The boss didn't stop her, and watched with a smile as Hu Ni brought him a glass of water.
Hu Ni placed the teacup on the coffee table and then stood beside it again. She already had a feeling that she was about to lose her job.
The boss, still smiling, patted the sofa again with his hand, adorned with a large gold ring inlaid with an emerald, and said, "Sit down!"
Hu Ni hesitated for a moment, then sat down on the sofa. She wasn't afraid of him anymore; at worst, she would just leave.
The boss leaned closer, and a strange smell assaulted her nostrils—a mixture of cigarette smoke, alcohol, body odor, and perfume. Hu Ni instinctively recoiled. The boss placed his cigarette-holding hand on Hu Ni's leg, about to say something, when Hu Ni abruptly stood up. Danger was closing in, but Hu Ni lacked the courage to rush out. It was late; perhaps it was even more dangerous outside. Fear, like the darkness, swept over her, overwhelming her.
The boss's actions were abruptly interrupted, and he paused for a moment, then chuckled and said, "Stop pretending. Women who come out to make a living are all the same. If you come with me, you won't have to work so hard anymore. I'll guarantee you good food, good clothes, and good money, and you can send money home with the surplus. I can rent you a very nice apartment, and your monthly income will be far more than what you're making now." Then he stared intently at Hu Ni and asked, "What suggestions do you have? You can make some!" The boss was a rough man, as frank and direct as someone buying a hen, but she still managed to phrase her "conditions" as "suggestions."
Hu Ni hesitated for a moment. This boss wasn't an overbearing person. Hu Ni used her little trick and said, "I'll think about it and give you an answer tomorrow."
The boss agreed, a dazed smile on his face that looked disgusting: "Okay! Think it over carefully! I believe you're a smart person, you know what you should do!" Then the boss stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray, stood up, touched Hu Ni's face, and said, "Then I'll wait for your good news tomorrow!" Then he picked up his bag and left.
After plugging in the latch and sitting down on the sofa, Hu Ni knew that she only had one path left to take.
After only one day at the company, Hu Ni picked up her luggage and walked the streets again. She gritted her teeth, telling herself not to cry, not to cry, that no one cared about her tears. This world was like this, a real world lacking warmth; don't expect too much. Yes, don't treat this world like a Grimm's fairy tale; it's extremely realistic.
The streets remained noisy and bustling, dust swirling, the blazing sun relentlessly beating down on the ground. Hu Ni was exhausted, standing at a crossroads, unsure of which way to go. She put down her bag, plopped down on her backpack, and watched the endless stream of cars, high-end and low-end, and this unfamiliar city. Finally, tears streamed down her face, mingling with her sweat, rolling uncontrollably towards the ground.
Hu Ni was unaware that in Hainan, countless college students who arrived full of enthusiasm were forced to sell newspapers, work in university cafeterias, or make coconut shell handicrafts because they couldn't find jobs. Many others, after acquiring some capital and finding a way in, began smuggling color TVs and VCRs. Those with connections resold land permits or other permits, miraculously becoming rich overnight. Then, faced with their sudden wealth, they rapidly inflated their egos and squandered money like water. The money came too easily; taxi drivers and restaurant owners were delighted by their customers' generosity, not to mention the singers and prostitutes in nightclubs. At that time, foreigners visiting Hainan exclaimed that Hainan's "ladies" were the most expensive in the world.
It's an adventurer's paradise, where miracles stir in every inch of land, seeking their adventurous masters. A legendary city, stirring with anticipation.
Hu Ni had nowhere to stay there.
The future is unknown.
The desolation at the end of the world (Part 3)
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She couldn't look for a hotel anymore; they were too expensive. Hu Ni walked along Bo'ai Road. The houses along the entire road were Western-style buildings, but old and dilapidated, bearing the marks of time. This was the kind of place Hu Ni was looking for: old houses with cheap rent.
She went door-to-door asking if anyone had a room for rent. Soon, she saw a small sign advertising a room with a phone number. Hu Ni copied the number down, then, carrying her already heavy luggage, found several public phones and dialed them hopefully. The person on the other end told her the room was already rented. Wasn't the advertisement dated yesterday? The sign was only posted yesterday, and the room was already rented today. Hu Ni hung up the phone dejectedly, but rallied her spirits and continued walking. There was no turning back now.
The air was filled with the unfamiliar scent of a foreign land, a feeling of being neither above nor below the sky. The very blue sky and the occasional coconut trees made one feel that this was truly an isolated island, a place very close to the sun, a place near the horizon, a place teeming with life.
Whether you like it here or not, staying is the most important thing, since you chose this place yourself.
At noon, Hu Ni grabbed a quick bite at a roadside stall and resumed her aimless search. On the way, she missed Chongqing terribly, that city she had come to know so well, and Xiao Yan, a friend she could talk to. Those days, the time she spent living near Jiefangbei in Chongqing, were deeply memorable and warm.
Around 5 PM, Hu Ni almost cried. Reluctantly, she went back and rented a room she had already looked at, in a small alley on Bo'ai Road. It was on the ground floor; upon entering, there was a very old-fashioned kitchen, leading to a small courtyard. Three small brick-walled bungalows surrounded the courtyard. The landlord's family lived in one of the walls, and Hu Ni wanted to rent a room in the adjacent wall. That room was about sixteen or seventeen square meters, with a large bed, a table, and a chair—that was all the furniture. The walls were yellowed and peeling in patches. The cement floor was uneven, but this space was private.
Hu Ni put down her luggage with a sigh of relief and followed her landlady, whose mouth was bright red, to the toilet. The landlady was dark-skinned and thin, and spoke in a "Mandarin" that was hard to understand. She was always chewing betel nut, and at first Hu Ni thought her mouth was bleeding.
Hu Ni saw the four young women in the two rooms next to hers. They seemed to know each other; they were talking loudly in their local dialect, occasionally bursting into unrestrained laughter. They left their doors wide open, crowding around the doorways or windows to put on makeup. When they saw Hu Ni pass by, they watched her with cat-like eyes, warily and coldly, until she left. The girls' rooms were a scene of wanton disarray. Their beautiful clothes and lace lingerie hung to dry in the yard. After finishing their makeup, the women, all dolled up, went out laughing and talking, leaving only their mingled perfume scents in the yard.
Hu Ni quickly tidied up her room and then went to take a shower in the shower room that the landlord had built. She was still very restless. Only when she found a job could she truly settle down.
Lying in bed, Hu Ni slowly tried to adjust to the unfamiliar large bed. Perhaps she would be staying here for a long time. Exhausted, Hu Ni quickly fell asleep. She saw the empty street, and there she was, waiting for a bus. After a long while, a minibus arrived, already packed with people. Hu Ni squeezed on, and the bus drove away. Hu Ni found herself still standing there. Hu Ni walked along the dark street. The ground was so clean it was almost bare; stepping on it felt unreal, hollow. A large black bird flew across the sky, its wings fluttering silently…
The desolation at the end of the world (Part 4)
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Hu Ni only had half of her resume left, but she still hadn't found a job. She already knew that since Hainan became a special economic zone, a hundred thousand people had gone there, not including the huge number engaged in "special professions." Those hundred thousand people mostly carried impressive diplomas, and the job opportunities in Hainan weren't as optimistic as people imagined. Hu Ni had no choice but to lower her standards again and again.
On the fifth day, Hu Ni, carrying ten newly photocopied resumes, went to a real estate company. She was told she could only work as a salesperson. There was no guaranteed monthly salary; she would only receive commissions for closing deals. Hu Ni said she would think about it and then left. She didn't want to do such an insecure job; if she didn't close a single deal in a month, she would starve.
Passing by a restaurant with a job posting on the door in red paper, Hu Ni hesitated for a moment, then went inside.
The next day, in front of the restaurant, Hu Ni, dressed in a bright red cheongsam, stood with three other young ladies, looking like four bright red dolls.
Being a hostess was Hu Ni's last resort. Originally, she wanted to find a job with some technical skills, such as planning, design, secretarial work, or clerical work, but she had no experience or qualifications. Being a hostess is a job that relies on youth, and it wouldn't allow her to accumulate experience and build a track record for a better job later. But she had no choice; making a living was the top priority, so she decided to find a job first and worry about the rest later.
This restaurant opens early in the morning and is famous for its morning tea, so Hu Ni works from morning until 6 pm every day, and then another lady takes over.
So, every day, Hu Ni wore that red cheongsam, like a doll with a professional smile, opening and closing the door again and again. Then, when there were no guests, everyone would gather together and eat a perfunctory meal.
Within two days, Hu Ni discovered that this job was actually quite good because of its income.
If you don't enjoy a job, the amount of money it pays is the best reason to keep going.
The suddenly wealthy "tycoons" are unaware of how the truly wealthy spend their money. They diligently imitate the spending habits of the super-rich, and within their circles, there are countless tips for the toilet attendant, the hotel doorman, and the restaurant waiter. Not tipping, or tipping too little, is considered beneath them. Therefore, they are very generous with tips; sometimes, a single day's tips can equal half a month's salary.
After finishing their shift, the three women hurried off to another location. They all had other jobs to do, working as greeters or waitresses at the entertainment center. The women working the night shift weren't idle during the day either; most were out doing sales or other work. They all had clear goals: to make as much money as possible, then return to their hometowns, either to get married or to open their own small shops. They had their own principles: never to become prostitutes. But in a place where money clouded judgment, in such a materialistic world, who could maintain such principles for long? In fact, only a few days after Hu Ni started working there, one of the women resigned, saying she'd been taken in by a Singaporean. The girls saw her off with envious glances. Hu Ni felt somewhat uncomfortable and saddened. This was a materialistic, purely materialistic world, and that was undeniably disheartening.
The desolation at the end of the world (Part 5)
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Hu Ni sent out the novella she had completed in Chongqing, carrying a sense of insecurity and uncertainty. The initial excitement of publishing her first novella had long since faded. But Hu Ni still hoped that writing could be a way out, a way to escape the noisy and boring lower class, a way to escape the stagnant depths of life. It had a touch of pragmatism, but it was genuine and urgent.
Hu Ni found a night job through her female friend's introduction. In reality, she took over A Fang's job as a hostess at XX Entertainment City.
After finishing her shift at the restaurant, Hu Ni hurriedly followed the woman named A Mei to the entertainment center. On the minibus, Hu Ni sat next to A Mei. The air was still filled with that restless atmosphere. Hu Ni knew that she was as restless as that air; she couldn't control herself. She felt like a grain of sand in a stormy sea, drifting with the current, unable to control herself.
She changed into a bright red off-the-shoulder dress, modeled after early European aristocratic evening gowns. The dress made her look elegant and beautiful, but the effect left Hu Ni both amused and exasperated. The dress was actually quite dirty and emitted an unpleasant odor.
Hu Ni and A Mei stood at the entrance of the hall, greeting the endless stream of guests with professional smiles.
The entertainment center was bustling with activity that evening. The stage featured lackluster performances, second- or third-rate singers, and scantily clad women performing erotic dances. The lobby, corridors, and private rooms were filled with young and beautiful women from all over the country. They had begun to avoid dressing like prostitutes, opting instead for more ladylike attire. Hidden behind heavy makeup, they frequently targeted customers with cash in their pockets. The air was thick with alluring, seductive enchantresses, bewitching lost men in the night. The men, naturally, became addicted to the fragrance of cosmetics, like emperors, using money to buy their most prized pleasures. This was a world where money controlled everything. Hu Ni smiled and nodded repeatedly, uttering two phrases: "Welcome! Please take care, and welcome back next time!" Yet, a deep sense of confusion and disappointment lingered in her heart.
Occasionally, temptations would arise, but Hu Ni loathed the thought of a mediocre man passing by, and feared the sudden loss of her precious freedom, finding herself stuck in a stinking ditch. Were there any decent men who came here? Hu Ni couldn't believe it. Changing jobs was a frequent consideration; staying in such a place for too long worried she would become dull and numb.
It was two in the morning. After a long day of standing, Hu Ni's back and waist ached. A Mei parted ways with Hu Ni at the station, waving goodbye in a cute way, "Goodbye!" Then she watched Hu Ni get on the train.
People need friends, especially those who are away from home, and especially those who have never lacked friends but don't have many, like Amei. Afang is gone, and she needs to quickly find a friend so she won't feel too lonely in a foreign land. Hu Ni understands Xiaomei's feelings; she herself has a strong desire to confide in someone and really wants to say something to Xiaoyan, even if it's just some useless nonsense, just wanting to talk to a friend she knows well.
When she got home, the women next door hadn't returned yet. After taking a shower, Hu Ni collapsed onto the bed and fell into a deep sleep.
The desolation at the end of the world (Part 6)
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Every day is a hectic routine: going to work, leaving get off work, and going back to work, smiling and repeatedly saying, "Welcome! Welcome back next time!" Every day is busy, but never fulfilling. Hu Ni often worries about her future, but for now, this is all she can do; she doesn't have the means to consider anything else. The only solace is the ever-increasing amount in her savings account, which gives her a sense of security.
Amei said she would open a beauty salon in her hometown of Sichuan. Hu Ni didn't know where she should go back to. She didn't know where her hometown was, or which city would give her a sense of homecoming. Hu Ni was a person without a hometown, a person without roots. Like a plant, sadly, this plant had no roots. Just thinking about this made Hu Ni feel completely insecure.
Hu Ni is considering moving because the woman next door seems to be sick. The woman hasn't gone to work for several days, leaving her doors and windows open all day, lying in bed. Her underwear hangs everywhere in the yard. Once, she hung her underwear next to the landlord's laundry, and the landlord scolded her severely and threw away the pair of pants that had been next to the woman's underwear. The landlord started urging the woman to move out. The woman looked out the window and ignored her. When the woman got up to use the toilet or shower and walked past Hu Ni, Hu Ni could smell a putrid stench emanating from her.
Hu Ni felt uneasy every time she went to shower, thinking about how the woman had once hung her unclean underwear on the nails, and how this already unclean little shower room bore the woman's traces in every nook and cranny. Hu Ni felt extremely uncomfortable.
Some things are simply unbearable to dislike.
Hu Ni then understood why there were so many pharmacies and clinics on the streets of Haikou; it seemed that these were needed here.
Amei couldn't find a two-bedroom apartment, so she shared a four-bedroom apartment with two other women. The other two women had been living there for a while, but they had sent their companions back to their hometowns and were now renting it out. Hu Ni and Amei each occupied a single room.
After carefully tidying her room, it was almost dawn. Amei made a lot of noise for a while, then went to sleep. Hu Ni lit a cigarette, sat on the edge of the bed, and looked at her new home. It was very new—white walls, a relatively new bed, and that was about it; it was clean and tidy. Hu Ni left her things in the bag on the floor, and hung her clothes on the wall using a few hangers.
Stubbed out her cigarette, Hu Ni forced herself to lie down on the bed, closing her eyes. She wondered how long this turbulent life would last, how long it would take to earn enough money for a more stable, dignified life. She didn't want to stand there, forcing a humble smile on people's faces…
The desolation at the end of the world (Part 7)
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Hu Ni met Qin Fei in November, when the weather was gradually turning cooler. She had slowly grown accustomed to everything in Hainan, including sprinkling salt and chili powder on some fruits, and no longer being surprised to see Hainanese people's mouths stained bright red from chewing betel nuts. Everything was familiar.
Qin Fei's appearance seemed inevitable. He frequently went to the nightclub where Hu Ni worked, and each time Hu Ni would take them to a private room. Over time, they became like acquaintances.
Qin Fei arrived in Hainan two years earlier, but those two years were enough for him to become a "tycoon" there. From smuggling color TVs to reselling permits, to owning his own real estate development company, a mere two or three years is enough to bring about a dramatic change in a person.
On a day that seemed no different from any other, when Hu Ni led Qin Fei and his group to the private room, Qin Fei suddenly asked, "How about working at my company?"
"What are you doing?" Hu Ni asked with a faint smile.
"Become a clerk, or what else do you think you can do?"
"Why don't we just make her Boss Qin's girlfriend!" Qin Fei's friends shouted like fishmongers at a market.
Hu Ni lowered her head and left, feeling a little resentful.
Two days later, Hu Ni started working at Qin Fei's real estate company as a clerk. Her income was much lower than before, but what attracted Hu Ni was the "healthy" and "sunny" aspects of the job. It was like being tempted by a lollipop as a child—a yearning for "nobility," like a sunflower yearning for the sun.
Then, it was time to learn computers.
Computers are mysterious to people who know nothing about them. Hu Ni was secretly excited for a long time because she learned how to shut them down.
Qin Fei's pursuit of Hu Ni seemed inevitable, a very "healthy" pursuit. In fact, he was originally a very healthy person, a college graduate. Hu Ni cared a lot about this. However, those who walk by the river often are bound to get their feet wet.
Qin Fei said, "Be my real girlfriend."
Hu Ni was touched because he said he was sincere, because he said he would marry her, because he said he would take responsibility for her and give her a bright future. A man should give her his future with the utmost sincerity. Hu Ni felt tired and wanted to stop.
Qin Fei was a healthy man, with a clean scent, a straightforward personality, and a life free of gloom and shadows—all of which attracted Hu Ni. He was the man who could lead her into a normal, healthy life.
“No!” Hu Ni said, because she couldn’t accept him. Although he wasn’t ugly and was still young, she just couldn’t accept his lips approaching, couldn’t accept his close body, couldn’t accept his unfamiliar scent and the smell of his unfamiliar skin. A strange resistance arose within her.
"I can wait for you," Qin Fei said.
Hu Ni didn't answer. Perhaps she really wanted to leave herself a way out. Sometimes, she felt very lonely and wanted to stop and rest.
Perhaps one day, she will have to leave. Hu Ni thought, feeling that this wasn't the place she was looking for.
Suddenly one day, the company's building project was halted, turning into an "unfinished building," making the place even more desolate, like being at the "corner of the sky and the edge of the sea."
Qin Fei left, or rather, ran away. Before leaving, he approached Hu Ni, asking her to come with him. He said he still had several hundred thousand yuan in cash and that they still had a chance to turn things around.
Hu Ni couldn't do it because she couldn't convince herself to let him get close, let alone leave with him.
Qin Fei left, and Hu Ni's hesitation completely disappeared. She no longer needed to waver.
Hu Ni decided to leave, like a migratory bird, to go to a warm place. A place where it's easy to find food.
An Encounter in the South (Part 1)
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Four years later, in Shenzhen.
In a classroom at Shenzhen University, a course for an in-service training program in industrial management had just ended, and students were leaving one after another. Hu Ni packed her things and slowly moved out with the flow of people.
She still had her long, flowing hair down to her shoulders, wore a business suit, and exuded a faint scent of CD's "Golden Lady" fragrance. Her face was covered in delicate makeup that was so light it was almost imperceptible.
She came straight to school after get off work; the fatigue of the day—no, the long-term fatigue—was deeply etched on her face. This is a fiercely competitive city, a city where opportunities and traps are intertwined, a city where you reap what you sow, a city that's generally fair to everyone based on merit, a city where you don't need connections to find a job. But one thing is crucial: you must have the ability to defeat numerous competitors. Shenzhen is a forest of reinforced concrete, a forest where warriors fight with real weapons, warriors who dare not be careless or negligent. Hu Ni, too, must constantly recharge herself to survive in this fierce competition.
When Hu Ni first arrived in Shenzhen, she worked as a greeter, receptionist, clerk, and salesperson, among other jobs. In four years, she changed jobs no fewer than twenty times. Her biggest problem stemmed from always having to ask for leave when she needed to work overtime to study. Before enrolling in her postgraduate program, Hu Ni had completed a two-year associate degree in marketing. It was a practical profession—easy to make a living and easy to integrate into mainstream society. Survival was paramount. Writing became just a stack of manuscript paper on her desk; it sat there, occasionally catching her eye and evoking a few emotions, but nothing more.
During those two years, Hu Ni changed jobs more than a dozen times. No boss wanted their employees to take time off to study instead of working overtime. Training was not his responsibility; he wanted a fully dedicated employee who could be used immediately upon starting work.
Hu Ni has also faced many traps of beauty and wealth. But each time, Hu Ni cherishes her body exceptionally, as if it were her virginity. She cannot accept sex without emotion, or "showing love" as simply as discussing a business deal, so she can only rely on herself.
Walking slowly through the beautiful campus of Shenzhen University, filled with the scent of trees and grass, I saw boys and girls full of youthful energy skipping by, their laughter and voices ringing out. Passing them silently, I felt a pang of sadness at how old I was. Twenty-seven years old, in Hu Ni's eyes, was already a very "old" age.
The high-heeled sandals made rhythmic sounds as they walked on the road, slowly, the sounds carrying a hint of weariness.