La pluie écarlate submerge la ville

Chapitre 58

My wrists felt sore, numb, and painful, as if my bones were breaking inch by inch. My fingertips were numb and tingling, making it impossible to exert any strength. I couldn't stop the cold sweat from pouring down my forehead.

With a flick of his fingers, he snapped my wrist back into place with a sharp crack. I couldn't help but groan. He held me, rubbing my wrist, and said, "If you dare to run away again, I'll cripple your hands and feet! I mean what I say."

Cold sweat trickled down my forehead and into my eyes, making them sting. I looked up at him, my lips pressed tightly together.

He suddenly reached out and covered my eyes. "Don't look at me like that. Su Xie, do you know how long I've been looking for you? I abandoned so many things in the sect just to find you. How are you going to repay me now?"

repay?

I lifted my eyelashes beneath his fingers and asked, "How do you want me to repay you?" I pulled his hand down and looked at him, "What can I possibly offer you now?"

He watched as my lips moved. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck, then stood on tiptoe and kissed him fiercely, causing him to lean back and catch me.

My kiss was haphazard, just fierce and fast. My lips slammed against his teeth, a dull pain shooting through me. A moment later, a metallic taste filled my mouth. I couldn't breathe, so I abruptly released him, gasping for air. Looking at his lips, now stained crimson with blood, I grinned. "Satisfied?"

He looked at me, panting, his eyes filled with confusion, surprise, and utter bewilderment.

I added, "If this is what you want, I can be as obedient as a dog or a cat, submitting to ropes and chains, repaying you with my lips and my body to the utmost, to satisfy you, is that alright?"

Author's Note: I... am back! My resilient computer finally crashed, unable to withstand the strain any longer, and it almost drove me crazy! I almost thought all the documents were gone! Luckily, I foolishly saved a copy! Otherwise, nothing could have saved me!

There's a ranking list this time, and I'll update it daily! I absolutely must update it daily...

Do you like the last sentence? I've wanted to use it countless times! I finally got to use it!

"If it is what you desire, it will be as obedient as a dog or cat, bound by ropes and chains, pampered and delighted with your fingers and body, satisfying your every need."

Want some H? Want some meat? I... I won't tell you~

Sixty-nine

“Su Xie…” Yan Shu held my waist and looked at me so closely, his eyes filled with surprise.

Looking at me, looking at me, I hugged him, tiptoed, and hurriedly leaned in to kiss him, but he pulled away, panting and staring intently at me, asking, "Su Xie, do you like me?"

I was a little surprised by his serious and earnest question. When did he start asking about other people's thoughts?

Do you like it?

He actually asked me if I liked him. I grabbed his collar and laughed, a hard and urgent laugh. "Yan Shu, do you think I would like you?"

He stared at me without saying a word.

"All I have left is this body." I was overjoyed and said, "Priest, the only way I can repay you is with my own flesh."

He suddenly released me, took a half step back, and looked at me with utter dejection. "Su Xie, are you making a deal with me?"

I stood there, wiping the blood from the corner of my mouth, and said, "Isn't the relationship between people just about using and being used? How about it? Are you willing to try what Ye Baizhi said, that I'll shamelessly use my body to exchange for your protection, High Priest?" I shrugged and smiled, "I don't ask for much, as long as you're willing, I'm willing to do any lowly thing." I pressed myself against him, eagerly trying to pull off his clothes, my icy fingers slipping into his bosom.

He panicked and backed away, only to be slammed against the door by my lunge. He grabbed my wrist, his breath ragged, and yelled, "Su Xie! I want everything of yours, your body and your heart! Completely!"

"Oh?" I looked at him.

He grabbed my hand, leaned against the door, and slowly exhaled, his voice hoarse as he said, "Whether you force me or take it, I absolutely will not allow any exploitation or transaction between us, Su Xie, do you understand?" He seemed extremely tired, and sat down against the door. "Do you understand... I want you to treat me purely and simply, even if it's hatred, just like when you saved me, without exploitation or transaction."

The dim light from outside filtered through the carved patterns on the door, dappling his hair. He looked up at me, his brows furrowed, and asked, "Su Xie, do you know why I love you?"

I looked down at him; his expression was serious yet somewhat childlike, with a furrowed brow.

“Because you treat me well, purely well.” He frowned dejectedly. “Because you won’t take advantage of me… If you become like this, how are you any different from the Su Xie of the past?” He looked at me with confusion and asked, “Who do I love? Is the person living inside you still there?”

Lu Ning? She's dead.

I looked at him and laughed inexplicably. "Pure? Yan Shu, you're actually talking to me about purity? Who forced me to stay? Who dragged Ruan Bicheng right in front of me? You said this was your limit of tolerance, but when you forced me to kill Ruan Bicheng, when you killed Jinglian, did you even think about my limit of tolerance for a moment? Yan Shu, I'm a human being, not because I'm weak or stupid, not because I don't feel pain. You want me to be obedient, to understand you? Fine, I know you hate and resent me. I never dared to save Baoze, but you promised to release Jinglian."

“But she’s going to kill you!” Yan Shu looked up at me.

"You always act so superior. What you think, what you feel, what you like, what you hate—I have to do it all." I suddenly grabbed his collar, stared at him, and said, word by word, "Yan Shu, everyone in the world has wronged you, but I, Su Xie, have never wronged you. Why do you always act like it's your right? Just because I saved you? Just because you like me? So I have to accept you, for better or for worse? To refuse you is an unforgivable crime, deserving to be torn to pieces!"

He didn't speak, but reached out to grab my wrist. I shook him off, using too much force to lose my balance and fall to the ground. All my emotions collapsed. I didn't cry, I just looked at him, looked at him, and said, "I can't complain, I can't run away, I can't refuse what's given to me, I can't accept what's not given to me, and in the end I still have to show you that I'm pure. Yan Shu, I'm human, I can't do it."

"Su Xie." Yan Shu stood up and squatted down beside me, reaching out to hug me but then stopping mid-air. He covered his forehead, his voice soft and low as he said, "Su Xie, I'm sorry..."

I'm sorry, those three words disgust me to the extreme.

I smiled with my head down, then stood up after a while, straightened my clothes, exhaled, and said, "Since the High Priest is unwilling and does not want it, then forget it, farewell."

I walked past him and headed outside. As my fingers touched the doorframe, I heard him ask me from behind, "Su Xie, what do you want?"

My fingers paused on the doorframe. His voice, weary, continued, "It's not a transaction. You don't need to give anything in return. What do you want?" He rose quietly behind me and suddenly shoved a small medicine bottle into my hand. "Is it that child? Leng Baichun's?"

A gentle breeze seeped in through the cracks, but I didn't turn around. "What do I need to do?"

“You don’t need to do anything.” Yan Shu stood right behind me, his breath on my neck. “You don’t need to worry about anything either. Just stay in your courtyard. I’ll have people guarding you. No matter what happens in the sect, don’t leave the courtyard.” He paused, then added, “If I live, I’ll personally bring the child to see you. If I die…”

I waited for a while but he didn't continue. When I turned around, I met his pair of bright black eyes staring straight at me. He took a step closer and forced me to lean against the door, saying in a low voice, "If I die, I will send someone to set the courtyard on fire. Su Xie, I will take you with me."

He lowered his head and pressed his forehead against mine, sighing, "Go back, I'm tired too." He let go of me, opened the door with a creak, and a cool breeze blew in, chilling his temples.

===============================================================================

When I returned, Changhuan was not there. Food was prepared in the house. I sat down at the table and took a pill with water to relieve the symptoms. Soon after, I heard footsteps coming and going in the yard.

Changhuan pushed the door open and came in. Seeing me closing the door, he asked me in a low voice, "There are suddenly a lot more guards in and out of the courtyard. What's going on?"

Has he already arrived? Yan Shu is quick.

I poured Chang Huan a cup of tea and said calmly, "It's nothing, he's Yan Shu's man." Before he could ask further, I quickly asked, "Where did you go?"

His expression darkened, and he sat down to the side with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" What's with that dejected look?

He glanced at me, then lowered his gaze, gripping his cup, and whispered, "I went to find the Left Protector." He looked at me anxiously and quickly said, "Please don't be angry, young lady. I didn't tell you because I was in a hurry and couldn't find you, so I took it upon myself to do so..."

Am I really that stingy...?

I smiled gently at him and said, "And then?"

He looked dejected and sighed, "I thought that since he was his grandson, he would at least have some affection for him... but I never expected him to say that everything was up to the young master."

I couldn't help but laugh. Chang Huan looked so dejected and frustrated, like a sullen little wife. I patted his shoulder and comforted him, "This is actually the most normal outcome. Don't you know how upright and incorruptible the Left Protector is? In his heart, the Sect Leader is more important than anything else. If he had even a little bit of personal feelings, Leng Baichun wouldn't have ended up in the Heavenly Punishment Prison. How could he disobey the Young Master's orders?"

He looked at me in surprise, clearly astonished that I had such a clear understanding of the treatment and disbelieving that I possessed such intelligence.

I didn't take it seriously and laughed, "If it were that easy to solve, why would I bother with all this trouble?"

"Then..." Chang Huan frowned as she looked at me, "what does the young lady plan to do?"

I fiddled with the cup in my hand for a moment, then looked up at Changhuan and said, "Changhuan, can you do something for me?"

"What is it?" Changhuan put down her cup and looked at me seriously.

I laughed and said, "Don't be so nervous. It's not like I'm asking you to kill or set fires. I just want you to leave the sect and help me find someone."

"Looking for someone?" He frowned slightly. "Whom does the young lady want me to look for?"

I beckoned him over and whispered in his ear, "Go find Xiao Jiu for me, then bring him here and tell him that you want to give the child to him."

Chang Huan nodded and then asked, "Where is Xiao Jiu? How do I find him?"

"Where is he..." I thought for a moment, then said with some difficulty, "I don't know where he is either. You can go to Licheng or the Central Plains to look for him. He should be near Licheng."

He frowned slightly and asked, "Didn't you and he agree on where to meet before you parted ways?"

"No," I said frankly. "I left in a hurry and didn't have time to say it."

“Well…” He hesitated, looking at me intently, “It will take some time to find him, and the girl is alone in the church…”

"Don't worry," I reassured him. "Yan Shu will take care of me. Everything will be alright with him here."

"But..." he was still worried. "Changhuan still doesn't understand why the young lady chose the priest instead of the young master? You were personally trained by the old sect leader, he will protect you, isn't that better?"

I can't explain it clearly. From the moment the old cult leader subtly and forcefully asked me to help Ruan Lianhua get rid of Yan Shu, I had a feeling that I couldn't explain it. Everyone has their own things to uphold, and it doesn't matter how many people are sacrificed for those things. What the old cult leader wanted to uphold was Ruan Lianhua and the Saluo Cult. I was not in that category, so he could use Ye Baizhi for these reasons, and he could also sacrifice me at any time.

Just like Ruan Bicheng for his greater good.

Just like Ruan Lianhua, who was willing to use and sacrifice anyone to get rid of Yan Shu and for the position of sect leader.

I lay on the table thinking for a long time. Changhuan tentatively asked me, "Don't you understand the young master's feelings for you? The young master is probably still like this because of you, isn't he? It's better than the priest..."

Because of me?

I can never understand what his feelings of liking are. If he likes me, what was he thinking when he teamed up with Ye Baizhi to use me to get rid of Yan Shu? Did he want to get rid of Yan Shu and take the position of sect leader because of me? Or did he want to use me to get rid of Yan Shu because of the position of sect leader?

What he wants is me, or the position of cult leader? Or am I just an opportunity for him...?

I've never been able to figure this out.

The only thing I can figure out is that at least I can see through Yan Shu.

==============================================================================

Chang Huan set off from the sect that very night. As the snow fell, I sat idly on the stone steps when Yan Shu came back down to the corridor, followed by a maid in white. She came to my side, grabbed my arm, and pulled me into the house.

After entering, I sat down at the table and tapped the tabletop. The maid in white put down the medicine bowl she was carrying, and Yan Shu personally ladled out a bowl and handed it to me, saying, "Drink it."

The medicine was dark and heavy, and it smelled bitter. I glanced at it and asked, "What?"

"Would I harm you?" Yan Shu pulled up a stool for me to sit on, and gently blew on the medicine, saying, "It's just some calming medicine that's good for your health. Drink it and get a good night's sleep."

A tranquilizer? Or is it the kind of sedative Shen Qing prescribed?

I took it, and he looked at me and said, "Drink it. When you wake up, it will all be over... even death won't be so hard to bear."

Author's Note: I finally updated! That damn system kept me logged in all day! Couldn't post! Even got a notification that it was a public chapter…OTZ The forums were all saying my posts were under review…What's going on?! Am I not even allowed to be diligent anymore…forcing me to be lazy…

The editor notified me that ** will be randomly updating every now and then this week... Please don't mind, ** is just a loose thread. If I haven't updated by 10 PM, just keep refreshing! That's because ** is randomly updating. I have a ranking list this week, so I have to update daily, no doubt about it.

P.S.: Please don't argue... I get nervous every time I read the comments... I'm so afraid you'll start arguing... Please be gentle, please be gentle!

seventy

"Don't blame me, Su Xie." Yan Shu grabbed my hand, placed the medicine in my palm, and said in a low, seductive voice, "This is for your best. Just sleep well and wait for me to come and get you."

"He's the best to me," he told me, "this is for your own good, Su Xie."

I looked down at the herbal medicine, took it, and poured it down my throat. It was bitter and astringent, the taste of medicine filling my mouth. I wiped my mouth, handed the bowl back to him, and asked, "Is there anything else you want me to do?"

He just stared at me without saying a word. As my thoughts began to drift, he reached out and supported me. His lips moved as if he were saying something, but I was so sleepy that I only heard him murmuring my name, "Su Xie, Su Xie..."

I wanted to hear it a little clearer, but my thoughts softened and I drifted off to sleep.

===============================================================================

Hold me, hold me...

Someone was breathing heavily in my ear, rapid and anxious, soft and close. I tried to push them away, but a pair of hot hands wrapped around my neck, like a venomous snake, or like vines growing in the dark night, clinging to my skin.