Todeschronik

Kapitel 18

Wu Jianjun held up the ghost fetus, saying, "It's my child, my child, my child."

Dr. Wang strode in and yelled, "You filthy thing, get the hell out of here!"

A basin of blood was splashed over, and Wu Jianjun fled through the window; it was the black dog's blood.

With the candles lit, Dr. Wang's face resembled that of God.

"It's alright, it's alright. I really didn't expect there to be another fetus inside." Dr. Wang closed the window. "How did you manage to attract these things? You're very unlucky."

“I…I had no choice, I ate her flesh, I…” Xian Jingyu could not speak coherently and was sobbing uncontrollably.

Dr. Wang opened his medical kit, took out a scalpel, and pointed it at the bloodied and mangled baby's throat. "Keeping it alive will only cause more harm. There was a pregnant woman who gave birth to something like this before, and she later committed suicide at the clinic."

The baby cried just like a normal child.

It was a baby girl, and she was blind.

What if it's a girl?

"Ye Mixian, what do you think? It means that I, Ye You, have fallen for you, Xian Jing."

Ye Mixian, Ye Mixian, the irretrievable Ye Mixian, also a life that grew in my womb. One was clean, well-fed, and sleeping soundly in the nursery. What sweet dreams did the baby have? Did she dream of her mother and father together, or of flying high? The other, covered in filth, stared at the sharp scalpel before her. The next minute, only destruction awaited her. After destruction, her final resting place would be a black plastic bag, laughing and chatting with the garbage. "Dead child, dead child, everyone look, there's a dead child." Alas, she didn't even have the chance to see her beautiful mother and the colorful world.

"Please let her stay, Dr. Wang, I beg you." Xian Jing endured the pain from her wound.

"She will harm you."

"But she is my child."

Dr. Wang's hand trembled slightly, but he ultimately didn't proceed. "There's a way to change her. Would you like to try?"

Xianjing nodded vigorously, "I'll do whatever you want."

(39)

We hired a nanny for 400 yuan a month. She's 50 years old and comes from the countryside. She was a little unhappy because of the low pay, but Anzhu said she'd give her a raise when she had more money.

Xianjing said to the nanny, "Help me put the frozen meat in the freezer to thaw in water, because Mixian wants to eat it later."

"Oh, I see." The nanny put down the baby bottle. She was used to it. One baby drank milk, and the other ate meat. The meat was fresh. Any leftovers were put in the refrigerator and mixed with millet porridge.

Dr. Wang said that taking it for a month should be enough. Today is the last time.

Xianjing went to the clinic without Anzhu's knowledge. She had surgery once a week, cutting about an ounce of flesh from her thigh each time. It was painful, but there was nothing she could do. Ye Mixian's smile was so innocent; she couldn't see it, but she still liked to smile and was never noisy. Ye Kai was always making a fuss, while Anzhu preferred girls, even though she didn't have eyeballs in her eyes. Apart from that, she was no different from a normal child.

Xianjing can't walk far because her legs hurt.

When the two little ones turned one month old, Xianjing invited Anzhu out for a meal and decided to go home to see her parents. As for Ye You's matter, she would keep it a secret for the time being and tell them that he had gone abroad so as not to worry them.

If things are going well, you can tell your parents; if things are going badly, it won't help them anyway.

"Are you really going to keep this from the children's father like this? Twins, he'll be so happy he'll faint." Anzhu asked tentatively.

“I don’t want him to love me because of the child. If he loved me, I wouldn’t be here now.” Xianjing’s thighs were itchy, with new flesh growing. She couldn’t help but scratch them at night, leaving them bloody and raw.

Xian Shiyu and Han Mei held their two grandchildren with great affection, while complaining that Ye You hadn't visited his parents-in-law in so long. Xian Jing said that he was busy and that he was different from before; he had to raise the children.

That's true. Han Mei chimed in, "Men always need to have a proper career, I understand."

Xian Shiyu held Ye Mixian in her arms and gently teased her, "It's a pity this child can't see. Look how beautiful she is, especially her mouth, it's exactly like yours. You looked just like this when you were little."

Xianjing went to the bathroom and cried. She quickly wiped away her tears and came out, saying to Han Mei, "Ye You said he would come to see you when he has time. He gave you these two thousand yuan."

Han Mei said, "What do I need money for? You have a child now, so you should be frugal. It's for the child's education in the future." He was truly filial.

He's gained weight recently. Xianjing smiled calmly, "Maybe it's because my cooking is so delicious."

Xian Shiyu teased the baby in her arms, "Okay, you cook and buy groceries tonight, and I want to play with my granddaughter."

Xianjing went to the market without saying a word. On her way back, she was bumped in the leg by a man pushing a tricycle, and the vegetables spilled all over the ground. She quickly picked them up and went home.

Bu Ye Kai cried. He loved to cry, especially when he was hungry. He would be fed, and then he would stop crying and fall asleep peacefully. Ye Mixian didn't like to cry, not even when she was hungry. She would just wait, waiting for food.

Even a ghost fetus has the right to live. Xianjing's flesh was fed to her for a whole month. When Xianjing left, Dr. Wang said, "You are truly a kind mother."

After eating the meat, Ye Mixian belonged entirely to Xianjing and became her flesh and blood.

Shi Lei hadn't called for two weeks. Xian Jing comforted him, saying, "Don't worry, maybe he's just too busy with his studies or too tired from work."

Anzhu worried, "Even when I was busy before, I would only call once a week."

Tokyo, Japan.

The boss slammed an envelope on the ground and yelled, "Get out!"

Because he offended a Japanese customer, he was fired from the restaurant, and his life became miserable when he was away from home.

I can't tell Anzhu, she'll worry.

In Japan, carrying corpses is something only desperate people do. Shi Lei did it, and after a while, he got used to it. The pay wasn't high, but at least it was enough to support himself. He could send the extra back home. He knew that Xian Jing had given birth to twins and couldn't go out to work, and An Zhu's expenses were huge.

On a rainy night, I received a phone call saying an old man had died. In Japan, corpses are usually not transported by elevator but by stairs. The deceased was an elderly Japanese man, very heavy, who had suffered a sudden heart attack. The old man lived with a woman, a glamorous and alluring woman in her forties.

"Help me carry him to the crematorium." The woman looked at him meaningfully.

They went downstairs together to the crematorium, then went back up to the twenty-sixth floor. It was the first time Shi Lei had tasted the flavor of a woman from a foreign land; his body was in turmoil, but his mind remained clear. The second time, his mind was in turmoil again.

Aside from school, he no longer needed to work; spending time with her was his job, and he gradually called Anzhu less often. If he married that woman, he could obtain permanent residency; Shi Lei had some plans in mind.

"Let's break up," Shi Lei said on the phone, while a Japanese woman who couldn't understand Chinese sat on the bed next to him.

"Are you kidding me? What did you say?" Anzhu couldn't believe it; she must have misheard.

"I'll keep sending you money, and I'll give you the house too. Are you satisfied now?" Shi Lei said, somewhat reluctantly.

"You've fallen in love with someone else, a Japanese woman?"

"Yes."

Anzhu hung up the phone, and Xianjing knocked on the door and came in. The two embraced and wept bitterly. Yes, we all loved them, but they always had their own high-sounding reasons for leaving, leaving with righteous indifference. From then on, they would never recognize each other again.

Winter is cold, and so is my heart. Looking at the two innocent children, all I could do was survive.

"You're still young, you can find someone else." That was all Xianjing could say.

“But I still love him.” Anzhu’s eyes were red from crying last night.

Breaking up doesn't necessarily mean the end of love; there might be other reasons. Winter passed in Anzhu's tears; the tears froze because her heart had grown cold. Children grow quickly in the wind, their growth is remarkable. Whether you love or not, you still have to survive. Xianjing finally found a job at the Prince's Bakery; the aroma of her coffee wafted for miles, yet she could never seduce the man she loved. The fragrance settled with time.

On a thunderous summer night, Shi Lei was struck and killed on the street while on his way to buy beer. His body was carried down from the 26th floor by another person.

Anzhu didn't know. All she knew was that Shi Lei hadn't sent money in a long time, and there had been no news of him. "He's forgotten me," Anzhu sighed.

The words still echo in my ears, yet we are now separated by life and death.

"If you're scared, just think about our future: the villa, the children, the puppy, the rocking chair..."

"Well, Stone, don't forget about me when you find a Japanese woman in the future."

"If that happens, may I be struck by lightning and die a horrible death." Shi Lei clenched his other fist. What a good man.

(forty)

When the phone rang, Xianjing was preparing change for her bus fare tomorrow under the light. Besides the distinctive smell of money, there was also the aroma of butter, the smell of money from the bakery.

Anzhu went on dates, her life affected by Shi Lei's affair for six months. Six months later, she met Zhao Aiguo, a 38-year-old IT returnee with a buzz cut, glasses, and a penchant for jeans and canvas shoes. "The best way to forget a relationship is to start another," Anzhu advised Xianjing, proving the truth of this herself. They went on dates every night, returning home smelling of men—a pleasant blend of cigar and perfume, the scent of fresh romance.

Xianjing shook her head. "I'm different from you. I have a child."

I coaxed the two children to sleep. Suddenly it was very quiet. Today, Ye Mixian learned to say "Mama," although her pronunciation wasn't perfect, but at that moment, Xianjing couldn't help but shed tears.

Ye Kai couldn't speak. An Zhu taught him the pronunciation of "mother" many times, and he finally managed to say "ah ah".

The nanny went home; a wealthier homeowner offered her a job. It was better that she left; Xianjing had always felt her southern accent was too strong, and it was better to hire someone with slightly more standard Mandarin to teach children.

It was Ye You calling. It had been over a year since their breakup, and this was the first call since.

"How are you?" Ye You asked. As Ye You drove past the old site of the former Quiet Bar, she sighed with emotion.

"Very good." Xianjing looked at her sorrowful face in the mirror.

"Just wondering, you called me a long time ago, and I wanted to call you back the next day, but I forgot. Is there something wrong?" Ye You asked casually, but it was an excuse she had prepared for a long time.

"It's over, it's alright," Xianjing said in a low voice.

"How are things going with your Bai Mingqing?" Ye You slammed on the gas pedal, and the car sped up.

“He’s dead. He died last year.” Xian Jing’s tone remained unchanged.

"Really?" Ye You said with a hint of schadenfreude, then suddenly realized, "You must be heartbroken, right? Heartbroken that you didn't marry him."

"Goodbye, I'm busy." Xianjing hung up the phone, sobbing softly in the dead of night, afraid of waking the child. My hopes for you have been shattered, love is gone, affection is dead. Every day I try to teach myself to forget you, but the torment continues, the suffering continues. The sorrowful clouds disperse, and loneliness returns. Can you please not hurt me? You know my heart too well.

Ye You opened the car window, letting in a blast of cold air. "If we hadn't broken up back then, how would we be doing now?" Hearing Xian Jing's voice, still cold and indifferent, it seemed she truly didn't love him anymore.

Busy? Busy with what? Busy sleeping with another man? Ye You parked the car and went into a bar. She didn't want to go home, didn't want to see Xie Qiqi. She was worthy of love, so obedient and charming. A year had passed, yet her heart was still filled with anger and jealousy, unable to find peace because of Xian Jing's betrayal. Xie Qiqi seemed like the perfect target for her anger, a reasonable target. She loved him, the same love, but the outcome was completely different. Every love story harbors ulterior motives, selfish desires overcoming well-intentioned comfort.

The bakery is doing well, and the manager gave Xianjing a raise. Customers wrote in the guestbook that it felt like home. The staff here are like gentle hostesses.

Outside the transparent glass window, a woman and a man ate sweet snacks and chatted about their own thoughts. Time flew by, the weather went from hot to cold, from cold to hot, just like leaves that wither but will still grow new leaves in spring and flourish in summer.

Ye You did not call again.

Xianjing did not call him again.

It's all in the past. If we meet again, we're afraid of awkwardness, afraid of heartache, afraid of falling in love with each other, afraid of falling in love again, afraid of getting hurt again. Neither of us is brave. We are each other's fragile mirrors. We love each other but exile each other. We live in the same bustling city, under the same clouds, and can only vaguely remember the past in the darkness.

Three-year-old Ye Mixian was slightly taller than Ye Kai, with a perfect face shape. Han Mei instructed over the phone that Mixian must sleep on a rice pillow, on her back, with books pressed against both sides of her head so she couldn't sleep on her side, which would help her develop a beautiful face shape. A child's skull is very soft.

Xianjing's divorce could no longer be kept secret; it's better to know later than sooner. Since it has happened, there's nothing to do but accept it.

Anzhu's IT boyfriend, Zhao Aiguo, was always by her side. When he came to visit, he held the two little ones and couldn't put them down. He said, "Piggy, marry me soon, and we'll have four or five kids."

Xianjing burst out laughing, "Do you think a pig is a sow?"

Anzhu pinched his mouth, "You're so annoying. If my child looks like you in the future, then I'm doomed."

"Isn't it good to be like me? I'm so handsome. Kai Kai, don't you think so?" Zhao Aiguo pinched Ye Kai, who was sitting obediently at the small table eating with a small spoon.

Ye Kai stuffed a big mouthful of rice into his mouth and said in a childish voice, "You are the 'shuai' in 'cricket'."

Hahaha, Anzhu picked him up and kissed him, "Baby told the truth."

Ye Mixian was more sensitive than normal children. She put down her spoon and said, "I want Auntie Piggy to hold me too."

Anzhu picked her up, placed her on her lap, and laughed, "You can get jealous, huh? Little beauty, I'll buy you ice cream later."

Before going to sleep, Ye Kai and Ye Mixian always listen to Xianjing read a story. Ye Kai's favorite story is Peter Pan, while Mixian's favorite is Cinderella. They argue, but in the end, Xianjing always reads Cinderella first because Ye Kai knows that he is the older brother and should give way.