The most foolish in the world - Chapter 48
Doing whatever one pleases, doing whatever one pleases again! The scholar was jolted awake, as if from a deep dream.
His face flushed with shame and unease. He let out a long howl, “The rites and music have collapsed, and we are worse than beasts,” then pushed aside the crowd, covered his face, and rushed into the scholar’s house.
The crowd exchanged bewildered glances: "This teacher is truly ashamed."
Suddenly, a woman's scream rang out from inside the Fan family's gate: "What kind of bullshit etiquette and rules are these! Let me out!"
The crowd exchanged bewildered glances again: "This Xiao Fan is truly shameless."
Author's Note: It's been three days since the last time X caused everyone to die... I've miraculously resurrected! ><
I've been busy the past few days trying to find out the topic of a paper for a class I've never attended (I'm a senior, and if I fail this course I'll be a junior), so I haven't had time to write anything. I'm so sorry OTL
32. Wedding day on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month
For the next three days, Fan Qingbo was confined to her room, trying on her wedding dress and learning etiquette. When it came to the routine premarital sex education, she finally couldn't take it anymore and roared, "I am the head manager of Huanxitian, do I need you to teach me about such trivial matters in the bridal chamber?!" Only then did everyone stop.
Just a few steps away, the scholar secluded himself in his study, memorizing scriptures and cultivating his character. If it weren't for students taking turns bringing him meals, he, unable to bear hunger, would have fainted countless times. However, no matter how diligently he studied during the day, he was plagued by erotic dreams at night, so he would study even harder the next day, neglecting sleep and meals. This cycle continued until he was almost completely exhausted.
However, even if the bride is uncooperative and the groom is inactive, the neighbors still manage to keep the wedding preparations going in a lively and bustling manner.
Another person worth mentioning is Fan Bing. After discovering that his "weakness" had fallen into the hands of the scholar, he stopped making things difficult for him and instead began to scheme and take a roundabout approach to achieve his goal.
At first, he intended to reason with them.
“Well, you’re a scholar, and you love to talk about principles, so let’s talk about principles then. Everything has its order of arrival, you agree with that, right? I’ve known my master for several years longer than you, you agree with that too, right?” The scholar nodded repeatedly, and continued with satisfaction, “So, my master and I have depended on each other for so many years, and you’ve interfered, that’s called a third party interfering, you know? Such a morally reprehensible thing is something a scholar like you would never do, right?”
Seeing him nod vigorously again, Fan Bing was overjoyed. The next moment, however, he heard a thud as his head slammed onto the desk—he had fallen asleep!
After a disastrous start, Fan Bing spent a day rebuilding his territory and preparing for a comeback. This time, he decided to appeal to people's emotions.
"I am an orphan, without father or mother since I was a child. It was a snowy winter when a strange uncle who was passing by saw me crying for food in my swaddling clothes. He took me back and tormented me every day, not giving me food or sleep..." In order to evoke emotion, he had to demonize the training life in the Shadow Pavilion, describing it in a vivid and colorful way, crying as if his tears were falling like rain. Every word and action was excellent.
"So you have the heart to steal my master and leave me to suffer the pain of being alone again?"
The last, heart-wrenching question brought tears to Fan Bing's eyes as he looked at the scholar. He was so angry that tears almost streamed down his face! He was actually enjoying the meal that the preserved egg had brought, completely oblivious to what was happening!
Seemingly finally noticing his angry glare, the scholar, who had been looking up from his food, licked the rice grains from the corner of his mouth and asked politely, "Brother Fan, are you hungry too?"
...
"Sleep, sleep, sleep! Eat, eat, eat! I'll make you so fat! Aaaaaah!"
Three days passed quickly amidst Fan Bing's frantic rage, and the seventh day of the seventh lunar month quietly arrived.
Colorful lanterns stretched from one end of the painted alley to the other, and banquets were set up wherever they went. Starting at dawn, the sounds of sheng and xiao filled the air, and joyous music filled the air, making the painted alley completely packed. This congestion reached its peak after Gongye Bai appeared.
It was only at this moment that everyone realized that this frivolous woman was actually the illegitimate sister of the noble and elegant Grand Tutor. No wonder he had sat at a brothel for Huanxi for several days. It seems they had all misunderstood Xiao Fan, thinking she was so depraved that she had even seduced the most beautiful woman.
"Congratulations, Master! May you have a long and happy marriage!" "May you have a son soon!"
The groom came out and returned the greetings to each of the neighbors who had offered their congratulations.
The scholar, dressed in a bright red formal suit, was full of vigor and his face was still handsome and refined. However, upon closer inspection, it was not hard to see the dark circles under his eyes left by his excitement and lack of sleep all night, which contrasted with the rosy glow on his face.
"The auspicious time has arrived!"
When Gongye Bai led his bride, adorned in a phoenix coronet and wedding gown, out, the scholar felt his heart nearly stop. Everything and everyone around him rushed past; his eyes were fixed solely on that vibrant red figure. The world fell silent; he could hear no music, no noise, only the resounding thumping of his heart.
"Hey! Stop daydreaming, teacher! Time for the wedding ceremony!"
Fifth Sister, the matchmaker, dutifully reminded everyone of the wedding procedures, but the couple was completely different. The man was just staring blankly into space, while the woman stood motionless, like a statue. Fearing they would miss the appointed time, Sister-in-law Chen decisively said, "Da Tian, Xiao Tian, go help your Aunt Fan and Uncle."
And so, the clueless newlyweds, under the coercion—or rather, support—of two teenagers, completed the wedding ceremony.
"The ceremony is complete! Proceed to the bridal chamber!"
The scholar, holding one end of the red silk ribbon, led Fan Qingbo, in a daze, back to the bridal chamber. The moment Fan Qingbo touched the bed, she seemed frozen in place, neither moving nor uttering a word. The scholar finally noticed her unusual docility today, and his heart softened instantly. The dazed look in his eyes vanished, and he called out tenderly, "My wife!"
The figure under the red veil flickered, and the scholar almost burst into tears. His wife must be just as shocked as he was!
Lost in thought at times, chuckling to himself at others, he couldn't help but call out a few more times, "Wife, wife, wife..."
The person under the red veil trembled instantly. The scholar was deeply moved. He had thought that his wife was indifferent to him and that marrying him was just a matter of being caught in a dilemma. He never expected that she was just as nervous, expectant, and even excited as he was.
He was overjoyed and was about to say something intimate like "I will hold your hand and grow old with you" when he heard Fifth Sister's voice from outside the door: "Little Fan, teacher, please save your daytime debauchery for another day. There are a bunch of guests waiting to be served outside!"
So he pulled his foot back from the wedding bed and stammered, "I... uh, I have to go out and greet the guests. My wife, please wait a moment, I'll be right back!" With that, he blushed and reluctantly left the bridal chamber, turning back every few steps.
Stepping outside, I saw my fifth sister looking around as if searching for someone, so I asked, "Fifth sister, what's wrong?"
Fifth Sister frowned, and while continuing to look around, replied, "This child is really something, knowing that today is busy, he still runs around everywhere."
At this moment, Sister-in-law Chen ran over, grabbed the scholar, and pulled him away. "That boy who's having a fit must be hiding and acting all resentful because he can't accept that Xiao Fan is getting married. Don't worry about him. The guests outside are waiting for the groom to toast them! Oh, and brother-in-law, when you're toasting later, remember not to use any classical phrases. You're not allowed to mention a single word of Confucianism, understand?"
Although the scholar did not understand why, he nodded in agreement simply because she was Fan Qingbo's older sister.
As soon as he stepped outside, he was surrounded by people, both acquaintances and strangers, all clamoring to offer him a toast. Some congratulated him on marrying a beautiful bride, others were grateful that he had subdued the female demon, and still others sympathized with him, believing he would become the enemy of countless young ladies in the city.
The scholar was covered in cold sweat. Remembering Chen's sister-in-law's instructions, he suppressed the urge to lecture them and responded to each of them politely.
After a few rounds of drinks, just when everyone thought it was about time, several neighbors pulled him back to the table and bombarded him with advice on marriage. They covered topics like how to assert the husband's authority, how to control one's wife, how to cheat without being caught, and of course, the essential eighteen tips for harmonious marriage.
The more they talked, the more inappropriate and vulgar it became. The scholar blushed and found it unbearable to listen to. He was also worried about Fan Qingbo, wondering if she would feel bored, thirsty, or hungry alone in the bridal chamber. So he made an excuse and sneaked back to the bridal chamber, bypassing the crowd.
He closed the door and said softly, "My wife, your husband is back."
The bride, sitting on the bed, remained calm and unresponsive. Thinking she was angry, he quickly explained, "There were just too many guests. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, my wife. By the way, are you hungry, my wife? I specially brought in two chicken legs." He approached her like a prized possession, but seeing she still didn't move or speak, he slapped his forehead, suddenly realizing, "How foolish I am! I should have lifted the veil first!"