! But after his explanation, I thought about it a lot, and he’s right. We’re both born in the Year of the Wolf, and we’re too similar. If we can’t be together, the outcome will be disastrous! We’re always trying to win against each other, single-mindedly fighting wits and courage. We can’t even completely trust each other, and we’re always afraid that this might be one of his little traps. Is he playing me this time? Then I thought, how can people who love each other care about who wins or loses? They only care about how much he loves me! So we’re not in love, and we’re not suitable!” I looked at her very seriously, making sure she looked into my eyes, and told her that I was telling the truth.
She laughed, as if she had let go of a huge burden, and came over to play with my long hair. After starting work, I wanted to grow my hair long, and it was just shoulder-length, which was uncomfortable at the time. I tried my best to control the urge to cut it every day.
"Fang Cheng said that once he receives the royalties from his third book, he'll send you to study in England!" she said softly, startling me.
"I'm all grown up now, can't I live my own life?" I was so annoyed. I pulled her hand away, then thought about how I could help her plan her wedding. After all, I'd been out collecting articles for a few days. I picked up my phone book and mobilized everyone. Surprisingly, we even got a sponsorship—free photos for them. There weren't many guests; only their colleagues attended. Three tables of people. It was simple, but you could tell my sister was very happy. After all, it's a once-in-a-lifetime event, and what woman doesn't want to wear a wedding dress? They got married on New Year's Day that year.
The next day I got up very early to prepare breakfast for them, but my sister was already in the kitchen. She looked no different from usual and didn't have the air of a bride at all.
"What's wrong?" She noticed I was looking at her.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" I said pointedly.
"Why do you care so much, little girl?" She rolled her eyes at me.
"What do you care?" Xiao Ming ran out. "Brother Cheng! No, I should call him brother-in-law now. Is he still sleeping?" He had a mischievous grin on his face.
"I'll go call him!" She pretended not to hear and went into the room. She didn't look like a newlywed at all.
Chapter 6
It was natural for the four of us to have breakfast together, but that day we all looked a little strange. In the end, we couldn't help but laugh. Fang Cheng was truly family to us now, and this place really was our home.
After laughing, Fang Cheng looked at me with a hint of ingratiation in his eyes: "How about I go and sign books for people?"
"Which one?" Actually, it's pointless to ask. He has only published two books in total, and in my opinion, neither of them is worth him showing his face in public, or rather, making a fool of himself.
"The publisher of 'A Roundabout Way to Show My Love' wants me to go there; they're offering 100,000 yuan! Luckily, I didn't include it in the contract that I had to help them with distribution, otherwise, that 100,000 yuan would have been gone!" he said smugly, while I rolled my eyes. Not wanting to talk, I finished my milk and prepared to go to the library to read. "100,000 yuan! That's enough for me to write for months!" he emphasized, sounding somewhat wistful.
"Sis, you need to control your husband. He's becoming a money-grubber." I had nothing more to say to him. I tried my best to control my anger. After all, it was his first day as my brother-in-law, so I had to give my sister some face.
"Is it not allowed?" The older sister wasn't quite familiar with the rules of the trade.
"He's utterly rotten! If you're not afraid of him embarrassing himself, then let him go. But don't tell anyone you know me! I can't bear the shame!" I didn't realize I could be so harsh.
"Didn't they say the book reviews were pretty good?" The older sister had read the reviews in the newspaper and assumed that if the newspaper said it was good, it must be good. Little did she know that those were just marketing tactics by the publisher, a disguised form of advertising to boost sales. She had no idea that newspapers could fabricate stories just to increase sales.
"Yes! How much can 100,000 do? 100,000!" he cried, his face contorted with grief.
"You..." I wanted to smash him with a milk glass.
"Okay! I'm not going!" He knew I was angry, so he nodded helplessly, stood up, and walked into the study.
"Are you done eating?!" my sister exclaimed anxiously. I could see that he hadn't even eaten a few bites of his breakfast.
"I'm not eating anymore! Losses outside the dike can be made up for inside. I have to make up for the losses!" He said somewhat angrily, and then rushed inside with his head down.
"Are you short of money?" I asked my sister.
"He thinks the money comes too easily, just ignore him. Get out?"
"Hmm, isn't it said that if you don't read for three days, you become repulsive? I'm going to the library." I picked up my bag, ready to leave, but then I turned back. "Don't let him write those pointless things anymore. If you have nothing to do, you two should go out for a walk together. Even just reading a book would be good, to recharge yourselves. If this continues, he'll never improve!" I was too exhausted to say anything more.
"Is it that serious?" My sister frowned. She didn't understand our major; in her mind, an interesting book was a good book. Besides, the book reviews were good, so she assumed Fang Cheng hadn't written anything bad. Fang Cheng's books weren't exactly bad, but they were far from being good.
"If he keeps writing such frivolous and sentimental novels, he'll only ever be a third-rate novelist. If he lacked talent and just wanted to make a living, I wouldn't say anything. But he's not like that! You wouldn't want him wasting his time on such pointless pursuits, would you?"
I sat in the library all day, until closing time. Seeing that it was still early, I went to the bookstore and sat there until closing. I just didn't want to go home too early. But I had to go back; that's home! Yes! Back to that home!
The lights were all off, except for the study where light was still coming through. I wanted to go and say hello to them.
"Yingying said she doesn't want to study abroad and told us to leave her alone." My sister's voice made me slow my pace because she mentioned me.
“She’s not suited for this job; it’s exhausting just watching her. She should be in the classroom studying or teaching. She’s a natural scholar. I’m only putting her to work so she can gain some life experience. We can talk about going abroad in a few years!” He seemed a little distracted.
"Is it my fault for spoiling her?!" the older sister chuckled.
“Her!” he sighed. “It’s not that she’s bad, it’s that she’s too good! Do you understand? You’ve raised her too well, what will happen to a perfect person like her in the future?” He seemed full of worry. “That’s why I’m thinking of sending her to Cambridge, a place where the best people stay, surely she can find someone who is a good match for her? Besides, that’s her dream, she said she wants to see the library there! Keep an eye on Xiao Ming, boys can go astray very quickly!” He spoke like an old man. “Do you have any money?”
"That's enough! Do you have a plan?" the older sister asked with a gentle smile.
"Didn't your darling say I lack ambition? I want to write a book, and I'll write it seriously and with care. Anyway, she's not in a hurry to go abroad, so I won't rush to save money!"
"You seem very confident about what you want to write!"
"Your story with Xiao Ying, a perfect pair of sisters! I've been observing you two for years, always wanting to write about it here, but I've been busy making money, so I kept putting it off. Today I finally had some free time and wrote out the outline, but once I actually started writing, I won't have time to keep you company!"
"When have you ever had time to spend with me?" she said reproachfully.
“I made money for you!” he emphasized.