Мой первый муж после переселения душ

Глава 186

What am I? Sometimes I can't help but ask myself that question. But no one has ever answered me. I'm confused, uncertain about everything.

In other people's eyes, I was a chosen one of heaven, and they were not wrong. For a time, I also thought I was a chosen one of heaven: loved by my parents, valued by the emperor, and riches flowing in like a tide.

What do I have to complain about? My life should be smooth sailing, enviable, and admirable.

Without her, perhaps I would truly be like this: beautiful wives and concubines, surrounded by wealth and honor, with a house full of children and grandchildren, and enjoying the company of the emperor.

But the unknown is not the same as the fact. I got to know her, and I got to know the ever-changing her.

I am more powerless than Zi Mo, more afraid to touch than Qian Qing, more inadequate than Si Kong, and as responsible as the Emperor.

I have no time to mourn my cowardice, nor to dwell on the pain of losing something before I even tried.

I can only be close to Wu Hui, because he has a drive I don't have, and because he has the potential to get what I can't.

Before I turned nine, I lived proudly, receiving applause wherever I went. I was used to being praised, used to others serving me with trepidation, used to the life of the eldest son of the Su family, and even more used to being arrogant and domineering.

"Su Gu... Father... hopes that you will uphold the Su family's legacy..."

"Father, I understand." Father looked at me with pain, his eyes filled with reluctance.

But I knew he couldn't overwork himself anymore. I raised my little arms and vowed that everything I did from now on would be for the Su family.

I was just ten years old then, and it was beyond my capabilities to shoulder the burden of the Su family. Even gritting my teeth, I couldn't withstand the ambitions of those who all coveted this vast family fortune.

I choose to seek refuge under the umbrella of royalty and strive to achieve abundance.

Having been in contact with him earlier, he understood much more than Wu Hui. Prince Shouping protected him very well, and he grew up carefree until adulthood. He was heartless and could act as he pleased.

I'm no good. No one has the power to protect me. I was the first to know about Sikong's power and the Emperor's ambition. I was also the first to know—about her, I have no hope.

But why, even though I knew everything, did I still get caught up in it, and once inside, I couldn't find my way home?

The best age is when you're innocent and unaware of love, free from the entanglements of emotions and the annoyance of others. In carefree abandon, you and I stand tall and independent.

Sometimes when I look back, I realize how silly I was when I was little, even sillier than reckless foolishness. I always did some inexplicably funny things just to get your attention.

"A transvestite." Her voice was sharp and clear, exuding a commanding presence.

When I looked at her and she called me that, I understood love and how to cherish.

"You can't be more handsome than me!"

Even with such domineering remarks, she still wants to control them.

That's just who she is; for her, restraint is a pipe dream.

Falling in love with her is like selling your heart. If you're not careful, you'll find yourself seeing only her smiling face and thinking only about her. You'll unconsciously start using her as a benchmark when looking at others.

Everything she owned was novel and strange. I overheard the ministers discussing her disrespectful attire.

Upon returning, he immediately ordered his servants to make an identical set of clothes. The difference was immediately apparent when the same clothes were worn by people of different statuses.

Fewer people gossip, more people imitate.

And so, a new fashion trend inexplicably swept through the capital, and that's how I saved the Su family's textile and clothing businesses.

Although the Mu family gets a share of the profits, everyone knows that no matter how much money it makes each day, it can never compare to the Su family.

The Emperor and I went to the outskirts to find Zimo. She sat on a donkey, leisurely letting Zimo hold the whip.

When Wu Hui made a mistake, I clearly saw the Emperor's face change in an instant.

"I'm so pitiful. Huihui is jealous that I'm more handsome than him and wants to ruin my face. Qianqing, you have to stand up for me."

"If your looks can be envied, then I, this young master, will be hunted down by the whole city." At some point, in my friends' eyes, my appearance no longer mattered. They only remembered her changes, the time she lost her teeth, and her increasingly beautiful appearance.

"You can't murder me, you know. I'm an idol in the hearts of countless young girls, a future pillar of the nation, a rising star of Dongqing, and the future flower of our motherland..."

She's right. It's not for nothing that I've dressed up like this to make your increasingly strange appearance stand out.

Today, I did something that made me truly understand her. I just wanted to scare her; I never intended to hurt her, let alone that she might get into trouble because of me.

I galloped off to tease her, but to my surprise, she stubbornly rolled off the horse. Despite her seemingly frail appearance, she was incredibly ruthless to herself when she got serious, and showed no mercy to those who cared about her.

"He did it on purpose." Sikong was right, she did it on purpose, but what could I do about it? I was the one who made the mistake, and I could only accept whatever punishment she wanted to give me.

Wu Hui hit me, and he regarded Yi as his everything, so he went to great lengths to help her take revenge.

I gathered famous medicines from all over the country and delivered them to her doorstep, but Zimo wouldn't let me in. Zimo was also angry. He loves his younger brother more than anyone expected.

Say "I'm sorry" to him, because he is more deserving than anyone else of my apology.

I never knew that life was so difficult for a concubine, that there was no one to take care of her if she was injured, and that she was very likely to be given away as a sacrifice.

Shen Huanzheng sent someone to ask me if my anger had subsided and whether I should send my unfilial son to my residence to apologize to me.

Only then did I realize how much trouble I had caused Zimo, who lacked the ability to handle things.

...

"Is she alright?" I haven't seen her for a month, and I feel an emptiness in my vision.

"It should be fine." Zi Mo didn't answer me directly; he was still angry, and I didn't dare to ask further.

Sikong looked at us calmly and told us that it was Ziyi who was taking revenge.

Looking at Sikong like this, I really admire him. He has always been calm towards Ziyi, calmly analyzing Ziyi's actions, calmly considering Ziyi's ideas, calmly watching Ziyi play football, and calmly reading the stories she writes.