Do not lean against the west railing to lock in the clear autumn

Chapter 176

She disappeared along with Prince Qing and his entourage. Prince Qing's betrayal was now officially confirmed, with some vassal lords secretly assisting him. The edict of succession and the map of the capital's secret passages in Prince Qing's possession further solidified his legitimacy, allowing him to seize one-third of the dynasty's territory in one fell swoop. The outcome of this contest remains uncertain. I no longer care about the result; I simply station most of my troops on the border of my fiefdom to prevent them from being affected by the war too early.

Nearly a year later, His Majesty issued an edict, bestowing the second daughter of the Marquis of Qiyun upon the Second Prince as his concubine. Only then did I learn that Huai'en and the young Prince Qing had returned alive. However, for some unknown reason, she left the Prince Qing's residence and was taken to the capital by the Third Prince, only to be imprisoned in the Imperial Prison by His Majesty. To save her life, Ting'er had no choice but to reveal her identity and request His Majesty's permission for marriage. I thought her fate would finally be settled, but on the day of the wedding, His Majesty was assassinated, the assassin even disguising himself as her. She herself was poisoned with the Soul-Severing Pill. No one but His Majesty could possess such a poison, yet he ultimately refused to let her go, preferring to go back on his word to Ting'er. Throughout this affair, His Majesty never questioned me, nor did he mention summoning me to the capital for the ceremony. Perhaps he had become wary of me as well—Prince Qing had betrayed us, and I was left to live in seclusion.

Huai En died from the Soul-Severing Pill, and His Majesty, unable to find an antidote due to the peculiar poison used by the assassin, also passed away, plunging the country into chaos. I escorted Ting'er and Su Su south, and they moved back into the Qi Yun Marquis's residence. When I met Su Su again, I remained silent, but Su Su said, "After so many years, only after returning to the palace did I realize who truly loved me."

I shook my head. Did I love her? It was just resentment that she only had eyes for His Majesty and not for me. Looking back now, she was just a gentle and considerate palace maid, rare in the palace, but she had nothing else to offer. Love—perhaps I only truly understood it after losing Aru, but it came too late. My life has already lost so much; besides Ting'er, I'm almost left with nothing.

Back at the Marquis's residence, Ting'er was even more taciturn and withdrawn than when Huai'en had just left. I couldn't imagine Huai'en dying in his arms; it would remind me of Aru covered in blood. Ting'er and I are clearly not father and son, yet our fates are so similar. All the women we loved disappeared at His Majesty's hands, and Aru and her daughter will likely remain my eternal pain.

Finally, he met Prince Qing on the battlefield. Years of resentment erupted on the battlefield, and the two engaged in a life-or-death struggle in front of thousands of troops. This was just a contest between two men. I was unaware of his feelings for Aru, but after learning about Huai En's life in the Prince's mansion, I felt a mixture of sympathy and jealousy towards this prince.

When the cold iron pierced my flesh, I felt not pain, but relief. Together with His Majesty, I destroyed the happiness of many, and my own happiness was slowly being destroyed as well. I had hurt others and been hurt myself; it seemed I had never been a good person from beginning to end. This ending was inevitable, wasn't it? But seeing Prince Qing's face, the malice in my bones resurfaced. Forcing a smile, I said, "Your Highness, do you remember Miss Mo Ru of the Mo family? Before she died, she held a locket engraved with the character 'Qian' in her hand." That locket is still in the sachet I carry.

Upon hearing my words, Prince Qing's face immediately turned deathly pale, his eyes filled with pain and regret for whom it was unclear. Of course, having committed so many evil deeds, how could I willingly suffer alone?

But, Aru, my heart still aches so much. Will this be enough to earn your forgiveness?

I wonder if I ever held a place in your heart...