Tears welled up in her mother's eyes. She muttered softly, "You've got guts!" and then pulled Lu Ni away.
Lu Ni knew that this person was not her father.
The next day, Lu Ni left Shanghai with her mother.
Shanghai impressed her as tense and crowded.
Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 7)
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When Lu Ni returned home, she was filled with joy. This place felt very familiar to her, with its familiar smells, the earthy scent mixed with cow dung and plants, the scenery she could see with her eyes closed, and Qiu Ping, her friend whom she hadn't seen for several days.
When she got home, she ran straight to Qiuping's house, only to realize that she hadn't brought Qiuping a gift. Every time Qiuping came back, he would bring her something, like some snacks or a comic book.
Lu Ni stopped and walked dejectedly towards her home. Lu Ni already had many subtle thoughts; she was eleven years old.
The atmosphere at home grew even more violent. Bowls were smashed, and everything that could be broken bounced around the room. What broke was broken, and what didn't bounced a few times on the floor, making a loud or muffled sound. Lu Ni started crying and tried to pull them away; she was all grown up now.
Many people came to the house, including Qiu Ping and his mother. Qiu Ping stood next to Lu Ni. He was already fourteen years old and had grown into a tall and handsome young man like his father. He had begun to be mindful of the distance between him and Lu Ni, because the children of the same age in the village had already started spreading rumors that they were a couple. The young Qiu Ping had vaguely come to understand shyness and how to avoid suspicion. But he still had to come; he had always been the one protecting Lu Ni, and he couldn't not come.
Qiu Ping's mother advised Lu Ni's parents to calm down, and then the village secretary arrived.
The man called "Dad" looked very aggrieved: "She was heavily pregnant back then, and I had no choice but to give her a used shoe! Damn it, she didn't leave me with a single child and just wants to leave, doesn't she have any conscience!"
Mom, her face pale, screamed hysterically: "I've had enough! I don't want to stay here another day!"
The villagers pulled the two apart, and the village secretary spoke up: "Lu Ni's mother, this is where you're wrong. How can you forget your roots so easily? What's wrong with Gouwazi? Why do you want to divorce him so readily..."
Lu Ni sobbed as she watched the people gradually calm down. Her father was taken away by the village secretary and others, who said they were going to his house for a couple of drinks. Lu Ni and her mother went to Qiu Ping's house.
They sat around the table. Mother couldn't help but sigh deeply, taking Qiu Ping's mother's plump hand and sharing her heartfelt thoughts from the past years. Lu Ni sat quietly to the side, blinking her red, swollen eyes. She was very fragile; she was terrified of seeing her parents argue. Her nerves were as fragile as a frightened bird, and her sorrow was ready to erupt at any moment.
Qiu Ping and his father had prepared the meal, and Lu Ni felt this was the happiest meal she had ever had. She ate a harmonious meal with her mother and Qiu Ping's family. Lu Ni would never feel this way eating at home. At home, they never ate at the table; the dishes were all laid out on the stove. They would serve rice, pick up a little bit of vegetables, and her mother would sit on a small stool to eat, while her father would squat outside the door, eating and telling a few vulgar jokes to passersby.
As darkness fell, Lu Ni took her mother's hand and led her home. Lu Ni held the hand very carefully, as if afraid that this brief moment of peace and happiness would be gone in an instant.
Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 8)
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Lying in bed, Lu Ni nervously clutched the blanket, hiding everything below her eyes under it, anxiously listening to the sounds coming from next door.
Lu Ni felt a pang of heartache, a pain so intense it was almost numbing.
Lu Ni covered her ears tightly.
A muffled howl of "Daddy!" startled Lu Ni, her eyes widening in shock. Then came another howl, each weaker than the last, a growing sign of impending death. Lu Ni stared intently at the invisible spiderweb on the ceiling, waiting for it to swarm down, but there was nothing—only emptiness, darkness, and boundless silence. The unseen spiderweb swayed gently in the wind. Lu Ni waited anxiously.
Lu Ni got up and slowly pushed open the door.
Lu Ni saw her mother sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, naked, in the dim light, holding the knife she used to chop vegetables, the knife covered in blood. Her mother's hands and body were also covered in blood. Lu Ni's mother smiled faintly and said, "Lu Ni, Mom is finally free."
Lu Ni then saw the man lying on the ground, his flesh mangled and bloody. Blood was still flowing from his body, emitting a foul stench.
Someone knocked on the door, then looked through the window and saw the horrifying scene inside. They screamed, "Luni's mother has killed someone! Luni's mother has killed someone!" and ran for their lives through the village.
Lu Ni's mother was tied up and taken away like a rice dumpling.
Lu Ni stood there in her underwear and vest, without crying. She watched as her mother was pushed and shoved onto a tractor, and then watched as the man was carried away like a dead pig. The man had no relatives; after a medical examination, he was buried that very night.
Lu Ni was led by Qiu Ping's hand and obediently followed him to Qiu Ping's house. The small village was in an uproar, with people talking about it with a mix of regret and excitement. Lu Ni was numb; she didn't know, nor could she believe, what had happened. Like a light, floating ghost, she was led back by Qiu Ping's hand. All the way, she didn't think about anything, treating it as a strange dream. The next day, she woke up, and her mother and that man were still arguing and fighting as before.
The dream never ended.
The last time Lu Ni saw her mother was on that pebbly riverbank, the execution ground where executions were carried out.
It was a winter day, without snow or rain, only the wind howling terrifyingly. Everywhere was devoid of greenery; the fields were barren, the trees bare, devoid of any sign of life.
Qiu Ping's family wouldn't let Lu Ni go to see him. Qiu Ping's parents hired two people to handle the funeral arrangements and left Qiu Ping at home to keep Lu Ni company.
Hu Ni cried all day. She missed her mother terribly. She knew where her mother would go that day, the place where she and Qiu Ping usually went to collect stones. The village was covered with notices, and there was a red cross marked over her mother's name. Hu Ni cried and begged Qiu Ping.
Qiu Ping held back his tears, sighed, and struggled with great difficulty. His parents' instructions and Hu Ni's pleas... In the end, Qiu Ping took her with him.
She wore a red plaid padded jacket, black cotton trousers, and thick cotton shoes. It was terribly cold, and she had buried her neck and half her face in a green scarf. Qiu Ping wore a gray cotton-padded coat and trousers, and cotton shoes made by a student's parent. The boy's eyes were already clouded with melancholy and worry. Qiu Ping held Hu Ni's hand tightly, worried that things might get out of control. Actually, Hu Ni wasn't quite clear about what was going on in her mind; she was avoiding certain questions. But she hadn't seen her mother in a long time, the person she depended on for survival. Hu Ni missed her terribly. She knew her mother couldn't come back to cook and do laundry for her like before, because she had "broken the law."
Lu Ni and Qiu Ping arrived early, where a crowd of onlookers had already gathered, all shivering from the cold and tucking their hands into their sleeves. They chatted excitedly about Lu Ni's mother, a spice in their otherwise mundane lives, a ripple in a stagnant pond. Afterwards, everything would return to normal, and aside from occasional casual conversations, Lu Ni's mother would be forgotten.
But for Lu Ni, it was different. She only had this mother, only this person who depended on her for survival, who would never abandon her. Mother and daughter are connected by blood. Lu Ni was plunged into great fear and pain. Even now, Lu Ni still harbors some illusions. Even now, Lu Ni still refuses to believe that her mother will be "executed" here.
Squeezed in the crowd, Lu Ni saw a large truck pull up, carrying her mother. The once radiant woman was now bound hand and foot like a dumpling, her pale face devoid of any sign of life. Behind her was a vertical sign, and two female People's Liberation Army soldiers were carrying her beside her.
Lu Ni burst into tears, overwhelmed by endless sorrow and fear. Her heart ached, a tearing, shattering pain. In a trembling voice, Lu Ni cried out: "Mommy! Mommy!"
The female prisoner, who had been keeping her head down in the vehicle, looked up as if stung by a wasp, tears welling in her eyes as she watched Lu Ni rushing towards her. Lu Ni was pulled back by Qiu Ping, and Qiu Ping's father came over and hugged her.
Lu Ni cried and asked, "Mom! When will you come back?"
Lu Ni's mother tilted her head back, suppressing the tears streaming down her face, then looked at Lu Ni, smiled, and shook her head.
After the gunshot, Lu Ni's mother collapsed heavily to the ground. Lu Ni cried out in panic, her face pale with fear. What had happened to her mother? Lu Ni saw blood flowing from her mother's body, onto the dry pebbles. An unusually vivid and poignant red. Her mother's once dark and bright eyes had suddenly turned gray, a lifeless gray, staring blankly into the distance at the endless, desolate world…
From then on, Lu Ni's mother only existed in a few black and white photos. A beautiful and elegant woman, smiling at Lu Ni, smiling peacefully in the old, beautiful sunlight in the black and white photos.
Childhood on the Mountain Top (Part 9)
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Lu Ni is leaving; her uncle is coming to pick her up.
Luni stood there silently, having been silent for some days since the day her mother left.
The luggage was placed at her feet, and her uncle and Qiu Ping's parents were talking. Qiu Ping went back, then came back, holding a copy of "Grimm's Fairy Tales," a book Lu Ni had read many times at his house. Qiu Ping handed the book to Lu Ni, who took it without saying a word. Actually, Lu Ni really wanted to say something to Qiu Ping.
Lu Ni kept her head down the whole time, not glancing at Qiu Ping once. The handsome young man who had held her hand and led her to a warm place had just left her life.
I'm going to Shanghai soon. A place my mother longed to go to, but she'll never be able to. The future is unknown, completely new, unfamiliar, utterly insecure, and cold, but life no longer offers a choice.
The carriage moved slowly along the road, the biting wind pushing this desolate world to its utmost desolation. Lu Ni sat in the carriage with her head down, clutching her copy of *Grimm's Fairy Tales* tightly in her hand. Suddenly, Lu Ni sensed something. She looked up and saw a world devoid of life: barren fields, bare tree trunks, a gray sky—a desolate and bleak world. A handsome young man ran towards the direction Lu Ni's carriage was heading. At the mountaintop, the young man stopped, looking in Lu Ni's direction. Lu Ni looked at him, turned around to look at him, watched him become a tiny dot, and then be swallowed up by another mountain peak.
My Childhood Days as a Lodger (Part 1)
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Lu Ni began her adolescence in Shanghai.
Two more people had joined Grandma's family. The slender woman had married into the family, but she had gained weight, making her eyes appear even smaller and her nose even more sunken. They now had a three-year-old daughter, Lianqing. Aunt and Uncle lived in the inner room, while Lianqing and Grandma lived in the outer room. Hu Ni had installed a cot near the door; she would spend many nights there to come.
As soon as Grandma saw Lu Ni, she hugged her tightly, sobbing and muttering in a dusty voice about her poor child. Lu Ni wasn't used to her affection; Grandma was still a stranger to her. Another person who wasn't used to it was her little cousin, Lian Qing. Seeing her grandma hug another child, she immediately burst into tears, her dark, yellowish face tense, her small eyes, so much like her mother's, tightly shut, her little fists clenched. Then she opened her eyes, her purpose being to clearly walk up to Lu Ni and accurately kick her cousin's leg—she wanted to assert her dominance and eliminate any intruders. So Grandma quickly abandoned Lu Ni to comfort the younger child, her small, old face beaming like a dried walnut, her two-toothed mouth murmuring incessantly, "My darling." Lian Qing, however, remained unrelenting, closing her eyes and crying, angrily pounding her little fists at her grandmother.
Hu Ni sat forlornly by her bedside, feeling saddened by her superfluousness.
Auntie slammed in like a whirlwind, her dark, sallow skin flaring up. She was so irritated she didn't even want to hug Lianqing. Another person had inexplicably joined the family. There were only two small rooms, yet five people lived there. With such a meager income, supporting five people was incredibly frustrating. She regretted not choosing a better family to marry into. It truly was a case of the old saying: a woman's marriage is a second chance at life. Her first birth was beyond her control; she was born into a dirt-poor "proletarian" family, and then married another "proletarian." The couple worked in the same factory, carefully calculating their monthly wages. Now, things were even worse; she had to babysit other people's children. How could she be so wronged?
There was a blue rag doll on the ground. My aunt kicked it far away. If only Hu Ni could be kicked away like that.
Hu Ni glanced at her aunt, who had a stern face, and didn't dare look at her. If her mother were here, or even if Qiu Ping were here, she would really want to cry out in grievance, but she was all alone here.
After settling in, Lu Ni took out her schoolbag and sat in the large rattan chair in front of the writing desk by the window in the outer room. The large rattan chair was big enough to hide Lu Ni's small body.
As Lu Ni looked at the book in front of her, her mind drifted back to the place she was used to: her mother and Qiu Ping.
Lu Ni thought she had hidden herself, but she was still within everyone's sight. Her grandmother sat on the bed behind her, watching her with worry, watching the small, silent figure sitting in the sunlight. She looked so much like her mother, that once beautiful and elegant woman.
Dinner was served. The five of them sat around a table, and Lu Ni sat quietly until everyone had picked up their chopsticks. Her grandmother urged her, "Eat!"
Lu Ni picked up her chopsticks, and her uncle kept calling out to her: Eat up!
Lianqing was very competitive and tried to win favor with her new cousin. She made a ruckus at the dinner table, grabbing food from Hu Ni's plate and piling it high with food, but showed no sign of finishing it.
"Lianqing, don't fight with your sister, eat obediently," said the uncle.
"Just let her be, what does she know?" Auntie said impatiently.
The meal on the table was plentiful, with scrambled eggs with chives, stir-fried pork slices with wood ear mushrooms, two kinds of green vegetables, and a pot of bone broth—better than what Qiu Ping's family ate during the New Year. Lu Ni finished her meal with restraint. Her grandmother grumbled about how little she ate, and Lu Ni replied, "I'm full." Then she went to sit down in the large wicker chair and began to stare at her textbook.
Hearing the commotion behind them, they had finished eating. Hu Ni stood up to help them clean up. She felt awkward about her position in the family and thought she should do something.
Grandma took the bowl and chopsticks from her hands and muttered, "Little one, you can't do this. Go read a book, go read a book. Only by reading will you become successful."
The uncle, with a greasy mouth and a burp, said: "Hu Ni, from now on you should focus on your studies and not worry about anything at home. Getting into university is the key."
"Hmph! This whole family treats me like a servant!" the aunt said resentfully. Her discontent was no longer concealed; if she had another chance, she would definitely escape this impoverished home. In those days, some people had become moderately wealthy, motorcycles were fashionable on the streets, and the young women wore glittering accessories on their wrists, necks, and fingers. All of this irritated the woman, whose youth was still intact, and fueled her inexplicable anger.
Hu Ni quickly gathered up the dishes and went to the tap outside to wash them, all the while anxiously thinking about her future.
Hu Ni knew she only had one path to take: to get into university. Her mother had also said that getting into university would allow her to leave that place, return to Shanghai, and find a job she was satisfied with. Hu Ni didn't feel that the place she had lived before was any worse than Shanghai, but she knew that only by getting into university could she become independent, and only then could she leave this home where her status and identity were uncertain. At eleven years old, Hu Ni had a clear and singular goal in her heart.
My Childhood Days as a Lodger (Part Two)
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Hu Ni lived a quiet life, burying herself in her textbooks every day. Aside from that, her gaze was desolate and barren; her large, deep eyes held an endless expanse of desolation and wasteland. Hu Ni often had vivid visions: the bleeding cobblestone riverbank, her mother's limp, lifeless body, the desolate stillness of that winter, the world devoid of any greenery. And then there were the eggs Qiu Ping gave her, and the bowl of sparrow soup that exuded a bittersweet happiness.
Standing among children her own age, Luni was alone. Those moody little girls in their beautiful clothes would never notice the plainly dressed, icy-faced girl in the back seat. Her world was lonely; she had separated herself from them in that cold winter. She didn't need friends, she felt.
The boys, who were already somewhat aware of their own limitations, gave her a nickname that all the girls envied: Ice Beauty.
Every day when she gets home, there are always some chores that Hu Ni has to do.
As she washed the dishes and wiped the floor, Lu Ni felt a sense of peace.
After finishing her chores, Lu Ni hid inside the large rattan chair to do her homework. Later, Lian Qing would occasionally poke Lu Ni's waist provocatively with something, or scream and laugh, pestering everyone in the family to play with her. The family also enjoyed teasing her, creating a harmonious and joyful scene.
Sitting there, Lu Ni recalled her mother's furious face and uncontrollable screams, the resounding thud of the man's fists, her trembling body hidden under the covers at night, and Qiu Ping taking her hand and leading her to a safe place.
Tears fell onto the homework book, like dandelions drifting all over the hillside.
Grandma sighed heavily behind her, muttering a few words under her breath.
My grandmother was a clean-looking old woman; her face was lined with countless wrinkles, yet her skin still retained a delicate, porcelain-like whiteness. She often held Lu Ni in her arms, tears streaming down her face, crying out, "My poor child!" I didn't know if she was referring to Lu Ni or Lu Ni's mother.
Hu Ni is starting to feel a little closer to her grandmother, in her heart.
My Childhood Days as a Lodger (Part 3)
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Lianqing developed pneumonia from a cold and was hospitalized.
When Lianqing was hospitalized, the first thing Luni did every day when she got home was to send a package to the hospital with her grandmother. The package contained a change of clothes, some soup, and other food.
Her aunt and uncle were also spending all their time at the hospital, a scene of happiness that made Hu Ni feel a pang of sadness. So this is what family is like. She remembered that she also had a father, that handsome man who worked at the XX district government. But Hu Ni never had the courage to go to him, because he wasn't kind. She even hated him.
Back home, Lu Ni started washing the clothes left over from yesterday, a whole basinful. Then she ate the rice her grandmother had cooked, still warm on the stove: rice, a plate of stir-fried bamboo shoots with meat, and a plate of stir-fried vegetables.
After finishing dinner and doing my homework, it was already quite late.