He originally thought I was looking for help to fight a gang fight, and if that were the case, 5,000 would be more than enough. I said, "No, this time it's a kid surnamed Wan (Yan) who has 800,000 men under his command."
Zhao Kuangyin asked in surprise, "So many? How much do you want to borrow?"
I chuckled and said, "500,000 would be ideal."
Zhao Kuangyin waved his hands repeatedly and said, "No, no, I don't have that many. It would be great if I could raise 100,000."
With my legs crossed, I said, word by word, "Your Majesty, don't forget that I am the Duke of Anguo, whom you personally appointed, and the supreme commander of all the armies in the land. I have the right to know exactly how many troops our Great Song Dynasty has."
Zhao Kuangyin covered his face and sighed, "Alas, I knew that appointing this Duke of Anguo would cause trouble sooner or later."
I comforted him, saying, "Just use this to scare people; it won't cost you a single soldier."
Zhao Kuangyin said, "I really don't. How about this, I'll lend you 50,000, you don't need to pay it back."
I said unhappily, "Brother Zhao, that's not right. Brother Li lent me 600,000 right off the bat. I don't believe that your Great Song Dynasty is that much worse than the Great Tang Dynasty."
Who would have thought that my provocation had no effect at all? Zhao Kuangyin spread his hands and said, "It's because we can't compare to them. Besides, as you know, I demoted all those generals with a cup of wine to relieve them of their military power."
I said, "Even if the general is gone, there are still soldiers, aren't there?"
At this point, I suddenly understood. Zhao Kuangyin's greatest fear was losing his military power. Lending him troops would be like stabbing him in the heart, as if plucking the feathers of a stingy rooster. I laughed and said, "You're not afraid that I'll borrow your troops and then rebel against you, are you?"
Zhao Kuangyin said seriously, "To be honest, Xiaoqiang, even if you were to sit in my seat, I could give it to you. I'd be quite free for a few days anyway, but I really don't have that many."
After much pleading and cajoling, Old Zhao wouldn't budge. I practically wore myself out before finally managing to negotiate down to 100,000. Finally, I got so angry I slammed my hand on the table, stood up, and said, "Fine, Brother Zhao, that's it! I'm not lending you the soldiers!" I stormed off. Zhao Kuangyin, a little embarrassed, stammered, "Don't go, Xiao Qiang, isn't Brother Zhao genuinely poor?"
As I walked to the door, I suddenly remembered something, so I stopped, slowly turned around, and said with a smile, "Oh right, I haven't told you where I borrowed the troops, have I?"
"Where...are we going?"
I laughed and said, "Not far off, it's still the Song Dynasty, but we're fighting for a kid named Zhao Ji."
Zhao Kuangyin exclaimed in surprise, "Is that the spendthrift son of our Zhao family?"
"Yeah, I originally wanted to help that kid out after I finished dealing with Baozi's matter, mainly to make life a little better for the people back then. But it seems you emperors only care about yourselves. Forget it, I don't want Baozi anymore. I'll just get a pretty wife instead—Brother Zhao, can you give me your little palace maid? I'll start a loli-raising plan too..." He said, and started to walk out again.
Zhao Kuangyin hurriedly ran up and grabbed me, saying, "Wait a minute. The boy you mentioned surnamed Wan is Wanyan Wushu, right? That little beast!" See, he immediately became concerned about their own family matters.
I said, "Yes—Brother Zhao, you're busy. I'll take this little girl with me... Little sister, come on, Uncle will show you the goldfish..."
Zhao Kuangyin grabbed me tightly and said, "No! You really don't care? Didn't Old Li already lend you 600,000 people?"
I shrugged: "Brother Li himself said, why should Tang Dynasty soldiers fight for the Song Dynasty?"
Zhao Kuangyin muttered, "That old Li is not fair!"
I said, "They gave me the entire standing army of the country, leaving me not a single penny. Now the defense of Daming Palace relies entirely on 20-odd stray dogs..."
Zhao Kuangyin snorted and said, "How could the Tang Dynasty only have a mere 600,000 troops?"
I sighed and said, "Yes, even if they had 6 million or 60 million, lending you 600,000 is already more than enough. It seems our Great Song Dynasty is still weak. How could I bear to take away your only 100,000 men, Brother Zhao? We can't let the emperors of the world be protected by dogs..."
Zhao Kuangyin gritted his teeth and said, "If it were anyone else, I wouldn't say anything, but that brat Wanyan Wushu has bullied my Zhao family again. How can I let him get away with this? Xiaoqiang, tell me, how many men do you need?"
Having succeeded in my scheme, I feigned reluctance and said, "It's meaningless if it's less than 500,000."
Zhao Kuangyin stamped his foot and said, "I'll give you 600,000!"
I exclaimed in surprise, "Isn't that a bit too much? There are only 100,000 troops in the whole country, don't bring in all the people who are using crutches or sucking on pacifiers."
Zhao Kuangyin chuckled and said, "Don't make fun of your brother Zhao. I'm not good at using weapons because I care about the people. But our Great Song is not easy to bully."
As he spoke, Zhao Kuangyin sneered, "Later generations all say we were a weak Song Dynasty, but I'll show them just how weak my founding army really is!" His tone was quite arrogant. However, it's true that the founding army of every dynasty is often the strongest and most ferocious force of that era.
I pointed out the troop deployment points to him according to the map. Zhao Kuangyin said, "Since my generals have already lost face, they can no longer be used. I'm entrusting all these troops to you alone..."
Seeing that he was as anxious as an ant on a hot pan, I laughed and said, "Your Majesty, don't worry, once I've finished my business, I'll definitely come back and drink that cup of wine with you."
Zhao Kuangyin nodded, waving goodbye with tears in his eyes, and said, "You should leave now. It pains me to see you like this."
As I left, the little palace maid was still crying. I said, "If you don't want to go home, then don't. What are you crying for? Considering your service, I'll appoint you on behalf of the Emperor as... as the Grand Manager." I didn't know if palace maids had any official ranks, so I just made something up.
Zhao Kuangyin's voice came from inside: "Since the Duke of Anguo has said so, you will become the director of the Palace Ceremonies."
Judging from the surprised look in the young palace maid's eyes, I guessed that this official was probably quite high-ranking; judging from the name, he was probably in charge of etiquette. At such a young age, she had caught the emperor's attention by chance—was this little girl a time traveler?
They boarded the train amidst the astonished gazes of the passengers; their next stop was Genghis Khan's place.
We drove in silence. When I stopped again, I was surrounded by vast grasslands, but judging by the rising sun, it was already quite late. Based on experience, Genghis Khan shouldn't be too far away, so I slowed down and drove aimlessly across the boundless grasslands. Before I knew it, it had gotten much darker; night and morning are particularly distinct on the grasslands. As the sun set, you could even feel the air darkening, followed by a chill. I turned on the headlights, and it was already pitch black outside.
I put on a coat and carefully searched for a place with tents. If I didn't see Genghis Khan tonight, I might freeze to death on this grassland—the heater in the car was broken. Of course, the cooling was broken when it was hot. In fact, I was already surprised that it even had air conditioning.
After driving for more than ten minutes, I still hadn't found anything. Suddenly, I smelled a pungent rubber odor in the car. Anyone who has driven long distances might have this intuition: this is a very bad omen!
I muttered to myself, "It's an illusion, it must be an illusion..." But it turned out my sense of smell was still quite sharp, and my vision was good too—I turned my head and saw smoke coming from the hood of the car, accompanied by a faint glow of fire.
I yelled and quickly stopped the car. Opening the hood, I saw several rubber wires were tangled together from the heat. Luckily, the fire wasn't big, and I extinguished it with my coat. I quickly separated the wires, started the car again, and at first it hummed a few times to show it was trying, but eventually my precious car just ignored me.
I was on the verge of tears. Wasn't this car supposed to be able to withstand even an atomic bomb? Later, I understood. It taught me a bloody lesson: even the strongest exterior cannot prevent decay from within. Thinking back to the glorious past, the powerful Qin Dynasty founded by Qin Shi Huang and the Han Dynasty established by Liu Bang, how many glories did they experience? Fierce enemies could not stop their advance. But… but why am I so cold?
The above experiences tell us that the joke about having your tent stolen in the middle of the night is not funny at all; it could be a matter of life and death! Luckily, my tent wasn't stolen because I didn't have a tent...
It is very unfortunate for a car to break down on the grassland, but it is even more unfortunate that the car broke down on the grassland more than 1,000 years ago!
All I need are a few pieces of rubber!
The wind on the grassland howled in from all directions like a riot. I wrapped my clothes tighter and found myself slimmer than before. For a man approaching thirty, this would be something to celebrate normally and in bed, but right now I wish I had a body full of fat like Fatty Ying.