I was startled and involuntarily turned to look at Yunzhou. Who sent this letter? It claimed I was Master's daughter—was it true? But from Master's words, I could sense that my mother wasn't a promiscuous woman, and I secretly didn't want her to be like this. She had also personally admitted to Yun Zhi that I was Yun Zhifei's posthumous child. As a woman, how could she joke about her own reputation? Therefore, I was almost certain that I was Yun Zhifei's daughter. If I wasn't the daughter of an enemy, how could she bear to abandon me to Master after giving birth to me?
"When I held that letter, I was filled with mixed emotions of joy and sorrow. Half believing and half doubting, I still held onto a sliver of hope that what the letter said was true. I couldn't find out who wrote it, so I went back to Xiaoyao Sect to ask my master for answers. But I ran into my master and my fellow disciples at the foot of the mountain and learned that you and Jiang Chen had come to Jinbo Palace. So I came here with my master. I also wanted to see Palace Master Murong here. I wanted to ask her in person whether we were siblings. Without her confirmation, I... I wouldn't give up."
I turned my head away, unable to look into his eyes and expression. In all the years I'd known him, this was the longest he'd ever spoken to me, so earnest, speaking slowly and deliberately, word by word. No wonder he was here; no wonder he looked so haggard. He knew everything.
He traveled a thousand miles for this tiny glimmer of hope, for a mysterious letter, refusing to give up. Besides sadness and gratitude, I felt mostly helplessness and resignation. Even if I weren't his sister, given the feud between my mother and the Yun family, there was no possibility between us. If I married him, Yun Zhi would never agree, and it would be tantamount to severely hurting my mother.
The water murmured softly, waves crashing against the rocks, like the ebb and flow of my thoughts. I slowly stood up, gazing at the hazy, distant moon in the sky, my mind perfectly clear. The only ending for him and me could be: "The moon rises over the sea, we share this moment though we are far apart."
Yunzhou stared intently at me. "Xiao Mo, why aren't you saying anything?"
What is there to say? No amount of words can change anything; they only add to the despair. Many words that I have longed to express will now remain unspoken secrets, forever buried in my heart.
"Senior Brother Yun, my wedding date with Jiang Chen is set for the Mid-Autumn Festival. If you have time, please come to Guiyun Manor."
I strained every last bit of strength to say those words, as if I had detached myself from my body and was standing on a high place watching myself as I raised a knife, trying to sever the past with a single stroke!
But I clearly heard a soft, gurgling sound inside my body. What was that?
Behind me, there was a deathly silence; he seemed not to breathe. I hardened my heart and hurried past him. I dared not look back. Let him give up, let go of his romantic feelings, and carry the expectations of his parents and the glory of his family, soaring freely in the vast sky.
As I turned the corner of the corridor, I couldn't help but look back. Behind him was the vast, boundless sea, dark and heavy like a huge curtain. Although the bright moon was overhead and its clear light shone for miles, it could not dispel the enormous, dark curtain.
As I looked at that aloof figure, a surge of hidden pain welled up inside me. Yunzhou, what else can I do but make you give up?
That night, I slept very restlessly, and in my daze I seemed to hear a sigh.
The next morning, I found a letter on my pillow.
I opened it gently, and there was only one line of poetry on the letter: "The Chen River originally winds around Chen Mountain, but for whom does it flow down to the Xiang River?"
I particularly love this poem by Qin Guan, but I don't quite understand the last two lines, so I asked him for his opinion. He smiled slightly and replied that scholars have interpreted this line in many ways throughout history, each with their own understanding depending on their state of mind at the time. He said that it's best to just understand it intuitively; if you insist on explaining its meaning, the artistic conception becomes superficial, bland, and tasteless.
Looking at his serene and otherworldly appearance, I felt ashamed of my own dullness, wondering when I would be able to understand him on a deeper level.
And at that moment, I understood. I will never ask anyone about those last two sentences again.
I stepped out of the house and slowly walked to the seaside. The rising sun, bathed in the warmth of the vast sea, was magnificent and radiant. The sea was calm, with the tides ebb and flow. Before it, what is eternity, and what is a fleeting moment?
I sighed deeply, folded the letter into a small boat, and gently placed it on the water.
Those youthful thoughts, beautiful as dreams, sparkling as dewdrops, cannot withstand the vicissitudes of fate, easily changing and gradually fading away. This is how we should view them.
I don't want to see it, I don't want to hide from it.
On the return journey, one person was missing. Yunzhou had left in the early hours of the morning. His master told him that he had returned to the capital first. He had already been appointed as a General of the Palace Guard, and it was not easy for him to take a month's leave. He needed to hurry back.
I silently lowered my head, my heart feeling numb and swollen, unable to tell if it hurt or not. In just two short months, it felt like we were being pulled apart by a rubber band, sometimes close, sometimes far, and when the strength was exhausted, it would finally break completely, leaving no trace of us.
I was a little lost and followed silently behind my master. Suddenly, my hand was grasped. My heart skipped a beat, and when I turned around, it was Jiang Chen.
He looked at me tenderly, "Xiao Mo, let's go back."
I nodded: "I want to return to Yunshan Manor."
"I'm talking about Guiyun Manor. From now on, that will be your home." He smiled, his eyes narrowing into slits, and chuckled, "Xiao Mo, are you getting impatient too? Sigh, I wish tomorrow was the Mid-Autumn Festival."
My face flushed; he was being far too blunt.
We returned to the Xiaoyao Sect with our master and fellow disciples. Master, without even taking a rest, immediately insisted on going with Jiang Chen and me straight to Guiyun Manor. I sensed that Master's desire to find my mother was even more urgent than mine.
Jiang Chen asked me curiously, "Why did you leave so early, Master? There's still a long time until the Mid-Autumn Festival."
My master and I haven't told him about our plan, for fear that if Lady Qi finds out, it will reach my mother's ears, and she will refuse to come. So I can't tell him why my master is in such a hurry to go to Guiyun Manor with us.
I could only whisper, "Ah, maybe he wants to meet your mother and discuss the marriage."
Jiang Chen said sourly, "Master is so good to you. We're both disciples, but he's always been biased. He's never been this attentive to me."
I blurted out, "That's because you're too cunning. Your master doesn't need to worry about you."
"You're saying I'm cunning?" Jiang Chen glared at me, and seeing that he was about to harden up in anger, I quickly touched my cheek, lowered my head, and walked away.
My master did indeed show me special care. Among his disciples, I was the least skilled, yet he doted on me the most. A thought flashed through my mind: was the letter Yunzhou received just a rumor? However, I didn't want to speculate about the events of my past; it seemed too disrespectful to my mother. When I see her, she will naturally tell me who my father is.
My little darling came with me this time, and kept muttering to herself on the way, saying that ever since I wore summer clothes, her fiancé's eyes have been like a little furnace. I was speechless. How come I didn't notice? This little girl is really precocious.
We traveled by water for a day and a night to reach the capital. After disembarking and getting into a sedan chair, as we passed "Yi Yi Bu She" (meaning "Reluctant to Part with Clothes"), Master suddenly said to Jiang Chen, "I heard this is your shop. I'd like to go in and take a look."
Jiang Chen said, "Alright, Master, please."
The four of us got out of the sedan chair and went into the shop. It was early summer, and all kinds of silks and satins in the shop were in a refreshing and pleasant color. Several young women were selecting items in the shop.
When Aunt Gu saw us, she was taken aback for a moment, then smiled and came forward to greet us: "Young Master, Young Madam has arrived."
Jiang Chen nodded to her and said to his master, "Master, feel free to look around and pick out a few pieces if you like. You've been wearing this white robe of the Xiaoyao Sect for over ten years, it's time to change your clothes a couple of times so that Xiao Mo and I can have something new."
My master responded absentmindedly, his gaze immediately falling on the clothes in the shop. I knew he was trying to find some clues.
Aunt Gu, standing to the side, stared intently at her master, her voice trembling with excitement: "Oh my, this is the young master's master! How can he be so young? He's truly outstanding in appearance and so handsome!"
Master's face turned red in the blink of an eye.
Aunt Gu leaned closer and asked, "How old are you, Master? Do you have a family?"