The most foolish in the world

Chapter 77

It turns out that a person cannot handle too many surprises in a single day.

When Fan Bing ran back with the cloak, he saw the scholar collapsed at the door, and his master—alas, he really didn't want to say it—was lying on top of the scholar, doing the most lewd things possible. The shamelessness was so great that he was embarrassed to look and could only squat there and draw circles until she finished.

Oh dear, Master, is the book really that delicious? You're eating so loudly, I can barely draw any circles anymore.

Also, although I've always believed that what my master says is the truth and what he does is justice, but—

Is it really okay to commit necrophilia like this?

Is it really okay to be this silly?

Fan Qingbo's pregnancy was undoubtedly a big deal for the scholar Fan Bing and the entire neighborhood of Qingmofang. However, outside of Qingmofang, people obviously had other things to do.

In the court, the death of Xie Yiren, the wife of the Minister, did not stop the opposition from attacking Xie Dongfeng. The rumors of Gongye Bai's homosexual relationship with Xie Dongfeng spread like wildfire. Because the former was too noble and virtuous, and had contributed to the country, the emperor, and the court, and was also a blessing to the people—a blessing to see—all the unfavorable accusations were shifted to the latter.

Some said that Xie Dongfeng was harassing the Grand Tutor, causing chaos in the court. The emperor, intrigued, went to ask the Grand Tutor if he had been harassed. Gongye Bai replied: "Minister Xie has not harassed me. As for the chaos in the court, it is Your Majesty who has personally caused it." In the end, the emperor could only sigh and turn back to berate his ministers for their nonsense, saying they were completely unreliable, slandering their colleagues, and creating disharmony!

Some people were unwilling to accept this, so they simply submitted Huanxitian's new book "Better Not to Meet the Beauty of the City", saying that the dynasty did not promote male homosexuality, and that allowing someone with such a special fetish as Xie Dongfeng to hold a high position was really detrimental to the national image, national character, national appearance and national dignity.

Upon hearing this, the emperor was delighted and immediately left the palace to go straight to the Minister's residence, where funeral arrangements were being made. He asked Xie Dongfeng if he had any unusual hobbies. Xie Dongfeng replied: "I wonder if cleaning up messes to replenish Your Majesty's treasury counts as an unusual hobby?"

The poor emperor, repeatedly struck by stray arrows, returned dejectedly. Upon seeing his ministers, he was met with another torrent of abuse: "Look at you all! All you do is read romance novels! There are so many erotic books in the Heavenly Palace, why don't you read romance novels instead! From this day forward, anyone who dares to mention homosexuality or court affairs in front of me will have their entire family executed! What are you all standing there for! Go back and reflect on your actions for three days!"

The ministers silently sweated: Your Majesty, is that your real purpose? So you can avoid attending court if we stay home and reflect on our mistakes?

Outside the imperial court, the martial arts tournament, which had been brewing for several months, finally officially kicked off at Xishan.

Yes, you heard right, it's the Western Hills where emperors offered sacrifices to heaven and their ancestors.

When Emperor Datong proposed this location, it unsurprisingly caused a sensation throughout the court and the country. Scholars beat their chests in despair, imperial relatives threatened suicide, the guards of the capital submitted petitions filled with tears, and even the ancestors died with their eyes wide open in dismay—none of these could stop the unstoppable Emperor Datong. With a stamp of his imperial seal and a wave of his hand, the entire world flocked to the Western Hills.

Returning to the point, ever since Fan Qingbo became pregnant, she had been ordered to stay home by the scholar Fan Bing and his companion. With no one in charge, Xie Dongfeng was naturally unhappy. The scholar, realizing it was morally wrong, decided to take his wife's place and become the manager, much to Fan Qingbo's utter dread.

Don't even mention how chaotic things are outside now. Every random man would try to drag him into a martial arts tournament, and what if a random woman... what if he gets harassed? This idiot still doesn't know the full story of Huanxitian; he's only read a few of her innocent romance novels. If he knew what those erotic books were like, on the bright side, maybe he'd just ban her from ever setting foot in Huanxitian again. On the other hand, if he read all those erotic books, mastered them, and applied them in other ways, she'd forever lose her dominance in bed!

No matter how you look at it, she's at a disadvantage! No, I have to stop him.

“My lord, I feel lonely and empty at home all by myself…” Fan Qingbo said while fiercely slapping away Fan Bing, who was stretching his neck and shouting “Me too, me too”, and looking up at the scholar with a weak and pitiful expression.

The scholar's legs went weak at her sweet talk, his paternalistic ego swelled, and he felt like he was floating. He embraced her with boundless passion, comforting her while blaming himself, completely forgetting his previous thoughts and only wanting to stay home with his wife.

Fan Bing, who had been thrown aside, was amazed. While worshipping his master, he once again wondered if he had overestimated the scholar's behavior by presuming it with the utmost malice. So foolish! He hoped his young master wouldn't be like him.

Thinking of his soon-to-be-born young master, Fan Bing couldn't help but grin foolishly.

The master's lifelong reputation has been ruined by his own depravity and following the man surnamed Shu; there's no way to reverse it. Luckily, now there's a young master. That Shu guy is silly, foolish, and utterly unreliable. After considering all the options, the only one in the family capable of taking care of him is the loyal, reliable, intelligent, capable, decisive, and enthusiastic young master. Indeed, this family can't do without him! Hahahaha!

The scholar and Fan Bing, one worried about his wife and the other eyeing the unborn child, both tightened their control over Fan Qingbo's movements, causing him immense suffering. Fan Qingbo regretted ever mentioning the pregnancy in front of them that day.

On this day, around midnight, Fan Qingbo woke up lazily and was surprised not to see her two lively children rushing over to serve her. Then, she turned her head and was startled to find a large calligraphy scroll hanging in front of her bed, as if afraid she wouldn't see it, completely filling her field of vision.

"I'll be going out for a while. My wife, once you wake up, please don't make any rash moves. If anything happens, please be patient and do what I can. I'll return as soon as the bamboo flute sounds."

He glanced down at the bamboo flute hanging on his chest, a gift from the scholar a couple of days ago. Seeing his nervous yet expectant expression as he presented it, and noticing the Udumbara flower pattern engraved on the flute that matched the one on the scholar's account book and silver bracelet, it would be strange if he didn't know he had made it himself.

This was the second gift the scholar had given her since they met. If the first bracelet had moved her to the point of wanting to repay him with her life, then this second one had left her so conflicted that she wanted to bang her head against the ground.

Of course, his dedication and sincerity are commendable, but isn't the shape of this flute a bit too strange?

You made two bamboo tubes, saying they had different sounds, one to call out to Fan Bing and the other to call out to your husband, fine, but why couldn't you arrange them vertically instead of horizontally! And even if you arranged them horizontally, you had to find two different lengths, the shorter one on top and the longer one on the bottom—

This mud horse looks like a simplified Chinese character for "two" no matter how you look at it from the front!

The scholar, however, was staring at her with a mixture of eagerness, anticipation, and nervousness. Before she could finish her sentence, she changed her words to, "It's so special, where did you buy it?" Sure enough, he blinked his eyes, which were so bright they could blind someone, and shyly admitted that he had made it himself, trying to hide his pride. What could she say? She could only take the opportunity to praise him a couple of times... and get her money's worth by taking advantage of the situation.

With these two characters hanging on her phone every day, Fan Qingbo could only comfort herself by saying that this time and space used traditional Chinese characters, so no one would laugh at her.

Her stomach rumbled. Fan Qingbo rolled out of bed, opened the door, and was startled again. A roll of paper was spread out and hanging down in front of the door. This time there were no words, only simple line drawings, four in total, clearly Fan Bing's masterpiece.