I took it with utmost care. The little one was bald and eyebrowless, his face full of wrinkles, crying angrily as if he were about to fight someone, coughing a few times from choking on the amniotic fluid, his limbs flailing about, and his body pink. I deliberately exclaimed, "How ugly!"
Empress Lü wiped her hands and said, "All babies are born like this. Look at this child's big eyes; he'll probably grow up to be a handsome young man." As she spoke, she wrapped her son, whose identity had been verified, in a cloth.
Li Shishi lovingly took the little one into her arms, gently wiping its face with a handkerchief, and said happily, "The little guy is in such good spirits."
Xiang Yu picked it up and weighed it in his hand, saying, "Wow, this guy weighs at least eight jin!" Liu Bang picked it up and weighed it in his hand as well, echoing, "Yes, yes, that's right!"
While I was at it, I glanced at Baozi. It seems childbirth is really physically demanding; Baozi lay there blinking repeatedly, but she didn't even have the strength to speak. I reached out and touched her cheek, asking, "What do you want to eat?" In front of so many people, this was truly the most cheesy thing I could think of.
Baozi bit into my hand with lightning speed, followed by excruciating pain. At first, I thought she was too tired and starving, mistaking my hand for a pork knuckle. But when I saw the resentful and mischievous look in her eyes, I realized she was getting revenge. My hand felt like it was on fire, and I was too embarrassed to cry out, so I tried to keep my voice down and said, "I just went to the toilet and didn't wash my hands."
Baozi spat my hand away, looked down at himself, and said, "Where's my son? Let me see him too—"
The child was currently in Qin Shi Huang's arms. The fat man's body was comfortable, keeping him warm in winter and cool in summer. My son, feeling comfortable, stopped crying, squinted at Qin Shi Huang, and then seemed to nod in satisfaction, indicating approval. Everyone couldn't help but laugh, saying, "This kid has quite the airs."
Ersha opened his arms and said, "Let me play with you."
Fatty Ying turned around and said, "No way, I'll hang up the skin!"
Baozi pounded the bed and yelled, "Fatty, bring it to me!" Everyone shuddered...
When Qin Shi Huang saw that the child's original owner had spoken, he quickly and obediently brought the child to Baozi. I placed the child beside her pillow. Baozi turned her head, looking at him with overflowing affection. At this moment, the little guy also opened his eyes, staring at Baozi with such dark and innocent eyes. Baozi touched his soft chin with one finger, and the little thing giggled. Everyone was completely charmed.
Liu Bang said, "Xiao Qiang, shouldn't we name this child?"
Xiang Yu said in a deep voice, like an elder, "Yes—" I turned and glared at him. Xiang Yu spread his hands and said, "Even if you have the surname Xiao, you still need a given name, right?"
Qin Shi Huang waved his hand and said, "What else is there to name him? Let him be Xiao Qing (Qin) Sheng!"
Liu Bang said with dissatisfaction, "Why not call him Xiao Hansheng?"
Qin Shi Huang retorted without hesitation: "Because it wasn't born in the Han Dynasty!"
Liu Bang retorted, "That's not right. We're all brothers, I can't let you do whatever you want just because it was born at your house. I even brought my wife over to help."
Empress Lü scolded, "Go out and argue! Let Baozi rest!"
Everyone hurriedly fell silent and began to leave, but Qin Shi Huang still murmured, "Xiao Qing (Qin) Sheng!"
Liu Bang: "Xiao Hansheng!"...
Baozi and I smiled at each other, and Empress Lü said, "Xiaoqiang, you go out too. I'll take care of the child."
...I had no choice but to leave quietly, hands behind my back. In the courtyard, the debate over the child's name intensified. Xiang Yu shouted, "If that's the case, then there wouldn't be any steamed buns without me! Let's name him Xiao Chusheng!"
Ersha said leisurely, "This is not good."
Xiang Yu angrily asked, "What's wrong?"
Ersha confidently said, "The homonym is bad."
Upon hearing this, we all started chanting, "Xiao Chusheng, Xiao Chusheng, Xiao beast..." and immediately exclaimed in unison, "We absolutely cannot call him that!"
Xiang Yu stammered, "Oh dear, I knew it... I was actually thinking of naming my son that." Yu Ji pinched him hard. His surname was still advantageous; Xiang (like) beast, wasn't he still a beast? Mine's is even worse—not even a good beast, still a small one... Never mind, I won't scold myself too harshly.
Li Shishi smiled and said, "I think the character 'Qin' is quite elegant, but the character 'Sheng' is a bit vulgar."
Liu Bang said, "Then let's add the Chinese characters to it—Xiao Qin Han!"
Xiang Yu immediately objected, saying, "If that's the case, you should add my Chu name too. These days, there are quite a few kids with four-character names—Xiao, Qin, Han, Chu!"
I said with a bitter face, "No way! If Li Shimin and Zhao Kuangyin were to investigate, my son would be called Xiao Qin Han Chu, Tang Song Yuan Ming, right?" Hmm, if Wu Sangui investigated, he'd have to add Qing or Zhou, and if Guan Yu and his group investigated, they'd have to add Wei Shu Wu—my son wouldn't need an English name when he goes abroad; that length would be considered a noble name even in the Middle Ages…
Liu Bang said, "Alright, alright, let's not add the Chinese character. This child was born in the Qin Dynasty and will live in the 21st century. He'll be considered half a long-lived person, so let's name him Xiao Qin Shou. Brother Ying will later bestow upon him the title of Prince Shou, and that will be perfect." In the end, Bangzi was determined to put a part of my son's name into it.
Everyone said, "This is not bad."
I muttered to myself, "Xiao Qinshou, tsk, there's still something strange about him..." Suddenly, I shouted, "Xiao beast, isn't he just like that Xiao Chusheng?!"
Everyone was filled with shame and tried to appease them, saying, "Don't worry, don't worry, let's try again."
Li Shishi said, "Brother Xiang is right. Nowadays, some children are named with four characters, which sounds quite unique. So let's just add the character '生' to it."
Everyone: "Xiao Qin Shousheng, hmm, this time it's elegant."
I said with a dark face, "Yes, this time they've finally gotten rid of my son. Baozi and I are no good anymore!" Listen to that, Xiao the Beast, so I am that Xiao the Beast!
Everyone was ashamed again, saying, "It's not usually this difficult to come up with a name."
I said weakly, "No need to trouble you all, I'll do it myself."
Everyone shouted in unison, "Then you say one!"
I sighed and said, "I shouldn't have listened to Baozi and come to the Qin Dynasty. That way, the child wouldn't have been born in the Qin Dynasty, wouldn't have been treated like a difficult birth, and wouldn't have ended up in your hands—"
Everyone suddenly realized: "Xiao doesn't know?"
I angrily retorted, "Xiao shouldn't have done that!"
Everyone: "Oh—Xiao shouldn't have done that!"
...By the time I wanted to change my mind, it was too late; the child could only be called Xiao Bu Gai. Sigh, I really shouldn't have... Oh well, it's too late to say anything now.
To celebrate the first day after "Xiao Bugai's" birth, these guys finally went off to their respective places. After a short nap, Baozi ate a bowl of millet and red bean porridge, half-leaning against the wall, and was in high spirits. I walked in reluctantly to report to her. Baozi was still too weak to care for the baby, so she watched with unprecedented tenderness as the group of old women, under Empress Lü's command, busied themselves serving the little darling. Seeing me come in, she asked, "Has the name been chosen yet?"
I stammered, "Xiao shouldn't have..."
Baozi paused for a moment, then said with dissatisfaction, "What a terrible name! It sounds awful! You're not allowed to have that name!"